Side Story: Speechless

Personal Sunshine
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     The moment Hyojong dragged away Hwitaek. I kind of just stood there wondering why he gave me that dirty look. Is he really that jealous of me? Damn. I slowly made my way back to the dorm because I really didn't want to face Yanan yet. My butterflies were trying to escape and I felt like if I saw him before they calmed down I would say something dangerous. I can't be any more pathetic than I already am. Considering that I did run away from him. Yanan was probably hurt when he couldn't find me around the dorm when he was finished.

 

     As I dragged my to the front of the dorm. I couldn't help but hesitate when walking through the entrance of the building. After Yanan kiss me it felt as if my mental state went to complete mush. As I tripped up the stairs because the elevator was broken currently. I held my breath in surprise and darted back down all the flights of stairs I had just walked up. Almost collapsing to the ground as they made it outside. Yanan was waiting for me in the front over dorham and my legs kind of just happened to move on their own.

 

     Now here I stood awkwardly panicking in front of the entrance looking around for a place to escape to. When suddenly I felt a weight on my shoulder. Breathing heavily, I slowly turned around. Yanan didn't seem too impressed with my actions just now, he grimaced letting out a sigh. The look he gave stung my heart like a wasp sting. I then soon trail behind him back up the staircase, which this time seemed as if it was a continuous cycle and I felt like I kept stepping on the same step, not making any progress. I looked up and examined Yanan who was only a few steps ahead of me. I was focused on his back the whole way up, finally reaching our floor in a deafening silence. Before he could open the stairway door. I latched on to his hand that was the closest to me and bit my lip as I blocked the exit. My heart started racing as his sour expression disappeared. I wanted to say something because it looked like he was expecting an answer or a question from me.

 

     “Yanan” I spoke gently while keeping my eyes locked onto him. He raised his hands and shook them profusely.

 

     “You can hate me all you want but I want you to know that,” he said inhaling “when I kissed you earlier, I kissed you because I wanted to” he went on so fast that I could just barely understand what he was saying.

 

     I let out a small giggle of skepticism before laughing hysterically. His handsome face looked so worried over the fact that I was in a fit of laughter.

 

     “Sorry are you playing some sort of sick joke on me?” I questioned as I slid down the exit door looking up at him.

 

     “I’m not” He argued crouching down and I couldn’t help but cover my face with my hands in some sort of self defence.

 

     “What I’m trying to say Changgu is that, I like you in a way that’s more than a friend” He finished off in a lower tone this time while trying to pry my hands away from my face.

 

     I bitterly grit my teeth as he held my hands, I used his own force against him. I pushed back and he fell to his back side.

 

     “Yanan” I called out nervously and since it was mostly quiet in the stairwell so his name echoed.

 

     He started to tear up and by that my heart skipped a beat or two at the sight of him. Realizing after that once again my body had moved on it's own, I tackl

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lettylederp
Hello everyone, I have a new huidawn fic. If you'd like to check it out its called Summer Storm.

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LoveKpopPortugal_14 #1
Chapter 9: This story was great!!! I love it
LoveKpopPortugal_14 #2
Chapter 8: Omg so cuteeeee!!
LoveKpopPortugal_14 #3
Chapter 2: I love ur writing authornim ♥
kevinwoodrunk #4
Chapter 9: Omg >.< Please update, Huidawn is a ship that needs so much more love!
secretlurve
#5
Chapter 9: Aww, this is so cute. Edawn is so cute. Everyone is happy. Is the story already finished?

Anyway.

Your writing is a bit stiff. Or awkward. How do we call it? Like, there are some parts which are not exactly clear in the way you describe it. It's not that they can't be understand, but eh. I think it's the lack of emotion play part in this.

Ex: There he was standing there with the cutest look on his face. Slowly he made his final steps to remove my hands from my face.

(I wrote back this snippet from this chapter)

I would like to know what kind of cute face Edawn is making. Is the lazily pulled smile on his sleepy face made him look cute? Or does he smile widely in a way Hui never see that it just tug his heart? And how about Hui himself? What is his reaction? Perhaps his face reddened and he leaned down to conceal more of his blush.

I won't say you are bad though. You are getting better by each chapter and I think you should just continue what you do. Because the newer chapters are slowly becoming smoother in the sense of sentences writing.

And make sure to have punctuation marks in your dialogues. You tend to leave them. :)

This story has a light conflict, in which these boys has the problem to confess to their crushes. Understandable, and while I have read a few of this type of fics before, I have to say that I like these kind of fic, because, you know. The light angst and partial fluff is just making me want to read more, although I know how it will end.

And that is always because of the characterization, I think. There aren't big characters development going around, but something is changing, and that's enough to be a good story.

You will grow more in writing, and you are doing good already. :)
heavell_
#6
Chapter 9: hello there!! just wanted to say that this is really good so far!!
i hope you plan on continuing this~
NCTRASHP #7
Chapter 9: Update soon auhornim, Craving for more HuiDawn (╯з╰)
NCTRASHP #8
Chapter 7: I like savage Hyojong actually ahhahaha Hope that Changgu confess already so that my ships are already on point hahahaha
NCTRASHP #9
Chapter 6: Darn Hwi hahahaha Finally Hyojong knows it, don't ever hurt your Hwi please oh and Yanan your still a baby XD
NCTRASHP #10
Chapter 3: Hahahah i'm basically laughing fof HongMom hahahaa