Dissatisfaction

Personal Sunshine
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Our conversation over my particular issue didn't last long at all. To sum it up Changgu basically told me, that I'm a huge baby that has a wild imagination and that I need to stop thinking about the negatives. Ughhhhh. I slouched in my seat rereading over the unanswered text.

 

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I don't even know how I ended up falling asleep since I wasn't that tired to begin with. I woke up to Hyojong screaming about something and I could barely tell what he was trying to say between the random sounds he was making and the high-pitched over-the-top screaming. Sometimes I wonder how in the world did I wake up in the morning one day and recognize that I'm traveling down a one-sided street. Love isn't all perfect like something out of a fairy tale. Loving someone from a distance creates this barrier around yourself trying to keep yourself from getting hurt all the time. The whole process at first makes your mind a giant mess but after sorting through the mess it becomes less of a mess and more of an organized mess. My attention was grabbed by Hyunggu throwing a piece of garbage from the front of our van to the back aiming it at Shinwon. As I watched the two bicker, my right eye to water slightly as I yawned. I made myself into a perfect target. Hyojong decided to stick his finger in my mouth, since I was in the process of yawning. I chomped down as that would be anyone's reaction to someone doing that in the first place. I then playfully slapped his hand away and he smiled like the idiot that he tends to be.

 

Shortly after we arrived to our destination and met up with the other members. The bunch of us stretched in the parking lot. When Hyojong usually stretches, he tends to let out a little noise that makes him sound like a cat. When I went to listen for it, I heard my name being called in the other direction. And there Changgu was waving at me eagerly. I looked back to Hyojong, whose face was in pure bliss because I guess he felt better after stretching after the long ride car ride. Annoyed with Changgu’s existence I then walked over to him clinging onto Yanan’s arm.

 

“How was the drive?” Yanan asked politely.

 

“Yeah how was it?” Changgu playfully remarked and I imagined strangling him.

 

“It was tolerable” I said scratching my chest and cracking my neck to the left.

 

Yanan walker ahead of us when the manager called us over. Changgu grabbed onto my hand pulling me in.

 

“What happened yesterday after you ran over Hyojong?” he questioned with his eyes almost popping out of his head.

 

“He got mad because he thought I was replacing him with you as a best friend” Changgu slapped my shoulder with his free hand.

 

“So he's jealous of me?” Changgu said with a huge smile across his face and I rolled my eyes away from him.

 

Just then Hyojong sauntered over to Changgu and I. You can tell he wanted to say something because the corner of his lip was raised. Then he just proceeded to glare at Changgu without saying anything for a few moments then he ran off.

 

“What was that” I mumbled and Changgu let go of my hand and walked backwards in front of me.
    

“Jealousy” Changgu said waving his hands in front of my face, adding a slight touch of spirit fingers to emphasize what he had just said.

 

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lettylederp
Hello everyone, I have a new huidawn fic. If you'd like to check it out its called Summer Storm.

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LoveKpopPortugal_14 #1
Chapter 9: This story was great!!! I love it
LoveKpopPortugal_14 #2
Chapter 8: Omg so cuteeeee!!
LoveKpopPortugal_14 #3
Chapter 2: I love ur writing authornim ♥
kevinwoodrunk #4
Chapter 9: Omg >.< Please update, Huidawn is a ship that needs so much more love!
secretlurve
#5
Chapter 9: Aww, this is so cute. Edawn is so cute. Everyone is happy. Is the story already finished?

Anyway.

Your writing is a bit stiff. Or awkward. How do we call it? Like, there are some parts which are not exactly clear in the way you describe it. It's not that they can't be understand, but eh. I think it's the lack of emotion play part in this.

Ex: There he was standing there with the cutest look on his face. Slowly he made his final steps to remove my hands from my face.

(I wrote back this snippet from this chapter)

I would like to know what kind of cute face Edawn is making. Is the lazily pulled smile on his sleepy face made him look cute? Or does he smile widely in a way Hui never see that it just tug his heart? And how about Hui himself? What is his reaction? Perhaps his face reddened and he leaned down to conceal more of his blush.

I won't say you are bad though. You are getting better by each chapter and I think you should just continue what you do. Because the newer chapters are slowly becoming smoother in the sense of sentences writing.

And make sure to have punctuation marks in your dialogues. You tend to leave them. :)

This story has a light conflict, in which these boys has the problem to confess to their crushes. Understandable, and while I have read a few of this type of fics before, I have to say that I like these kind of fic, because, you know. The light angst and partial fluff is just making me want to read more, although I know how it will end.

And that is always because of the characterization, I think. There aren't big characters development going around, but something is changing, and that's enough to be a good story.

You will grow more in writing, and you are doing good already. :)
heavell_
#6
Chapter 9: hello there!! just wanted to say that this is really good so far!!
i hope you plan on continuing this~
NCTRASHP #7
Chapter 9: Update soon auhornim, Craving for more HuiDawn (╯з╰)
NCTRASHP #8
Chapter 7: I like savage Hyojong actually ahhahaha Hope that Changgu confess already so that my ships are already on point hahahaha
NCTRASHP #9
Chapter 6: Darn Hwi hahahaha Finally Hyojong knows it, don't ever hurt your Hwi please oh and Yanan your still a baby XD
NCTRASHP #10
Chapter 3: Hahahah i'm basically laughing fof HongMom hahahaa