This is a bit tricky.

 

Firstly, you chose a pretty uncommon style of writing. And I'm not even talking about the diary format- you actually wrote it as if a person was writing the whole thing for himself. Like, literally a diary format (mostly people who write their stories in a diary format slip into the common first-person writing style sooner or later. You didn't do that, which is what makes things quite complicated to review, at least concerning this part.) I'm not sure if I like or dislike this fact about the story. But it's a personal-opinion kind of a thing anyway, so no use going over that more.

 

The second thing that makes this complicated is that I've no idea what quiz bowl is- I actually had to look it up. You chose a very unique theme for your fic, props for you for that, really. This is seriously following the "writing what you know" rule (though I don't always agree with the said rule, but then again, that's a different topic anyway).

 

The pace of the story is pretty fast, but it can be explained by the diary format you used. You cannot include more details or create tension or make the readers wonder, because these kind of things just don't fit into a diary. I think that's a bit of a disadvantage. But again, this had been determined by your choice of style in which you write. So let's leave it at that.

 

Now, about the title.

I guess it's pretty fitting. It's not really eye-catching and probably hardly does anything to advertise the story, but it tells your readers what to expect of it, and that's good enough. Simple and straightforward.

Your poster, on the other hand, could be better. I know it's pretty stupid, but lots of people do judge the book by its cover, or in this case, a story by its poster. And having good, relevant poster does help. The poster you have now doesn't really do anything to persuade the reader who might have clicked on your story just out of boredom or curiosity, to stay. But it should. Posters are here to advertise the story. Good posters make readers give a chance for fics they wouldn't normally read. So you might want to take advantage of that and get a poster that would make people curious of what's inside.

 

Ok, back to the story itself.

 

I will be honest with you. This story isn't what I would normally read. It has quite a few patches of boring description of the quiz bowl -like the part about the buzzers which is unnecessary long and doesn't provide any useful information except for how those things work. Providing such info is good, because, like me, there probably are people who don't know anything about quiz bowl. But you shouldn't just write paragraphs on how stuff works, and dryly explain the rules. You should incorporate it into dialog, drop a line here and there and lead your reader through the plot, making him learn the side rules as they go. Don't just stop the plot entirely to explain how the buzzers work. It's boring. Unless the reader really is interested in quiz bowl, that part is bound to be skipped entirely or read with slight annoyance- and not for enjoyment, mind you, but just for the sake of finding out the rules.

That being said, it would have been much better, if you made something interesting or funny happen while the ritual of setting up the buzzers was happening. If nothing happens, maybe the characters could do something that really reveals more of their personalities? Or at least funny words could be exchanged?

 

Next topic- characterization. That's where I dig in the deepest. If you've been following my tips, you know I'm serious about this stuff. I believe that each character should have a clearly defined personality, and that stereotypes and cliches should be avoided at all costs.

You didn't follow stereotypes, which is good. There are not any eye-stabbing cliches, which is even better. But, at the same time, I feel that the characters lack depth and life. They kind of seem all the same to me. If someone asked me to describe the characters, I wouldn't really know what to say. They're all smart and like quiz bawl. Sunggyu wears a cross on his neck, and Hoya is the leader and specializes in art. That's all I could say and that's nothing precise or distinctive about their personalities. You did drop are few hints here and there, but those are too vague to actually set the guys apart. Now, you might be planning to work on this in the future chapters, but stuff like that should be introduced quickly. Bit by bit, but it just start right when the view point character meets the other characters. I feel that you really could improve on this one.

 

There were also parts that felt rushed (yes, the fact that it's a diary still stands, but even for a diary it sometimes lacked a consistent flow). Nothing too extreme, but it could be improved. Sometimes take a breath and put in some description (not too much since the story's written in a diary format)- just mind you, not description of quiz bowl or character's appearances- try mentioning some clues about the setting, liven up the mood with an occasional random thought (because it's a diary). Right now the personality of the main girl is a little cloudy, too. You could let it reveal through her opinion and views. She should judge things, not just observe. Especially in a diary.

 

Now what I did like is the way you write dialog. It does not sound forced, nor does it sound fake. God job on that one!

 

One more thing- the last lines in your chapter seem weird sometimes (not all the time though. They were some really great ones). Like they make good closing lines, but they jump out of nowhere. Something' happening, the action ends, and then you put in some kind of a summarizing line (like in Chapter 7). That's something that puts me off personally, though even some professional writers do it too (though rarely and in different genres).

 

That's all I have to say.

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Being Straight Is Hard

 

First things first. The forewords. You could have done a much better job. Now it's one of those going-top-reveal-you-everything-that-happens-in-the-story-even-before-you-read-it kind of things. Which is not good. Leave something out so the readers would be surprised later on. But you get points for a fitting poster.

 

Please do not use random korean words in your writing. It's very amateurish. Do you want to demonstrate you know these words or something? Rest assure 90% of kpop fans know those words too. No need to use them. Korean people speak Korean. True. But since you're not writing everything in korean, don't write anything in Korean. The usage of hyung and unnie and the kind can be justified (if you really try) because these honorifics have a meaning that does not translate into English, just like aegyo. You might use them to emphasize the relationships between characters, but even then, you need to do careful research on when what honorifics are used. And there is seriously no reason to use Korean words such as miahne in your writing. Just write sorry.

 

Another thing- don't put in random brackets and even more random author notes in the middle of the story. If you need to say something, do it in an author's note before or after the chapter.

 

Now about the plot.

 

First of all, is that supposed to be a crack fic? Crack is not in the tags, so I'm suspicious. The characters have ridiculous personalities- it's like you're stretching the boundaries, blowing up the stereotypes and multiplying every ridiculous thing that has ever occurred in comedy fiction. If making fun of this all has been your goal, then it's good. If not, and you were serious when writing it, then it's not so good. Take Chen, for example. His personality is like a blown-up doll. Tasteless and makes you wonder who would really have such a thing.

 

Changing POVs made no sense either. You really would have been better off just using one person's (preferably the girl's) POV. Also, the title would fit only if the story was written from Luhan's point of view. Now it's awkward. You'd think the girl thinks it is difficult to be straight. Which makes no sense because it's not what your story's about.

 

And why do you keep underlying things? You don't do that in stories. have you ever seen anything underlined in a book? There's no need to do that, italic text would do the trick just as well, if not better.

 

Basically, that's it. I didn't get the story. I really didn't. So is it supposed to be a romcom? Or crack? If it's crack, I wouldn't be so harsh. But you never mentioned crack, not even once, while you wrote multiple times that the fic's a romcom. In that case... I don't even know. So I'll leave it at that.

 

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The rest of the reviews will be poster later.