Chapter 4: Knock

Her house was rather smaller than what he expected. A small living room with a long couch, where he’s supposed to sleep, a wooden table placed neatly next to it with fresh wildflowers in the middle, inviting a small smile on his lips. A not so big television hung on the wall right in front of it, which seemed like abandoned for the whole week. If he were her, he wouldn’t prefer to watch anything in time like this.

From where he stood, he could see a glass wall, separating the house and the cold air outside, covered in light blue curtain, he wondered what kind of view she could get from this place. The kitchen was right on the opposite direction, separated by a small dinner table. When she prepared him his breakfast, he planned to stay on the couch, wondering what feeling he would gain for watching her from that spot.

Inhaling a deep breath, he tried to compose his intention. Gong Yoo walked heading the couch as she told him the moment they came in. He could feel his heart drumming with uncertainty, wishing she wouldn’t think of him as some weird old guy. He was somehow relieved though, that she let him in and agreed to what he proposed. It might lead them to nowhere, but at least he didn’t regret following his heart.

Things changed, he realized. After seeing her, petite and alone, insisting to buy ice cream in the middle of night in nowhere, he felt like he yearned to see her longer. She probably didn’t plan to share him any of her true feeling, but he didn’t mind to learn it by himself. He decided to judge it by his own eyes.

Her struggle, her real problem, he’s going to dig it no matter what cost he had to offer, even if he had to stay far from her. He had decided, and he didn’t plan to stay just still.

Eunji came out from her room with a black t-shirt and pajama pants, looking uncertain and awkward. She loosed free her hair before her shoulder, it was covered in hoodie before, and now that he could see it he felt a rather weird sensation from inside his stomach. A pair of round spectacles was hung on her nose, making her look even cuter, he couldn’t help but trying hard to hold his amused smiled. On her hands were a small pillow and a blue blanket, expectedly for him.

“D-do you want tea or juice or …” she asked while handing him his pillow.

He smiled, thanking her genuinely, “Anything will do,” he replied softly.

She avoided his eyes, again, and nodded silently. He’s getting used to it already, trying to enjoy it as much as he could, not certain when he would have chance to see her in this shade again.

Eunji walked leaving him on his place, heading to the kitchen. Gong Yoo had his eyes fixed on her as she took out a black cup from a wooden rack above her head. Her busy petite figure was facing him, the whole time and it took him some minutes to realize he just got an answer of his previous wonder. No need to wait for breakfast, this picture was just like what he wished it be. Some perfect view. Leaning his back, he felt a smile crawl onto his lips, amazed that he could find this sensation just by seeing her in the kitchen, preparing something for him.

What am I? Some helpless old man?

He almost chuckled, but decided to give up the amusing sight. His eyes getting heavy, he let it seal and lost onto the couch, it’s been awhile since he felt this comfortable at someone’s house. The air was somehow comforting, way better than what his house could provide. Of course, now that people could come and go whenever they needed, he didn’t feel like it’s his anymore. His managers, his assistants, his CEO even some of his friends knew his passcode, and judging from how big his house was, it’s expectedly the best place for any gathering, named it meeting, dinner, party, even just for light drinking.

He didn’t hate it, he liked people coming and staying with him, being in crowd get his mind stayed busy, and it kept him sane, somewhat... But it sent a new feeling nevertheless, as if that building was simply a workplace, or a gathering spot rather than a home.

And then, there was this place, small but … different. It didn’t make him sick, it was rather comforting, if he put it into one word. It never flashed in his mind that there would be time when he would be envious of a small place. Yes, he felt it right now, no doubt.

Was it because of its scent, was it from the wildflowers on her table, or was it her scent? Was it the air, the warmth? This atmosphere set his mind at ease, as if he’s safe from something he desperately wanted to hide from? Or was it just because of her presence, standing there, in her kitchen, busy for him? That view sent him a weird sensation, so warm, and soothing. It felt like a home.  Her presence felt like… a home…

Home? Her?

It didn’t make sense. Maybe he’s just too tired and sleepy. There shouldn’t be something like that between them, not that he disliked the idea though… this, he wanted to admit. But her… it would be mostly her who’s going to argue back and forth, and those eyes, that gaze wouldn’t tolerate losing.

Jung Eunji was a surprise in his life. He barely knew her, everything about that girl was so new, so zero. But, she had something within her, something which had a power to put his well composed mindset into a mess, something he desperately wanted to learn. With only one encounter, one night, one drunken talk, she had broken his prejudice of people.

But it wasn’t enough. There were still many questions rolling around in his skull, and he needed her to answer. He was craving for more, he wanted to talk with her again, he wanted her looking at him with the same gaze as that night, he wanted to listen to her voice yearning for him like what she did before, he wanted her skin touched his again, without that scared look, without that fear.

Jung Eunji had officially messed up his head. And he didn’t dislike it.

*

Lying on the floor inside her empty apartment, chill coiled around his body, crawling inside through his back, as if punishing, as if telling he deserved it. His lids opened up, harshly pulled him back from the dream of her familiar smile. His eyes soon were greeted by the dim light provided by moon and the indifferent Seoul light coming through the glass window, leaving him vulnerable, feeling like a complete loser. Jiyong scoffed to the air, feeling disgust slowly surrounding his body. Even dreaming seemed too good for him.

Breathing through his mouth, he rolled his body to the side, closing his eyes again, wishing her picture would return. But only darkness remained, disregarding his craving for her.

Why didn’t she tell him anything?

He needed an answer, or perhaps a confirmation. It shouldn’t be that hard to guess her reason, she’s that selfless girl he knew better than anyone nevertheless. She’d do anything so that nobody hurt, that’s just how she lived the whole her life. But even so, there was a part of him that’s frustrated and nearing to anger. Feeling like left alone, as if he wasn’t worthy of her trust, as if he would run away and be all selfish. Or maybe he was indeed one selfish guy, he just didn’t realize, or maybe, just maybe, he’d chose to put aside the theory.

A headache visited, knocking every inch of his skull, but it wasn’t disturbing, it wasn’t as painful as the pang on his chest, which still throbbing and hurting. Realization hit him, hard and bitter. He hurt her, that’s a fact. Her life, her dream ruined because of him, yet there’s still a part of him which now selfishly craving to hug her, to touch her, to have her all for himself.

But she needed him … he insisted.

And so did he.

Jiyong could feel a sudden heat creep into his skin, forcing away the cold that’d been owning him. Getting up, he grabbed his phone and walked heading the exit.

He decided to fix everything, and to pull her back into his life.

*

Sunbaenim …

His eyes opened up in surprise, and instantly greeted by the dim light surrounded the room. Blinking away the vague dream, Gong Yoo lifted his wrist and checked his watch, three in the morning. Strange, he didn’t recall he could easily fall asleep in a stranger’s house.

Maybe his mind had unconsciously reset her label, putting far away the word stranger from her image.

A faint smile formed through his lips, and he’s enjoying it.

Getting up, he settled himself in his seat, the blue blanket on his chest falling loose to the floor. Another conviction was made, and it didn’t sound wrong at all.

Let say that his presence wasn’t part of her liking, but even so, she still took care of him. Wasn’t this flattering enough?

His eyes found the familiar black cup, staying silently on the table in front of him. He’s pretty sure, his tea was cold by now. It didn’t affect his beam though, not at all. Wasn’t this an enough proof of how that girl thought of him? He guessed, he wasn’t merely a random stranger. And his grin getting even wider.

Gong Yoo stood up after finishing his drink in one shot. Now that his consciousness had completely returned, he could feel uncomfortable pain on his neck. Maybe sleeping on a couch wasn’t all good, he almost chuckled.

He decided to visit her kitchen and got himself a glass of water. The room looked different in less light, it didn’t look small, somehow. But the air was rather chilly, colder than what he could recall.

After putting down his glass, his eyes found its way to her door. Something pushed him to move, marching in that direction, and he didn’t question. Perhaps curiosity, perhaps a small worry, or perhaps, just perhaps.

No certain reason, he just pushed open the door, revealing the dim room. His limps twitched as he couldn’t find her on the bed.

Did she leave? Because he’s here?

The sudden thought couldn’t be help. She originally disagreed to his proposal if only he didn’t bargain. But even so, he couldn’t believe she chose to leave just for avoiding him.

His feet made its own steps into the chamber, and what a surprise he got seeing her sleeping on the corner of the room, right next to the window glass. She’s sleeping hugging her knees as if she was inside a tiny place. An empty ice cream box was abandoned close to her knees, leaving an enough evident how much she enjoyed her before sleeping dessert.

What she’s doing?

Gong Yoo still couldn’t grasp her weird habit. As if she had a problem with her bed, or to fall asleep, or maybe she hurt her stomach. Anything it may, he felt rather worry growling overcoming himself.  

“Eunji…” he called her softly with a tender pat on her shoulder, attem