That night inside Chanyeol’s father’s car, I lost my ity. I did not expect Chanyeol would be the one to claim it. The same thing happened for him. He let me claim his ity. I could not think of anything that night. My mind was full of the picture of him. How his eyes were filled with adoration the moment he took my clothes off one by one. How he closed his eyes before his lips landed on mine. How we caressed each other that night. I wished what we had would last forever!

But, everything will come to an end they say. When we were done, it hit me. He was my friend. I knew his family. How would I face him and his parents after that? Would he change? What if he thought that I was a ? I let him pull me to the back seat of his father’s car. I let him undress me. I did not show any rejection on whatever he did. I took part in that!

Alright, Baekhyun! Just surrender! He might not change the way he behaved around you. He could be in love with you. Why would he touch you if he did not have any feelings for you?

My brain told me to take a deep breath, raised my head, and faced him. But when I was preparing myself to do that, Chanyeol said, “I…uh…I’m sorry, Baek!”

Wait, what?! Did he say he was sorry? Did it mean he was not doing it because he felt something to me? Chanyeol was saying something but I did not hear it. I did not care anymore. I heard between the headache and felt of rejection and disgust of myself, that he said ‘thank you’. So, I looked at him. For a few seconds I showed everything I felt in my eyes. Then he looked surprised. I erased any single thing I felt then put on a fake smile.

“You’re welcome. Now, can you take me home?”

I did not feel well, especially with my stomach, for the last few days. I noticed that I threw up like five minutes after I had breakfast. Thank God my parents did not know that. Then, at school which followed by one night in the middle of the night! I cried because I knew something was happening. It had been one and a half week since I spent the time with Chanyeol that night.

“Please, God! Don’t tell me that I’m pregnant!”

I spent some times visiting the city library and book shop to check on the maternity section. I planned to make an excuse of wanting to be a doctor if anyone asked why a boy would be in maternity section. Silly!

One morning my mother caught me throwing up.

“Are you alright, Baekhyun?”

“No, Omma. I’m tired!”

“Maybe it’s because the final exam is coming! You must be stress! Don’t work too hard on yourself, okay?”

She then asked me to go to my room. She would tell my teacher that I was not feeling well.

The exam was done but not with the nausea! It made me skipped another day at school. It was the day they gave us our result. So, my mother went to school for me and when she came back, she said that Chanyeol asked her about me. I wanted to ignore that!

“You still look so sick. You’re going to the doctor today with me and you won’t say anything about that!” She added when she saw that I was going to decline.

I did not need the doctor to know that I was pregnant but I also needed to find out if I was really pregnant! And positive! I was three weeks pregnant!

I did not know how I was going to tell my parents. And Chanyeol! What should I do with him? What if he did not want to accept this? I was so quiet on my way back home with my mother and suddenly I remembered my Aunt Da Hae in Hong Kong. She kept asking when I would visit her there. She lived alone after her husband passed away when I was eleven.

“Omma, I want to continue my study in Hong Kong!”

My first night in Hong Kong. Alone in my room. I found out I was positively pregnant only a week before. I decided to leave Seoul also on the same day. I cried a lot that night after I found out from my father that Chanyeol would be leaving on the following day. He wanted to join the Navy. That was what his father ever wanted. His son joined the military. It was Chanyeol’s dream to join the Navy. I cried and did not know what to do. Should I tell him and ask him to stay or should I let him go without knowing the truth?

The next day after I called my aunt about my plan, I went to Chanyeol’s house. I still did not know what I would say when we met. I thought I would get an idea while walking. One block away from his house, I saw a mini market. I decided to stop by and bought something for Chanyeol’s parents. I did not know that an old Mazda passed in front of the mini market a few seconds after I stepped inside!

I smiled a little to know what I had inside the bag. Chanyeol’s mother once told me that she loved ice cream so I bought some for the whole family. The gate to his house was not locked. I pushed it opened then realized that the house was too quiet. My confidence shrank a bit though I kept walking to the front door. I knocked a few times but nobody opened the door. I knocked again and sat on a chair in the terrace for five minutes before a lady, who was passing by, stopped.

“Are you waiting for someone, Child?”

“Yes, I wish to see Chanyeol!”

“They already left a moment ago! His parents took him to the Navy base!”

I always cried every night ever since that day. I blamed myself for acting so foolishly! Why did I let Chanyeol seduced me that night? Why didn’t I stop him? Why was I too proud of myself and said that I didn’t need him when the fact was the opposite?

I knew that my aunt sensed there was something wrong with me but I was grateful because she did not bother me with any questions.

One day she took me to have lunch at her favorite restaurant in Hong Kong but as soon as I smelled the food, I wanted to throw up. I asked her to order any food for me before rushing to the bathroom. I put my hand on my stomach. I felt sorry for my baby to have such a father like me!

“Are you okay, Baekhyun Darling? You were in the bathroom for 20 minutes! Do you need a doctor?”

“Aunt Da Hae! It’s time to be honest with you! I’m pregnant!”

She could not believe it. Even I could not believe what happened to me! But she did not blame me or send me back to my parents. I thought she would call me a or som