Yoongi, could you come home right now? -Mom

             Yoongi rolled his eyes.  Bag slung over his shoulder, he was on his way back to his apartment when he received a text from his mother.  It probably isn’t even anything important.  Passing a convenience store, he paused, eyeing the cup ramyun display from the window.  Well, Mom won’t know if I stop for a snack.

            He entered the convenience store, paid for the cheapest bowl of ramyun, and proceeded to eat it at a table in the back of the store.  His phone buzzed a few more times, but he ignored it, taking in the scent and taste of the ramyun.

            Finally, sick of the buzzing, he opened his phone.

             Yoongi I screwed up. -Mom

             I think I had too much to drink -Mom

             I’m sorry -Mom

             Yoongi jumped up, slinging his bag over his arm and running out of the convenience store.  His feet pounded down the road.  No, Mom.  No.  Please.  Running up the stairs to their apartment, he felt like his lungs were on fire, but he pushed on.  He reached the door, pulling on the handle, realizing in despair that it was locked.  No, Mom.  You can’t.  Yoongi retrieved their spare key from under the mat, belatedly realizing that his tears were making it hard to see the lock.  With shaking hands, he unlocked the door and charged into the apartment.

            “MOM!”

            He scanned the living room, and when he heard water running in the bathroom, he immediately ran toward it.

            “MOM!” he screamed, pounding on the door.  By then, tears were running down his face, and he felt his breathing increasing.  , no.  Please, Mom, you can’t.  He used all his strength, hitting the bathroom door with a hard thud.  It gave way without much resistance, sending him flying into the bathroom.  But when he saw his mother in the bathtub, he dropped to his knees.

            Yoongi only sobbed twice in his life.  The first one was when he realized what a piece of trash his father really was.  The second time, well...  Numb, he weakly dialed 119.

            “This is 119.  What is your emergency?”

            “M-my mom…” he managed to choke out.  “She--”

            “Sir, where are you?”

            He stared at his mother’s blue lips, blank.

            “Sir, you need to focus.  Where are you?”

            He quietly recited his address.  When the ambulance came, he numbly recited his name.  When they carried his mother away on a stretcher, a part of him didn’t want to go along with her.  He didn’t want to have to be the guardian.  When they pronounced her dead in the ambulance, Yoongi wanted to jump out of the vehicle and follow in her footsteps to apologize for being a horrible son.

            He wasn’t sure how long he sat at the hospital before Mr. Kim, his homeroom teacher, showed up, or how the hospital even found Mr. Kim’s phone number.  

            “Yoongi, are you okay?”

            “I-It’s my fault.”

            Mr. Kim sat down next to Yoongi and grabbed his hand.  “No, it isn’t.”

            “If only I had listened to her first text--”

            “Yoongi, listen to me.” Mr. Kim squeezed the boy’s hand.  “No matter what you think, it isn’t your fault.”

            “S-She a-always had drinks b-because that was her job,” he said, fresh tears running down his face.  “B-But she never drank enough to give her alcohol poisoning before today.”

            Mr. Kim wrapped his arms around the boy but remained silent.

            “She was never at home, but she was all I had,” Yoongi mumbled.  “And now she’s gone.”

            “Yoongi, is there someone you can call to take you home?”

            “N-No.”

            “Do you want me to wait here with you?”

            “...N-No.”

            Mr. Kim didn’t move, his arms still around Yoongi.

            Yoongi sniffled.  “Didn’t you hear me?”

            “I did.”

            “Leave.”

            “I won’t.”

            “Why?”

            “Because you’re my student, and it would be wrong for me to leave while you’re hurting.”

            Yoongi remained silent.

            “Be strong, Yoongi.  I believe in you.”

            He scoffed.

            “What?  I’m serious,” Mr. Kim said.

            “You’re the only one who does.”

            Mr. Kim smiled.  “That’s a lie.”

            “It isn’t.”

            “Your classmates--”

            “All hate me.”

            “Then what about Yeoreum?”

            Yoongi thought of the small girl with the brown eyes, a small sense of warmth beginning to spread through his hands as he remembered the way she stood up for him.  “I don’t want to involve her in my life.”

            “You shouldn’t push her away.”  

            “Trust me, I’ve tried.  She keeps on showing up everywhere I go.  Maybe I haven’t gotten through to her.”

            “I think you’ve made yourself quite clear,” Mr. Kim replied.

            “Then why won’t she leave me alone?”

             “I think that she wants to be your friend.”

            He paused.  Friend?  How stupid.  “I don’t deserve her friendship.”

            “Yoongi, if you let people in, the pain you feel will be more manageable.”

            “Who said that I wanted the pain to be more manageable?”

            “Yoongi…”

            “My mom tried to make her pain more manageable through alcohol.  She was always out, and I was left to fend for myself at home.  And what did that do in the end?  Nothing.  She’s dead now, Mr. Kim.  I’m sure you know how it feels to lose someone unfairly.”

            Mr. Kim paused, thinking of the mysterious diary from another universe.  Although he still had a hard time believing in the existence of an alternate universe, the other Kim Namjoon had convinced him.  Min Yoongi, you might be my student in this universe, but that doesn’t change the fact that I want to save you.  “Not this time.”

            “What?”

            “Nothing.”

            “You’re a weird teacher.”

            “How so?”

            “You...care.”

            “What kind of teachers did you have before me?”

            “They didn’t care.”

            “Hm, that doesn’t sound right at all,” Mr. Kim said.  “Teachers should always care about their students.”

            “They should.  That doesn’t mean they do.”

<:>

            Sifting through some of his mother’s old belongings, Yoongi was surprised to find a letter stuffed between two of the pages in one of her old books.  With shaking hands, he opened it.

Yoongi,

             I lied.  I did it on purpose.  When I texted you earlier, I did it knowing that you wouldn’t respond.  I’m just tired.  I know I’m a horrible mother.  I know that you probably hate me for never being around and for always making us move from place to place.  I know I’m selfish.  In our next lives, find a better mother than me.

             I’m sorry.  You were always the best thing that happened to me.  I’m sorry that I’m leaving this early.  It’ll be hard, but you’ll be better off without me.

Love,

Mom

A/N: Wow, this chapter is quite angst-y. If y'all haven't listened to it yet, Yoongi just released his mixtape about a week ago, and my personal favorite song off of the tape was "The Last".  Here's the video link in case anyone hasn't heard it yet.  I think that it was really courageous of Yoongi to talk about his mental health, especially when mental illnesses are still stigmatized around the world, and even more so in Asian countries such as Korea.

I think that that's why music and writing are so important.  It's our catharsis.  The things you struggle to say in real life flow easier on paper, or to a beat, and people will listen.  And sometimes, we just want to be heard.

A/N part 2: I'm currently watching the Steins;Gate anime (on episode 12 now), and I do not regret starting it one bit.  Steins;Gate also deals with time travel and the butterfly effect, so if any of that interests you, I'd really recommend it!