13

The Butterfly Effect

            “Yeoreum, are you okay?” Mr. Kim asked with concern.  The two sat in the teacher’s office after school had ended, and Yeoreum hung her head.

            “I’m sure he didn’t mean it,” Mr. Kim said gently.

            She looked up, tears running down her face.  “Why are people so unfair?”

            “Yoongi--”

            “Yoongi, Minji, and even my mother.  Why do they think they know what’s best for me without asking me first?  It’s my life.”

            Mr. Kim stared at her in surprise.  “What are you going to do?”

            “I’ll respect his wishes,” Yeoreum said sadly.  “It’d be rude to do otherwise.  And I don’t want to cause him any more trouble.  Our classmates already despise him.”

            “Do you still want to go to Rainbow Bridge?”

            She nodded.  “Just in case.  But after this, I’m done.  If only I hadn’t found the letter...”

            “You don’t mean that.”

            “...You’re right.  I don’t.”  She wiped the tears away from her face.  “I’m sorry.  I’m just so frustrated.  Before I met Yoongi, I was living my life letting other people make decisions for me.  But the letter taught me that I could take things into my own hands and succeed...and I liked it.”

            “Yeoreum…”

            “I still want to save Yoongi.”

            “So do I.”

            “Even if it means letting him go.”

            “I think that’s very mature of you, Yeoreum.” Mr. Kim stood up.  “Well?  Shall we go to Rainbow Bridge now?”

            “Yeah.” She smiled.

 

<:>

 

            They took a seat on a bench near the bridge.  Mr. Kim brought a newspaper to keep himself busy, and Yeoreum scrolled through the songs on her iPod.  Even though they didn’t talk and seemed preoccupied, both knew that they were alert.  It was 4:00.

            Yeoreum played her favorite song, closing her eyes and absorbing the music.  

 

“I love you.  You are the only one in this world.  I shout out loud, but only that unanswerable sunset is burning bright.”

 

            The hours passed, and as the sun set, Mr. Kim closed his newspaper and looked over at Yeoreum.  “He hasn’t come yet.”

            “I know.”

            “Do you think he will?”

            Yeoreum removed her headphones, hanging them around her neck.  “I hope he doesn’t.”

            “Me too, Yeoreum.”

            Time continued to pass, but there was still no sign of Yoongi.  By then, it was dark, and the breeze had turned chilly.  Yeoreum shivered, wishing that she had brought a jacket to wear over her uniform.

            “Yeoreum, it’s late,” Mr. Kim said.  “You should go home.”

            “Not yet.” She crossed her arms.

            “I’ll wait here for a bit longer.  Your mother is probably waiting for you outside of the cram school by now, isn’t she?”

            Yeoreum shook her head.  “I told her I would be staying late with a few classmates to study, so she won’t be coming for another few hours.”

            “If you insist,” Mr. Kim said.

            “Mr. Kim?”

            “Yes?”

            “Do you think that we’re doing the right thing?”

            “What do you mean?”

            “Interfering in Yoongi’s life and playing ‘god’, I mean.”

            “We’re trying to save someone’s life.”

            “I know.  Just, I was thinking about it, and what we’re doing to Yoongi is the same thing as what Minji and my mother were doing to me...right?”

            “Yeoreum.”

            “I mean, we think we know what’s best for him, right?  But we don’t.  Only Yoongi knows what’s best for himself.”

            “While that may be true,” Mr. Kim replied, “what we’re doing for Yoongi is different.  Your mother and Park Minji were doing those things because they thought that their ways of living, breathing, and experiencing feelings were the best ways of doing things.  What we’re trying to help Yoongi realize is that living, breathing, and experiencing feelings are the best.”

            “Hm.”

            “We’re not telling Yoongi how to live his life.  We’re teaching him that life is worth living.”

            “I still feel guilty,” she admitted.  “I probably wouldn’t have made the effort to befriend him if I hadn’t received the letter.  Like it said, everyone was scared of him, and no one wanted to approach him in the other universe.”

            Mr. Kim smiled.  “You don’t really know that.”

            “But I know myself.”

            “Yeoreum, I’ve been your homeroom teacher for the past year, and I have to disagree.  In the short time you’ve known Yoongi, you’ve already changed this much.  I think that things would’ve worked out similarly even if you hadn’t gotten the letter.”

            “Are you saying that because you mean it or because that’s what you’re supposed to say?”

            “Both.”

            “He’s still not coming,” she said, switching the subject.

            “Good.”

            “I hope that he’s safe.”

            “So do I.”

            “I think that we’ve changed the future enough to stop using the letter.”

            “You think so?” Mr. Kim asked.

            She nodded.  “I think so.”  Yeoreum stood up and stretched.  “I should probably get going soon.”

            “I think that you should keep looking at the letter, just in case something happens.”

            “Don’t you remember?” Yeoreum asked.  “I told you earlier that after today, I was done playing ‘god’ for Yoongi.”

            “Yeoreum--”

            “...But, after talking with you, I think I’ve changed my mind.”

            Mr. Kim smiled in relief.  “There’s about a month left before his death in the other universe.  Things could still change, so we should be observant.”

            She nodded.

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ijeeazi
#1
Chapter 19: I rarely comment. I found your story through a recommendation and wanted to give it a try. I wasn't expecting anything deep... but this one spoke to me. I have been struggling with depression and suicidal thoughts for over a decade now and my mental state is not at its best place. This one, I can relate to. Thank you for writing such a beautiful piece. I hope one day, all of us live content enough that we can only think back of the past without any pain or remorse. We've survived for so long, we can do it for so much more.
Kidongvin
#2
Chapter 19: Awww! This story is awesome!!! Good job. This deserves more! Thank you for writing this! There isn’t many Yoongi completed stories here and im glad i found this. Keep it up, girl! Youre doing great! God bless youuu
chansoofany_
#3
Chapter 19: Worth to read
idktae
43 streak #4
Chapter 19: Ah, this was lovely to read.
BeatBoxer
#5
Is this story inspired from the manga Orange?
Lux2Nox
#6
Chapter 19: What a lovely story.. it would be nice if we all get letters to save people from suicide...
You must be a nice person authornim for having this kind of idea.
Much love from a french reader~
ccjial #7
Chapter 19: omg omg im crying buckets T_T How come i didn't see it?! but now im glad i found it...this was...omg...just awsome! Beautiful story! My feelings went all rollercoaster...Keep up the good work author-nim! Thanks for sharing it with us.
tartytorts
#8
Chapter 19: I'm crying this was beautiful