Junho had a lovely way to look at life.

As a child, he would be surrounded by love all day and every day. Growing up, even if his parents decided to act more authoritative for their teenage son, he knew he would find the never-changing lovable atmosphere that he’d share with his best of friends: Kim Siwoo.

No matter how many friends he’d make in their comfy little neighborhood, no one could compare to Siwoo. Nothing could compare to the days they spent together on the website of odd-looking vegetables, nor the nights they’d spend to imagine how they’d make their own garden together. Nothing parallels the days where all he’d know was to run to Siwoo, nor knowing Siwoo thinks his hugs are the best.

No matter what, they’d find a way together. Even when Junho’s bubbly self easily got the attention of others in school, it wouldn’t turn him away from making time to hang out with his, slightly more withdrawn, best friend. Even when Junho cried after hearing Siwoo would have to transfer to the city with his parents, Siwoo made sure to assure him that they’ll meet up as much as possible. He promised they’d find a way to treasure their last two years of highschool.

And, no matter how difficult the change was, Junho believed that fate looked favorably upon them. So, when he found out his aunt was going to work near the school Siwoo transferred to, Junho took that opportunity with the biggest smile and the happiest heart. It took time convincing his parents, but it was worth it. 

A year later and here he is: tired of fate and ragged in regret.

“Morning Junho,” he hears his aunt say. As he walks downstairs and towards the kitchen, he greets her back, letting her kiss his forehead before she exits the room.

“I’ll call you when I’m done today, I’m not sure if I’m working overtime.” Junho looks at her over at the living room, pouting when he sees her sigh silently. “Hopefully not though.”

“Ba-bye!” She says before leaving. The moment he heard the door close, he hums to the song stuck in his head since yesterday, taking his sweet time around the kitchen.

Despite the slow movement, Junho still makes sure to be outside the house by 6:30. That gives him ten minutes to bike to school comfortably and fifty minutes to spend around school alone, with the last ten of those spent walking to his classroom. 

Honestly, with every day that Do Junho spends at school, he wishes he was somewhere else. There are only a few instances where he isn’t walking on eggshells: the mornings he spends before class, the short, short breaks, and the lonely trip back home. 

Sometimes, he wishes he could just come clean to his parents. He wishes that he told them the moment Seungho struck up a deal—hell, he should’ve told them the moment Siwoo left. But now it just feels too late; he’s already in his last year anyway, he’ll just push through one last time. Also, it’s not like he wanted to leave his aunt alone. If he goes back, she’ll be left in her irregular office hours with no one to come home to, all while he’d be able to live with the rest of his family.

It started off a regular Friday. Finally arriving at the school gates, Junho bows at the guard before locking his bicycle and walking through. As usual, he is welcomed by the silence of a cold morning and, as usual, he stands in front of his first stop: the field in front of the school. Coincidentally, this was also the place he met Siwoo again. 

He remembers his first steps into the grassy area. He initially wanted to approach a group that was seated in a circle, but a familiar silhouette caught his eye—there Siwoo was, throwing something to a nearby bin.

“Siwoo!” He called. He didn’t waste his time to hug the boy who, luckily, spotted Junho seconds before being engulfed in a big embrace. Looking up at his best friend, Junho could feel his heart leap when he saw him mirroring his grin.

“What’re you doing here?” The surprised student asks. “You don’t have school today?”

“I do!” Before Junho could explain, his eyes widened when he felt Siwoo pinch his cheek.

“Juno, you’re not supposed to skip! We’re gonna be seniors soon!” Despite his scolding tone, Siwoo couldn’t let go of the wide smile on his face.

“I mean—” Junho holds on to the hand on his cheek “—I’m going to school here!”

“No way! Today?” Seeing how Junho could rest his face on his friend’s now-relaxed hand (and the evident joy on the guy’s face, of course), it’s safe to say that his little surprise was a success.

“Yeah! I’m just gonna go to the office for my schedule and everything.”

“You better go there quick, they’re gonna introduce you to your school buddy!”

“School buddy?”

“Yeah, a student’ll be assigned to you to help you around school for the first few days.”

“Can’t I get you as my student buddy?”

“I’ve only been here a few weeks longer than you,” Siwoo laughs. “I don’t think they’ll allow it.”

“If they do, promise you’ll do it?”

“Of course.”

After a few turns around the field, Junho looks at his watch and walks on to the next stop: the laboratories, specifically the second Biology lab. He remembers when he first learned about the hub of laboratories from his student buddy, and the little luck he had when the lab technician mentioned having to merge with another class. 

The doors were all locked at the moment, but he would always walk by the transparent windows; it had a clear enough view of the rooms anyway. There, he could spot it. At one of the frontmost group tables was his old seat, placed closest to the aquarium.

“So sorry everyone, but we’ll have to have your classes with another section for the next three lab sessions. As you know, section C would usually be at the lab next to us, but an emergency happened over the weekend and we decided to group your labs for the time being—it should work out since we could make you all fit in one room. It’ll only be for three sessions though, Mr. Son will be back soon and take care of section three after, okay?”

“And why do you look so happy?” Junho heard Chungha, his school buddy and now lab partner, ask.

“Siwoo will be here! He’s in C,” he smiles.

“If only I could find someone who’d love me as much as you love Siwoo,” she jokes.

“I told you he’s my best friend!” Junho pouts, but she laughs lightly and assures him. “I’m just teasing you Juno—anyways, I don’t think I know the guy, which one is he?” The two look at the students pooling into the laboratory, waiting for said friend to arrive.

“There!” He spots the boy walk in, laughing with a bunch of his classmates. Before Junho catches his friend’s eye, he hears another question from his lab partner.

“Oh, he’s dating Soojung right?”

“Soojung?”

“Yeah, Ahn Soojung. Wait, are they dating, or like are they getting there?”

“Wait, who’s Soojung?”

“Uh, well she’s from the same class as your friend… I think her hair’s up to here? Below the shoulder? Hm, she has light brown ends—oh, nevermind, there she is.” She discreetly points at the girl with the last three people entering. Junho notes her down: she had a familiar quiet demeanor and, although he’s assuming she was with her friends, she didn’t seem to be in a good mood. Nevertheless, there was no denying, Soojung is beautiful.

“How’d you know about that?”

“Not in means I really wanted,” Chungha chuckles. “One of my friends from the school buddy system asked me about it, he wasn’t sure about it either so he asked me… Oh, you don’t need to tell me anything of course, no worries.”

“No, it’s not that...” Junho lowered his voice as he noticed the teacher turn on the projector. 

“I just don’t know her… At all.”

There was also the art room, the same place he spotted Myungsoo hiding in the day before. The memory this time wasn't of a class he had, rather it was of a moment where he and Siwoo were walking around the back of the school. When they noticed the art room’s door left ajar, they could see Soojung inside sleeping. Even if they continued walking past the room, Junho could tell that his best friend’s eyes lingered a bit longer, perhaps that was even the reason a soft smile appeared on his face.

“Soojung’s pretty, isn’t she?” Junho spoke up.

“Oh? Yeah,” the taller nods.

He didn’t know if it was just him, but he could see Siwoo’s eyes flicker—it was either he was too distracted, or the comment itself caught him off guard. Too bad that’s all the boy could figure out.

“Damn, just a ‘yeah’? I expected more from someone who’s obviously head over heels.” Junho pouts, obviously trying to tease the taller.

“What? No,” Siwoo chuckles. “We’re just friends Juno.”

“Oh, guess I’m breaking the news to Chungha?”

“Uh, okay… but why?”

“I didn’t tell you?” He sees Siwoo confirm with a nod. “Well, basically she asked me if you two were dating and I just told her I had no idea. Honestly, I see where she's coming from, have you seen yourself when you’re with Soojung? Like Woo, you don’t need to hide!” Junho proceeds to punch his friend’s shoulder lightly; hopefully he didn’t sound too intruding.

“I’m not hiding, don’t worry,” he chuckles again. Seeing Junho pout, Siwoo immediately gets the boy into a headlock, messing his hair up. “How ‘bout you stop listening to rumors hm? Focus on the exams! We need to be in the same section!”

“I know! I know—Woo you’re killing me!”

In the quiet hallway, the two continue to laugh so hard they would lose balance. And yet, the laughter was not enough to brush away Junho’s second thoughts.

Seeing the thirteen minutes left, Junho turns around and walks to his classroom. In that path, he knows he passes by another memorable place, but he never stops. Yes, he remembers the nostalgic morning in that small garden with Siwoo, but he also remembers the encounter that started beneath the lonely tree and ended with Seungho’s ultimatum.

Looking at the lonely tree now, he spots little flowers circling the trunk, that of which have been growing for a good month, he believes. 

----------

The bell rang to signal the first break, and he could hear Seungho’s voice in his head, signalling him to get their food. The usual: food trays boxed up, two strawberry milk cartons, and one iced tea, all in large plastic bags a cafeteria lady would be kind enough to give.

Whenever he left the room, he’d always make sure to take the same shortcut. It was simple. He’d walk quicker than how he would when going back to class, get the food, give himself a few minutes of alone time, and take the exit at the cafeteria’s second floor.

In the middle of double-checking the bags, Junho paused at a light tap on his shoulder. He looks up, confused to see Myungsoo alone and right in front of him.

“Junho… sunbae, right?”

“How’d you know my name?”

“How’d you know mine?”

“You’re actually known in this school, believe it or not.” 

“Whatever, can I talk to you?” The tall star student takes a quick look around before adding, “alone?”

“I have to go back to my classroom,” Junho replies. He quickly re-checks over the boxes and leaves, not bothering to take another look at the junior. Assuming Myungsoo stayed behind, he didn’t expect a hand to snatch the bags from him, specifically the hand of the stubborn sophomore.

“I’ll walk with you.” Unwilling to prod further and stall, Junho decides to let the boy be (and perhaps walk a bit faster than usual).

“What’d you want to say?” He wasn’t going to let the younger stall—actually, he couldn’t afford to.

“I know what happened to you and Kim Siwoo… Sunbaenim? Wait, does that apply here?”

“And?” Junho kept his response short, but it would be a lie to think he was anywhere near calm in his head.

“I know you told me to stop, but I don’t think I will.”

Nine steps in silence.

“... Why is that?”

“I know the way it started off was weird, but I realized I can still change it.”

“Change it? Myungsoo, you’re only digging yourself a grave if you don’t stop. Who knows what they could do?”

“I know that sunbaenim. But also, I know that it’s still not right. I know I won’t instantly solve the problem with my plans, but it just feels so wrong if I don’t try. Like, I was scared as hell in the start—I can’t imagine the they’d do if they knew. But then I learned that I can still make this right: I can still tell Sungyeol the truth, I can still stop snooping, and I can change myself. But, like you said, who knows what they could do? Also, I’m sounding really optimistic here, but I have hopes there’s a way this school won’t accept the cover-up excuses.”

“Hm…” Junho hums, letting his strides forward shorten.

“I can’t just hope they won’t do anything, I can’t just assume that you’ll fix everything up with your friend, and I can’t just assume the same will happen with everything else they covered up. Time can’t fly if someone keeps breaking its wings, that’s what I learned. And even if someone can move on, as long as they continue to do what they're doing, people will continue getting hurt… And you know, you don’t deserve to be treated the way you are by them.”

“Stop.” The two halt at the classroom right next to Junho’s. “Let’s stop here, thank you.” As the senior took the bags from Myungsoo, he could hear the younger go on. Perhaps that incited him to move a bit slower than usual, just perhaps.

“You know how they reacted to something as simple as I did. They are not indestructible, we don’t have to lose hope.” Even if Junho starts walking, he can still hear the last few words of the sophomore.

“You don’t have to continue this when you know it hurts you, sunbaenim. You don’t owe them your time.”

----------

Usually, Junho would spend his second break doing any errands from the trio and sitting at his seat quietly. Usually, his focus was on any signal that the three had an order, but now, he gets kicked out until the end of break. And, noting how he saw Lee Sungyeol walk up to the hall of Grade 12 classrooms, it only made sense of why. Usually, Junho would be counting the minutes of his short break.

Instead, here he was at another school garden, one that was closest to a gardening shed. After a year, here he finally is, alone.

Just until yesterday, he never saw himself coming back to this area. Not having any classes spent here made that even easier. Who would’ve known the (surprisingly wise) words of a sophomore would be enough to end up coming back?

Indeed, Junho accepts, he couldn’t come with the terms of knowing he might not be the last victim. But it was different for him—it wasn’t just that the trio were horrible to him, it was the exchange he had with Siwoo in this same place that made him afraid of even thinking about it. The closest he’s been to confrontation were the sweeter memories he couldn’t let go of, even if his heart aches at the distrust he felt, he remembers the lighter times they spent, as if they were daydreams. Before he could have the will to agree with Myungsoo, he knew he needed to stop cherry-picking what happened. So here he is, looking back to a moment he thought he’d never look back for, a moment that’d only replay in his dreams.

First thing he spots is the unattended patches surrounding the shed. It surprised him seeing how, despite the poor condition of the grass, the shed looks like it’s been taken good care of. Other than the patches however, it was just like how he remembers it. He especially remembers the day he said more than he thinks he should’ve, a regret he’s about to revisit.

“Woo!”

“Juno? What’s wrong?” The taller pulls his frantic friend away from the crowded hall, bringing them to one of the school gardens. Thankfully, it was empty.

“It’s amazing how you always guess the right places,” Junho chuckles. “How’d you know this spot wouldn’t have-”

“Junho please, get to the point,” Siwoo sighed. “I have to go soon.”

“Oh, where?”

“Nowhere if you keep stalling…” Another sigh comes from the boy’s mouth. “Sorry, it’s just… been a lot.”

“It sure has…”

Junho tries his best to keep himself from pouting, immediately thinking it had something to do with Ahn Soojung. It’s been a week since he first heard the rumor from Chungha, and it was like everything suddenly made sense. But, whether or not the two were dating didn’t matter to him now. Not when all he could think about is how much his best friend changed in a matter of days. 

He’s noticed how the most time he gets with his best friend is at school, when Siwoo brings him to a quieter place to hang out. He’s noticed how even then he’d abruptly cut their time short, promising they’ll meet up over the weekend. And he would’ve been fine with it if it was normal, but he swears that Siwoo was not like this a week ago. He swears by the years they grew up together, something was wrong.

But still, he gave him the benefit of the doubt: exams are coming, everyone is stressed, Siwoo would’ve wanted some more time before telling him about Soojung. He believed in the benefit because the only other option was to feel hurt, and to feel hurt was to admit he doubted his own best friend—that was the last thing he’d want to do.

“Seungho talked to me the other day… He’s your friend, right?”

“Yeah, why?”

“He keeps telling me to take care of you, and I don’t think you saw my messages yesterday. Did something happen?”

“Nothing, he’s probably joking!” Siwoo gives a grin, but Junho easily spots the lie.

He didn’t want to feel hurt, so what else is he supposed to be feeling?

“Are you sure? You know you can tell me anything right?”

“Of course.”

“And I won’t judge you, you know?”

“Yeah.” 

He could see it. Junho could see him get impatient, he could see his nose twitch, his feet tap, his eyes harden. He could see him get irritated, his index finger digging into his thumb, his cheeks hollowing, his eyes rolling around anywhere else. Junho could see it all, but why did he feel like pushing further?

“So you’re not hiding anything? You know it’s-”

“God Juno, I'm gonna be late—that’s all you wanted to ask, right?” 

“... It’s not like you’ll tell the truth if I continue asking, right?” 

He didn’t want to feel hurt, but hell, what else is he supposed to feel?

“What’re you saying?”

“I’m saying maybe think before you lie to someone that’s known you for years. How long did you think you could pretend?” He was only a few seconds away from having a throat so dry, no more words could be uttered. 

“... It’s not what you think, Juno.”

“Then tell me what to think… Please.”

Yet, all he could hear was silence. Looking straight into his friend’s eyes, Junho tried keeping the tears from blocking his view. In those tortuous seconds, he watches as Siwoo slowly reaches for both his hands, his thumbs trying to massage Junho’s wrists.

“I’m sorry I can’t tell you. But soon... I swear I will soon.” 

Junho’s tears no longer had patience, and his hands barely had any strength. But his ears could still hear, and he could clearly distinguish Siwoo’s next words. He could hear every hoarse syllable uttered. He could hear the shaky breaths. He could hear it all, but why was it so difficult to take in?

“Please believe me Juno.”

“,” Junho realizes.

He needs to go back. Now.

In the minutes he spent running back to the classroom, multiple complaints rushed to his head: why did the shed have to be so far away? Why did it take this long for him to go there? Did fate make him stay this long just to understand? What if he did leave right after Siwoo, what'd happen to the two sophomores he's met? But most importantly, by the time he reaches the classroom next to his, he wonders: what did he even plan to do?

Perhaps it was the adrenaline from the run, but the moment he conjures a small plan, he makes no time for second thoughts, walking to the door and knocking.

“Sorry, I forgot to leave my phone in my bag,” he says. Thank goodness for Sungyeol being there, he was able to place his phone into the top pocket on the front of his bag quickly, not even bothering to close the zipper. Within seconds, he finds himself out the door, pursed lips to hide his accomplished feeling.

Maybe, just maybe, he's finally on the same page as fate. And maybe, just maybe, he could see why it had to be. 

----------

Evidently, this was not his regular Friday. To find inspiration with the person he criticized, to find hope from a place he’d least expect, none of these were in his regular schedule. To top it all off, he sees Sungyeol alone by the school gates, and another idea pops up.

Junho could see it: the way Sungyeol so willingly worked with the three, the fact that the younger continues to endure the overbearing personality of Seungho. He could tell Sungyeol had plans to help them, that he hopes working with them would be good in the long term.

It wasn’t only the boy’s naivety that he worries about, but the realization Sungyeol would face if he wasn’t ready to hear what Myungsoo would have to say.

Lee Sungyeol has a lovely way to look at life, and Junho’s making sure he gets to keep it.

And I'm back!!! So sorry for the delay, now that i've decided to separate the chapter into two, I should actually be able to post two chapters this month :DD

Hope the flashbacks weren't too boring -- i just felt like i rlly had to add this cause the next chapters might just seem like "but then why would he do that?? whats he doing here/there?? how??" to me and i wanna reduce that as much as i can w my tiny planner and little brain.

Anyway, thank you for your patience <33 and bear with me for the next week as i attempt to finish the next chapter <333 See yall there!!