Love is stronger than death even though it can’t stop death from happening. But no matter how hard death tries, it can’t separate people from love. It can’t take away our memories either. In the end, life is stronger than death.

- Anonymous

It can’t be him, could it? 10 years has passed. I don’t recognize him anymore. I was 4 years older than him and I remembered him as the young boy whom I used to babysit, back at our old neighbourhood. He was always so playful and happy go lucky back then and he had really nice parents. I couldn’t think of a reason why he’d want to end his life.

As I inspected his wallet, I saw a folded piece of paper that was already very creased from the many times it seemed to have been folded and unfolded.

I was curious as I opened it up, why Ji was keeping it for so long.

And I remembered that day 10 years ago.

I was 18 when I got accepted into a straight program to study medicine in University. I will be moving to Seoul for my studies and I was doing my round of farewells to my friends.

My last stop would be at the Kwons to say goodbye to Jiyong. He has grown up to be a handsome young man and I’m sure someday he’ll be breaking hearts with his smile. But then, his parents raised him well and personally, I think I helped raised him well with me baby-sitting him before and with our tutorial lessons.

As I neared their house, I found him sitting by their gate.

“What are you doing there Ji?” I asked.

“I was waiting for you. I heard you were making your farewell rounds” he replied almost miserably.

“Why are you sad? Aren’t you happy that noona will make her dreams come true?” I said trying to cheer him up.

“I’m happy that your dreams will come true. But why do you have to move far away?” he asked me in a pleading tone.

“Because sometimes our dreams take us to places where we’ve never been before.” I said, trying to sound deep and wise.

In reality, I was scared of moving. But I know some dreams come at a price and if I wanted to be a doctor, then this is a sacrifice I must do.

“What about me? Am I included in your dreams?” he asked again. This time he looked straight into my eyes, and suddenly he was not just a little boy throwing tantrums anymore.

I don’t think I understood what he meant. I just looked at him confused. “What are you saying Ji?”

“I love you noona” he said as he held my hand and placed on my palm a thin gold necklace with a heart pendant.

“I can’t accept this Ji” I said.

“The necklace or my love?” he asked.

“Both” I said. ”You’re still too young. I’m not sure you understand what love is at your age. I don’t even understand it myself.”

“I may be younger than you noona, but I know what I feel. I love you” he said, more forcefully this time, stressing each word.

His next move caught me by surprise when he leaned in and kissed me.

My cheeks burned at the sudden intrusion of his lips. How he could do that to me. I was his noona! How did he come from being a cute dongsaeng to me to a boy confessing his love for me then stealing my first kiss!

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              “Why "Why would you do that! How could you love me? When did this start?” I asked finding the words to say how bewildered and curious I am, how someone as young as him could make such grand gestures.

“I don’t know myself. It’s your fault too noona. You’ve always been there. I don’t notice other girls besides you, even if the other girls at school try to get my attention. You’re all I see and think about.” He replied.

“This is crazy Ji. I’m letting this pass as just some childish blunder. You’re only fourteen.  Maybe you’re just confused.”  

“Why do you keep on insisting I am a kid? 4 years is not so long. I’ve known you almost since I could remember, and I have never known you to have fallen in love. Have you been in love noona? Have you? Because until you have, you don’t get to say anything about what I feel!” He shot back at me angrily.

“4 years is a long time Ji. Lots of things could happen between now and when you reach my age. Maybe by that time you would’ve forgotten about me and moved on to a different girl.” I said, trying to reason with him.

“Then wait for me. Say you’ll wait for me” he pleaded.

“Falling in love is a complicated business Ji. Your heart will break many times before you get it right. And even if we’re of the same age, falling in love is not my priority right now.” I said as firmly as I could, letting my meaning sink into him.

“You know what you said about hearts breaking? There goes number one.” he said looking pained.

“I’m sorry Ji. I’ll be leaving tomorrow. I was supposed to say goodbye and hope we’d keep in touch. I don’t want us to part like this” I said guiltily.

“You’ve already made your decision. You’ve rejected my love but please keep the necklace. It’s yours. Consider it as my farewell present” he said in a clipped tone.

I don’t want him like this. I pulled Ji into a hug. He was still 14 but he was almost as tall as me already. I hugged him for  being the cute dongsaeng I was leaving, for being the boy who confessed his love for  me, for being sorry that I rejected him and for all the reasons I could not think of right now. He hugged me back just as tight for a while before pushing me away.

“Could we still be friends?” I asked trying to hold on to the Jiyong I knew, although I knew things will never be the same again.

He laughed a little sarcastic laugh. “If you really still want to then let me break your heart, kill who you thought you were, tear your world into little pieces, ruin your dreams, then I’ll ask you if we can still be friends”

He threw me a look of pure contempt before he turned his back from me and entered their house. I was left on the pavement holding on to the heart necklace he gave me.

For the first time I cried for a boy, wondering how everything went horribly wrong. Have I made a mistake? Because seeing and hearing Ji like that, I felt my own heart break.

The next morning, we were all packed in the car ready to go. As we were leaving, my thoughts would not leave Ji. I was even awake the whole night thinking. We passed by their house and in a burst of panic I asked my father to stop the car. I got out with a pen and paper in hand and left him a note.

Maybe in time