Terror

Personal Sunshine
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Hyunggu.

 

It was Hyunggu when my vision finally decided to fully focus. So I nodded yes and a smile crossed his face before he turned off the light.

 

I don't even remember falling asleep but I was woken up by Hyunggu calling out my name twelve million times just to wake up. I soon as I exited my room every one avoided eye contact with me. So wandered over to the bathroom and did my business. After doing so I washed my hands, I grabbed face cloth to wash my face with. I looked into the mirror my mouth dropped at the sight of black marker in a mustache, sideburns and a giant unibrow.

 

“Who's the artist behind this master piece” I questioned poking my head out if the bathroom and everyone let out the laughter they held in when I came out of my room. No wonder they didn't want to have any eye contact with me.

 

“You've become more handsome overnight” Shinwon blurted out “but still not as good looking as me” as sinister smile appeared from ear to ear.

 

“Hwi hyung you wouldn't wake up no matter what so I got my revenge”

 

 

I let out a yawn that lasted longer than it should have. I guess I was still a little exhausted from the day before. I just hope that Hyojong isn't as upset with me anymore. Changgu was right in the end by me avoiding him. The reality sunk in that I'm a coward. Facing Hyojong is quite strenuous because he's my best friend and if he finds out about my feelings for him, the amount of possibilities of what could go wrong terrifies me. Over the last month I’ve had nightmares every night consistently without fail. When Hyunggu slept in my bed last night I didn't end up having one for first time. For once I feel refreshed and ready for anything.

 

“Our manager is here!” Hyunggu hollered from the entrance.

 

I booked it to my room and  rushed to put a pair pants of on. With barely anytime to put on a shirt so I skipped that step and slid a sweater on. Hyojong stood at the door of my room watching me frantically look for a belt.

 

“You know he was only joking” he said emphatically looking in and out of the room.

 

“That kid, I swear” I said as I let out an angry sigh picking up the belt I was searching for.

 

Hyojong sauntered over to me with one hand on his face and batted his eyes at me. Well christ my heart was really not prepared for this yet. All I could do in the moment was divert my eyes.

 

“Yes” I questioned quietly, slipping the belt into each of the pant holes.

 

Then he made a small noise as he bent down under me looking up to catch my gaze and made the sound once again. I couldn't help but turn a shade of red and jump back to protect myself because his face got a little too close for my heart to handle. Due to his actions my heart was about to explode.

 

“Do you have candy?”  he said exceptionally cute and I pointed to the second drawer on my nightstand. Thus he skipped right on over to look through my stash.

 

“Whoa” he expressed loudly “can I have this as well?”  catching my attention I peered over. My heart sank to the bottom of my stomach when I saw what he was holding.

 

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lettylederp
Hello everyone, I have a new huidawn fic. If you'd like to check it out its called Summer Storm.

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LoveKpopPortugal_14 #1
Chapter 9: This story was great!!! I love it
LoveKpopPortugal_14 #2
Chapter 8: Omg so cuteeeee!!
LoveKpopPortugal_14 #3
Chapter 2: I love ur writing authornim ♥
kevinwoodrunk #4
Chapter 9: Omg >.< Please update, Huidawn is a ship that needs so much more love!
secretlurve
#5
Chapter 9: Aww, this is so cute. Edawn is so cute. Everyone is happy. Is the story already finished?

Anyway.

Your writing is a bit stiff. Or awkward. How do we call it? Like, there are some parts which are not exactly clear in the way you describe it. It's not that they can't be understand, but eh. I think it's the lack of emotion play part in this.

Ex: There he was standing there with the cutest look on his face. Slowly he made his final steps to remove my hands from my face.

(I wrote back this snippet from this chapter)

I would like to know what kind of cute face Edawn is making. Is the lazily pulled smile on his sleepy face made him look cute? Or does he smile widely in a way Hui never see that it just tug his heart? And how about Hui himself? What is his reaction? Perhaps his face reddened and he leaned down to conceal more of his blush.

I won't say you are bad though. You are getting better by each chapter and I think you should just continue what you do. Because the newer chapters are slowly becoming smoother in the sense of sentences writing.

And make sure to have punctuation marks in your dialogues. You tend to leave them. :)

This story has a light conflict, in which these boys has the problem to confess to their crushes. Understandable, and while I have read a few of this type of fics before, I have to say that I like these kind of fic, because, you know. The light angst and partial fluff is just making me want to read more, although I know how it will end.

And that is always because of the characterization, I think. There aren't big characters development going around, but something is changing, and that's enough to be a good story.

You will grow more in writing, and you are doing good already. :)
heavell_
#6
Chapter 9: hello there!! just wanted to say that this is really good so far!!
i hope you plan on continuing this~
NCTRASHP #7
Chapter 9: Update soon auhornim, Craving for more HuiDawn (╯з╰)
NCTRASHP #8
Chapter 7: I like savage Hyojong actually ahhahaha Hope that Changgu confess already so that my ships are already on point hahahaha
NCTRASHP #9
Chapter 6: Darn Hwi hahahaha Finally Hyojong knows it, don't ever hurt your Hwi please oh and Yanan your still a baby XD
NCTRASHP #10
Chapter 3: Hahahah i'm basically laughing fof HongMom hahahaa