Fall 2014

A haze of cigarette smoke hung lazily in the air, slowly melding with the dim lights above. The dull glint of countless piercings, the swirling depths of innumerable tattoos, and the sour scent of alcohol was overwhelming, and terrifying, and just a bit alluring in this room packed full of people. As the low bass pulsed through his chest, and a languid drop of sweat s its way down his back, Jin wondered, not for the first time that day, if this was a good idea.

           The venue was larger than he anticipated, and quite literally underground. Sure, it was sort of “a bar with a big stage,” but the bar was upstairs (well, relatively) because there was an upstairs (with booths and a dance floor and a balcony view), and the stage downstairs wasn’t exactly small, and the area surrounding it resembled the general admissions section at a concert more than a dance floor. If Jin weren’t preoccupied with not losing sight of Hyosang and questioning his own life choices as they pushed through the crowd, he might dwell more on his annoyance at G-Dragon; not that he could actually complain. Though he had grossly under-exaggerated the volume of it all, he had at least told Jin when and where to find it (though, only after what felt like a thorough screening. Jin still wasn’t sure why G-Dragon cared so much about knowing what the last book he read was and when he last called his mother…), so that was something. Also, he had promised to help Jin meet up with Rap Monster, at some point. The details on that were stressfully vague, and Jin had no idea what to expect, or when. All he knew was that he was here, and it was larger than he had anticipated and the calm (and just a little bit of excitement) that had settled in over that past two weeks of waiting was quickly evaporating, probably lost somewhere up there with all that smoke.

           “Hyung!” At least he had a lifeline.

Catching sight of the box grin and flailing arms directed towards him, Jin shoved Hyosang towards the table where Taehyung and Hoseok were waiting for them. Both men heaved sighs of relief when they slipped into the booth, grateful to be free of the ebb and flow of the countless sweaty bodies that had surrounded them.

“Thank god you guys got here early. I swear I almost died a few times back there,” Hyosang groaned, rubbing a hand over his face. “Ah, also, I’m Jin Hyosang, nice to meet you.”

“I’m Hoseok,” Hoseok gave a little wave before gesturing to Tae. “And this is my boyfriend slash soulmate, Taehyung. It’s a pleasure.”

“Grand. And jesus, please tell me this beer is for me, because god I could use a drink,” Hyosang poked at the bottle in front of him, eyeing the condensation running down the side hopefully.

“Yeah, we figured you guys would want drinks when you got here,” Taehyung shrugged, a light smile playing across his lips.

“Bless your souls,” Jin murmured reverently, bringing his own bottle to his lips and taking a swig, reveling in the cool relief.

They still had a while to wait before the rappers came out, but Jin monitored how much he drank, careful not to overdo it. He wanted to be relatively sober when he met Rap Monster—though the part of him that had been internally screaming since arriving desperately wanted to be anything but sober when he met the guy.

Their table slipped into easy conversation, Hyosang curious to find out more about the duo that Jin had so easily agreed to have come along for such an important evening. They seemed to get along well, Jin noted, and time passed easily, though the alcohol probably also had something to do with that. With every beer, Hyosang became increasingly louder, but Taehyung and Hoseok both took it in stride. Jin, for the most part, only participated when prompted, the panic that had risen in his chest once again subsiding as he watched the room, this time from a distance rather than in the midst of the chaos.

There was something strangely lethargic about it all, though Jin couldn’t place why. There were people laughing and hollering, deafening music playing and glassing clinking, and it should have been jarring, yet it all seemed to blur into one loud hum, blanketing him in an almost soft layer of sound, the smoke in the air still gently swirling and the thrum of the music still vibrating through his chest. It engulfed him and yet he felt utterly detached, someone watching an unfamiliar scene through a window.

By all rights, he should have felt entirely out of place. He was out of place amongst these people; people who came from a world unlike his own, bodies tattooed by both scars and ink, limbs pierced and hair varying shades of expressive. Many looked hardened, despite the easy flow of alcohol that loosened them, and he knew instinctively that he would never even begin to understand where they came from or what hardships they may have faced. It was different and strange, and if he were honest with himself, terrifying. Living on the streets, gangs, drugs, addicts, criminals. He had no idea.

The venue was large, though, and Rap Monster (and the guy performing before him— what was it, Suga?) was fairly popular. So some of these people had to be like Seokjin. Simply interested fans, who came from the world above and lived relatively calm lives, and wanted to enjoy an evening out watching their favorite artist. He couldn’t be entirely out of place, and that was enough for him. He could manage. It may not be his scene, but he was here and that was that.

And then his phone vibrated.

From: G-Dragon Bartender

             Meet me at the bottom of the stairwell in 5. You can bring your friends.

***

           Perhaps the strange feeling of calm that kept coming and going was entirely misplaced—the moments of panic that would flit through him seemed far more appropriate—but he couldn’t be bothered to care. He had always taken what he was given and worked with what he had, and this would be no different—even though what he currently had was an entirely new world of music pulsing at his feet and a very confused heat pooling in the pit of his stomach.

           Suga (who Jin recognized as the guy who had been at the bar when he first encountered Rap Monster) had been good. They had all met G-Dragon downstairs (though, the continuously thickening crowd had resulted in something closer to ten minutes) and he had guided them as far forward as possible to watch the performances, and Suga had been good. Well, probably fantastic. But Jin couldn’t remember anymore. Or didn’t care to. Because the strange feeling coursing through him was undoubtedly a product of the tall, familiar figure now stalking across the stage, voice wrapping like a chain around his neck and working its way down his spine until he couldn’t move or speak or breathe.

His rapping wasn’t loud and fierce the way that Suga’s had been. The lights had lowered, and Rap Monster had slowly prowled forward and it was… dark. Intense. The verses would build and break, and it was far more subtle, yet it crashed through him, rattling and tightening the chains—and he wanted ­more. It was as if he had been swallowed whole by this place, only so that he could be lulled into an uneasy haze and mesmerized by this figure—dark, unfamiliar, terrifying, alluring.

The crowd all seemed to fall into a similar trance, swaying gently with the slow beat, yet transfixed by the intense flood of lyrics. The next song was almost even more intoxicating, laced with an almost desperate fervor this time, and somewhere in the back of his mind (behind the fog of smoke, music, and writhing desires) he wondered if he would actually suffocate. He wasn’t sure he would mind.

The daze continued throughout the performance, and he couldn’t remember when one song ended and the next began—the music never released him from its grip, transitioning smoothly from one song to the next. There were some he recognized, and he even found himself rapping along with a few (unsure if he was more pleased or embarrassed that he was even able to), but it didn’t lessen the affect the music had on him. Somehow, watching it live, watching the tall body move across the stage, watching the mouth that produced the lyrics spit them, was a completely different experience than the countless times he had listened to the mixtape in the past two weeks.

By the time the last note of the last song of the evening played and the stage was left empty, lights coming back up again, Jin was beginning to flounder into the murky depths of anger and panic.

He had enjoyed that, that feeling of being utterly helpless to the voice that chained him in place. That fact alone sent him spiraling, recoiling from the idea that he might fall prey to a relationship with no foundation besides attraction, yet be unable to escape because of it as well. He had wanted to approach this open mindedly, but still level-headedly—not everyone ended up with their soulmate, and that was okay. But then his body (his mind? His soul? Him. He) betrayed him.

Jin was torn from his thoughts by a hand tugging on his arm. He look around, having almost forgotten that he was still amongst a crowd.

“Let’s go!” G-Dragon shouted to be heard above the noise of the countless bodies and the music that had replaced the live performance. As G-Dragon pulled him forward, T.O.P, who had been with G-Dragon when they met up, glanced at him with concern written into his features, and Jin realized he must look a bit sick. He certainly felt sick.

“You okay?” The elder asked. Yup, he must look awful.

Jin just nodded, not feeling particularly capable of speech. Hyosang squinted at him, and Jin leaned away as the other leaned forward.

“You look kinda flustered. And you got really into it back there. I’ve never seen you rap before.” Oh god, he had noticed. Jin hadn’t even stopped to consider that he was with his friends during that entire performance. Hyosang nudged his shoulder and winked. “Already falling for him, hyung?”

“Oh sweetie, you two are going to be even more perfect than I thought,” G-Dragon chuckled, shaking his head. And this was the problem.

What was G-Dragon’s twisted idea of perfect? Because the more he thought about it, the less Jin could agree. They came from different worlds, and Rap Monster’s lyrics, this venue, his stage presence, all of it had screamed different and dark and just a bit dangerous, and not at all Seokjin. He had wanted more than this. More than just some rapper. Rap Monster was mesmerizing and intense, but that wasn’t what he was looking for. Not even close. And how could he even begin to relate to someone so unlike himself, let alone date them or marry them?

They had begun weaving through the crowd, and it was at the peak of his frustration that Jin realized it was just him and G-Dragon. He glanced around for the others, wondering if they had lost them in the crowd, but G-dragon seemed to notice his confusion.

“It’s just you and me. They’ll meet up with us after. You ready?”

“For what?” Jin’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion, and G-Dragon stared at him in disbelief. What… Oh. OH. Of course. “Oh. Right.”

“This is why you came, right?” They had reached the edge of the crowd, and Jin realized they were heading towards a door on the far right of the stage. For a moment, he forgot his frustration and felt a knot of nervousness clench in the pit of his stomach instead.

That’s right. He brought himself here. It wasn’t Rap Monster’s fault that Jin had been affected so profoundly. It wasn’t Rap Monster’s fault that they were soulmates. He had decided to show up unannounced, and he would deal with it.

“Yeah. I’m ready,” he nodded. That was probably a lie. He followed G-Dragon through the door anyway.

The first person he saw was short and blonde, dressed in tight black jeans and a baggy white hoodie. The guy looked simultaneously elated and exhausted—until he caught sight of them.

“Heya Suga.” A glare. “Oh calm down. Where’s he at?”

“Back there,” Suga tipped his head back toward the other side of the room before shifting his eyes towards Jin. A chill ran through him at the look Suga gave him. “You.”

Suga stalked forward, and despite being inches shorter, managed to make feel Jin feel infinitely smaller as he leaned forward to growl, “If you ing hurt him, I will make you wish you had never left the ing womb. You have no idea what a state you left him in.” Tipping back and turning to G-Dragon he grunted, “I’ve got places to be. See yah,” and stalked out.

What? If he hurt Rap Monster? The state he had left him in? Indignation rose like bile in his throat as G-Dragon dragged him towards where the rapper was supposed to be, a worried look on the bar owner’s face.

So much for dealing with it. Jin wanted to yell. To cry. To maybe kick something. To shout at everyone because he was the one who should be worried. He was the one who encountered his soulmate wrapped in someone else’s arms, tongue shoved down their goddamn throat. When had he become the bad guy? He came here of his own accord despite all that, and despite how much he doubted they could even work.

He didn’t have long to fester in his sudden rise of anger, however, because it only took a few moments to find who they were looking for. The guy was in the same dark clothing he had been in on stage, jeans ripped and hair held back by a snap back.

Based on Suga’s response to his presence, Jin was expecting some form of resentment, or hurt, or maybe flying accusations. He wasn’t sure, but he was already preparing his counter argument, hackles raised.

When Rap Monster turned around and saw them, however, Jin was left a bit confused and a lot breathless. Because after a brief look of surprise flitted across Rap Monster’s face, it was like the sun had come out, and Jin was seeing a lot of teeth and dimples and crinkling of eyes, and holy crap, was he smiling? And then all of a sudden Jin was getting yanked into a hug and he wasn’t sure what to do because Rap Monster smelled vaguely of something familiar that Jin couldn’t quite place, but instantly felt like home. He seemed soft, and that dimple had been cute and he had smiled and they were hugging and Jin was pretty sure he was clinging just as tightly as this guy was.

He was jolted back into reality when he suddenly got shoved off, and he looked up in dazed confusion. Rap Monster looked horrified, and Jin couldn’t understand why (that hug was so unexpected and freaking adorable that he hadn’t even had a chance to try and hold onto his frustration) until he started babbling something that sounded like an apology.

“Stop.”

“I—what?” Rap Monster’s voice came out strangled, and he nervously lifted his hat to run a hand through his hair before tugging it back into place (a cute nervous habit?).

“Just. Uhm. Stop.” Jin suddenly wasn’t sure what to say, but he had always taken what he was given and worked with what he had, and this would be no different because this man’s first reaction had been to beam and hug him, and he had smelled like home and that kind of thing doesn’t just happen. “I—I’m sorry. I left last time. I… Panicked? You were… uhm. Yeah. And I just. I got in contact with G-Dragon? So I came. But—I need to know.” And here Jin took a deep breath, stepped in closer, fisted his hands in Rap Monster’s shirt, and looked up at him. “Will you go on romantic dates with me? I want to go wine tasting, and out on picnics in the park, and I want to cuddle on rainy days, and decorate the house on holidays, and wear stupid matching ugly Christmas sweaters, and wash the dishes while you dry them, and wake up in the morning and not get out of bed except to make breakfast together and just be… just be goddamn domestic and cute and, and just—”

               “God, yes, please, all of it,” Rap Monster choked out, wrapping his arms around Jin and tipping forward to rest their foreheads together. “I’m no good at cooking, and I’m clumsy, but I can do the laundry, and wax poetic at you about the sky or your eyes or anything really, and I would love to dry any dishes you wash, and I’ve always dreamed of matching couple sweaters and I actually already have a bookmark folder full of links to ones I thought were really cute, and I just really really want to be together, even though I think the universe must have ed up because there’s no way I deserve a soulmate as beautiful as you.”

  “I’m going to kiss you now,” Jin breathed, already tipping forward to close the space.

“Okay,” Rap Monster murmured just before their lips met. It wasn’t chaste, but it wasn’t desperate either, their lips slotting together easily, perfectly, and moving leisurely against each other. It was everything and nothing all at once, and Jin relaxed into it, allowing all of his worries to drain into the ground and his body to melt into his soulmate’s.

     “Do you really have a bookmark folder full of links to matching couple sweaters?” Jin whispered against his lips, pulling back only just enough to flick his eyes upwards and watch as Rap Monster’s cheeks reddened and his eyes look anywhere but back at Jin.

     “Uhm. Yes? I mean, I guess that’s weird, and we really don’t ever have to look at it, I can delete it as soon as I get home—” Jin cut him off with another kiss and a giggle.

               “Oh god, you’re disgustingly perfect. Don’t you dare delete that, we are so getting matching sweaters for winter,” Jin grinned and watched with delight as Rap Monster reflected the expression, his dimple making an appearance once again. Jin suddenly gasped however, and pulled away, straightening himself out and putting on a serious expression. Rap Monster looked on in confusion, though he once again reflected Jin’s actions, standing taller and putting on a blank face. When Jin stuck out his hand, Rap Monster looked down it, very clearly puzzled about its current purpose.

               “Annyeonghaseyo. My name is Kim Seokjin, but you can just call me Jin.” Rap Monster nodded solemnly and shook his hand.

               “Annyeonghaseyo. I’m Kim Namjoon, but my friends usually call me Rapmon or Moni, because my stage name is Rap Monster. You can call me whatever you want, though.”

               Jin wrinkled his nose, decidedly against both nickname options.

               “Okay, then I’m calling you Joonie. Or Namjoonie. But I’m not calling you Rapmon,” Jin shook his head, set on this one. His heart definitely did not stutter when Namjoon grinned and that stupidly adorable dimple came out in full force once again. He looked young. Huh. “Wait, how old are you?”

            “I’m twenty-three this year… and you are…?”

           Jin allowed a satisfied grin to spread across his face, “Hah! I’m twenty-five this year.” He poked The Dimple, secretly pleased that it showed when Namjoon pouted too. “Call me hyung.”

           “But Jiiiinnn, we’re soulmates,” Namjoon whined, and Jin was reminded that this was the same man who had been on stage earlier, utterly dominating his heart and soul. How it could possibly be the same person was beyond his comprehension.

           “So? I’m your hyung, it’s respectful. Deal with it,” Jin shot back before lowering himself to Jungkook levels of childishness and sticking out his tongue. Namjoon stared at him blankly, and Jin panicked for a moment, but was quickly relieved by the younger’s burst of laughter.

           “Hyung my . But fine, Jin-hyung. I will,” Namjoon rolled his eyes good naturedly before suddenly looking struck by something. “Did you come alone?”

           Oh. Right. Friends. Those were a thing. Jin looked around, realizing G-Dragon must have left immediately after guiding him to Namjoon, and checked his phone, surprised to find it blank. T.O.P. and G-Dragon had probably filled everyone in on the plan. But still. He sent Hoseok and Hyosang texts, appreciative when they both responded quickly (though, Hyosang’s had way too many suggestive questions and winky faces for his liking).

           “Ready to meet the family?” He deadpanned, turning to face Namjoon with the most serious face he could muster.

           “Uh—what?” Namjoon looked taken aback.

           “Totally kidding. Just my jerk best friend and some other cool people that managed to weasel their ways into my life recently. Come on, they’re waiting.”