Bummie Bummie Bummie... My Kibummie... God how I love you.

After so long just seeing you while you were sleeping, pale and white in a hospital room, I got to see you awake.

I almost didn't believe it when your doctor called me, saying you'd requested to see me. When it sunk in that I wasn't dreaming, that I was truly going to see you... I started to cry, Bummie.

I came in this morning, and the doctor and I had a long conversation about how I was supposed to behave. Of course a lot of the rules were things I knew anyway. No talking about your past, our relationship, or work. No touching, and no pet-names. Basically, I am a stranger to you and should behave as one.

All of that almost went out of the window when I walked into your room to see you looking at me. Oh, Bum... I wanted to kiss you. To rush to your side and hold you, and tell you over and over how much I love you. It'd been too long since I'd last got to look into your eyes, too long since I had heard your voice. It took every ounce of self control I posess to hold myself back.

Talking with you was wonderful, limited though our topics were. Just hearing you speak was enough for me. You asked about all the flowers, and I struggled to come up with a reason that didn't break the rules. I couldn't say they were from your fans, I couldn't say they were because I love you. But I didn't want to lie. I finally settled on a truth I could share.

"Someone as beautiful as you deserves a beautiful room." You laughed at that.

Your next question, about my health, was also not easily answered. Again, I couldn't lie to you. I could never lie to you. So I told you the truth as vaugely as I could. I said that someone very special to me had gotten hurt in an accident, that they were in hospital and I couldn't be with them. That for them to heal, I couldn't be by their side. How I didn't know if they would ever be able to come home.

You called me an idiot... You told me that by not caring for myself, I was hurting that special person. How could I be strong enough to help them if I was too weak to help myself? Though you were scolding me, it felt wonderful. You sounded so much like yourself, back in the dorm and scolding Taemin for pushing himself too hard in practice, to the point where he'd collapsed. I couldn't stop myself from crying.

One of the nurses made me leave so I didn't upset you.

When I got home, Roo had thrown up on the kitchen floor. I hope she isn't very sick...

Love you always,

Jonghyun