Everything’s Black Without You

They reach Eunwoo’s apartment in less then five minutes with Donghyuk’s insanely terrible driving and JinJin grasping the arm rest, pleading for the younger to slow down.

“How did you even get your licence?” JinJin shakily asks, closing the passenger side’s car door. His whole body is swaying as if he’s just gotten off the scariest roller coaster and he honestly thinks Donghyuk should have his driving abilities revaluated. “Not important right now hyung. Lets go.” Donghyuk roughly shouts as he runs past him. JinJin follows, running into Eunwoo’s apartment complex. It feels like the entire world is riding on his shoulders and his trembling limbs are evidence of all the stress flooding his system.

He hasn’t done something this outrages while sober since forever. Eighth grade was when things changed, so it’s been awhile. But he’s going to do it because it’s about time he grew up and started stepping outside of this thick circle he’s drawn so carelessly around himself.

“Why?” he mumbles to himself, but it has Donghyuk stopping. “Hyung. Eunwoo is a literal person. Everything means something to him an I don’t know, I guess he took you running out as rejection.” He replies and looks back to make brief eye contact with JinJin, before continuing up.

“What do I even say?” JinJin shyly asks as they climb the stairs he so shamefully sprinted down no more than two hours ago. “Tell him you love him and not me.” Donghyuk snickers as if it’s the simplest solution.

It is, but JinJin doesn’t know if he has it in him just yet. Doesn’t know if it’s that easy.

“Donghyuk please. I need you to help me out here.” He says, slowly following Donghyuk’s quick steps. “Well what do you like about him?” Donghyuk questions, his voice slightly echoing throughout the narrow staircase.

“What?” JinJin yelps, stunned by the sudden interrogation. “What do you like about Eunwoo.” Donghyuk sighs and JinJin doesn’t think before he’s obliviously stating “I like everything about him.” Donghyuk giggles. “Then tell him that.” He reaches for JinJin’s hand. “That’s all you need to say” and JinJin feels that’s something he can do. 

They come to a stop in front of Eunwoo’s door and it doesn’t take long for Donghyuk to start banging and kicking at the closed entrance.

“Captain open up I brought you a nice gift.” Donghyuk yells and JinJin has to physically pull the boy away. He lightly knocks. “Eunwoo can you open the door.” He softly utters, but he knows time is ticking away and the door is still not opening.

He doubtfully glimpses at Donghyuk.

“Hyung I’m going to use a trick and I don’t want you to judge me on it. Okay?” Donghyuk lightly speaks, making sincere eye contact and JinJin only nods watching as Donghyuk pulls a bobby pin from his hair. “Don’t tell me you’re going to break in.” JinJin shakily blurts out, making sure no ones walking down the hall before lowering his voice. “We can’t do that we’ll be charged.”

“Please, he would never charge you.” Donghyuk snorts, crouching in front of the door and jiggling the bobby pin into the key hole. Within a couple of clicks Donghyuk has the door easily opening. “I really don’t want to know why you’re so good at that.” JinJin mutters as he walks in. 

He looks around the still spotless apartment and notices his shoes on top of his folded pants and shirt neatly placed on the once clear table. He feels guilty for unconsciously impelling Eunwoo to wash his belongings and yet he smiles at the thought of Eunwoo taking such good care of him.

“Well if he’s here, he must be in the bed room.” Donghyuk bluntly declares. “Go get ‘em.” And Donghyuk’s shoving him towards the closed bedroom door.    

JinJin’s hands are jittering and his steps wobbling. He gently opens the door. “Eunwoo.” He weakly calls, but there is not a single misplaced object and the room is completely empty which means no Eunwoo. 

“He’s not in here.” JinJin huffs as he rejoins Donghyuk outside, making sure to lock the door from the inside before closing it. “I knew he wouldn’t let us down.” Donghyuk joyfully cheers. “Hyung I know exactly where he is. For real!” Donghyuk brightens up, taking his hand, and hurriedly leading him back down the stairs. All this running around is generating a gyrating dizziness and he just hopes Donghyuk is right this time. That Eunwoo will be there waiting for him.   

The game is about to begin and Donghyuk is abandoning him to quickly dress in the change room. JinJin runs through the wide hallway. He confidently knows where he is going, has been here so many times that he believes he can navigate this very complex with his eyes closed. He can see the indoor field just in front of him and he continues running until he’s standing with bleachers on either side.

He is so not ready for this and maybe he shouldn’t do it. Shouldn’t be here, because his brain is clearly still fuzzy and mind a lifeless wreck. This whole thing is purely impulsive.

“Jinwoo.”

He looks up to where someone has called for him and laughs realizing who has addressed him. MJ and Sanha are sitting right there at the entrance and seeing them calms his nerves so incredibly much, gives him so much more confidence. He can’t believe he’s about to do this and needs nothing more then to get it over with while he’s still running off the rapid spurts of courage infused adrenaline. Do it before he reverts to being that lonely hermit in a closed off cave.

MJ throws him a thumb’s up and Sanha is widely smiling as he salutes him. Do they even understand how much he needed that?   

JinJin shifts to the field where he can plainly see Eunwoo sitting on the team’s bench clad in his track suit, not even wearing his uniform. It’s funny how fate works. How it seems to play around with him and foreshadow every event that happens like a cruel punishment. How he didn’t even lose that ridiculous bet, yet here he is at Eunwoo’s soccer game and about to do the one thing he tried so desperately hard to get out of. The one thing that’s filled his week with anxiety and distress since MJ had daringly proposed it.

He understands what must be done and how he should do it, because he has never been lucky and because things have a weird way of working out. He’s even dreamt out plenty of situations involving this scene presented before him and how he’d do it. Just in case he needed the unconscious emotional support if it were to happen. It’s going to happen.     

It’s so ironic though, how his life is full of twisted truths and virtuous happy endings. He doesn’t even know if this is going to have a happy ending, but Eunwoo’s smile, his eyes, his voice it’s all beginning to ring throughout his mind. Resonate within him and it’s starting to make him feel weightless, like he’s full of itching feathers and they’re tickling his insides raw with fluttering passion.

He’s finding it hard to breathe and he can’t stop the soft tears from filling his eyes, because he’s that nervous. So shaken that he can’t seem to move his stuttering body, or deduce what the proper form of action is. What to do because his mind is growing blank. 

JinJin brings his quivering hands up to grip the railing and he leans over it.

“Eunwoo.” He loudly yells and the man looks up from his sulking spot on the bench, their dark eyes meeting. JinJin fathoms he must have the attention of the entire stadium and he can’t opt out now. Not when he can hear the faint whispers of the spectators talking about him and what he’s about to do like a foreseen prophecy. But he’s done caring, done letting all this gossip effect who he is and how he lives his life.

He’s ready to break through this descending shell that has captured him and locked him away for far to long now. Ready to finally be someone who means something and you know what? He’s worth it, worth every second of feeling loved and appreciated. He deserves this and nothing matters anymore besides what Eunwoo thinks.

What Eunwoo’s answer is.   

He looks in to Eunwoo’s eyes and he can’t help but stare into their beauty, marvel at how handsome this man really is. How he secretly feels lesser by default, but in a good way because he can’t see himself with anyone else.

“I really like everything about you.” And he wants to hit Donghyuk for implying these as the right words, but he carries on regardless. “Please go out with me.” He says it so fast and so clear it even has the crowed gasping, but he doesn’t care. Doesn’t mind if they insult him, or degrade him because he’s done this for himself and he feels so empowered by it.

So in control that the thirty or so eyes glaring at him and waiting for Eunwoo’s answer, don’t even faze him. Don’t matter anymore.

Eunwoo smiles and nods, but JinJin can’t look for too long because he’s completely embarrassed. He can’t believe he has just confessed in front of his best friends, in front of a large crowd holding a good amount of thirsty Eunwoo followers and Eunwoo said yes. Words can’t even explain this feeling, this quake of emotions and what the future of them hold, but he can worry about it all after. He’s ready to take life one step at a time and live within the moment, this moment.

JinJin quickly spins around laughing and he brightly shakes his head at Donghyuk who is leaning against the side of the stands. The brunette gets up and walks past JinJin, patting the blonde’s back as he enters the field. Nothing needs to be said.

Everyone’s watching in aw as JinJin climbs up the first set of steps and falls into Sanha and MJ’s much needed embrace.    

The game goes buy like a fast-moving blur and JinJin doesn’t have it in him to keep up, or even actively watch. Instead he spends the entire time snuggled in between MJ and Sanha, them comforting him with soft calming touches and uplifting words about how brave he is. But none of it is slowing his thumping heart, or stopping his inner self from telling him what he did was wrong and reminding him that he can’t take it back. That Eunwoo’s answer was fake and that he’ll have to live with the pressures of this situation if it turns out badly. He sighs and slaps his cheeks, it’s time he started thinking optimistically.

Needless to say; their team won by flying colours.

“Jinwoo?” JinJin looks down from the stands at the individual who has just greeted him and shyly smiles at Eunwoo.

This is it. 

This is facing the truth and revealing all the secrets he has been trying to keep silent. Secrets that have already broken free and need a definite classification, because there’s nothing left to conceal away.

“Can you come with me?” Eunwoo asks, glancing up and leaning his elbows on the stands where JinJin’s feet are resting.

He’s still thinking, still fighting with himself to speak. Trying to recite every sentence he wants to say so he doesn’t sound like some love-sick stalker, when MJ nudges him.

“Of course,.” he stutters and he’s shaking as he gets up, moving towards the small stairs and before he knows it he’s stumbling down those very steps. Why, why is he such a klutz?

Eunwoo swiftly takes JinJin’s hand, laughing. “Be careful.” He whispers pulling JinJin into his side and JinJin can’t speak. Can’t form a single coherent sentence that doesn’t sound like an alien language and can’t even remember a single word from that monologue he just spent the entire game constructing in his mind.

He just figures he’ll have to wait for Eunwoo’s lead and improvise the best way he can.

Eunwoo guides him out of the stadium and before he can say anything, he is being lightly pushed up against some lockers. One of Eunwoo’s hands are resting at the side of his head and the other still tightly holding his own. They’re so close and JinJin wants to be closer, to evaporate the inch of space still separating them like a sinister little game.

JinJin remembers.

Remembers how last night played out and understands why Eunwoo was so mad in the first place.

“Eunwoo…”

But Eunwoo cuts him off. “Did you mean it, what you said earlier?” Eunwoo’s casted look is pleading, like he’s doubting JinJin’s sincerity and JinJin wants nothing more then to drive all that disbelief away.

“Absolutely.” He whispers, bringing his unoccupied hand up to cup Eunwoo’s face, gripping softly at the man’s cheek and moving it slowly to rest at the back of the dark brunette’s neck. Their eyes are fixed on each other, encouraging one another to make the first move and JinJin really can’t help himself. Never planned to hold back.

He leads Eunwoo’s head down and their mouths meet in an innocent touch of the lips. And how can JinJin forget this beautiful sensation. Miss the way his knees buckle and fingers tighten from something as simple as a light peck. The way Eunwoo’s lips are so soft against his own and how even Eunwoo’s scent is making his head swirl with this complicated adoration.

Can’t forget the way Eunwoo made him feel last night when he was pinned helplessly under his tall body and the passion behind it. Or forget the words that are now playing on repeat in his mind because for once they’re the ones he wants to hear. The ones that have his heart soaring and body reacting in all sorts of weird ways.

He doesn’t know why he couldn’t clearly answer Donghyuk earlier, why he couldn’t tell his friend that he likes Eunwoo because Eunwoo makes him feel like his life has meaning again. Like he’s the only one that matters in such an albatross place. That he maybe loves Eunwoo because Eunwoo left nothing not to love. Nothing that wasn’t completely JinJin’s style. And maybe Eunwoo wont turn out to be the one JinJin’s been patiently waiting for, but he’s ready to place all his eggs in Eunwoo’s basket.

Ready to make the first move on this glass chest board full of faulty diamonds and hopeful strategies.

The kiss seems to last for hours, but JinJin knows its only been a couple of seconds and that soon enough they’ll be separating to breathe. He slowly opens his eyes and hesitantly glimpses up to meet Eunwoo’s own.

Eunwoo is just as handsome up close and it’s weird but even though they’ve never really talked, there is no awkwardness. No regret floating around in the hesitant atmosphere and he’s not about to make things uncomfortable, or uneasy.

When Eunwoo finally pulls away, JinJin smiles and this cheek hurting dimpled smile feels completely genuine and so unlike any other before it.

It feels real. Like one he can for once believe in it.

Eunwoo’s face is dusted, glowing with an alluring pink hue and JinJin loves it. Loves seeing this man fall apart just as much as he himself is, to be just as utterly confused and in love. He Eunwoo’s cheek and slithers his hand down to snuggly rest on the sweaty soccer captain’s shoulder.     

Something about this feels so right. So crazily normal.

“But I’ve never dated and we’ve never really talked.” JinJin insecurely admits, peering down. A relationship is something foreign to him and it’s scary, but he wants it and he wants it with Eunwoo. “I’ll make sure to take good care of you.” Eunwoo laughs, lifting his chin and resting their foreheads together.

Eunwoo leans in for another kiss and JinJin’s stepping up on his tippy toes to meet it.

“Come home with me?” and JinJin’s cutting in and shallowly giggling as he mumbles, “at least take me on a date first.” But he’s nodding his head regardless. He welcomes this glowing heated blush. Believes it’s going to permanently mark his skin, brand him as Eunwoo’s very own and he’s not complaining because he wouldn’t have it any other way.

He nods his head again, slowly letting it fall into the conjunction of the taller boy’s neck. He’d gladly go home with Eunwoo any day and this time he’s not going to run away. Not going to leave this man behind in confusion, because his heart is aching in all the right ways and Eunwoo’s igniting stuff he has never felt before. Stuff he has never thought he needed more of.  

He’s ready to fall in love.

Ready to step out of this depressing jail that has been keeping him from seeing all the beauty and innocence of life. To fully take in the amazing creation that is the world and have someone by his side to help him. Ready to let Eunwoo shine every once of light and every forgotten colour of the rainbow into his darkened reality.

So this is it, the last chapter. I really hope i didn't disappoint anyone or anything like that. I took up writing this story as a from of stress relief and honestly the support warms my heart so much. Like i said before i never intended on becoming so invested but it just kinda worked out that way and it really has been a long journey hasn't it. I don’t know how many more times i can say, but thanks again to those who have supported me and this crazy story.     

I absolutely love this ship so much. 

-BreakingBoundaries