It has been a month since I asked Youngjae sunbae for being my model. The school’s festival is coming soon. The students of photography class has given time to submit their photos three days before school’s anniversary. We have to submit only one theme. I’m satisfied with myself after seeing the results. I have done my best to take the best shot but I’m still hesitant to choose as they all worth to me. Yes, to me. This is the first time that the pictures that I took has personal meaning to me. I let out a heavy sigh. The time for talking as model-photographer will be becoming less and less with his practicing, study and others. I know it will come but still can’t let it happen.

“So, have you decided about the photos? Which one will you choose?”

I shrug to answer Inyoung’s question. Even though I do have many Youngjae sunbae’s photos with every different angle and expressions, I still can’t choose which one or you can say what theme I will express or show to be submitted. “I need time.”

Inyoung just nods lazily, “Yeah, need time to admire his face, don’t you?”

I quickly give her an annoying look. She just grins widely. Then her face changes, “You sure have a thing for him. You like him… like a lot.”

I don’t say anything for a while as my mind drifts to what happen yesterday.

“Boram-ie, what’s wrong?” Inyoung’s voice snaps me out from my thought. I let out a tiny sigh as I tell her what happened yesterday and especially what Eunji unnie asked me to. “So, what’s your answer? Don’t tell me you’d help her.”

I shrug again. “I don’t know but I can’t say no to her. She seems so sincere. She really loves him.”

Inyoung rolls her eyes, looks really annoyed. “So what’s the reason for their broke up?”

I shake my head. Inyoung scoffs as she leans her back to the chair. “You  even don’t know the reason, how can you help her? As your friend, I suggest you not to interfere anything between both of them. Let them face it. If they’re meant to be, they’ll be together again with or without your help.”

I look at her for a moment then drift my eyes to go down. “Yeah, you’re right.”

Inyoung suddenly hugs me, make me jump. “I just don’t want you to hurt again. I want my Boram be happy too.”

I smile then pat her arm, “Thank you Inyoung-ie.”

She smiles while tightening her arms. “That’s what friends for.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I take a deep breathe when I see Youngjae sunbae near his class. I call him then he turns his body and smiles while waving his hand. But suddenly his friend comes and asks him about something. I give him signal that I will wait for him near the field. He nods then disappears. As I turn my body, I  grip my sling bag and walk to the place.

I suddenly remember the first time I saw him in this field. The memory comes back to me like a wave. If I’m not brave enough to ask him to be my model, maybe I won’t be in this state. I smile but then my smile falters as I don’t know what I should do now? With Eunji unnie still has a fight to take Youngjae sunbae back, will I win against her? I let out a bitter smile. I have to admit that she won a step ahead. She’s brave enough to declare what she felt and what she wanted. Despite knowing his reaction, Eunji unnie still tries to approach him, to win his heart. But what about me? He even doesn’t know how I feel towards him. In his eyes, we are just sunbae-hoobae, nothing more or less. I’m too afraid to tell him about my feeling. For the first time seeing him till now, this feeling is still here. It even grows much more as I begin to know him.

I let out a long sigh for the nth times today.

“Boo!”

I got startled as I turn my body. There the culprit, is laughing at me. “Sunbae, what are you doing?”

Youngjae sunbae stops laughing as he sees my annoyed look, “Sorry, it just… why you always daydream though? Don’t think too hard about something at least you want your head becoming two.”

I roll my eyes as I see him laughing again but then I smile, at least I can see his laugh. He stops laughing as he sits comfortably beside me. “Today I don’t have practice.” He stated.

I nod. “I know…” I trail my words, “by the way, uhm, I have already enough photos of you.” The wind blows slowly as we’re just sitting there looking straight to the field. He breaks the silence first, “So, you won’t come here again?”

I look at him, “Do you want me too?”

He still is looking straight without answering me. I don’t know what has gotten in to me as I say something that will make me regret later. “But you have Eunji unnie, sunbae.”

I feel he becomes tense of what I said. “What do you know?” he looks fiercely at me. I’m surprised to see his expression. “I… I mean she… Eunji unnie will still be here if I’m not here. She still loves you. She…” I can’t bear to look him in the eyes. I feel like he’s judging me with his fiercely look.

“Is that what she said to you yesterday?”

I freeze as I don’t know what to say. I feel like he’s standing up then I quickly drift my eyes at him. I see he clenches his fists as he turns his body, with his back to me. “You don’t know anything about me, Boram. So, just stay out of it.” He sounds like tries to hold his anger. His voice gets deeper as he says it. Then he walks away from me. What have I done? I rush to stand up as I call him. “Sunbae, it just… I… I don’t want to see you hurt anymore. I know you still love her, so does she. Why don’t you be honest?”

He stops then turns his body to me. My heart literally breaks as I witness it. From his eyes I could see it. “You already hurt me Boram.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You already hurt me Boram

The words keep ringing in my head. Do I really hurt him? But I just tell him the truth! I know he still loves her. I groan as I flip my body on my bed. Stupid, stupid Boram! What have you done? Inyoung already told you not to interfere their relationship, and here you are now regretting what have you said! I take my pillow to covers my face. What do I have to do now? If I really hurt him I can’t bear to face him anymore! Great Boram! Now you just make your relationship with Youngjae sunbae become complicated!

Then I hear a knock on my door. “Boram, there’s your friend here.”

“Yes mom, I’m coming.” I lazily get off of the bed then looking at the clock that hanging on the wall. 7PM. Who is coming here? As I don’t remember I have any words to somebody.