I knew that his eyes were following me while I walked through our room; I could feel them burning holes into my back. Ignoring it, I finally turned to sit down on my bed. But of course, as soon as I returned his gaze, he looked back down at his book. I had no idea what it was about and, frankly, I didn't care enough to ask since he wouldn't answer me anyway, but I used the chance to examine him, his face, his posture, his expression. His shoulders were hunched and a frown was creasing his forehead. It could've been because of the book's content, but, really, who was I kidding? During the past two weeks, I had never not seen him frown while he was alone with me, without the others to distract him.

In a twisted way I loved that he cared so much. I made sure to get a rise out of him at least once a day because I was terrified that one day he would just stop thinking about me. That would probably kill me. But right now I was pretty content with our relationship - though I would always be content as long as he was happy and I could watch over him. And I was grateful, extremely grateful for the chance we had gotten. Gone was the broken puppet that had followed orders without a second thought and back was my stubborn and outgoing childhood friend. I had missed him. Seeing Mingyu laugh when he joked around with the guys and how his face glowed when he spoke to our Wielder made me genuinely happy. I would've never thought that I could feel this way again, ever. After all, I had done things - horrible, unspeakable things – that haunted me every night. It had been hard to hide how vulnerable I became once we turned off the lights. Although I had always been the most vulnerable when it came to him.

I noticed that one of Mingyu's sleeves had ridden up slightly, revealing his scarred wrist, and the sight made my chest tighten. I knew every single one of his scars by heart. I had tended to the wounds that had caused them. I had cleaned and wrapped them time and time again. But then he had gotten himself caught. There hadn't been any other way back then, I had done it to save his life - but I had not yet gotten over the guilt of torturing my best friend. Of giving him new scars. Hearing the person most important to me beg for mercy I couldn't give – I had never felt worse in my life. And the remorse I felt for making him go through all this in the first place would never fade. It was always present, always in the back of my mind.

Mingyu had noticed me staring by now and pulled down his sleeve; the glare he shot me was venomous. I simply looked away, out of the window. I wasn't in the mood for a fight right now. I was too busy thinking about things I couldn't change any more. It had all been my fault anyway. When I was young, I had been ecstatic that someone was trying to befriend me; me, the quiet loner who had always sat alone and scribbled in his notepad. Not just anyone even, a popular student, friendly and kind. And I had always thought that he was too good for me - I still did.

I briefly wondered if he would have tried so hard if he had known how much it would up his life. But yeah, he definitely would have, he was that type of person after all. Unlike me. Because I had always been greedy for his friendship, I had offered him a place to stay once I had returned to Seoul in high school - and I had conveniently ignored that I would endanger his life with this decision. Of course I had regretted it. And of course had tried to stay away from him afterwards, to seem as disinterested in him as I possibly could - but of course it had backfired, spectacularly even. We both had ended up under the one person I had been running from most of my life. The moment Mingyu had agreed to a contract with Jiyong to save me was the moment I had promised myself to never let him out of my sight ever again.

I once again glanced at him. This time he looked like he was actually reading, his back comfortably leaned against the wall. I smiled before I looked back out of the window, following the flight of a bird with my eyes. I had failed at giving him the freedom he deserved but I still had tried to fulfil my promise to the best of my abilities. And I had told myself that if I couldn't protect him, at least I could make it more bearable. I had given him my food when nobody had been looking and I had sneaked him painkillers I had stolen from Daesung and Seunghyun when his wounds had looked too bad. I had offered to go on missions instead of him, blatantly lying in Jiyong's face why I thought I was the most suited. All the privileges I had earned had ultimately benefited Mingyu - although he couldn't remember it any more.

With a quiet sigh, I pulled my knees towards my chest and wrapped my arms around them. I should probably be doing something more productive than dwell on the past but the grey sky made me feel melancholic. The sky had been the same colour a few weeks ago when I first had noticed that something was off. Mingyu's empty eyes had looked more lively when I had met him in the hallway and a frown had crossed his face for a split second. From then on it had become more and more obvious that Seungri had forgotten his duties - and I had been terrified that someone else would notice eventually. So I had made sure to hide his traces as much as I possibly could. Fortunately nobody had noticed the missing camera logs and Jiyong hadn't questioned it much when I had told him that one of the more nosy guards had gotten himself killed during training. But it had all been for nothing.

My fists tightened and I tried to take deep measured breaths to calm down. To distract myself, I looked around the room we shared, the room in a flat full of near-strangers that somehow had turned out to be our saviours. I had once again followed Mingyu on his journey but I couldn't say that I regretted it. Although, to be fair, in the beginning I had wondered why all those powerful Forcebearers followed Jisoo around like dogs, yipping and wagging their tails once he gave them any sort of attention. I hadn't been able to understand why they would accept a Wielder as weak as he was. Compared to Jiyong, he was a joke. Physically weak, mentally somewhat unstable, no drive for bigger things. The first night I had spent here, I had gotten woken up by him crying after a nightmare and all his Bonded had rushed to his aid as if he was a newborn. Ridiculous. And although he had shown more compassion than I deserved, I had been certain that Wielders never did anything out of the goodness of their hearts. Still, we had already bonded anyway and I could watch over Mingyu once again if I stayed in the contract. It was a good deal. Also I had to admit that Jisoo's bonds intrigued me. They had intrigued me the first time I had met him, back when I had been working at my part time job. His bonds had been so bright. They still were, maybe even brighter now. They shone like beacons and I had never seen anything quite as beautiful before. I had wanted nothing more than a bond like that back then, not the ugly forcebond I had been carrying around - and I had gotten my wish. Although my bond with Jisoo still looked less durable than the bonds of the rest of the group, it was just as bright and beautiful.

I glimpsed at my chest, the bond sparkling in an otherworldly light that made me feel warm just by looking at it. I loved this bond. It helped me fall asleep and kept the nightmares at bay; it had a presence of its own that was comforting and affectionate. I wanted to keep it forever.

I let my fingers run through the bond and watched how it shone, the light dancing over my skin. It had taken me a while to figure out that I had misjudged the Wielder. What he was lacking in strength and stamina, he made up with feelings. He was emotionally strong, much stronger than most people, Wielder and Forcebearer alike. And by now I had turned into a dog as well, craving his attention. Nobody knew I still had that ugly old picture of Mingyu and me, nobody but Jisoo. It had felt good to show him, relieving, and I hadn't regretted my choice. Usually I was good at pretending, but sometimes I had the feeling that Jisoo could see right through me. Maybe it was the bond.

I followed it with my eyes. Bonds always connected Wielders and Forcebearers in the shortest way possible, regardless what came in between them. The bonds of me and Mingyu both vanished in the floor since Jisoo was out, working. The sight made me want to follow them.

"What are you looking at?"

His voice made me oddly happy. I hadn't expected him to talk to me today. It had been what? Four days? Since he last had spoken to me out of his own free will and while the others weren't around. To get happy about something like that. What a pathetic life I was living.

"Our bonds." I didn't look up to check but I was sure he was examining the spot I was staring at.

"What do they look like?" I could hear the curiosity in his voice. It was difficult not to smile.

"Hard to describe," I said - to irk him and because it was the truth. Oh, the joy of being able to get under his skin. I could hear him exhale agitatedly but I cut him off before he could give me a snarky retort. "Do you know what it looks like when sun rays hit fog?"

"Uh... yeah?"

"A bit like that. But more solid, somehow." At least when it came to regular bonds; I had no intention to describe forcebonds to him. I looked up when no answer came and found him staring at the floor in fascination. The curious expression on his face made him look younger. It made my heart ache.

"Do they have colours?"

"No."

"Do Jisoo's bonds look different from other Wielders?"

"They're brighter. They're beautiful."

Mingyu's eyes immediately moved to me at my change in tone and I cursed my soppiness when his brows furrowed. "You're not getting any weird ideas, are you?"

I showed him the blankest face I could muster but inwardly I was shaking. "Like what?"

His voice was as cold as ice. "Like getting interested in him. He's not a toy and he's also not someone you can conduct your ty little experiments on."

That hurt. A lot. "I know," I said, forcing myself to stay calm. "I'm not some kind of freak just because I can see his bonds." It didn't work all that well.

Dark eyes stared me down. "Just a fair warning, Jeon Wonwoo."

I completely understood why they didn't trust me after my past actions and usually I could bear it without any problems, but somehow the current conversation had hit a nerve. "Thanks." I got up from the bed and confusion flashed over Mingyu's face. Hastily he climbed to his feet as well while I made my way to the door with measured steps.

"Where are you going?"

"Out." Some fresh air would help cool me down. Hopefully.

"We're going to get dinner soon." That had sounded slightly apologetic but I was too agitated to care.

"I'll pass." I closed the door to our room in front of his face. With a sigh, I grabbed my jacket and opened the front door, glad that nobody had been i