Kibummie... I hope you won't hate me for this. I've made up my mind; I'm going to do the military enlistment. Minho will watch Comme Des and Garcon. I'm putting Roo down today.

The vet told me it's cancer. She's had it for a long time, and she probably showed signs of being unwell much earlier on. I didn't notice because I was so worried about you. And now it's too late. The tumor grew in a place wehre they can't remove it with surgery anymore - it's connected to veins and stuff. She's in pain, and I can't let her live like that.

I think that military is the best choice for me right now. The routine, the physical training. I won't be surrounded by so many reminders of you.

What you told me... About taking care of myself... I wish I didn't have to but I think you're right. I need to learn how to live without you again. Maybe then I'll be able to help you more.

Onew still has another year left. He was surprised when I told him I was enlisting, but happy too. He says he's looking forward to seeing me in person again.

Taemin was quiet about the whole thing. He seems to have a lot on his plate right now. SM is having him mentor a trainee. From what I understand, I think Taemin is worried for the kid's health. I'm worried Taemin might try to take on too much responsibility. He looks too tired a lot these days.

I'll be leaving for service next week. Manager-hyung is already telling the media, and Bummie... Some om the comments people have made. They say I'm abandoning you. Bummie, no matter what, I love you. Maybe it should have happened sooner, but I need some space from you. I promise I'll come home a stronger man.

Love you always,

Jonghyun