Day 96

I was literally tired from yesterday's outing when Kookie woke me up with a kiss, although I was still in bed at 10 in the morning. He greeted me with a beaming face - asking if I dreamt of him last night and how's my 'date' going with his little brother, Kai. I gave him a nudge for showing off his jealousy, but honestly I like it when he did that. It confirms how much he loves me despite my poor physical condition, and that made me fall for him every single day. Hence, I don't regret my decision to accept his marriage proposal because I know that he's the one man for me.. and I'm the one for him.

So today we spent hours hunting for everything that we could - from wedding dress to cake and photographer for our big day. I saw how excited Kookie was, and he always seek for perfection although we're not planning for a grand wedding. Oh my Kookie. How lucky I am to have you as my guy. You've never failed to make me the happiest woman on earth, and I'm truly grateful for all that. I wish I have a way to repay you within my short period as your wife, so you won't feel 'empty' or sad when death do us apart. I'm sure we both share the same dream of becoming a parent, but truly that is the one thing which I may not be able to.. promise him. Mianhae Kookie. I hope you will still love me till my last breath.

Day 97

Just when I thought that life is getting better, my sickness began to haunt me again and this time it was slightly alarming. Last night I suddenly had a severe chest pain, as if something heavy was blocking my lungs and shortening my breath. I was too weak to call out for Kookie or Kai who was sleeping in the other room, so I had to 'bear' with my illness till the morning arrived. It scares me to think that I was about to die, especially before the wedding day which Kookie and I had been preparing for since I got my feet back. After all that we went through together, I can't allow my health to be the reason that we couldn't hold our wedding as planned. Whatever it takes, I will get it done.

Because of that, I requested to have the wedding sooner instead of waiting for another month. I don't think I can afford to wait for that long, now that I realized my sickness can defeat me at any time. Fortunately Kookie agreed (after asking me so many questions!), hence we've decided to get married in three days and make it as simple as possible. I don't care anymore. Even we couldn't get many people to attend it, the most important point is that we're going to be lawfully wedded husband and wife while we still can. That's all matter, isn't it?

Day 98

It's the second night I'm experiencing chest pain, which I'm assuming due to all the hectic preparation for our ad hoc wedding day and getting nervous only making it worse. I wasn't sure if I should tell Kookie about my sickness, as I don't want him to feel disappointed or he might call off the wedding unnecessarily. Not that my own health isn't a priority, but we're almost done with our preparation and many (among Kookie's colleagues) have accepted our wedding invitation. Therefore, I don't think it's right to put it on hold any longer when this could be my only chance to live our dream as a married couple.

Despite I have done my best to hide my pain, Kai was quick to notice that I wasn't feeling well. He kept asking what was wrong with me, but I just told him that I'm fine and maybe I was too nervous about the wedding. He seemed to believe in what I've said, and kept me motivated with words of encouragement. In front of Kookie and his friends, I put on my happy face to convince everyone that I'm not affected by my illness. But as a precaution, I requested for our wedding to be held at the hospital's garden. Not only it's the place where we first met as friends (instead of a doctor and his patient), but also for in case of emergency should my chest pain is getting worse. Like they said, it's better to be safe than sorry!

Day 99

It was the most tiring day for me as my wedding will be on tomorrow. Definitely I'm very excited to become a wife, but I can't deny how much it stressed me out at the same time. As soon as I opened my eyes, I had to run to the shower and get ready to meet up with our wedding planner. The next thing was to see the venue preparation (the decoration and all that) before Kookie and I could rehearse for the wedding. We also need to ensure that logistics won't be an issue and food will be served accordingly. Later in the evening, both of us were invited to a special celebration party held by Kookie's colleagues. Some of them used to treat me as a patient while the rest are unfamiliar faces. But they were all very nice people and I'm glad to get to know them.

We came home around 9pm, and by then I was physically and mentally weak to talk with anyone. I went straight to my room, spending time to get this writing done and maybe afterward I will climb onto my bed for a good night sleep. I really need to recharge myself for my big day tomorrow, or else I will start having chest pain and shortness of breath all night long. Oh God. What if tonight is my final night on earth? Will I wake up the next day and walk the aisle with Kookie? Suddenly I was afraid to close my eyes, but I don't think I have a choice here. Well then.. good night Kookie. Saranghaeyo (wish to see you again tomorrow!)

Day 100

Finally it's here.. and I'm still alive! Thank you God for your mercy. At least I can attend my own wedding in less than four hours. By the way, I want to share what happened last night. Around 11pm, Kookie came into my room. He was concerned if I was exhausted after nonstop activities that we had, then he hugged me and kissed my forehead when I said that I was worried about the big day. Hearing his heart beat has calmed my emotion, and I abruptly asked him to stay with me until I fell asleep. At that moment I was desperate to feel his presence with me, in case I can't fulfill my promise to be his wife should angel of death comes to invite me to the afterlife. Fortunately.. that's not the case.

I can't wait to describe how my wedding is in this journal, but right now I need to get ready for the ceremony and put on the white dress that Kookie bought for me. But before that, let me write down my wedding vow (my speech for my dear husband):

My dear Kim Jong Kook,

Other men will just walk away from a sick woman like me, but like an angel you spread your wings and protect me with your love and kindness. I owe you more than I can give to you in this life, to which I hope will not make you regret to take me as your wife. If I need to choose between you and my health, I'd rather live with this sickness than losing the one man that I love. You're my world Kookie.. and in my world there's no one else exist except you and me. Even though my time is very limited.. I'm so glad that it's you who I spend it with. Saranghaeyo my doctor, my friend, my lover, my angel and now.. my dear husband. You will be in my heart.. always.

Okay, I need to stop for now. The people are here. Wish me luck!