Conundrum

Personal Sunshine
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     I glanced over to the direction of my door, wondering how long it has been since they left. I decided to slapped my mouth until it started to sting. I felt pathetic, I practically confessed my up most inner feelings for him and he thought it was lyrics. What a joke. Ugh. My eyes flickered over to my phone which lit up. I went to grab it but my fingertips barely touched it. I let out a little grunt while rolling over. Once I held it in my hands, I removed it from it's charger. As I the screen, I winced from the brightness of it and I turned it down to a low setting as my vision refocused. I saw I text from Changgu

 

     /You up?/ I read and looked at the time in the corner of the screen.

 

     1:18am. I let out a huge sigh and was hesitant  to reply to him.

 

     /Yeah unfortunately/ I replied and within seconds I got a reply back.

 

     /Wanna meet up at Jinho and Hongseok’s spot?/ Ughhhh, that requires movement. It's normally me bothering him.

 

     /Sure/ I sent back since it's got to be important since he rarely asks to meet up.

 

     I my phones flashlight and looked around my room for the pair of pants that I wore earlier today. Since it makes no sense by putting on a clean pair and making that pair dirty for such a small amount of time. I peeked out my door and quickly made my way out of the dorm. Once I was out of the building, I booked it to the usual spot. A park at the halfway point between both of our dorms. I was the first one there, so I decided to play on the swings. Shortly after Changgu showed up and joined me on the swings in silence. We swung for a bit, each of us drowning in our thoughts. As he slowed down his pace and as he came to a complete stop, he breathed in heavily.

 

     “Yeah so” Changgu said breaking the silence between the both of us. “I was thinking of not telling you about this but I sort of ran away just now”

 

     “What happened?” I asked curiously and tried to stop my swing while it was in mid air. I don't recommend since you may nearly fall off the swing and you could have your whole life flash before you.

 

     “Story time, I was being playful and then Yanan kissed me” he said quickly as he kicked the rocks on the ground.

 

     “He what!?” I expressed loudly getting up out of the swing. By Changgu’s expression when he looked up at me, one could tell that he wasn't joking around about it.

 

     “Yeah so that happened” He continued as he looked back to his feet “Wooseok interrupted by wanting some food and Yanan being the disney prince he is offered to make it” Changgu threw his head back looking up at the night sky.

 

    “I confessed to Hyojong and he thought it was song lyrics” I stated coldly inhaling and as I sat back down on the swing then I exhaled.

 

     “Yanan said he wanted to continue talking when he was finished, I hid in the bathroom and when I had a chance… I ran away” He further noted.

 

     “Changgu” I called out his name looking over in his direction.

 

     “I don't know what I'm supposed to do after something like this” He wailed as he stood up out of the swing and started to throw his hands up in the air. He grab

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lettylederp
Hello everyone, I have a new huidawn fic. If you'd like to check it out its called Summer Storm.

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LoveKpopPortugal_14 #1
Chapter 9: This story was great!!! I love it
LoveKpopPortugal_14 #2
Chapter 8: Omg so cuteeeee!!
LoveKpopPortugal_14 #3
Chapter 2: I love ur writing authornim ♥
kevinwoodrunk #4
Chapter 9: Omg >.< Please update, Huidawn is a ship that needs so much more love!
secretlurve
#5
Chapter 9: Aww, this is so cute. Edawn is so cute. Everyone is happy. Is the story already finished?

Anyway.

Your writing is a bit stiff. Or awkward. How do we call it? Like, there are some parts which are not exactly clear in the way you describe it. It's not that they can't be understand, but eh. I think it's the lack of emotion play part in this.

Ex: There he was standing there with the cutest look on his face. Slowly he made his final steps to remove my hands from my face.

(I wrote back this snippet from this chapter)

I would like to know what kind of cute face Edawn is making. Is the lazily pulled smile on his sleepy face made him look cute? Or does he smile widely in a way Hui never see that it just tug his heart? And how about Hui himself? What is his reaction? Perhaps his face reddened and he leaned down to conceal more of his blush.

I won't say you are bad though. You are getting better by each chapter and I think you should just continue what you do. Because the newer chapters are slowly becoming smoother in the sense of sentences writing.

And make sure to have punctuation marks in your dialogues. You tend to leave them. :)

This story has a light conflict, in which these boys has the problem to confess to their crushes. Understandable, and while I have read a few of this type of fics before, I have to say that I like these kind of fic, because, you know. The light angst and partial fluff is just making me want to read more, although I know how it will end.

And that is always because of the characterization, I think. There aren't big characters development going around, but something is changing, and that's enough to be a good story.

You will grow more in writing, and you are doing good already. :)
heavell_
#6
Chapter 9: hello there!! just wanted to say that this is really good so far!!
i hope you plan on continuing this~
NCTRASHP #7
Chapter 9: Update soon auhornim, Craving for more HuiDawn (╯з╰)
NCTRASHP #8
Chapter 7: I like savage Hyojong actually ahhahaha Hope that Changgu confess already so that my ships are already on point hahahaha
NCTRASHP #9
Chapter 6: Darn Hwi hahahaha Finally Hyojong knows it, don't ever hurt your Hwi please oh and Yanan your still a baby XD
NCTRASHP #10
Chapter 3: Hahahah i'm basically laughing fof HongMom hahahaa