Life isn't all flowers and rainbows. Sometimes bad things happen, and as a writer, you might need to incorporate that into your story.

One of the worst possible things that can happen is death. If you die, you don't feel anything afterwards. But the people who knew you, do. As well as people who saw you die. Imagine if these two factors (knowing the person who died and witnessing their death) were combined.

So in this chapter I'm going to talk just about that.

If you're a fan of EXO and like reading fics about them, you've probably already heard about the chinese fic 48 Hours. Not too long ago, someone translated it in English, and so now everyone's got a chance to check the legend out. Having loved Arbitrage, Absolute Chanyeol, and other livejournal hits, I've jumped at the chance to read another supposedly wonderful story.

And I was disappointed.

Besides the sometimes awkward translation (which people should be thankful for anyway, as it's no joke to translate a fic that long!), the fic lacked proper emotion. The plot was good. The idea was nice too (though there are quite a few movies, using the same one), but the expression of what the characters must have felt, was not.

So. Imagine. You're trapped in a room with your bandmates. Suddenly a voice (speakers?) tells you that only one will be allowed to leave the house. If you want to be the survivor, you must kill the others. You've got a collar on your neck that will kill you instantly if you fail to comply to the rules.

And so, one of your bandmates snaps and tries to break the window, trying to get out. There's a buzz, and the next thing you know he's is lying on the floor, blood pooling under him.

He's dead.

How do you react?

How do your other bandmates react?

------ This is basically what happened in the beginning of chapter 3 of 48 Hours.

Check this scene out: here.

So what I'm saying is that in my opinion, the scene just wasn't good.

I was talking about the fic with a friend (you know who you are ;D) and she asked me how I would write the scene then.

It made me stop and think.

How exactly does one write such a scene and successfully portrays the emotions and shock of the characters without sounding cliche or unrealistic?

I did write a short scene (my version of the scene in 48 Hours) afterwards. But before I did, I thought about what it'd feel like. How great the shock would be, and what reaction would it result in?

This is were characterization matters. People react differently to shock. Some events might shock some people more, others not that much. Some people go into hysterics, others shut off completely. The way your character reacts should go well with their past, fears and personality.

But there are still some points to go by (remember, I'm talking about witnessing someone's violent/accidental death here):

- Two extremes:

freak out, or not show any signs of shock at all (numbness/denial/failure to comprehend what just happened).

And this does not mean that a very emotional person would freak-out, and a silent, shy one would hide the shock well. A normally very loud and lively person (or character, since we're talking about writing) might shut-off completely, and refuse to talk to anyone for days in case of severe shock. Likewise, a very soft-spoken and timid person might have hysteric crying fits or go smashing things around. In other words, how a person reacts to shock is another trait of his or her personality.

Of course, many different reactions exit within the frame set by these two extremes. A person might freak out at first and then brood silently for a long time. Or vise versa. The important thing here is that shock is experienced, in one way or another, be it painful bluntness, or loud cries.

Writing a death scene is hard, that's true. You need a deep understanding of human psychology and how it works (and I do not mean this in an academic way), and even then you have to be able to put it all into writing. You cannot overdo it, and you cannot make into less than it's supposed to be.

If you have the patience, look up some psychological articles on severe stress, reaction to shock, stress response, ect.

Study people. Observe the world around you. Notice little things. If you have to write about something extremely difficult such as a death scene and you have never experienced that kind of loss, use imagination, listen to sad music about dying (not metal, ok), watch a few moving movies where people die (even the cheesy ones will do). It helps to get into te mood- simple as that. (I will talk about music and writing in next chapter!).

Back to the topic.

So, 48 Hours...

How would have I written the scene?

If you have the patience, read my version of the scene from 48 Hours where Chen dies (note that I kinda missed the fact that Xiumin was already dead in the original story, but let's pretend Chen was the firrst one to die,ok? Okay.)    :

“You are unlucky, bye bye.” Everyone stood deep rooted to the ground. Jongdae’s cries screeched to a halt. He fell to the ground and in that instant, a pool of blood surrounded his body.

Jongin’s vision swam. He felt sick to his stomach, and a moment later he was crouched on the ground, vomiting. Somebody rushed past him, showing him aside roughly, but he didn’t react. Distantly he heard screams, shouts, crying- it all blurred into a background noise- his ears were buzzing, vision cloudy. Even with eyes shut tightly, he saw deep piercing crimson, getting bigger and bigger, and pooling onto the dark wood around a body. Chen’s body.

He turned away and puked again.

“! Do something! ! Oh , , !” someone was screaming.

Jongin opened his eyes and stared at the floor, unseeing. The mess he’d just made- a white and grey puddle of vomit, was staring back at him, misshaped and repulsive. He stared at it, without actually seeing it. Everything was out of focus.

He refused to believe this was real. 

“Jongin?” Someone’s hand landed on his shoulder. Shaky, trembling fingers.

Jongin took in one unsteady breath. His mouth tasted like acid. The air smelled like acid, too. And iron.

“Jongin?” the owner of the hand squeezed his shoulder, and Jongin turned his head and saw Luhan. Pale and frightened. So unlike himself. So vulnerable. “Jongin.” Luhan’s voice cracked and he sacked down onto the floor, besides Jongin.

“Luhan.” His name was all Jongin could muster. The noise around them got louder- or maybe he just got more aware of it. Someone was banging on the doors. Or the walls, he couldn't tell. He lifted his hand to wipe his mouth. On his forehead, he could feel damp hair stuck to his skin.

Luhan shook his head and closed his eyes. Then hid his face in his hands.

“, Chanyeol! Stop it!” Jongin turned his head just in time to see Kris grab Chanyeol, who was banging on the door furiously, and show him away. Chanyeol staggered and landed a few feet away from where Chen was. Or was supposed to be. Jongin couldn’t- wouldn’t look at him.

“!” Chanyeol roared and jumped up. Jongin saw a flash of red on his shirt. It made his stomach churn again.

“Stop it!” Baekhyun screamed, jumping in front of Chanyeol. He pushed the other guy up to the wall, and grabbed his hands to keep him in place. Chanyeol kept struggling and shouting, and Yixing moved to help restrain him. Jongin couldn’t see Yixing’s face, but Baekhyun had traces of tears on his pale face.

“Don’t do it, you idiot!” Kris shouted at Chanyeol.

Jongin forced himself to stare at Kris- it was something to watch, something to observe. He forced his mind to observe it. He put his attention on it. For a short, tiny second. He didn’t want to think. He couldn’t let himself think. He wouldn’t.

Besides him, Luhan was unmoving.

“You’ll get yourself killed!” Kris yelled. His shirt was ripped, probably by Chanyeol.

“He killed him! He killed Jongdae!” Chanyeol screamed back, voice hoarse. “He’ll kill us too!”

“Chanyeol, stop it, stop it. Just stop it.” Baekhyun sounded like he was pleading. He was on the verge of losing it, too, Jongin could tell. “Just stop it…”

“Stop it? I should stop it? He’s ing dead! Lying in a pool of blood!” Chanyeol was in hysterics. Eyes frantic, voice coarse from screaming so much. “ing dead, Baekhyun! You hear me, Kris? Dead!”

“Stop saying that.” A voice said quietly. Jongin’s insides flipped, his eyes moving to find Kyungsoo. He was sitting on the ground against the wall, head in his hands. He wasn’t looking at anyone, face hidden from view.

As Jongin watched, Suho moved to Kyungsoo’s side, putting a hand on his shoulder. Suho’s back was shaking with sobs as he tried to comfort Kyungsoo. And Jongin wanted to go to Kyungsoo too, but he was on the other side of the room, separated by the blood. Jongin couldn’t bring himself to move an inch towards the big red stain. With a dark shape in the middle of it.

But maybe…

“Maybe he’s alive.” Jongin could barely speak, and his voice came out as a rough whisper, but everyone heard him. “He could still be alive.” As he spoke, he felt hope creeping up on him. How could they had been so stupid? Chen was just passed out, not… not dead. Just passed out. Temporary. He’d come around soon and tell them he had played a joke on them. Trolling.

The thought was such a relief, Jongin felt like a boulder slipped off his chest.

But the others’ faces twisted in pain. Even Chanyeol was silent now. Head bent low, he was sobbing silently, shoulders shaking with swallowed cries.

Jongin pushed himself up, stood up and took a step forward. A thin trace of blood was just inches from his shoe. He felt sick. But he had to check.

Kris was the first one to speak. “Jongin, don’t. He’s…” he paused, and closed his eyes. Jongin’s felt like a bucket of ice cold water was poured on him as he realized he’d just seen tears glisten in Kris’ eyes.

“I checked. He’s not… coming back.” Jongin’s eyes moved down to Kris hands. They were smeared with red. There were also crimson stains on Kris’ pants- like he’d kneeled in a puddle of blood.

Jongin put his head into his hands. He wanted to scream. Or cry. Either. Both.

He could do neither.

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Ok, so that's how I would have written the scene. Is it better? I'll leave that for you to decide.

Any thoughts? Please leave a comment :)