Hanbin

 

Regrets and remorses washed over Hanbin as he stepped inside the elevator. It always happened in moments of solitude, in moments he was left alone with his mind and thoughts only. Now, he regretted. Regretted of having opened up to Ara. He still cannot fully believe that all the words and phrases about Junseo escaped so easily his mouth and were heard by Ara. A mere stranger. An acquaintance. However, spilling out his feelings and emotions were somehow  easier doing it in front of her. Perhaps it was due to her being only acquaintance, of her not knowing much about him, thus it didn't matter much to Hanbin what she might think or not. Or perhaps, it was due to Ara's will to listen, to the fact that she hadn't stopped him from continuing. Whatever the reason, Hanbin regretted. He wished he could take back his words, his secrets, he wished he had left them stained in the back of his head and memory and his emotions boiled up within him and not exposed out, to Ara. Hanbin sighed, slapping his right hand on his face. He knows he should have been more careful. 

  “What's that?” Chanwoo asked as he walked up next  to Hanbin.   “Food” the leader replied and upon hearing this word, all the boys came running in the kitchen.   “I was craving”Junhoe exclaimed while looking into the bags. “Where did you get all of that?”   “From Ara's mother” Hanbin uttered not finding a better explanation. “I went to her house to apologize for.. ” He hesitated for a second. “that day when Tablo sunbaenim came and she had to hide under the bed”   “Oh” they all exclaimed, paying more attention to the food than Hanbin's answer. Yunhyeong smiled at Hanbin knowing the true reason of why he apologized. The latter smiled back at him before heading directly into his bedroom.   He jumped on his bed and sighed thinking about the past hours spent with Ara.    Hanbin, what have you done? She wasn't supposed to know all of this. He scolded himself. After countless minutes of regretting, Hanbin's thought went over Yunhyeong. Of what he had said.   Yunhyeong was right, unpleasant events have been occuring ever since Junseo's death. Albeit, things weren't that worst at the beginning. Or perhaps they were but Hanbin just didn't notice. Nothing was perceptible for him at that time he died. He was drowing in a ocean of despair and guilt. From time to time, suspicous things would happen. Small incidents but the kind of incidents that affected a lot their trainee life, that made their dream to debut farther. For example, just a few days before their montly evaluation, Junhoe was diagnosed with laryngitis which affected his vocal cords. Music sheets disappeared. Donghyuk's guitar's strings broke an si on. Every time, they had to do a performance, a problem would occurs.    Furthermore, these days things got just more serious. Hanbin fell from metallic stairs which still cause pain to his leg, Donghyuk cut his finger, an electric pole almost fell on him, their car suddenly stopped working, a bulb explosed above all of them and god's know what can happen next.   Just what the hell is going on? Hanbin wondered, tired. Life was already hard with training and those events just weren't helping at all. Hanbin sighed and as he turned to sleep on his side, his eyes laid on the clock, 11h47 P.M.    This was the first time he was going to sleep this early. He spent the past years training everyday and night and with that being so, he never feels tiredness, he got used to always work and not rest.   He kept on turning around in his bed, but he wasn't able to sleep. Bobby came into the room twice and went back in the living room to play video games with Chanwoo. Hanbin took his phone and scrolled down his contact lists. No one. There was no one with whom he could talk now. They were nights Hanbin craved for someone. For a certain someone who could listen to him talk on and on. For someone with whom he could share his burden, his deepest desires and fears. For someone who wasn't among the members or anyone from the music agency. But someone else.    Hanbin sighed as he stood up from the bed, grabbed his jacket and exited out. He legs were taking him again at that same place, where he had last seen Junseo alive. As usually he climbed to stairs located on the backside and jumped on the rooftop.    Though, he hadn't expect to see Ara. Ara sitting near