A/N: look i was just having a lot of feels about jihyo going through so much and twice blowing up and what it'd be like to have that as your daily life. i'm soft for mihyo.

also, this is the first thing i've finished in six months even though i have like 8 separate things started. i don't have a beta and it's one in the morning so forgive me for the errors.

title taken from pristin's "we" (which is so apt for my feelings)

kudos and comments appreciated as always. thanks my dudes

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Mina was sprawled out on Jihyo’s bed, head hanging upside down off the bed, watching the other girl as she got ready for the day. It definitely wasn’t out of laziness she was still there, she was just waiting for her turn in the bathroom. That was totally the reason. She definitely didn’t want to keep an eye on their leader and make sure she didn’t push herself too hard. Jihyo, being Jihyo, felt the need to keep up appearances even around the members, not letting any of her pain show through. She could have pain shooting up her leg and reverberating in her knee, barely being able to walk, and she wouldn’t say a thing; she’d only grimace when she thought no one was looking.

Mina didn’t know how she dealt with it all. There was enough pressure just being in such a popular group but to be the leader? She couldn’t fathom the amount of stress Jihyo was subject to daily which led her to doing her own share of contemplation. What life would be like if she weren’t an idol, if she hadn’t left everything behind in Japan to come and train in Korea?

It felt almost like a betrayal; to her bandmates who work so hard and the fans who shower them with so much love but She found herself wishing more and more frequently that she could just have a normal life and be able to do the things girls their age should. As much as she didn’t want to burden her leader, Mina didn’t think anyone else would be able to understand the way Jihyo would and so the question slipped out before she could stop it.

“Do you ever regret becoming a trainee?”

Jihyo threw a perplexed glance her way. “Would I have stuck with it for so long if I did?” She turned her attention back to the mirror and Mina stifled a giggle as Jihyo contorted her face as she applied her eyeliner.

“Maybe that’s not the right question,” Mina rolled over, tucking her arms beneath her chin. “Do you regret giving up your freedom?”

Jihyo froze mid-application. Silence hung in the air and for a moment, Mina thought she may have crossed a line but then Jihyo spoke, in a quiet yet firm voice. “Do I miss being able to walk to the convenience store by myself? Do I miss being able to meet up with friends and not have to worry about who might be watching? Do I wonder about everything I’ve missed out on or what could have been because I chose to be a trainee? Of course I do but I didn’t stick it out for ten years to end up regretting anything. I wouldn’t have you all. I wouldn’t be able to meet fans from across the world. I wouldn’t be able to do what I love. Sure, there are days where I’m exhausted, mentally and physically, and I wish so badly that all I could do was lie in bed and not have to face the world. We all have that. But at the end of the day, it’s worth it.”

The end of the statement was punctuated by her capping her eyeliner before she turned back around to face Mina. “What are you thinking about?”

Sitting up, Mina refused to meet Jihyo’s gaze, not appreciating the way her eyes had suddenly begun to burn or the lump appearing in . Hearing her leader speak like, with such determination and passion only made her feel worse. Mina wanted to reassure her, tell her that she’s fine and she is the last thing Jihyo needs to be worrying about but as soon as she looks back to that look that is so full of compassion, concern, and love, she knows she can’t lie.

And so it all spills out, everything Mina has held in for the last eight months.

“I’ve been wishing so much lately that I could be normal…and I feel incredibly guilty because you all work crazy hard and, really, we are so lucky to be able to make a difference and make an impact on people but I’m exhausted. And I shouldn’t even be complaining because there are people who have it so much worse and I feel more guilty for laying this on you when you already have enough to worry about and-“

She was effectively silenced by a finger pressed to her lips. Somewhere during her ramblings, Jihyo moved from her makeup chair to Mina’s side. Once she was sure she had Mina’s attention, she removed her finger and began speaking. “Mina, you’re allowed to wonder and you shouldn’t feel guilty that you do. I could guarantee you that had you stayed back in Japan, you would be wondering about the what ifs too. There is no path we can take in life that won’t make us wonder, ‘What if?’ It doesn’t make you any less dedicated to what you are doing now,”

Mina opened in protest but with a single look from Jihyo, she closed it obediently and waited. Jihyo opened her arms and, without a word, Mina scooted over and tucked herself into her side. The older girl rested her hand on Mina’s back, fingers tracing nonsensical patterns on her back in an attempt to calm the younger girl as she continued. “And I don’t ever want you to feel like you can’t talk to me because you don’t want to burden me. I might not have the answers you want or even any kind of advice but I will listen. I promise you that I will always listen.”

Mina burrowed her head into Jihyo’s neck with tears flowing down in full force. All was quiet in the room until Mina’s sobs had lessened into just sniffles. She didn’t want to break the silence but she had to know. “How are you so strong?”

She felt a nuzzle on the top of her head before hearing Jihyo’s response, “Because I’m lucky enough to have eight other people holding me up, who I know for certain care as much about me as I do about them,” Mina turned her head up to see Jihyo’s signature bright smile directed at her before the latter dropped a kiss on her forehead and continued, “As do you.”

They stayed like that for a few moments before the silence was shattered by a yell from Momo.

“MINA! It’s your turn for the bathroom!”

All Mina could do was roll her eyes at Momo’s impeccable timing and tried to shake off the sense of embarrassment she felt from breaking down so easily in front of Jihyo. She reluctantly removed herself from Jihyo’s embrace and stood up, rubbing her eyes in an attempt to make it look like she hadn’t just been sobbing like a baby. Jihyo rose up with her and tenderly brushed Mina’s hair out of her face before patting her on the cheek. “You should go before someone else hijacks the bathroom.”

Mina made a small noise of agreement. There was so much she wanted to say to Jihyo but the only thing she could muster in her current state was a small, “Thank you.” She turned to leave their room but was halted by Jihyo’s hand, causing her to turn back to Jihyo who had a soft smile on her face. “Remember what I said. You have all of us to lean on. You have me. Okay?” Mina nodded.

The idea of letting one person in, let alone multiple people, was terrifying. Yet she believed Jihyo’s promise with all her heart and, with a lightened heart, headed down the hall.