I can hear what you're thinking
All your doubts and fears
And if you look in my eyes, in time you'll find
The reason I'm here
 
You know your days are numbered
Count them one by one
Like notches in the handle of an outlaw's gun
You can outrun the devil, if you try
But you'll never outrun the hands of time

In time there surely, come a day
In time all things shall pass away
In time you may come back some say
To live once more, or die once more
But in time, your time will be no more

-         In Time, Mark Collie

Ji made a fast recovery. I visited him as many times as I could despite my schedule. After about a week, the doctors proclaimed him fit to come home. As a rule, the hospital had him undergo psychiatric evaluation but nothing conclusive came up.  He said he’ll just take a leave from work and stay with his parents.

I never got around to asking him why nor did his parents. He was making such good recovery, always in high spirits that his parents didn’t want to dampen it by reminding him why he landed in the hospital in the first place.

He seemed back to the old Jiyong I know. Seriously has he forgotten about what happened between us before?

On his last day while his parents cleared with his hospital bill, I dropped by his room and saw him standing looking out of the window seemingly in deep thought.

“You’re not thinking of jumping are you?” I tried to joke, which was very bad on my part.

“Of course not noona, that would hurt a lot and I don’t know if you’d be able to save me again.” He quipped.

“Then what were you thinking about?” I queried.

“That I don’t want to die, not right now anyway.” He said smiling, trying to kid around.

“Good thinking. By the way, I brought your stuff, the ones you had when you were brought here.” I said rather awkwardly.

“Oh thanks” he said as he checked his belongings.

“You’re welcome” I replied.

I guess my part here was done but I couldn’t seem to make myself move. I was undecided whether to step out or not. I wanted to prolong this moment with him but I don’t know how.

Before I knew it, the question that’s been bothering me slipped from my lips.

“Why do you still have that paper Ji?”

He seemed to ponder on the question before he answered me.

“It has been like a charm to me, I guess. Since you left, I always had this with me. It felt like a part of you stayed with me. Sounds crazy right?”

“Not really, I get what you mean. I don’t want to shatter the new found thing we have right now, but what happened Ji? You’re acting as if nothing bad ever happened between us. If my memory serves me right, you said we were never going to be friends again not until…”

Ji cut me before I could finish. “I know what I said and I’m sorry. I was very hurt then but later on I realized I had no right to lash at you nor hurt other girls just because I was mad at you.”

“Your mom told me you were a regular heartbreaker” I interjected.

“I’ve regretted that. When you’d return for the holidays, I felt ashamed to show my face to you again. I was much of a coward to apologize about the hurtful things I said back then. I didn’t know how to take them back. You didn’t ask me to fall for you. It was my entire fault.”

I felt sorry looking at Ji so down. “Don’t be hard on yourself Ji. It was my fault too for being hard on you. I had no right to belittle your feelings then. And I don’t blame you one bit for the things you said. It just hurt that’s all. I was so sure you were mad at me that I didn’t bother coming by your place when I come home. I was so sorry that our friendship suffered.”

There was an awkward pause as we thought about each other’s apologies.

“Could we start over?” Ji asked sincerely.

“I would very much like that” I replied smiling at him.

For a long time, my heart felt at peace once again. Not until Ji decided to open his mouth again.

“Dara noona, I’ve been meaning to ask this for a long time, but what exactly did you mean with your note?” Ji asked with a smirk on his face, looking intently at me with his brown eyes.

I flustered a little. Ji has come a long way up from being that young boy to a man who knows his way around ladies. I must be careful to not fall for his charms.

“It means exactly what it says.” I replied.

“Will you ever tell me?” he asked.

“Maybe in time” I replied cheekily.

He mulled this over and decided to let it go for now.

“How about you Ji? Would you tell me why you?” I started to ask.

“Tried to kill myself?” he finished. He turned his back to me, facing the window again looking far-off.

“I didn’t like myself anymore. I was tired of the same crap. Not having anything worth living for.”

“Have you told your parents about this?” I cautiously asked.

“No. and please don’t tell them noona. I don’t want to hurt them. I realize my mistake now and I’m actually glad to be alive” he replied.

“That’s good to hear Ji.”

“Actually it’s all thanks to you. I have a reason to live now.” He said turning around, his gaze now fixed on me.

I felt myself blush and I was uncomfortable once again. “You don’t have to go into extremes thanking me Ji. Anyway, I’m still on duty so I’ll go ahead.” I said as I hurried to escape, fully aware of the distressed beating of my heart.

It’s only been 3 days since Ji was released from the hospital but I was missing him already.

I was sitting by the nurse station, checking on the lab reports as they came in.

Suddenly, I received a text message.

Miss me? =)

Does he have ESP? I got to hand it to that kid. Lately, we’ve been exchanging text messages. And it was always a nice surprise to receive one from him.

You wish   I started to type but thought better.

If you say so =p

Not a minute later, I received another reply from him.

I miss you T T

I was smiling as I read his message, a warm tingling fills my heart. I was going to reply to him again when I suddenly had a nosebleed. I excused myself and went to the restroom.

I washed my face and put cold water on my nape. The bleeding stopped eventually. I looked up at the mirror and saw my pale face staring back at me. I noticed there were a few bruises on my arms.

"Oh God please no."