Henry parked his car and waited for Zhoury’s kinder garden bell to ring. He was 5 minutes early. Henry shook his head to himself, thinking of the predicament he was in. Before he knew it, just a day turned out to be more than a week. How he lost the upper hand would probably remain a mystery. He literally felt he was stumbling upon Zhoumi or Zhoury every where he turned. The morning breakfast, dinners and the night random talks were beginning to became a habit to Henry. He was no longer alone or lonely and he was afraid that if things went on as it is, he would never be able to bear the loneliness he was used to in the future.

 The bell rang and Henry stepped out of his car to pick Zhoury. The young devil was hopping madly with his school bag jumping along. Henry took over the bag and held Zhoury with his other hand.

“Can I have bubble tea today? It’s Friday!” Zhoury asked, swinging Henry’s hand front and back. It was a deal between father and son that if Zhoury went to school for the week without making a fuss, he get to have his reward, his favorite bubble tea. Talk about bribery.

“Yeah, sure.” They sat in the car while Zhoury seriously fastened his seat belt. Henry was about to start the car when Zhoury stopped him. Henry looked at him questioningly.

‘You too.”

“What?” Henry asked, slightly impatient.

‘Your seat belt.”

Henry was torn between smiling and shaking his head. This brat, he thought affectionately. He ruffled Zhoury’s hair before fastening his own.

“My teacher said A is for apple. But she only showed us the red apple. Why didn’t she show us the green one?”

“Probably because she couldn’t find the green one.” Henry answered, getting used to Zhoury’s maddening questions.

“She should have brought the green ones too.”

“I’ll be sure to let her know that in future.”

“She said B for ball. Why not B for Basket? That too starts from B right? I can even spell them. B-A-S-K-E-T.”

“Ehmm..Yes…Who thought you about the basket?”

“Papa.” Zhoury answered, very satisfied with his father’s extended knowledge.

“Your papa is indeed smarter than your teacher.” Henry said with a mental image of shooting Zhoumi in between his forehead. Why couldn’t he just stick to B for balls like the rest of them?

“And then it came to C….” Henry closed his eyes. It’s going to be one very long journey back home.

It was 10 minutes to seven and Henry had trouble controlling his excitement. It was almost time for Zhoumi to be back home. He tried to focus on his violin and screwed the last line. Everyday, it was the same. Henry would be able to play his music flawlessly until an hour before Zhoumi reaches home. Then, he would lose his concentration and make mistakes.

Although it was hard to admit, Henry had to acknowledge Zhoumi’s feelings for him. It was worse because it was Zhoumi’s unconscious, and not conscious gesture that broke Henry’s resistance effectively. Zhoumi nagged as always but at the same time, there were lingering looks Zhoumi would give Henry from his work desk at home at odd moments, which Henry doubted Zhoumi himself realized, and then the automatic brush of hand whenever he went pass Henry or sat next to him, even if it was just for few seconds. As if it Zhoumi needed to somehow touch him. To keep him close. And then there was the way his eyes would always lit up whenever he saw Henry. Even with all his biased hurt and opinions, Henry couldn’t deny the truth he saw.

He got used to sleeping next to Zhoumi and even came to expect the sudden kisses Zhoumi would give. Sometimes it was so tender it brought tears to Henry, sometimes it was as if Zhoumi was trying to make up for lost time and sometimes, it was just plain affection. His fingers unwittingly went to his lips and rubbed the soft creases gently. Were they mending their broken relationship? It was too blissful and terrifying to even think about that.

The door opened and Henry immediately pretended to be engrossed in his violin, as if he didn’t wait for Zhoumi for the past hour.

“Hello!” Zhoumi greeted Henry as he hung his coat and kissed his lips warmly. Then he went searching for Zhoury, leaving a dreamy Henry behind. The violin sighed along with Henry. He heard Zhoury shout of joy after seeing his father back home, cheering Henry tremendously and Henry grinned, not realizing the happiness he felt reflected on his face as well.

It was that face of Henry which Zhoumi caught and for a moment, he stopped, mesmerized like a love sick fool he was. Could someone fall for a same person again and again? Was Henry finally returning to his old self? That grin, how he missed seeing that on Henry. Did he manage to break Henry’s self imposed barrier or was it another desperate wistful thinking of his?

Henry stood up nervously at Zhoumi’s sudden change of mood. His earlier smiling face was now all serious and contemplative.  Faking a thirst, Henry rushed to the kitchen. The room felt too small with Zhoumi staring at him that way. He thanked god Zhoury was in his room engrossed with his X-Box which was only allowed during the weekends. Or maybe it would be better if Zhoury was here. Making his mind, Henry opened his mouth to call Zhoury out but he was turned and Zhoumi kissed him with a vigor that almost made Henry afraid.

“I need to hold you now. Just for a moment.” Zhoumi closed his eyes and stood there, calming his volatile feelings, inhaling Henry’s presence. He was here, flesh and bone. He needed to work on the fear of Henry leaving him because of their past pain.

Henry’s hand crept up to Zhoumi’s chest and he rested it on Zhoumi’s thudding heart. This felt too good. Zhoumi saw Henry’s action in a state of paralyzed astonishment. Henry for once recuperated Zhoumi’s hug. Realizing his actions, Henry tried to move his hand away but Zhoumi held Henry’s hand and resolutely placed it there back again.

‘Don’t. Just leave it there.”

Henry’s eyes glistened with tears. The reason behind the tears was unknown.

“Why are you crying?” Zhoumi asked, alarmed. Did he push Henry too much with his feelings?

“I don’t know.” Henry almost choked trying to control his tears. Damn, why was he crying?

“Is it happy tears or sad tears?” Zhoumi asked, hoping it was the first.

Henry shrugged. “Both.”

‘Both?”

“Yes, happy because we are like this and sad because I am weak.” The tears poured even harder.

“You are not weak. You are taking a chance once again to love. It requires courage. It’s actually much easier to continue blocking me.” Zhoumi said dryly as it was his customary habit, wiped Henry’s tears away.

“Be my family, Henry.” Zhoumi took a deep breath, waiting for Henry’s answer. Henry hugged him tighter as his answer.

“Must I really come to the dinner?” Henry asked, frustrated at the thought of spending pointless 2 hours with a crowd of strangers. Zhoumi’s office was having a party later and in a moment of weakness earlier this week, Henry agreed, much to his ever lasting regret. After his agreement, Zhoumi refused to let Henry back out.

“A deal is a deal, Henry.” Zhoumi said as he drove the car. They were going to his parents house first to drop Zhoury for the night.

“A deal which I should not have made in the first place.” He pulled at his tie. Zhoumi stopped him. “Don’t. You are going to mess the knot.”

“As if I care.”

“Well, I do. Stop it.” Zhoumi shook his head as he focused his one hand on turning the steering wheel and the other hand to manage Henry’s wondering hands.

“You are worse than me.” Zhoury made his observation from the back seat. Henry tugged at his tie even harder. Zhoumi smacked his fingers. “Leave your tie alone.” Zhoumi sighed. It felt like he was taking care of two children.

Henry slowly sipped his champagne from the corner, where the crowd was less and watched Zhoumi circulating. Some classy music played in the back ground but Henry had his eyes only on Zhoumi. Well, it was not like Zhoumi was going to notice anyway, standing so far away. Damn, he looked so good!

“He is so good looking isn’t he?” He heard someone echoing his thoughts. Henry turned and found two ladies standing about three feet away from him and they too were focused on Zhoumi. One lady was wearing a green dress while the other wore a peach one. Both looked young and beautiful.

“And he is just not all talk. He is kind and he is so humble.” The peach one sighed.

“You are the closest to him in the office. When are you going to tell him about your feelings?” The green one asked. Henry’s lips went dry. He didn’t want to listen to the conversation but he stood there all the same.

“Soon. I met his son once too. By accident though. Such a cute kid. Any child his age needs a mother’s influence. I wish I could have the honor to help bring up the child.”

“My, my, your thoughts are so forward. But you need to confess first. Hurry or some other person may just grab him from right under your nose. I can’t believe his wife could even think of leaving him.” And they hoped on to another subject.

It was happening all over again. That was all Henry could think. He was going to lose Zhoumi again to another person. How could he have deluded him self of thinking everything was alright now? Zhoury did indeed need a mother’s presence. He was after all just a child. Didn’t he know from the start that this was all an illusion? There was no way he could be together with Zhoumi. What Zhoumi needed was a woman to help him raise a good family. In a state of panicked frenzy, Henry left the party.

Sweat trickled over Zhoumi even in the air conditioned room as he searched all over the place for Henry. He tried calling but Henry’s line was switched off. After asking many people, Zhoumi raced with his car to his place. Maybe, for some reason Henry wanted to go home. Maybe he was unwell. He shouldn’t have forced him to follow, Zhoumi thought with regret. Even before he opened the door, Zhoumi knew Henry was not in. He nevertheless opened the door and the house was just the way it was when they left earlier.

Where was he?

Henry looked at the dark road from inside the bus. The seat next to him was empty, which was even more convenient for him. Impulsively, he bought a ticket to a place that was a six hour journey. He didn’t know what came over him but he only knew he had to escape from there earlier. The gut wrenching fear which washed over him was still shaking him. To lose Zhoumi once again? He didn’t think he could endure it.

It was almost 4 in the afternoon when Zhoumi heard the door open. He remained sitting on the sofa. Last night’s anguished fear took it’s toll on him.

Henry forgot to let out his breath as he saw Zhoumi in a rumpled mess. He was still in his last night’s suit and he had a five o’clock shadow on his unshaven face. Henry walked towards him slowly, the silence from Zhoumi eerily scary.

“Zh-Zhoumi?” He called out but no response. Zhoumi’s head was bowed.

“Where did you go?” Zhoumi finally asked, his voice cool and clipped.

“I-Yesterday, in the party..- I got scared..” Henry jumbled up all his words.

“Scared?”

“I heard two ladies talking and it got to me. About how she likes you and how she would love to be a mother for Zhoury. I thought that the same thing that happened between you and Hana will happen again and my thoughts jumped from one to other, and before I knew it, I was in the night bus. I had a panic attack.” Henry crouched down and hesitantly laid his hand on Zhoumi. It was once he reached that he realized how idiotic his actions were.

“Take your hands away, Henry.”

“Zh-..”

“I thought you left me.” Zhoumi’s shoulders started shaking violently as he crumbled.  “I-I tried my best to let you know how much I need you…” His words came in a choppy whisper.

“I know and I am sorry.  I couldn’t take the thought of you being with another woman again. I know that Zhoury needs a mother and I’m the lousiest choice for a parent. I..”

“Did I say Zhoury needed a mother? Did I?” Zhoumi’s hand shot to grab Henry abruptly as he shook him hard.

“No…I..”

“Don’t jump to conclusions, Henry. Don’t! We did enough mistakes and faced enough of the consequences. Believe in us, Henry! Why can’t you? If you want to leave, leave now. I don’t want to go through another night like this again. I have done everything I could and…”

“I am sorry. I just flipped. I got so scared. It was just you and me six years ago, and it was just a beginning, but now with Zhoury, and us both already knowing how it could be, I can’t go away and survive like I did six years ago. I can’t survive this if you suddenly said you change your mind and wanted a mother for Zhoury.”

“We are definitely a pair. Why do we have so much of fear, Henry? I am scared of you leaving me and you are scared of me leaving you. And finally we make a big mess out of nothing.” Zhoumi laughed, mocking at the both of them. He raised his head and looked at Henry. Both their eyes red and swollen.

“In the journey back here, I had time to think. A lot actually.” Henry swallowed. The next words he was about to say was the toughest. “I am here to say that maybe because of me, Zhoury would be a deprived of a mother but I will do my best to take care and love him, even if I am blur and careless in many ways. So, don’t choose some lady over me. Even if she was beautiful, poised and elegant.”

Zhoumi laughed. That was all he could manage to do. “Choosing you over some lady was never a question.” Zhoumi laid his head on Henry’s, and rested his arms on Henry’s shoulders.

“I know that now.”

“You do? For sure? If you are going to leave..You better do it now.I..”

“I am not. Not anymore. I am going to believe in us. In you. And in future, if I get scared, I’ll come to you first, so that you can help me ease the fear.”

Zhoumi studied Henry's face unblinkingly for about 10 seconds.

“Ok then. As long as we understand each other.” He tried to smile. Henry's grip on Zhoumi was tight, almost cutting the blood circulation there but Zhoumi didn't care.

They both held on to each other for some time.

“Who was the lady who liked me?” Zhoumi asked cheekily a little later.

“Some peach colored dress lady.” Henry mumbled, twisting Zhoumi’s hands.

Annyeong chingus! So sorry for the delay once again. Hope the final chapter is alright! Comments pls? > <