Title: An Ending for a New Beginning Original Title: Give Up Posted: 16 June 2014, completed on 18 June 2014 Updated: 28 July 2016 A girl jolted awake from her sleep. Cold sweat drenched her body as she gasped for some breath, trying to calm her heartbeat. She was suffocating from the same dream, and it had only been a month since then. One suffocating month…   She used to feel like she’s the happiest girl in the world. She has everything that everyone dreams to have; a loving family, seven best friends that she treated like her own siblings, a beautiful girlfriend, and a job that she always wanted to have since she was a child. Of course, fame came with it, but it was the consequence she was willing to face, no matter what.     Taeyeon silently cried inside her duvet, after finally seeing the danger of her fame. Who would’ve thought it could happen? What were the chances of having an unknown man drag you out of the stage in the middle of a performance it front of at least a hundred audiences?   She felt the duvet shifted off of her and two arms hugging her waist from behind. She didn’t have to look back to see who it was. She could hear the calming voice that lulled her, telling her that everything would be fine, and there’s no need to be scared, with only three words.   “I’m here, Taengoo…”     Their relationship was no fairytale, but isn’t the start of every relationship felt like one? One would never realize it, until they look back and realize that it felt so unreal.     “Do you want me to help you walk?”   “I can walk by myself!”   Sunny laughed when she felt Taeyeon leaned her drunken body to hers, contrary to what the latter said. Anyone could tell that she was drunk after five glasses of wine, and had been slurring her words on their ride back to dorm. Even when they arrived at the parking lot of their building few minutes before, Taeyeon still murmur the words she couldn’t make of.   In the elevator, Sunny pushed the security number and the number of her floor, before propping drunken Taeyeon with her arms. Unexpectedly, Taeyeon pushed her against the elevator wall and locked their lips together. Sunny was too surprised that she didn’t fight back or pushed drunken Taeyeon off of her. She just stood rigid against the wall, until Taeyeon pulled back from the kiss, her two arms trapping her body in between.   The elevator dinged open, but Sunny just kept her eyes on Taeyeon, trying to read what the older girl was thinking.   “I love you.”   Her voice was so firm and clear that Sunny wondered if it was the same drunken girl ten minutes before. Did she hear it right? Was it only a dream? Was it only the alcohol kicking in?   The elevator doors were closed, and before she knew it the distance between them was lessened as she hugged Taeyeon and kissed her back. The kiss felt like an eternity as they explored each other’s lips and mouth, not minding if the security camera recorded everything. The only thing Sunny knew was that she had the best birthday gift she had had her whole life: Taeyeon.     Her breaths even out, and she starts to sob, remembering what happened exactly a month ago… She clutches at her heart, feeling the emptiness – a hole that someone else used to fill.     “Hey, wanna get a bingsoo?”   “We can’t, we have a recording in a few hours.”   “We can share one.”   “But I don’t like beans.”   “I’ll eat them for you.”     It was always the little things… The little things they did or said to each other…     “I’m bored. Let’s watch a movie,” Sunny said while tossing a DVD case to her girlfriend’s lap.   “Evil Dead? I don’t feel like watching blood splatters today, Soonkyu-ah.”   “You can kiss me every time the character loses a limb.”   That was a no-brainer. “Deal!”     They especially loved birthdays. The occasion meant something for them, and they had always celebrated it like it was their last. They started their relationship on a birthday, and made a silent pact that every year the celebrations would serve as the days where they showed how much they love each other.     “Happy birthday, Taengoo.”   “I love you, Soonkyu-ah.”   Sunny giggled at Taeyeon’s sleepy state. The older girl was lying on her stomach with half-lidded eyes, her bangs stuck at her wet forehead. Sunny wiped the beautiful face she fell in love with years ago, and gave the lips a quick peck. She felt Taeyeon smile at the peck before drifting to sleep with an arm hugging her waist.     Granted, like every other couple, sometimes they would fight, and she could still hear the echoes of their fights like it was yesterday.     “This is not a good idea.”   “I want to do this musical. This is my chance – I might not have another.”   “But Kyuhyun? Out of all the people to kiss, you have to do it with him?”   “It means nothing, Taengoo. It’s only acting.”   “You’ve been close with him for the longest time, how do I know it won’t mean more?!”   “It won’t.”     Of course it wouldn’t mean anything. They had only known the love they had for each other that sometimes they thought they would be incapable of loving somebody else. Or so they thought. That night changed both their lives, and their belief about birthdays being their days to celebrate their love.     “Where were you?”   “I was out with a friend.”   Sunny kept her eyes at Taeyeon as the latter walked to the fridge. Few hours ago she came home with some of her presents the fans gave her. She went inside the dorm with difficulty, clutching the gift boxes, only to meet the dark empty room. Where were her sisters? Where was her girlfriend? Where were the puppies that would greet her when she’s home?   “Do you even remember what day it is?”
  “It’s Thursday.”   Something was off, Sunny knew it. The past few weeks Taeyeon had been really quiet. Too quiet.   “Have you had dinner? There are some leftover kimbap on the fridge.”   “I have.”   And just like that, Taeyeon walked to her room, leaving her alone in the living room.   Seeing Taeyeon’s back disappeared into the room upset Sunny even more. She didn’t deserve this; not on her birthday, of all times. But she couldn’t say anything, could she? She could only wait for an explanation from Taeyeon, when the latter felt like it.   It was all too much. The stress, the exhaustion, the silent treatment… What did she do to deserve all this?   “Sunny?”   Taeyeon hadn’t even called her ‘Soonkyu’ anymore.   “Why are you crying?”   Taeyeon must’ve heard her crying on the couch, which explained why she stood a few feet away, as if highlighting their distance these past month.   “Why do you suddenly care anyway?”   Taeyeon flinched. Sunny’s words were cold, almost emotionless, but she knew the girl better, and she could feel the hurt Sunny was feeling.   “I was waiting impatiently for a cake or any kind of surprises. I was waiting for you to come and at least give me a hug on my birthday, like you always do. I hadn’t received a single text from you this whole day. Heck, I haven’t even touched you!”   Sunny snapped. She stood up and faced Taeyeon. The latter’s face was unreadable, but Sunny didn’t care. She had had enough.   “What’s wrong with you? Tell me what’s bothering you that made us so distant. I don’t read people’s minds, Taengoo, but I’m sure as hell will read yours if I’m able to.”   Taeyeon stood still, taking everything. Every hurt, every pain, every frustration Sunny had in her.   “But I can’t. I don’t know what you’re thinking or what you want me to do. All I know is I’m lonely and I missed you, but most of all, I missed us.”   Sunny wiped her tears, hoping Taeyeon would say or do something to comfort her, but the latter remained motionless. She suddenly felt like an idiot for being such an emotional wreck. “Please say something…”   Taeyeon shifted her posture, but no words came out. Sunny bore her eyes on her girlfriend, waiting for any words to come out, but there was none, and it upset her even more.   “Say something, Taengoo!”   “I’ve been seeing someone else.”     Sunny sobbed harder, still clutching at her chest, where her heart used to be. That night she felt like life had been off of her. Never in a million years would she imagine Taeyeon doing anything behind her back, or even admit it on her birthday in the first place. After what they’ve been through together the past two years, she was almost certain that they would spend the rest of their lives together.   But life is not a fairytale. At least her relationship with Taeyeon isn’t, and she has yet to accept that. Sunny opened her phone, to look at her old pictures with Taeyeon. The older girl used to encourage her to take as many photos of them as possible, but Sunny always refused to. As a result, the photos of their outings are usually photos of what they food or drink they had that day.   There was, however, one picture that Sunny loved more than the others. It was a picture of her and Taeyeon after their love-making. She was spent, and fell asleep soon after, not realizing that Taeyeon took her phone and snapped a picture of them kissing. The picture was dark and blurry, unlike the usual setting where Taeyeon set the brightness level to maximum. But Sunny could see the sweat on Taeyeon’s neck, along with the red marks on it, as remnants of their lo