Kang Seulgi rarely ever gave Joohyun cause for heartache.

          There was just something about the girl that emanated a warm, soft aura. It made her insides feel fuzzy. Something that always comforted her.  

Being with her made Joohyun feel good.

Everything about her made Joohyun feel better.

          Yet, she did not know what to feel when she rushes out into the cold night air, after having heard the urgent call of teachers, saying that there was some “God damn student” playing stunts.

          She never saw the teachers look as agitated and worried as during that one time someone accidentally set fire to one of the classrooms a few years ago, so she follows short.

          Joohyun knows it is all over the moment she steps out.

          The night is quiet and chillingly cold. Students mill all over the grounds, pointing up at the sky. Unusual given that the fireworks show is over (the silence giving its answer). She wonders why no one has gone home yet, and she too, looks up at the star-dusted sky.

          Joohyun scans for a fire, or an accident of some sort. Seeing none, she decides to follow the teachers, who are plowing their way across the sea of pupils.

          She spots Bogum, flanked by a couple other Council members coming down the steps of the make-shift observatory.

          Her brows furrow.

          Her confusion grows even more when she hears what the people are saying, their excited murmurs and whispers.

          “That was so cute!”

          “I wish someone would do that to me. Sunbaenim is so lucky!”

          She catches two students, freshmen by the looks of them, giggle excitedly to each other. It adds to her bewilderment.

          Then, she hears Seulgi’s name going around.

          Seulgi.

          Joohyun surges forward, doubling her speed. Her agitation increases when she realizes where the teachers are headed.

          To the building where the fireworks are — were — stored.

          A crowd is gathered in front of the entrance, and it takes all of Joohyun not to push her way into it. She settles for politely excusing herself. She wouldn’t know what to do if something happened to Seulgi.

          Someone grabs her shoulder.

          Joohyun turns around, about to hiss out profanities, when she sees who it is. Seungwan.

          “Unnie.”

          “Seungwan-ah,” Joohyun breathes out rapidly. “What is going on — what happened — is Seulgi okay? — who —“

          Seungwan reaches out a hand to steady her, and that is when Joohyun realizes her state of panic. She breathes in, ready to restate her gibberish.

          “Something happened during the fireworks display,” Seungwan says cautiously. Joohyun cusses out loud when she hears this. She should have made plans to up the security, or at least a suggestion. If Seulgi got hurt, it would be all her fault.

          She curses herself for choosing to stay inside. Her aversion to noise be damned.

          “Unnie, calm down,” Seungwan says soothingly, not that it helped much. Not until Joohyun could see Seulgi. “No one got hurt.”

          “But, what happened?”

          Seungwan shakes her head helplessly, but she takes Joohyun’s hand in hers, knowing that physical contact would serve to help the elder calm down.

          It helps a little.

          “I don’t quite know, but let’s see.”

--

          When Joohyun finds out that this person, this guy, this Jongin confesses to Seulgi, she doesn’t have the heart to be livid.

          Not when his posture of innocent penitence is apparent for his stunt. His admiration for her is obvious.

          Joohyun knows it isn’t fair for her to be mad at him. Everyone has feelings. She didn’t have the right to stop him from expressing it, something Joohyun wishes she has done long before.

          If anything she feels frustration.

          Frustration when she finds out that Seulgi accepted.

          Frustration that she won’t ever tell.

          Her relief of seeing Seulgi safe is replaced by something else. A feeling that swallows her up whole, that causes her stomach to sink, and her to stop breathing when she confirms that Seulgi had accepted his invitation. To be on a date.

          If anything, Joohyun thinks she is mad at herself.

          Her hand goes slack in Seungwan’s palm.

          Kang Seulgi rarely ever gave her cause for heartache.

          Joohyun hates it whenever she does.

--

          Joohyun sulks for the whole weekend, and the day after.

          Her parents try to ask her what is wrong, but she just shrugs and says that school is getting to her. She does her homework and tries not to think of a certain someone who may be having a much better weekend than her.

          No.

          Make that a certain couple.

          She tries hard to ignore Seulgi the whole time, but to no avail. In the afternoon, she sees Seulgi on her way home, and Seulgi sees her. The younger has her arms linked around Soojung, a common friend of theirs.

          “Baechu!”

          “Joohyun-unnie,” Soojung acknowledges her with a smile. Joohyun could very well go off on her own way, but Seulgi quickly looks left and right across the otherwise empty street, and crosses the road with Soojung.

          It is hard enough for Joohyun to ignore the swirl of rumors revolving around Seulgi and Jongin at school, it is even harder now that Seulgi is standing in front of her.

          “Hey.”

          Joohyun forces out a greeting. She plasters on a smile.

          “You didn’t tell me you’d be going home early.”

          “You didn’t tell me you’d be going home early,” Joohyun shoots back. She does not mean it to come harsh, but it does. Thankfully, Seulgi doesn’t think much of it, and instead smiles brightly at her.

          Smiles like she always does.

          The thought that perhaps, she may not be the only one who Seulgi treats like this shoots through her.

          She wants to be left alone, but she takes the arm Seulgi offers, mainly because Soojung is there. She doesn’t want to let anyone in on what she feels.

          Especially Seulgi.

          “Most clubs are closed for winter break; it was in the announcements.” Seulgi leans closer to Joohyun, teasing, “Or did you forget already, grandma?” Joohyun doesn’t respond, even if Soojung gives a quiet giggle.

          Together, the three of them continue walking.

          Joohyun focuses on the road ahead.

          She is tired.

          Sensing something is wrong, Seulgi’s smile falters, and she settles for holding Joohyun’s arm close. Silence encompasses them.

          “Unnie.” Joohyun knows Soojung can feel the underlying tension, and she knows that she is just trying to lighten the mood, but if anything, she feels worse at the words she says next.

          “We were just talking about Seulgi’s new guy.”

          Joohyun feels Seulgi nudge Soojung with her shoulder.

          Her stomach, along with her heart, drops. Her chest warms, boiling and swirling with a sea of emotions.

          “Yah! What are you saying?”

          Joohyun dares not look at Seulgi. She fears for the reaction she’d see on her face.

          Seulgi turns to Joohyun. “It isn’t like that, Joohyun-unnie. I was apologizing to Krystal,” she glares at Soojung, making use of her English name, “about what happened last week.”

          “Why were you apologizing?” she finally looks at her, with furrowed brows.

            It is Seulgi’s turn to smile triumphantly, and she evades the hand Soojung tries to clamp over .

          “You see, it turns out that our dear Soojung here,” Seulgi yelps as Soojung pinches her, nevertheless she continues,” has history with Jongin.”

          Joohyun’s eyes widen.

          “I-it was in middle school! It wasn’t anything serious!”

          “Still!”

          They reach the bus stop, momentarily halting their conversation to board the bus. This time, Joohyun feels light-headed, and dare she say, hopeful.

          “Then,” Joohyun finally speaks up,” why did you go out with him?”

          “Ah,” they take their seats, and Seulgi adjusts her bags for a while.

          “I couldn’t very well humiliate him in front of the whole school, could I? Not after the effort he went through.”

          Butterflies bloom in Joohyun’s stomach, and the dread that weighs down on her feels like it is gone – vanished.

          Joohyun wants to laugh, and jump, and shout in joy.

          “Besides,” Seulgi grimaces, “I don’t want to date any of my friends’ exes.”

          “I said, we weren’t even –“ Soojung begins her rant, and Seulgi lets out a bark of laughter. It is amusing to see the girl’s usually calm and composed demeanor break.

          The banter went on for a while.

          Joohyun finally smiles.

--

          Joohyun wonders if she might, just slightly, be a bit bipolar.

          Seulgi is leaning on Joohyun’s shoulder, eyes closed, but very much awake. Joohyun taps her phone rhythmically, playing a game. It helps keep her mind off of things.

          When she loses, she puts the phone on her lap, and tries to relax.

          Soojung leaves on her stop, bidding the two goodbye.

          When she leaves, Seulgi breathes out.

          “Are you okay?”

          Joohyun doesn’t say anything. She watches Seulgi’s hand absent-mindedly curling around the strap of her phone. The soft movements on her thigh making her feel warm and funny.

          “I haven’t seen you for the whole day.”

          I’ve been avoiding you.

          Joohyun feels so comfortable, and Seulgi’s voice sounds so vulnerable, that it gives her courage to voice out the question that’s been nagging her for the whole day.

          She asks Seulgi what she did, what they did, on their date.

          Seulgi laughs.

          “It wasn’t anything. We went to the mall, strolled around, talked, ate, then he confessed to me.” Seulgi lets out a shrug. “It’ll be awkward when I see him in the dance club now.”

          Joohyun straightens up. Seulgi lets out a groan of discomfort, and she sits up too.

          “Confessed!?”

          “Um, well, he told me he liked me.”

          “And what did you say?”

          At that Seulgi stutters, and she frantically looks everywhere, and anywhere.

          “I-I told him that I can’t. You know,” she glances around, “like him back.”

          She senses there is more to it than just being friends with Soojung, so she scoffs in disbelief when Seulgi tells her just that. She pulls completely away from the younger girl, and fixes her with a glare she can’t deny.

          Seulgi caves in.

          Seulgi fiddles with her fingers, and tries to hide her face with her hair, an endearing habit that Joohyun would normally find adorable, irritates her now.

          “Unnie, don’t pry.”

          Joohyun assures her she won’t.

          And then Seulgi gives her a look, of hesitation, of something that speaks out of hidden secrets from within those dark eyes of hers.

          “It’s just—“ she pauses, then shakes her head. She breathes in long and hard, as if doing it would give her courage.

          It does.

          “I-I th-think I like someone.”

          Joohyun hopes she is lying.

          But when she takes in Seulgi’s flushed face, and quivering hands.

          She knows she isn’t.

--

          Joohyun contains herself well.

          She watches Seulgi bid her goodbye, and leaves the bus. She plugs in her earphones, and sets it on shuffle.

          Two songs from Seulgi’s stop, her hand visibly shake.

          Three songs in, her forehead starts to knot.

          Four songs and something wet and small drops from the tip of her nose and down to her phone.

          Five songs and she’s home.

          She walks out of the bus, and down the path home, maintaining an image of control. She in a breath, to stop the whimpers from coming.

          Don’t cry.

          Don’t.

          Joohyun clamps a hand over .

          She doesn’t understand why would she be crying. Perhaps it is the stress, the conflict she has been feeling over the past few days getting to her.

          Who was she think that Seulgi wouldn’t have feelings?

          That it would come to this day, that she would actually like someone.

          Seulgi has always been the nice, normal girl that everyone liked. She is popular. She isn’t like that, Joohyun knows.

          She doesn’t catch feelings for people she shouldn’t have.

          Like everything else, she is far from what Joohyun is.

          She knows that.

          But despite the knowledge of it all, the sobs still come when she reaches home.

--

          Seulgi rarely ever gave her cause for heartache.

          Seulgi never gave her cause for heartbreak.

          And when she did, it is a horrible feeling of numbness, and emptiness.