A/N: hi again! idk if god just hates me or what, but around 1-2k words of this chapter got deleted again because when i went to save it, my wifi crashed and I lost everything i wrote. i was so angry ugh.. Glad i was able to make it on time anyway.

Thank you for all the kind comments <3 i was surprised to see so many people commenting on the latest chapter, it made me sooo happy. I love you so much guys, thank you for all the support! I've never thought that so many people would read this fic haha. 

I'm currently writing a chanbaek one-shot that will probably be around 10k-20k words and it'll probably be posted during the next week, just to let you know :)

--

Chanyeol unlocks the door with his card and drags Baekhyun in, finally letting go of the brunet's wrist as they step into Chanyeol's spacious room. The door is shut loudly behind them and Chanyeol sees Baekhyun jump a little, startled at the intensity with which Chanyeol closed the door. Baekhyun rubs his wrist with his other hand, and Chanyeol feels really bad for a second, wondering if he hurt Baekhyun during the period of time he was dragging him up to his room. He thought that he was holding Baekhyun gently, but the way the brunet's face morphs in pain as he touches hi wrist is telling him that maybe his hold wasn't all that tender. 

But he pushes the guilt to the back of his mind, his anger getting the better of him as he speaks after a few beats of tense silence. "What was that? Are you serious?" is what Chanyeol says, his tone furious. Baekhyun looks up at him with wide eyes, but after one second long eye-contact, Baekhyun lowers his gaze again, biting his lower lip. It's clear that Baekhyun is slowly beaking down in front of him, but Chanyeol doesn't stop there, even upon seeing Baekhyun's lip trembling, the pressure of his teeth on it strong enough to draw blood if he keeps biting it. 

"Were you really together, you and him?" Chanyeol asks, but Baekhyun is silent, not even looking at the angry CEO. He doesn't even have to take a look at Baekhyun's hands to know that he's playing with his fingers, though now not because of stress. "How long were you together? Answer me, Baekhyun." 

Chanyeol knows his voice is harsh and that it's not helping Baekhyun's state, but he just can't help the anger that's boiling inside of him, his body hot with nerves. He's not angry at Baekhyun by any means, no. He is mostly angry at Baekhyun's ex-boyfriend, Siwoon. Of course, Chanyeol knows him. His family is a sponsor of Park Advertising, even though a small one, so Chanyeol had to do some reading about them in order to be able to spring a polite conversation with all of the members of the family if they came across each other. But he would have never thought that Siwoon knows Baekhyun, nor that he dated the brunet. 

"Three months," Baekhyun's voice is barely above a whisper as he answers Chanyeol. The taller runs a hand through his hair in frustration, not caring if he ruins all the hard work the stylist put in it so it would look as good as it did for today's party. He just can't understand it. Siwoon is all kinds of awful, that's what Chanyeol has gathered through the years their families know one another. The guy is rude, snobbish, over-confident and self-centered. How could Baekhyun date someone like that for so long? Why would he date Siwoon when the guy is such a horrible boyfriend material? And in Chanyeol's opinion, his looks aren't something to be so proud of either. 

"Unbelievable," Chanyeol breathes out, snorting and shaking his head. 

It's silent again between them for a moment, Chanyeol looking at the wall behind Baekhyun rather than his slouched form in the middle of the room. From his posture, he doesn't expect Baekhyun to speak up though, and that's why Chanyeol is more than shocked to hear the broken sound of Baekhyun's voice, and Chanyeol's eyes immediately dart from the wall to the brunet as he hears the first syllable coming out of the shorter's mouth.

"So what if I dated him?" Baekhyun snaps, finally being courageous enough to look up. Chanyeol feels his heart clench at the sight of teary-eyed Baekhyun, the glassiness in those brown orbs making him feel a painful pang in his chest. His shoulders are heavy with the flow of emotions and even though his eyes are glistening with tears, Baekhyun doesn't look like he's about to look away because it would mean he's backing down. "Do you pity him for having to date someone like me for the whole three months, is that it?" Baekhyun's voice breaks at the end of the sentence, and Chanyeol's heart breaks with it. 

"Have you lost your mind?" Chanyeol exhales, looking at Baekhyun like he's grown a second head. What's wrong with Baekhyun, for real now? He beat the out of the guy because he was insulting Baekhyun, harassing him and clearly making the other male uncomfortable with his words and all that touching. He beat the up because he deserved it for hurting Baekhyun emotionally, and Baekhyun thinks that it's the other way somehow? How can he think that when Chanyeol made it crystal clear with his actions that it's not like that?

" you," Baekhyun's voice is hoarse as he utters the course, not thrilled by the question which was thrown at him. It hurts Chanyeol so much to see him like this, slowly breaking with the tears dangerously close to falling out. Baekhyun can probably sense it too, and he quickly brings his hands up to rub at his eyes, cursing again at being seen in this pathetic state, wanting to prevent Chanyeol from seeing his tears, but it's a little late for that now. However, Chanyeol doesn't think of him as pathetic or anything like that, not even close. He just feels the need to go and embrace Baekhyun, hold him tightly and squeeze him in his arms while the brunet lets out all the emotions that are weighing him down in the form of hot tears. 

Instead of doing what he wants to do so much though, Chanyeol continues to stand in the exact same place a few steps away from Baekhyun who is now furiously rubbing his eyes with his hands, ruining all his make-up. He takes a deep breath, clenching his fists and while knowing it's wrong to keep asking Baekhyun questions now, he doesn't stop. His anger and frustration that is mixing with not being able to understand Baekhyun's weird way of thinking is pushing Chanyeol over the edge, making him mute the voices in his head that are screaming not to torment Baekhyun any further. 

His voices comes out way harsher and louder than Chanyeol intended to as he speaks, "Why did you let him say those awful things to you? Why didn't you ing say anything back with that big mouth of yours? You could roast people on spot if you wanted to but when someone's insulting you like that, all you do is let them? And he even touched you, is-"

"It's because I deserve it!" Baekhyun cuts him off, yelling at Chanyeol so loudly that the room shakes by the intensity of his voice. Chanyeol stops talking right away, startled by Baekhyun's sudden outburst. The way Baekhyun is looking at him with that frustrated expression, tears rolling down his cheeks and leaving wet trails on the smooth skin one after another and fists clenched by his side breaks Chanyeol's heart for the second time this evening. Baekhyun just looks... so damaged. As the first tear breaks free, the rest follow obediently. 

"Baekhyun, you don't-"

"You don't understand anything!" he interrupts Chanyeol with wobbly, high-pitched and hysteric voice. It's like he's finally had enough of Chanyeol throwing all kinds of questions at him without a pause, and this is him finally losing all the composure. This is him letting his emotions out without caring how would it look. This is him completely breaking down in front of Chanyeol even though it's the last thing he wants to do, his built up walls tumbling down. "You think you know me, but you don't! The things he said... they were all true, that's why I didn't say anything about it!"

Baekhyun takes a few steps forward and now he's standing right in front of Chanyeol, his face glistening on the light because of the tears that keep coming. He takes a hold of Chanyeol's suit and harshly tugs at it, shaking a little with Chanyeol's body, his fist trembling as they are balled in Chanyeol's clothing. He continues yelling at Chanyeol, choking on his own words as he forgets how to take breaths properly.

"I used to sleep with everyone, Chanyeol! I didn't think twice about having with someone as long as they were attractive, and I've had more one night stands than you can imagine, okay?!" he punches Chanyeol's chest with his hand, but it doesn't exactly hurt, even though Chanyeol feels the hit. Chanyeol doesn't do anything, lets Baekhyun have his way with him, wanting the other male to let it all out. Chanyeol can take it. "A-And all of my relationships failed after two weeks tops because instead of paying attention to my lover, I had always been working... Those people who were nice enough to try and date a like me ended up hurt because I had never learned to love them, I'm that heartless Chanyeol!"

Baekhyun's thick eyelashes are already glued together with tears that fall from his eyes in a steady stream, and he keeps shaking with Chanyeol as if acting violent is a solution or a way to end his pain. Chanyeol supposes it won't hurt less, but at least Baekhyun will let his frustration out and calms down faster, and so he lets him. 

His nose has already turned red, and there is a watery snot dripping from his nose. His make-up is all ruined because of the way he rubbed his eyes before, and the tears trailing down his cheeks aren't crystal clear but a mix between grey and black. He's taking ragged breathes, almost choking in the process, his fist clenching Chanyeol's suit. Even though Baekhyun must feel embarrassed because of crying in front of Chanyeol, he is brave enough to hold eye-contact with the taller the whole time, letting Chanyeol see all the emotions that flash through his teary eyes. 

Baekhyun is always so pretty, no matter what he does. Heck, he can do completely nothing and still look stunning. Baekhyun is ethereal, handsome beyond understanding. That's what Chanyeol thinks of his appearance, and that's also what other people think. But if those other people ever saw him crying like that, they would most likely cringe at the sight. Not Chanyeol though. Because even like this, with his make-up all smudged, snot dripping from his nose and bloodshot eyes, Baekhyun still looks like an angel to him. Maybe he is a fallen angel - so, so damaged, his walls all crumpled down, those small and glassy eyes hiding so much pain and sadness that it's impossible to describe, but he is still an angel nonetheless. 

Chanyeol is looking at him with unreadable expression, his face free of emotions as he stares into Baekhyun's eyes. The intensity of Chanyeol's gaze must be too much because after a few seconds of silence, the quietness of the room only disturbed by Baekhyun's heavy breathing, the brunet hangs his head down, eyes falling on the ground beneath him, the salty drops now falling straight to the floor from his eyes and coloring the porcelain while tiles grey.

"He is right about me, Chanyeol," Baekhyun says, his voice quieting down again as the fight slowly leaves Baekhyun. "He wasn't insulting me, he was simply stating the facts, and-"

"Enough," Chanyeol cuts him off harshly. "I can't listen to this anymore."

"But-"

"No, stop.. and listen to me now," Chanyeol's tone may sound cold at first, but it's actually full of desperation because the only thing he needs now is to make Baekhyun understand him, but Chanyeol knows it's not going to be easy. He is going to try, anyway. He wanted to wait until Baekhyun is all done, but listening to Baekhyun saying these things about himself... Chanyeol can't take it. He wants to be there for Baekhyun, but on the other hand he can't accept listening to the bull Baekhyun is saying. 

When Baekhyun looks up at him, fresh tears rolling down his cheeks, Chanyeol takes it as a cue to start his speech. He chooses his words carefully, wanting to get the message through Baekhyun's thick head and for that he needs to form effective sentences. Taking a breath, Chanyeol starts. "First of all, you are not a . No, listen to me!" Chanyeol raises his voice when he sees Baekhyun opening his mouth, probably to protest. "You aren't, Baekhyun. You like , so what? You have with different people because you know that you don't have time for relationships, and being aware of these things doesn't make you a , okay? And you're also not heartless just because you weren't able to love the people you dated. You tried to love them, gave them a chance, but you can't make yourself fall in love just like that, it's not that easy. I know that because I've never fallen in love either."

Chanyeol pauses and grabs Baekhyun by shoulders, his hands firm on them but he is careful not to hurt Baekhyun. The brunet is looking at him with expectation, and he also stopped crying. His breathing is still uneven, but at least Chanyeol can't see new tears falling out of his eyes, which is a small win. "What he said was a load of bull, and I need you to understand that. He's just an , not only to you, but to everyone. I can't understand how someone so amazing like you could ever date a er like him, not the other way around. You deserve so much more than what he would ever be able to give you, Baekhyun."

"I-I don't-"

", Baekhyun, why do you believe him more than you believe me?" Chanyeol asks, exasperated. Baekhyun's eyes widen when he hears the tone Chanyeol uses, so desperate that it makes the brunet shut his mouth completely, all the protests he had ready forgotten. "Jongin, Sehun, Kyungsoo, Jongdae, me... we wouldn't spend time with you if your only quality was being good in bed because frankly, none of us slept with you - don't correct me now when I'm wrong, please. You have so many qualities Baekhyun, and it hurts me so much that you don't see how perfect you are."

Saying that, Chanyeol feels how Baekhyun's grip on his suit start loosening, and soon his hands let go of Chanyeol completely, falling limply to Baekhyun's sides. Thinking that he's doing a pretty good job, Chanyeol continues. "I don't understand why would you believe people who say nasty things about you just because they are bitter for not being able to have you, when you have friends who love you with all their heart and shower you with affection. You are so many things Baekhyun, but useless isn't one of them. You are funny, always cracking jokes that make other people smile even though you don't feel happy yourself, I've seen it. You make choices that can hurt you but you don't care as long as the ones you like are pleased, and you sacrifice so much for the sake of others, which I think is extremely brave. You are so nice and caring, too. And not only you have a beautiful personality, but you too are beautiful. From the first time I've seen you, I couldn't stop thinking about how stunning you are. I'm just-... please, listen to people who care about you instead of people who are purposely hurting you."

The last sentences came out really quickly and in one breath, and Chanyeol now needs to deep in and out deeply so he can get the oxygen back to his lungs. After saying all of this, he feels kind of embarrassed because Chanyeol himself is aware that some parts of his speech sounded strangely like a confession, even though it wasn't mean that was. Chanyeol just wanted to get his point across, and for that he needed to use a lot of compliments, right? Besides, it's not like he would confess to Baekhyun now, when the brunet is in this state. He wants to help him, not burden him with his own feelings.

The things is, even Chanyeol himself doesn't know what is there to confess. He doesn't have feelings for Baekhyun, so it's impossible to confess even if he wanted to. Of course, the physical pull can't be ignored, but when it comes to romantic feelings... is there a possibility that Chanyeol might feel something for Baekhyun? He feels more nervous around him, that's true, but that's because he is afraid to up their friendship. Friends are all they can ever be, after all, Baekhyun made it clear, and Chanyeol doesn't want to screw up what is in his opinion a pretty good friendship. 

Both of them don't say anything for some time, they just stare into each others' eyes, talking without words being actually said out loud. Chanyeol wonders if Baekhyun is going to oppose him now when Chanyeol's done and is preparing his arguments silently or if the brunet is just letting the words sink deeper and deeper, trying to replace the insults that were thrown at him with the kind words Chanyeol said.

The silence lingers in the air, thick and heavy, but Chanyeol is okay with living through it if it means that Baekhyun will finally come to his senses, understand his own worth and stop dwelling on what people that aren't even important in his life say about him. While waiting for Baekhyun to say something, to show some sort of reaction, Chanyeol brings back old memories in which Jongdae told Chanyeol that Baekhyun had been hurt enough in the past, that Baekhyun is fragile even though he tries to act tough and confident. At that time, Chanyeol didn't fully understand and he wanted to know so badly about what exactly made Baekhyun so heartbroken, but seeing the man in front of him now, bare of his feelings, Chanyeol thinks if he wasn't better of not knowing. Because now, when he does know, it's making his blood boil. The CEO doesn't want to show his anger in front of Baekhyun, knowing it would be useless, and instead he focuses on comforting the brunet. 

Lost in his thoughts, Chanyeol misses how Baekhyun's eyes starts to water again, and he comes back to reality only when a loud, throaty sob escapes Baekhyun's mouth. Chanyeol blinks a few times and focuses his vision again, seeing that Baekhyun's lower lip and chin are trembling and that new tears are forming in Baekhyun's pretty eyes. It doesn't take long for the salty drops to free themselves once again, and when they do, Baekhyun sobs again, this time the sob wrecking his whole body. 

Last time, it was Baekhyun who threw himself into Chanyeol's eyes, but today it's Chanyeol who takes the initiative and as he sees Baekhyun bringing his hands up to cover his face again, Chanyeol takes a step toward Baekhyun and closes the distance between them, wrapping arms around Baekhyun's petite body. Baekhyun stills in his embrace for a moment, and Chanyeol squeezes him slightly, trying to get the it's okay, I'm here through. It looks like he succeeded because barely a second later, Baekhyun hugs him back, clinging to him for dear life as he starts crying again.

Baekhyun is pressing his whole body into Chanyeol's own, head buried in his chest and hands clasping onto Chanyeol's suit for support. The heart-wrenching sobs are filling the room hand in hand with his sharp intakes of breaths as he tries to get some oxygen into his lungs, his whole body shaking uncontrollably against Chanyeol's. Baekhyun cries violently and hysterically, the guttural sounds making even Chanyeol's own eyes water as he listens to them, and he squeezes Baekhyun harder in his arms, leaning his head on top of Baekhyun's as his eyelids fall closed. He rubs comforting circles in Baekhyun's back, whispering sweet words in order to calm Baekhyun down, but sadly, the words get lost in the sound of the brunet's desperate cries. 

Through crying, Baekhyun is letting all of his bottled-up emotions go, finally freeing his mind from them and pouring all of his misery and sadness in the heavy sobs that escapes his mouth. Chanyeol wonders for how long Baekhyun's been holding it all in, depression slowly eating him away from inside out as the negative thoughts and words flooded his mind, clouding his mind so much that he started to think that he really is useless and not worthy of love. 

Baekhyun is the one who had to leave through all of this, but why is Chanyeol's heart hurting so damn much too? Hearing Baekhyun breaking down, feeling the shaking body in his hold, it physically hurts Chanyeol. It's like Baekhyun's crying is a language and although Chanyeol couldn't understand much, he feels the pain. It's like when his friend showed him a really sad Spanish ballad some time ago, and it didn't matter that Chanyeol couldn't understand a word, the melody and the singer's voice was sad enough that it made Chanyeol feel a painful pang in his chest. This is the same, but with much more intensity.

It takes minutes until Baekhyun's crying quietens down and his hands stop gripping onto Chanyeol's suit so tightly like there's no tomorrow. Chanyeol holds him, not loosening his grip the whole time, not feeling like letting go of the brunet until Baekhyun stops crying completely. When Baekhyun stops shaking, Chanyeol starts repeating strings of soothing words into Baekhyun's hair now when the other male can actually hear them and hopes that Baekhyun will take them to heart. 

Eventually, Baekhyun's sobs are gone as well and the brunet is only sniffling into Chanyeol's chest. "You know, sometimes you have to cry," Chanyeol says as he caresses Baekhyun's hair, fingers playing with the soft strands. "To get rid of the tears so you can see the world clearer." 

Baekhyun giggles into Chanyeol's chest, and even though the sound of his laugh is muffled, Chanyeol thinks it's one of the most beautiful sounds his ears could have ever witnessed. He feels the brunet wiggle in his embrace, and Chanyeol takes it as a cue to loosen his grip on Baekhyun already. When Baekhyun untangles himself from Chanyeol and steps away the slightest bit, he looks up at the taller with red, bloodshot eyes. 

They are close, too close, and Chanyeol feels his body temperature jump up suddenly. His face is hot, his hands that are still on Baekhyun's waist are starting to sweat and his mouth is slowly but surely drying. 

"You are really good with words," Baekhyun says quietly, his voice hoarse from all the crying. He's looking at Chanyeol with the tiniest smile, but smile nonetheless, and Chanyeol is glad to see the corners of his mouth even barely tugged upwards. The close proximity is making it hard for him to breathe, though. He opens his mouth to thank Baekhyun and give him a smile on his own, but he is rendered speechless when Baekhyun adds, "I'm... truly thankful for everything you've said. I think that meeting you was one of the best things that happened to me, even though I didn't think so at that time, a-and... Uhm, I just-... Thank you for not giving up on me, Park Chanyeol." 

And then, Baekhyun's pink lips stretch into a smile. The last stray tears falling down his cheeks, the brunet gives Chanyeol one of the purest, brightest smiles in the world, showing off his perfect teeth in the process. His eyes change into crescent as his smile reaches them, and Chanyeol can't look away, warmth spreading through his body at the sight. 

The taller one is frozen on the spot, not being able to even blink as he takes in the sight of the brunet smiling in front of him, the vibes of happiness radiating off of that breath-taking smile. And like that, while looking at Baekhyun whom most people would call a nightmare at the current state, Chanyeol's heart beat quickens and his breath hitches in his throat. 

Baekhyun's smile is so bright it can conquer the Sun. Or maybe, Baekhyun's smile is actually the Sun because Chanyeol feels sunburn. 

How is it supposed to feel?  As he stares at Baekhyun, Chanyeol suddenly remembers their conversation about falling in love from a few days ago.  

The make-up that looked so perfect on Baekhyun earlier is now even more ruined, his hair is disheveled, face puffy and nose red. And still, Chanyeol thinks that Baekhyun is the most beautiful person on the world. 

A voice in Chanyeol's head whispers, this.

It seems that Baekhyun's smile is pretty contagious, and after a few seconds of shock, Chanyeol smiles too, thrilled that Baekhyun is happy now, feeling the happiness as if it was his own. 

This is how love is supposed to feel.

--

Chanyeol goes back to the banquet hall when he straightens up his clothes and does something about his hair so it won't look so bad, trying to find Kyungsoo, Jongin, Jongdae or Sehun. It doesn't matter who he finds first because every one of them should know about Baekhyun's ex boyfriend. His smile is fake when he is dragged into a conversation with someone during his great search for Baekhyn's friends - now his too, but Chanyeol still can't get used to calling them his own friends as well - but he knows better than to decline their offer for a polite small talk. 

However, fate decides not to torment him more and it's Sehun who finds Chanyeol first, not the other way around. He looks hysteric, panic written all over his face. "Listen, we have a problem," Sehun starts before Chanyeol can even open his mouth. "I saw Baekhyun's ex-boyfriend here some time ago and Baekhyun is suddenly gone! I can't find him and Siwoon is nowhere in sight either. We have to find Baekhyun immediately, and-"

"Baekhyun's in my room," Chanyeol cuts him off, saving Sehun the trouble when he sees how stressed the younger is because of this situation. 

Sehun's expression changes to a confused one as he asks, "Why would he be in your room, though?" he looks way more calmer now when he knows that Baekhyun is in Chanyeol's room. Still, he feels guilty for losing his best friend at the party while talking with Luhan on the phone. 

"The thing is," Chanyeol starts cautiously, the wary tone catching Sehun's attention right away, and he narrows his eyes at Chanyeol, not liking where this conversation is going. "He-uhm... already met Siwoon."

"He what?!"Chanyeol shushes Sehun immediately as the younger yells in shock, trying not to draw unnecessary attention to them. "You don't understand, he- what the is with his face?" 

Chanyeol turns around and follows Sehun's line of vision, and when his eyes fall on a tall man who has a busted lip and a pretty big bruise on his cheek, Chanyeol understands. Siwoon makes an eye-contact with him from the other side of the room, and after Chanyeol daringly raises his brows at the , he turns back to Sehun though he's avoiding the other male's curious eyes as they flicker between Chanyeol and Siwoon. "Care to explain what happened?"

"Well," Chanyeol scratches the back of his neck awkwardly. "I kinda... confronted him? I saw him with Baekhyun and-"

"Is Baekhyun alright?" Sehun interrupts him, probably thinking that he can ask about what happened later, the most important thing is if Baekhyun is alright. After all, the dancer knows almost everything about Siwoon's and Baekhyun's past relationship, and the mere thought of Siwoon talking to Baekhyun is scaring him. He has never thought that Siwoon is a good boyfriend material, and on the top of that for Baekhyun, but Baekhyun was stubborn about the whole thing back then and after all the things that happened, Sehun didn't feel the need to say I told you so when the relationship with Siwoon was not only a flop in the end, but something that made permanent scars on Baekhyun's heart. 

"He is. He should be taking a shower at the moment, but I thought I should let someone know about what had happened and I didn't know if you would pick up your phones, so I had to come down to look for either Jongin, Kyungsoo, you or Jongdae," Chanyeol explains, still looking around and searching for Jongin with Kyungsoo, since the two are going to be together for sure, and if the luck is on his side, Jongdae will be with them. 

"Can I see him?" Sehun asks, eagerly. 

"Uhm, yeah," nodding, Chanyeol makes his way out of the banquet hall, Sehun walking beside him. 

Chanyeol starts talking about what exactly happened as they walk toward the elevator, explaining that he saw some man cornering Baekhyun on his way to the restroom, and happened to catch their conversation, or rather Siwoon insults that were aimed at Baekhyun. He tells Sehun how it angered him when he heard Siwoon saying those awful things to Baekhyun and touching the brunet inappropriately even when Baekhyun asked him to stop, and that after witnessing Baekhyun being harassed like this, Chanyeol couldn't control his anger and punched the guy. Only when he was face to face with the man, Chanyeol was able to realize that he knows the , but that didn't stop him from beating him up for running his mouth.

Sehun listens to all of it during the way up to eighteenth floor where Chanyeol's room is, and the CEO can see that the dancer is clearly angry, but he looks troubled as well, so Chanyeol decides to ask about it. Sehun doesn't want to answer at first, but then Chanyeol finally gets it out of him when they are just a few steps away from Chanyeol's room. "I had been with him the whole time, but then let him go the the toilet alone because I was talking on the phone with Luhan. If only I went with him, this wouldn't-"

"It's not your fault," Chanyeol says sternly, the card already in his hand as he's ready to open the door. "Honestly, why do people keep blaming themselves for something that's not their fault," he mumbles and shakes his head, but then turns to Sehun who is looking guiltily at the floor and adds in a serious tone. "It was not your fault. You can't be with him all the time. He's alright, so don't worry about it."

With that, Chanyeol finally opens the door and lets Sehun go in first, closing the door after them when they step into the room. 

"Whoa, that's a pretty nice room," Sehun muses as he looks around the spacious apartment, his mouth hanging slightly opened. 

Chanyeol expected the comment, but it still sounds bittersweet to his ears. The room might be pretty nice, as Sehun put it, luxurious and large, but Chanyeol had stopped feeling good about the spacious hotel rooms a long time ago. Those five-star apartments and the bedroom in his house seem like they are making fun of him, taunting him about having nobody to share the luxury with - aside from Jongdae of course, given that he spends so much time in the Park mansion that he might as well become an official member of the family. 

"Yeah," Chanyeol mutters under his breath, taking off his shoes. Sehun does the same, and he doesn't wait another second before going to the direction of the bedroom. Chanyeol doesn't follow him, thinking that Sehun would like to have some time alone with Baekhyun, and with that in mind he walks to the opposite direction. Hotel rooms in this hotel don't have a kitchen, since people who decide to stay here have enough money to just order food with just one phone call to the reception, whether they want just desserts or a real meal. 

Chanyeol doesn't feel like eating, being still full from everything he had eaten during the party, so he decides to just drink something. Walking over to the small fridge, he takes out a Coca Cola and pours all of the bottle's content into a big glass and flops himself onto the couch with it. All this socializing with people, putting on a fake smile or denying all the rumors about him and Baekhyun being together - looks like the celebrity news are pretty popular - made him pretty tired, and Chanyeol wonders if he should just take a shower and go to sleep. 

He can't help but think of Baekhyun when he remembers how many questions about the other man he had to answer during the evening. Did Baekhyun get a lot of questions regarding Chanyeol and their.. friendship, too? How did he feel when people asked if they are really together, if they asked him? Was Baekhyun disgusted at the thought of dating Chanyeol? 

Too many questions, especially after Chanyeol realized that his attraction toward Baekhyun isn't just physical. He still isn't sure about his feelings for Baekhyun, but Chanyeol guesses that friends love wouldn't be enough to explain the fast beating of his heart whenever Baekhyun does as much as giving Chanyeol a smile. However, Baekhyun made the boundaries clear, so Chanyeol is trying hard even now to push those dangerous thoughts to the back of his head. 

But he can't stop thinking about Baekhyun's beautiful smile a few minutes ago, the one the brunet gave him with his face wet because of tears and his make-up was all smudged. The image is still so clear and Chanyeol just wishes to forget it, for his own good. The butterflies in his stomach at that time... shouldn't be there. Chanyeol shouldn't feel like that about Baekhyun.

His thoughts are interrupted when Chanyeol catches the faint sound of Sehun's voice. He doesn't want to eavesdrop, but what can he do? It's not Chanyeol's fault that they are talking loud enough for Chanyeol to hear. 

"How can you say that?" Chanyeol hears Sehun ask, voice a pitch too high. "He could hurt you again if Chanyeol didn't come."

Hurt Baekhyun again? What does Sehun mean by that? He gets that Siwoon must have said a lot of cruel things to Baekhyun, it doesn't take a genius to figure that one out, but it sounds like there is something... more to it. 

Is there a possibility that Siwoon hurt Baekhyun physically as well? Chanyeol wouldn't have much trouble imagining Siwoon as a violent person, seeing how he manhandled Baekhyun before, but he stops his imagination before he can think about it more, the thought of Baekhyun being hurt not only emotionally but physically as well too painful. Would Siwoon be a bad enough person to treat someone like Baekhyun so badly? 

"Would you keep your voice down!" Baekhyun tells a little too loudly, and after that, Chanyeol doesn't hear anything. 

Chanyeol knows about Baekhyun's family and also that all of his relationships failed. He knows that Baekhyun blames himself for it and that his emotions are all messed up as well. What else is there? Why is Baekhyun being hurt so much, in so many different ways?

Baekhyun trying to keep the conversation away from Chanyeol right after Sehun mentioned the possibility of Baekhyun being hurt by Siwoon makes Chanyeol think that Siwoon was indeed acting violently toward Baekhyun in the past. And if it's true, Chanyeol will find Siwoon and go for a second round.

Asking Baekhyun is out of question too, but if Chanyeol thinks about it more his head will surely burst from all the questions and thoughts. Maybe he should ask Sehun? No, that is out of question too. Baekhyun would probably get angry. But what can Chanyeol do?

Letting out a frustrated sigh, he drinks the rest of his drink and leaves the glass on the table, getting up from the couch and getting ready for a shower. He walks over to his small suitcase in the corner of the room and takes out clean boxers, then grabs a towel that the hotel provides along the way. 

"I'm going to shower," Chanyeol says as he enters the bedroom, briefly glancing at Sehun and Baekhyun. His grip unconsciously tightens around his towel at the sight of Baekhyun holding one of Sehun's hands in his, a small, fond smile on his lips. It makes him disappointed that Baekhyun only notices Chanyeol in the room when Chanyeol speaks up, the brunet's eyes previously focused only on Sehun's hand in his. 

"Okay," Baekhyun acknowledges him, but then turns back to Sehun.

Chanyeol reminds himself that he can't be jealous of Sehun. Firsty, Baekhyun has already told Chanyeol that he doesn't have any romantic feelings for Sehun and Chanyeol himself can see that Baekhyun just loves skinship way too much. And secondly, Chanyeol doesn't have any right to be jealous in the first place. Baekhyun isn't his, he doesn't belong to Chanyeol in any way. They aren't dating and they never will be. Baekhyun can do whatever he wants, touch whoever he wants, kiss whoever he wants - it's not Chanyeol's place to care, nor be jealous of the person Baekhyun is affectionate toward.

When he steps into the shower, he turns on slightly colder water, hoping all these wrong thoughts will be washed away. 

It doesn't work.

--

Chanyeol spends quite a time in shower today. Usually, he would just lie in a bathtub full with warm water, but today he chose to go use shower, for the sole reason of not falling asleep as while lying in the bathtub. However, even though the water droplets that are falling on his skin are rather cold, Chanyeol doesn't feel less sleepy at all and it takes everything in him to keep himself awake. He would end the shower sooner and just flop himself on the couch - because of course Chanyeol won't accept Baekhyun taking the couch tonight - but, as bad as it is, Chanyeol doesn't want to see another rather intimate touches that Sehun and Baekhyun share, no matter if Baekhyun confirmed that there is nothing going on between the two. 

And so, he takes his time showering, cleaning himself and his hair thoroughly, not rushing anywhere. When he finally decides to step out of the bathroom after brushing his teeth, Sehun is already gone. But what's weird is that Baekhyun is not lying in the bed like he was earlier either. Chanyeol furrows his brows and decides to search for the brunet in only his boxers while drying his hair with a white towel. 

"Oh, you're already-" he hears Baekhyun's voice the moment he steps further into what could be called a living room, and the CEO's eyes automatically fall on the petite man that stands up from the couch as soon as he sees Chanyeol coming in. He sees the faint blush appearing on the brunet's cheeks when Baekhyun eyes his half- body, and Chanyeol would be hopeful that Baekhyun might like what he sees, but more than thinking that Baekhyun sees him as a physically attractive, Chanyeol thinks that he's making Baekhyun uncomfortable. "-here." Baekhyun finishes and looks away, biting his lower lip.

He's wearing the hotel-provided bathrobe, and it looks really big on Baekhyun because the staff brought Chanyeol a bathrobe for his size, not for someone who is a head shorter than him. His face is clear of make-up and his hair is already dry, and Baekhyun looks extremely cute like this, droopy eyes and pouty lips in all it's natural beauty. Even though Chanyeol doesn't want to think about it, doesn't want to have these kinds of thoughts about Baekhyun, he just can't help it as he sees Baekhyun drowning in the large bathrobe.

"When did Sehun leave?" Chanyeol asks and quickly walks over to his small suitcase, pulling out a loose t-shirt so he won't be half-, seeing how uncomfortable Baekhyun is when Chanyeol is running around only in his boxers. 

Little does he knows that Baekhyun is anything but uncomfortable about seeing Chanyeol's fit body.

"Maybe ten minutes ago," Baekhyun answers. Then, he looks away from Chanyeol as he sits back on the couch, playing with his fingers. Chanyeol knows it's a bad sign. "Uhm... I realized that I've never apologized for ruining your birthday."

"Baekhyun, can we-"

"No, really," the brunet insists, looking up at Chanyeol again with a stern look in his eyes that makes Chanyeol shut his mouth. "Jongdae told me before that you were really looking forward to this day and I feel really bad for causing trouble. I'm sorry."

Chanyeol would usually be quite for a while, leaving the silence to hang in the air, but not anymore. He's getting tired of it. "I was looking forward to it because you were- you and others were coming. Just because something bad happened doesn't mean my birthday was ruined. Didn't I tell you to stop blaming yourself for everything?"

"This time it really was my fault, Chanyeol."

"How is it your fault that you got harassed?" Chanyeol is getting angry again, and solely because Baekhyun can't stop with this self-blaming game. He understands that Baekhyun's emotional trauma is making it hard for him to come to the realization that not everything bad that happens in his presence is his fault, but Chanyeol is frustrated because every time Baekhyun does this, blames himself for something that wasn't his fault at all, Chanyeol imagines the bunch of people who told Baekhyun he's heartless and not worthy, and that thought only is enough to set him off. He also knows that Baekhyun might think that Chanyeol is angry at him, but the CEO can't stop his frustration anymore.

Baekhyun seems not to have an answer to Chanyeol's question, judging by the way he looks down again, shaking his head slightly like Chanyeol should know the reason already. Chanyeol actually knows what's going on in Baekhyun's head, but he refuses to acknowledge such stupid thoughts because they are not true, once again. Baekhyun just can't stop blaming himself, even after Chanyeol asked him - begged him - to come to his senses already and not believe people who aren't worth it.

"This was your day, your party that was ruined. How come you aren't angry at all?" Baekhyun asks, not looking at Chanyeol.

"Once again, it was not ruined. You're here with me, how can it be ruined," Chanyeol doesn't realize what he's saying until he's finished, and when the realization downs upon him, the CEO's eyes widen. This sounded so bad, as if it was cut off a romantic movie. He should have been more careful with his words. This is exactly what he didn't want to do, cross his boundaries because he is not careful enough and blurts out things that are not meant to be said. 

"Uhm," Baekhyun clears his throat and Chanyeol just grips the shirt tighter in his hand, wanting so bad to take it back when he sees that Baekhyun is struggling with his words. Chanyeol just had to make it awkward, as always. Busying himself so he won't just be looking at Baekhyun like an idiot, Chanyeol decides to finally put on his shirt. It didn't really help though, since it took Chanyeol approximately three seconds. A way to go. 

But then, Baekhyun grins sheepishly, looking like a dog that was given a treat. "I'm glad.. I'm here with you, too." Baekhyun says in a small voice, but Chanyeol hears it clearly. His body feels warm once again. He doesn't know if it was Baekhyun's grin or the way his voice was full of fondness, but Chanyeol finds the courage to ask the question he's been wanting to ask ever since he heard it from Sehun. 

"Can I ask you something... about Siwoon?" Chanyeol decides to push his luck, even though he already told himself before that he wouldn't ask about the . Somehow, almost every time Chanyeol thinks he has ed up, Baekhyun doesn't react all that badly - aside from the accident on their first evening together, that was a complete flop, or the time when Chanyeol asked why he works so much. However, their bond is much better now, so Chanyeol isn't all that afraid to ask Baekhyun about sensitive topics, since Baekhyun told him that it's okay of Chanyeol to ask. Chanyeol really isn't afraid, it's just that he doesn't want to make Baekhyun uncomfortable with his questions, or re-open the brunet's old wounds. But now, he can't help but ask about it. Still, Chanyeol feels bad about dropping the bomb like that. 

"If you want to," Baekhyun nods, but his voice is strained. Chanyeol has mixed feelings now because for one, he feels happy that Baekhyun trusts him and likes him enough to talk about Siwoon with him, but he also feels sadness upon seeing Baekhyun's expression fall so quickly. 

"So," Chanyeol starts, but then he realizes he doesn't know how to ask. After all, it's a rather sensitive subject. "I didn't mean to eavesdrop, but Sehun wasn't particularly quiet and-"

"Just ask," Baekhyun cuts him off rather harshly, and Chanyeol guesses that Baekhyun just wants this conversation to be over. He doesn't blame him. But Chanyeol really, really needs to know. They say curiosity killed the cat, but Chanyeol feels like it's Baekhyun that's being killed in the process of Chanyeol's prying. 

"Has Siwoon ever been... violent when he was with you?" Chanyeol asks carefully, watching Baekhyun as the male lets out a loud groan and brings his hands up to cover his face with them.

"I knew you heard it," Baekhyun says, his voice muffled because of his hands. "Stupid Sehun."

"Does this mean-"

"No.. Yes? I don't know," Baekhyun sighs and reveals his face again, leaning against the back of the couch as his hands fall limp to his sides. The brunet isn't looking at him but at the ceiling, expression troubled. "He has never hit me if that's what you're asking."

"You don't know?" Chanyeol repeats in disbelief. It's putting him at ease a little to know that Siwoon has never hit Baekhyun, but his heart is still beating furiously after hearing Baekhyun's previous reply. The brunet hesitated while answering Chanyeol's question, and that alone is enough to set Chanyeol off. So is it true, then? Siwoon had been violent when Baekhyun and him were still dating? It makes Chanyeol grossed out when he has to use dating and Siwoon in one sentence when talking about one of Baekhyun's past relationships.

"He just-" Baekhyun stops to groan again, running a hand through his silky hair. "It's so embarrassing and weird to talk about it," the brunet shakes his head and clenches his fists, avoiding Chanyeol's eyes like a plague, not avering his eyes from the creamy ceiling. 

"Look, we don't have to talk about. I just asked because-"

"Can you sit?" Baekhyun gestures to the couch. When Chanyeol continues standing motionless in the middle of the room, Baekhyun explains. "I'll be more comfortable."

Nodding, Chanyeol walks over to the couch and sits on the opposite end, thinking that Baekhyun would like to have distance between them now. While patiently waiting for Baekhyun to say something, Chanyeol just stares at Baekhyun's angelic face, his eyes lingering on Baekhyun's pink lips a second too long. He looks away with an enormous feeling of guilt sadness. Guilt, because it's like Chanyeol is breaking the strictly-friendship rules and Baekhyun most likely wouldn't appreciate if he caught Chanyeol staring at his lips. Sadness, because he really, really wants to feel those lips on his. 

These thoughts aren't anything new, since Chanyeol has been thinking about Baekhyun's lips on his - and on other parts of his body - since the first time he saw the man, but new is the weird feeling that comes with them that wasn't there before. A warm, unfamiliar feeling that spreads through his whole body, making Chanyeol feel like he was set on fire. Chanyeol supposes he knows what it all means, but he refuses to accept it. 

"As I said before, I used to sleep around a lot," Baekhyun finally starts. The image of Baekhyun being touched by other men appears in front of Chanyeol's eyes, and the CEO clenches his jaw unconsciously. "And when I agreed to date Siwoon, who was another one of my hook-ups at that time, I didn't know he was so... possessive. At first it was alright, I actually enjoyed being with him, he was nice. But with time he got really annoyed with me for not having enough time for him, and he also started acting very jealous every time I got too friendly with someone in his presence, especially with Sehun. Not spending enough time with him and being too touchy with people, Siwoon let me know about how much he hates it, first with words and then during . He would always say some pretty awful things and he would be too rough when we slept together, not really caring if I like it or not..."

Baekhyun's voice trails off, and the room is silent for a few seconds. Chanyeol is doing everything he can in order not to stand up and find the to break his face in two for all the things he's done to Baekhyun. Not only the guy was rude toward Baekhyun and made him emotionally unstable, Siwoon was also hurting Baekhyun physically. How could someone be such a disgusting person? 

Chanyeol wants to ask Baekhyun why did he let Siwoon hurt him, why didn't he break up with the the moment Siwoon acted violently for the first time. However, Baekhyun somehow senses what Chanyeol wants to ask, and answers before Chanyeol can even voice the question. "You know, none of my relationships lasted longer than two weeks, since everybody got fed up with me pretty quickly," Baekhyun laughs humorlessly, voice laced with sadness. "But Siwoon was the first one who was with me longer. And I-... I thought I owed something to him for not breaking up with me after two weeks, you know? So I told myself I can endure it for a few minutes, but it got really hard after a while, since Siwoon only called me when he wanted to have , and it just got too much after three months-"

"Three months?!" Chanyeol can't help but yell, pure shock written all of his face. Is Baekhyun for real? The guy is a living nightmare, he hurts Baekhyun and doesn't care about the brunet's feelings at all, and Baekhyun stays with him for three whole months? 

"And then he broke up with me," Baekhyun continues, not fazed by Chanyeol's outburst at all. "Told me a whole bunch of things."

"What did he say?" Chanyeol asks, curiosity getting the better of him. He knows that it will only make him even more frustrated, guessing Siwoon didn't say anything nice to Baekhyun after they broke up, but he wants to hear it. He needs to hear it, so he can prove Baekhyun that all of it was bull. 

Baekhyun tenses visibly and gulps, his hands shaking slightly as he answers another one of Chanyeol's question, "Just that-... uhm, I-.. He told me that nobody will ever love me, that I don't deserve love," Baekhyun says at last, his voice strained. "He also said that I should start sleeping with people for money, that I wouldn't have to work that much if people just... pay me for, you know... sleeping with them," Baekhyun's voice cracks at the end of the sentence, the brunet not being able to continue, the memories of those words being thrown at him too much for Baekhyun to handle. Chanyeol can see that his eyes are glassy, and his heart clenches at the sight. He can't let Baekhyun cry again. 

"Do you still believe it? Do you still think that what he's said is true?" Chanyeol asks quietly, knowing that Baekhyun has spent quite some time believing that the insults thrown at him were true. However, Chanyeol - and Baekhyun's friends surely too - has done everything in his powers to make Baekhyun understand that Siwoon was just a . 

"I don't know," Baekhyun smiles sadly. "I want to believe you instead of him but I just... it's still on my mind." 

"I'm sorry," Chanyeol whispers, and Baekhyun finally turns to him, their eyes meeting. The tears in Baekhyun's eyes are clear, and a few of them fall down his cheeks as Baekhyun lets out an amused laugh, his eyes turning into crescents. Chanyeol is speechless, doesn't know how to react because just a minute ago, Baekhyun looked so broken and sad, but now he's laughing, not a hint of sadness in the melodious sound. 

"Why are you sorry?" Baekhyun is able to get out as his laugh dies down, looking at Chanyeol with a fond smile. "It's not your fault."

Chanyeol still doesn't understand why it made Baekhyun laugh so much, but throwing his confusion away, he says, "See?" when he's met with a confused look in Baekhyun's eyes, Chanyeol adds. "The things that happened, they are not your fault either."

"You know what," Baekhyun stands up abruptly, startling Chanyeol. "I have enough of talking about my ty decisions and life."

"Baekhyun-"

"You must be tired, you should go to sleep," Baekhyun cuts him off, looking around the room. "I'll take the couch."

Chanyeol supposes that Baekhyun ended this conversation so suddenly because he is starting to feel really uncomfortable with talking about Siwoon and about his insecurities that are so hard to get rid of. However, he doesn't blame Baekhyun for having enough of talking about it, after all, everything is too personal and Baekhyun's wounds aren't all healed yet. All he can do right now is go along with what Baekhyun wants and leave it alone. After all, there is not much Chanyeol can do at the moment to make Baekhyun stop thinking about the awful things that Siwoon and probably some of Baekhyun's other ex-boyfriends said. 

Although he can't do anything about Baekhyun's low self-esteem issues now, Chanyeol will make sure that the time when Baekhyun feels good about himself comes. 

"Fine," Chanyeol gets up as well. "But you take the bed."

"Oh, no," Baekhyun protests, but before he can say more, Chanyeol speaks up again.

"Oh, yes. Just listen to me for once," Chanyeol rolls his eyes goes back to bedroom where the spare blankets are. 

Baekhyun follows him, almost tripping over his feet, since Chanyeol's bathrobe is too big for him. "Chanyeol, I'm okay with sleeping on the couch. I shouldn't even be here, so it's alright."

"You take the bed," Chanyeol says sternly, not leaving any room for argument. "You probably don't have anything to wear to bed, uhm... I don't have a spare shirt either."

"It's okay," Baekhyun shakes his head hurriedly when Chanyeol starts looking around the room for something Baekhyun can wear to sleep. Baekhyun looks worried again, probably thinking that he's causing trouble for Chanyeol, which is of course completely false, but Chanyeol knows that Baekhyun is too stubborn and won't change his mind easily. 

"I don't want you to be cold," Chanyeol tells the brunet. Running a hand through his hair, Chanyeol has a sudden idea. "Hey, take my shirt. I feel really hot-" good going, Chanyeol. "Uhm, I mean.. Just take it."

"Chanyeol-" there is no room for Baekhyun's protests as Chanyeol throws his shirt at the brunet. Remembering how Baekhyun reacted upon seeing Chanyeol only in his boxers a few minutes ago, Chanyeol brings the spare blanket he took from a side table to his chest, covering his body in order to not make Baekhyun uncomfortable.

"Goodnight," Chanyeol says and clears his throat. Looking at Baekhyun who is staring at the taller male with wide eyes, Chanyeol turns around, ready to leave the bedroom and drown in the embarrassment he feels right now. Baekhyun's voice stops him, though.

"Goodnight," Baekhyun whispers into the quietness of the night. "And thank you, really."

Chanyeol cranes his neck to look at Baekhyun without fully turning around with his body, and smiles gently at Baekhyun. "It's nothing." 

That night, the CEO falls asleep while thinking about Baekhyun once again. It's starting to be a common thing, drifting off to sleep with an image of Baekhyun, feeling bittersweet as he fantasies about Baekhyun's lips he can't feel against his own, his pretty hands he can't hold, his body he can't touch. Realizing the blooming feelings for Baekhyun today, those fantasies of Chanyeol are taking a different turn.

Chanyeol doesn't know if he should be glad that he's falling in love for the first time in his life, or be sad because he fell in love with a person he can't ever be with, a person that would never want him back.