To my surprise, the apartment was empty when I returned, and looked as if it had been so for a couple of days. I found my engagement ring on the kitchen table along with a letter that brought me to tears, but left me with a sad smile on my face.

Nana,

If you’re reading this, then that means you came back. That has to be a good thing, right?  Or have you rely to tell me that you are leaving me forever?

I’m sorry. I know that sorry has just gotten old, but I really don’t know what else to say. I’m sorry for several things: for breaking our agreement, for losing your trust, for hurting you.

I’ve loved you for longer than even you know. Ever since that night at the bar in New York City, I knew that you were the one for me. You didn’t know it, but I was going through a harder time than even I let on. I was on the edge, so close to just running away from everything, but you held me back. You saved me. That night, you were my guardian angel, and the most beautiful girl I had ever laid eyes on.

Did you know what I went back to find you the next night after the concert? Your scary bartender friend told me that you had left, and refused to give me any personal details. I left American feeling disappointed, feeling as if I had accidentally passed someone that was supposed to be very important to me and prayed to god that we would cross paths again.

When my parents told me that I was to be married to someone they had chosen, I wasn’t too happy about it either. I mean, I was Super Junior’s Leeteuk, an international super-idol. What if the girl was ugly or weird, or worse, some crazy stalker fan? I was so vain, and didn’t even think that there was a possibility that the girl would not even like me or find me suitable. So imagine my surprise when you walked into the room that afternoon. I went to church with Siwon that very next week to thank God for bringing you back into my life.

You didn’t give me much of a chance at first, did you? But it was understandable. You were young, and strong-willed, and didn’t want your future controlled by our parents. But I was happy, because I had you. Was I too selfish? Probably.

As we spent more time together, I broke past the wall you put up, and I learned what made you tick. And trust me, some of those things are completely ridiculous.

Like how you spent hours watching horrible American reality tv even though you call it trashy. Like how you could watch 10 horror movies in a row in the dark and not get scared, and watch 10 sad movies and not cry, but reading a good book or hearing a good song can bring out those elusive tears. Like how you insist on eating ketchup with everything, even if it’s not meant to be dipped in it. Like how you still got up at 10am every Sunday to watch cartoons and play video games in your pajamas even though you’re a grown woman.

Your job was hard to deal with, but I made do. I tried to forget the fact that you spent your days photographing and editing pictures of attractive men, and I tried to not worry that you might fall for someone else. After all, I was the leader of the most popular male kpop group in the world…who could compete with me? No one.  

You were rude to me at first, but I took it like a man in love because that was exactly what I was. No matter what you said or did, you were still perfect in my eyes.

After I got to know you more, I was only more convinced that you were the one, and it hurt that you didn’t see it the same way. It hurt even more when you started seeing Kwon Jiyong. I had been wrong, there were people who could compete with me, and G-Dragon was one of them. No matter how good Super Junior is, Big Bang is at a different level with fans. Especially after his solo album, Jiyong's popularity was completely of a different kind.

Even though you and I had agreed that we could see other people, I didn’t think it would actually happen since we were engaged. I just knew that I never had the intentions to date anybody else because you were the only girl in my eyes, but I dealt.

I don’t know what finally won you over, but my life exploded in color when you stopped seeing Jiyong and started decorating the house, no, our house. You even started wearing your engagement ring, and everything suddenly felt real; you were finally Cho Haena, my fiancé.

I knew that you hated how we couldn’t go on real dates, or even be seen together in public. It bothered you how my profession depended on our secrecy, and it bothered you when fangirls mobbed me everywhere. You hated all of it, but you dealt.

I have such a hard time choosing a favorite memory with you, because there are so many. Every moment with you is perfect, and I knew months ago that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you.

Let’s talk about that night, shall we? I was so drunk that I barely remember what happened the night before. All I remember was waking up to your hurt, shocked face, an image that is now forever etched into my brain. I knew I deserved it when you threw the ring at my face and left, but I couldn’t help it; I never gave up hope that you would somehow find it in your heart to forgive me and find your way back.

They call me the angel leader, but I’m no angel. You are the real angel.

While you were gone, I used the time to really think and figure out what I wanted most in this life. That answer had come so easily: you. I also realized that it was time for change. It was time for me to give up being an idol. It was an amazing 7 years of my life with my Super Junior members, but it was time for me to move on and grow up. It is time for me to serve my country, and then time to go after you. So that is what I’m going to do; it is finally time for me to enlist in the army.

Please know, Nana, that I plan on marrying you. I don’t care what I have to do. I don’t care if I have to search the ends of the earth for you, or to ask for forgiveness every day for the rest of my life, I’m willing to do it.  When I get back, I will tell the whole world at that time that you are the woman that I love and want to spend the rest of my life with.

Only this time around, we will do it the right way, without parents and without contracts. When I get back, I, Park Jungsu, will get down on one knee and ask you, Cho Haena, to be my wife the way it’s meant to be done. Until then, I’ve left the ring for you, in hopes that you won’t forget me.

I took the bottle of perfume you left here with me to the training camp because I needed something to remind me of you while I am away. I know it’s probably designer and expensive and you’re probably mad, but I need it, or I might go mad.

You’re under no obligations to wait for me, and I don’t expect you to. But I hope, and I pray, that you do. They say that if you really love something, you have to let it go and if it’s meant to be, it will come back to you. I think that is bull. Life isn’t like that at all, and a man needs to go after what he wants. I really don’t know what I would do if I came back, and you were with another man, but I will not give up that easily.

I’m missing you so much already, love.

Take care of yourself when I’m gone, and don’t eat so much fast food. I’m sure Ryeowook wouldn’t mind having you over for dinner at the dorm once in a while. Well, if Kyuhyun could have his way, it would be every day, but don’t get too close to him; I’ll be jealous.

Don’t play in the rain or snow too much, and make sure to get enough sleep. I’ve made Siwon promise to make sure you take your vitamins and get enough exercise, so don’t blame him when he drags your lazy to the gym once in a while. I’ve also told In Young to watch over you, and I feel better knowing that you are safe in my noona’s care.

Infinitely yours,

Park Jungsu 

xoxo    

Would we have a happy ending?

I didn’t know. I didn’t even know what was going to happen a few years down the stretch when he returned from the military.

Will he still be the same guy? Will I even be the same girl that he left behind, the one he is in love with? But no matter what, I knew for sure that I wanted, no, needed, Park Jungsu in my future.

With more confidence than I had done with anything else in my life, I slipped the ring back onto my finger. I, Cho Haena, was done running from my fears.  

[A/N]: Too angsty? But it's happy at the same time. I originally planned to end this at the exact same time Leeteuk goes into the military, but our angel leader is still hanging on so....mentally time lapse this whole "storm" to whenever that happens. This letter was emotional for me to write. I almost decided to end the story here, but....I'm considering one more chapter.

Also, gave in to my latest obsession and started an EXO story. Go sub HERE.