Zhoumi threw his book aside to the corner of the bed as Henry’s words echoed in his head. Two weeks was not enough for him to move past the hurt. He gripped his pillow and punched it hard with frustration. He kept pounding it until his strength left him. He wanted to remain angry but it couldn’t hold out long against the pain. Why did Henry do this to them? When did he change? Why didn’t he see this coming? Dear god, these questions keep tormenting his mind.

Just then his phone vibrated next to him. A message from Hana.

I am going to do some winter clothing shopping tomorrow. You want to come along? I can use your opinion. XOXO

Going out will definitely help to distract him from these pointless thoughts.

Shopping sounds like fun.

P/S:  I charge my variety of clientele’s a new scarf whenever I impart valuable opinions about fashion. Muahahaha…..

Hana. Things were easy and smooth with Hana, he never had to worry whether she forgot to bring something or was half way starving or that she was clueless. She never disturbed him when he said he was busy unlike Henry who just barged in as you please. Their tastes were similar and their sense of humor matched each other’s. But why was he missing the part of him that came out whenever he was with Henry?  He reached for his phone and looked at one of the picture he took together with Henry a long time ago.

He wanted to go back to those uncomplicated days. When everything was simple and clear. When Henry was the Henry Zhoumi knew. Not a strange man whom hurled devastating words. Zhoumi last saw Henry on the night they fought and never again after that. As was habit, Zhoumi sometimes caught himself thinking about Henry’s meals and welfare, but like Henry had said, these were probably the exact things that would have stifled him. Henry’s absence created a big gaping hole that Zhoumi knew no one could fill. Not even Hana. Damn it, I miss you!

Zhoumi drifted off to a restless sleep as the night progressed. Snippets of his memories with Henry invaded his consciousness as he lay asleep.

The mall was crowded with spirited teenagers and couples. Zhoumi and Hana walked together holding hands as they did their shopping.

“Are you feeling alright? You seem to be far away today, Zhoumi.” Hana asked, slightly concerned with her normally smiling boy friend’s listless face. He has been this way for a few days now.

“I’m good, after all I have a new scarf coming on my way.” Zhoumi laughed it off. As close he was to Hana, he didn’t think it was right for him to share about Henry and his problem. He didn’t know why but he didn’t feel comfortable about it.

“I am all ears if you want to talk about it.” She smiled, understanding that he was not ready to talk about his problems yet. As a boyfriend, Zhoumi was as perfect as she could get but sometimes, it felt like they were just good companions and nothing more. They didn’t have the spontaneous combustion or the tingle of electricity. But then again, they were no longer teenagers. They were adults and should know better. From her part, she was happy and content and prayed Zhoumi felt the same.

“Why don’t we take a break and have lunch?” Hana shook off the deep thoughts. She intended to enjoy their outing together.

“Henry, the lunch crowd is about to ambush us. So toughen up!” His classmate Amber encouraged Henry as they tied their head scarf and apron. Henry has been working as a part timer in this restaurant since a week ago and although it was tiring, it helped him to keep himself together and to earn extra money. He pushed himself harder every time he thought of Zhoumi. As a result, he was walking with panda eyes and the music he played was all melancholic and depressing. It was good for the soul.

“Table 16 has people waiting.” Amber clapped his shoulder before taking on the other tables.

“Hello, good day. May I h-he” Henry stopped half way as he realized the customers were none other than Zhoumi and Hana. Henry cursed heavenwards. Off all the damn restaurants, they had to come here? And he had to be the waiter for them?

“Henry!” Hana greeted him with a big smile. Zhoumi seemed to be stuck to his chair.

“Hey!” Henry pasted a fake smile. Leona Lewis’s “Bleeding In Love” song suddenly popped out in his head. Things were getting better and better. Perfect.

“You work here? Zhoumi didn’t mention this to me.” She continued.

Of course Zhoumi wouldn’t have mentioned it to her. How could he when he him self didn’t know?

“I’m so sorry for rushing you guys but can you make the order? It’s a Saturday and lunch hour, so it’s going to be real crazy soon.” Henry stole glances at Zhoumi who seemed to have composed him self and was absorbed reading the menu. Was the menu that interesting, Henry was tempted to ask. Was he not even going to spare a single glance his way?

“I’ll have the set A meal and Hana, how about you?” Zhoumi inquired, still not looking at Henry.

“I’ll have the set C. It looks really appetizing.” Hana chose her order.

“That will be all.” Zhoumi finally looked at Henry. More accurately, look past him. Whatever balance Henry fought hard to hold almost crumbled then and there. But it was his mistake to begin with. He crossed too many lines the other day.

“Did you guys have a fight?” Hana asked after a while. Could this be the reason for Zhoumi’s dilemma?

“Yes and I prefer not to talk about it.” Zhoumi’s frosty reply almost shocked Hana. Zhoumi was always cordial and even tempered. It was hard to believe Zhoumi had a dark side of his own. Or was it only Henry that could manage to kindle this kind of emotions from Zhoumi?

‘Remind me not to make you angry in future, Zhoumi.” Hana tried to lighten the mood.

“You don’t have to worry, Hana. I will never get angry with you.” Zhoumi gave his charming smile once again. But why did that reply of his made Hana strangely feel sad?

Zhoumi forced himself to finish his food and to remain cheerful for Hana’s sake. But at the back of his mind, he was seething with fury. What the hell was he doing working when he was supposed to be studying? It was not as if he was the type to ace all his subjects without studying. And he looked so thin and his cheeks were sunken. Was he even eating properly? Oh yes, he forgot, it was none of his business anymore.

Despite everything that been said and done, Zhoumi found him self waiting in front of Henry’s house. The lights showed that Henry’s father was already in but for today, it was Henry whom he needed to see. He had no idea what he would say to him later but here he was, waiting for Henry whom for all he knew, may decide to party and come back home late at night. He was glad it was not to be so when he saw Henry dragging his feet as he approached the house. He was yet to realize of Zhoumi’s presence.

“Henry.” Zhoumi called out once Henry was near the gates. Henry jumped in surprise and looked at the not so visible silhouette sitting in the dark.

“Z-Zhoumi?” He ventured to guess.

“Yeah.” And Zhoumi approached Henry. “I want to talk to you.”

Henry just sighed. His body was aching and his eyelids were drooping heavy with sleep and Zhoumi wants to talk. Fine, why not? He turned from the gates to face Zhoumi and waited crossing his arms.

“What are you doing working? Does uncle know about this?”

Henry massaged his neck as he considered his reply. He didn’t want to antagonize Zhoumi anymore. Hurting Zhoumi hurt him too. “The topic never came up with dad. And it’s no biggie. Many youngsters do part time now days while studying. It’s the way of life.”

“It matters when you are in your final year and you can’t afford to slack. Look at you, a corpse probably looks better than you.” Zhoumi pulled Henry to the side so that their conversation wouldn’t steer the interest of any neighbors.

Henry wondered how long would it take for him to say the reason he was the way he is was because of the person currently chiding him.

“I told you already, Zhoumi, back off. Stop climbing on my back. I have my life and you have yours with Hana.”

“Is that it? Is it because I’m going out with Hana?” Something in the way Henry said about how they had their own lives and Hana’s name made Zhoumi suspicious.

“I’m tired and I am going in.” Henry took out his keys but Zhoumi, whom always prided in his capabilities to remain calm and matured, snatched the keys away.

“What the?” Henry gaped at Zhoumi.

“So it is Hana. What is wrong with her? Why don’t you like her? The thing about how you want to be strong and away from me were all crap right?” A glimmer of light came in Zhoumi’s pained heart.

“Nothing is wrong with Hana. She is perfect! Absolutely so! I told you, it’s me! Which part of it do you need me to spell it out?” Can’t he just let go? Why must he insist on knowing the truth?

“No, you are not going to make me angry like the other day with your words.  You are using that to hide the truth. What is it?” Zhoumi demanded, grasping Henry’s collar.

“Let go of my shirt.” Henry warned.

“No. Not until you tell me the truth.” He didn’t know himself why was it imperative for him to know this truth.

*Crack!* Henry’s fist connected to Zhoumi’s jaw. He took advantage of the moment to claim back his keys and hurriedly unlocked the gate. Zhoumi just stood glaring at him.

“Sometimes you are better off not knowing the truth. Go to your Hana.” Henry slammed shut the gate.

“You- you love me don’t you? That’s what you have been trying so hard to hide.” Zhoumi couldn’t believe how he could have been such a block head by missing the very obvious. Even if he were to be wrong, Henry’s facial expression alone was enough to confirm the truth. He was right, some truths were better not knowing.

Henry stood rooted to the spot, fervently praying the earth will swallow him whole.

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