Day 41

Ever since we kissed, I noticed that my heart kept racing in an extremely fast beat when my eyes met with his. My face was burning hot each time we talked about relationship, as I'm still adjusting myself to adapt to this 'new thing' between us. More than once I questioned myself if all of these are real - that from now on Jong Kook oppa isn't just a doctor to me but he's also my boyfriend (omo.. this word made me blushed!). Was I dreaming when he said that he loves me? Am I ready to give my heart to this man despite knowing my physical state will be a burden to us in the future? I don't know, but I'm keen to find out.

Kai was very happy to know that Jong Kook oppa and I have agreed to become 'official'. He even reminded his brother to always make me smile or he will 'steal' my heart from him before it gets broken (I bet he was just joking.. that naughty boy!). Of course my 'boyfriend' (I really should familiarize myself with this new term) was getting jealous for nothing, and I found it funny that he warned me not to be too friendly with his little brother who then became furious when Jong Kook oppa made that statement. Though it was a bit childish, it made me realized that my namja wasn't lying about his feeling towards me and I'm so grateful for that.

Day 43

Being a girlfriend to a doctor was really challenging especially when you're not in a good state of health. Every now and then my Kookie (nickname for my sweet angel) will babble about getting the surgery that I need, and he became way overprotective than he used to be which sometimes led to a small argument between us. I can't leave my bed without any assistance from Kai or the nurses, and I'm not allowed to eat whatever that is not healthy according to Kookie. Though he wasn't around me twenty-four seven, his 'eyes' and 'ears' are everywhere. Even Kai couldn't help me to escape from Kookie's radar, hence I gave up 'running away' from my doctor angel the man who loves me dearly. Such a controlling boyfriend he is!

Anyway, things are going well for our little family despite my physical is gradually 'decaying' day by day. While I'm still battling with bone cancer (which comes together with hair and weight loss), the Kim brothers would always keep my spirit high during the difficult moment. If I were to do this on my own, I don't think that I can survive all the painful procedures that I had to go through. I'd rather die than to be 'tortured' by doctors who worked hard to 'fix' me. I know that it's for my own benefit, which is why I understand the reason Kookie persistently demanding for my agreement to proceed with the surgery. Don't get me wrong. I'm not against the idea of removing the affected bone, I was just worried of the outcome from the surgery. What if I.. don't make it?

Day 49

I couldn't update my journey here as often because of the following reasons - I was in coma for several days and later attached to a breathing machine for another couple of days once I regained conscious. According to Kookie, there's been a complication due to the treatment that I consistently received which caused difficulties for me to breathe properly as my body suddenly rejected it. Frankly I don't even remember when did I blackened out, but most probably it happened during my sleep. It scares me to think that I could be gone in any minutes, and I can tell that the Kims were sharing the same fear as mine.

It broke my heart to see how much the brothers were hurt when they thought that it's my time to go, as both of the Kims had been sleepless while I was unconscious. The way Kookie held my hand and the tears that Kai shed for me the moment I was able to call out their name (finally I got detached from the breathing machine) reminded me that my survival is important to them. They are now my reasons to fight this illness and I don't want to disappoint them again. Hence I made up my mind and agreed to undergo the surgery, which could be a life-changing decision for the three of us. Of course I'm still scared of the outcome, but I leave it to God and keep praying for a miracle.

Day 51

From what I understand, the surgery will take place in two weeks and the specialist doctor will run few tests on me before I enter the operation theatre. At this stage, I don't care what they need to do with me. As long as it increases my chance to survive, I'm up for it. Part of me was getting excited to be healed from my illness, but I also feared that it will make it worse. There's no guarantee that it won't fail, so I need to do some preparations before it happens.

I asked for Kai's help to continue with my writing should I wasn't able to finish it after the surgery, and told him to give this piece of work to his hyung in case I couldn't make it. The young man scowled at me for talking about my death (which he refused to hear it), but I have to do this so I won't feel regret when it actually happened. Kai eventually agreed, and I thanked him for his kind understanding. I also reminded him to be a good brother to Kookie, and wish that they will always look out for each other just like they are now. Hopefully my wishes will come true.

Day 55

Finally I have the opportunity to leave my room for few hours as my Kookie got a day off. He made me wrote my wishlist (things that I wanted to do before the surgery) and I came out with five activities that we can perform together. He promised me that we will be completing all in the list within the same day as a gift for my birthday. I told him that I will only celebrate it in four months from now, but he insisted to have it today as anything can happen in between. I understand what he meant, so I agreed with his plan and let him lead the way.

Just the two of us all day long (Kookie didn't allow Kai to disturb our 'first date' as a couple), we start with horseriding by the beach before Kookie took me for a boat ride. I was so excited to get back to nature and refresh my old memories with regard to outdoor activities that I used to do when I was healthier, though now I can only watch Kookie doing most of them on my behalf (since I'm no longer physically fit as before). I had to 'coach' him how to perform rock climbing (I just gave instructions from the ground), as it was one of my favourite sports which turned out to be his first experience at it. The moment he reached the top, Kookie shouted to the world that he loves me and made my face blushing to the ears when everyone else began to tease me with a smile.

Though it was too early to set up a camp and prepare barbecue by the river, Kookie made everything possible for me. I rewarded him with a back hug while he was cooking our lunch, but I found myself unable to let him go. He turned around and shoved a piece of grilled meat into my mouth, then quickly planted a kiss on my cheek as he said "Saranghae." I repeated his word with a beaming smile, then we walked hand in hand to the foldable camping table with plates of food for lunch. That was the best meal ever - having it prepared and ate them with the one you love. But my happiness doesn't end there. Kookie surprised me with a piece of cake - singing me a birthday song before I blew up the candle and made a wish.

As I took a bite, something hard got into my mouth. My eyes widened when I found that it was actually a gold ring (fortunately I didn't swallow it!), but what Kookie did next was the real surprise. He got down on one knee, took my hand and recited his proposal, "My dear Song Ji Hyo. I know that we just get to know each other.. but it was enough for me to realize how much I love you and so I want our relationship to be sealed with a marriage. Will you do the honour to become my wife and let me take care of you for the rest of your life?". I was speechless. This is so sudden. Will I be able to make him happy?