The members once said that I am a complainer during radio broadcast, and that I complain about life as a whole. Well, I admit that I complain a lot, but to be honest, I have already tried very hard to suppress myself in front of them.

I don't see why I shouldn't be complaining. It's not like I am doing anything bad. I am just trying to enjoy dancing and performing, but sometimes I just couldn't do that without the terrible spice named pain. The pain is not a sharp one that comes and goes. It is the kind of pain that lingers, a throbbing pain. Oh, it would be another case if it gets so bad that my shoulder partially dislocates or completely dislocates. Those are the worst. The pain is more than INTENSE...beyond words.

But forget about actual dislocation now. I was talking about the pain that is the red light of dislocation to me. Although the pain is less intense than an actual dislocation, it is already enough to distract me from things, like the idea of keeping a smile on the face. Trust me, when you are in pain, smiling takes more than moving a muscle. The pain also makes it difficult for me to maintain conversations. You need to be able to catch others' words and organize your own words to get the conversation going after all. They say I often space out when I am feeling uncomfortable. I have a theory for this...I think I literally get my spirit slightly detached from my earthly shell. The detachment lets down a thin curtain between me and pain, but also from the surroundings. Sounds deep, huh? Sorry that I seem to have made the pain sound more serious than it should be...just a theory explaining me spacing out, get it? Don't get me wrong and become overly dramatic.

Now back to the issue of complaining. I got my explanation supporting my complaints to life, but I am mature enough to know that 'I should complain' doesn't mean 'I could complain'. I always know that I must not complain too much. Even if I am truthfully in pain, saying it too much would only make things difficult for others, and for us. They could do nothing but feel worried. I could do nothing but feel guilty for making them worry. Eventually, everyone will be tired of this. They will become numb because this happens too often, and I will feel even more hopeless if everyone becomes numb but my pain doesn't become dull. I guess I do need some care and comfort to dull the edges of the pain.

I don't know if you have ever heard about it, but I think I once heard it somewhere that some chronic patients who rely much on others to function in daily lives would want to end their lives at some point, not because they have lost the will to live, but because they are afraid that they are becoming their family's burdens. What is more is that they are afraid that, eventually, their family would be so tired they secretly wish that they can get rid of the burdens. I am not saying that this applies to me. My situation is not something that serious, and I am totally capable to taking care of myself. It's just that this saying got an impact on how I think to some extent. Don't be a full-time burden if you don't want others to leave you. Simple as that.

If I want my team, my friends, my family, I shall master the philosophy of complaining.

**Video time~**

Sinb the complainer 160715: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OEdZQ1Nd2Gw (52:58 - 53:01; 54:44 - 54:56)

*Author's message*

Sorry for not updating for the past few days coz my holiday just ended. I am in the middle of a practicum, and as a novice I got a lot of things to prepare. Other than that I got assignments coming, so I will try my best to keep the story going T.T

Originally this chapter should be part of the next chapter 'No me gusta' (the name I plan to use), but the length got longer and longer, and I haven't even got to the part that fits the title better. So I decided to separate it out and change the title according to the focus of the chapter. Now I am hoping that the next chapter won't be too short because of this LOL~

I got something troubling me today, so I find this chapter's negative power a bit overwhelming...Sorry if it is a bit disturbing _(:3