Day 91

While Kookie was occupied with his job as a doctor, I thought it would be good for me to continue with my writing which I have neglected for almost a month. How fast time flies, and I'm surprised that I'm still alive. Kookie used to say that my time on earth will be less than three months, but today marks my 91st day since I wrote this journal. I can't believe it myself, but I know I didn't come this far on my own. Behind my long survival are two great guys who happened to love me wholeheartedly - one is my guardian angel while the other.. he's my charming little brother.

Not all women with bone cancer are lucky enough to find love and friendship within this short period of life, and I'm among the fortunate ones cause I have Kookie and Kai who take good care of me since we got to know each other. Frankly I was ashamed to receive so much attention from the Kims when in return, I set them apart. Marrying Kookie is the least that I can do to repay his kindness, however we are losing Kai because of that decision. The young man - although our friendship was tough at the beginning, has been opened about his feeling for me. It breaks my heart to know that he's been suffering from having to witness my relationship with his older brother, and now he's gone before I had the chance to thank him for everything. I wish I can make him happy too.

Day 93

Although Kookie never mentioned it, I know that he's been worrying about Kai. We haven't heard a word from his little brother, and it seems like the young man doesn't want to be found. None of Kookie's call or message was responded, while Kai's close friends refused to tell us where he's at. I can see that my man kept blaming himself for failing to look after his brother, so I offered myself to search for Kai (assuming that he is still comfortable to speak to me). Kookie agreed, and he trusts my decision as I asked for his permission to spend a day with his dongsaeng. At this junction, we need to try all possible solutions to bring him back. Our marriage will not take place until Kai is here with us - that's our promise to each other.

So I recorded a video message to Kai, telling him about my final wish which is to see my favourite little brother before I close my eyes. It's important for him to remember that I may not have much time on earth, so we must not waste any second left or we will regret it later. My plan works - Kai reached me through my handphone and we finally got the chance to talk to each other. He was sorry for keeping a distance from me as he doesn't want his brother to feel insecure around him, but I told Kai that it was just a silly misunderstanding and he can come home whenever he wants. Kai was contemplating to believe it, hence I convinced him that Kookie has no objection for him to spend a day with me and so he asked me out on a 'date'. It sounds funny when he used that word, cause I know that he just wants to see if Kookie really trust him to take care of his woman (that's me!). Oh my.. such a complicated game they're playing.

Day 94

I was given a temporary release from the hospital as I still need to be monitored on daily basis, but that was enough for me to celebrate my short freedom. Kai finally showed up at my door, helping me to pack my belongings and check out from the room. The brothers were still awkward around each other, but at least their trying to make amend. To prove that he can trust him, Kookie asked Kai to look after me while he's at work, and I can see Kai was very happy to hear it. The Kims exchanged hugs before we leave, and I got a surprise kiss from my man as he sent us to the car. I'm not sure if it's appropriate to do that in front of Kai, but I guess Kookie was sending a 'signal' that I'm still his woman.

The air was filled with silence for the first ten minutes, and from his look I believed Kai was slightly hurt by our romance back at the hospital. To cheer him up, I cracked a joke by saying that Mr. Jongji is missing his appa, and that made Kai let out a small laugh. When I saw his face was beaming again, I took the opportunity to thank him for not giving up on me and told the young man that I'm sorry for turning him down. He playfully responded by saying that he's willing to forgive me if I agree to go on a 'date' with him, because in order to move on he needs to be the one who 'break-off' with me. I'm assuming that he wanted to close the loop of our 'relationship'.. so why not if it helps him to forget his unrequited love?

Day 95

As promised, I'm spending a whole day with Kai as his 'date'. He made me dressed up so early in the morning (right after Kookie went to work), and made me eating the breakfast that he has prepared for me. Honestly I have no appetite for food, but since he put his best effort I didn't want to disappoint him. Next we went for a bicycle ride at a park where many couples spent their day together, then he got me an ice cream (same flavour that we had prior to my surgery) while enjoying the beautiful scenery at the open field. Oh yes. I had to bring along Mr. Jongji because Kai wanted our 'child' to have fun with his parents before getting a divorce. Wow.. he really think hard along the storyline and that was amazing to me.

The moment we got back into the car, I took the chance to doze off as I was losing energy after the morning activities. I thought we went home right after that, instead he took me to a cinema and we ended up watching a romantic comedy movie. It was a fun experience - I can't remember when was the last time I had so much of laughter. For lunch, Kai took me to a fine dining restaurant (it looks expensive to me!) which he made a special reservation just for the two of us. While enjoying our food, Kai asked me if I'm literally happy with Kookie, which I responded with a definite 'yes'.

His face changed a bit, then he congratulated me for the upcoming wedding without even lifting his head. He kept saying that Kookie is a lucky man, and as a brother he is happy to welcome a new member to his family. I can tell how hard it was for him to say that, and so I thank him for the nth time just to show how much I appreciate his presence in my life. Kai has definitely warmed my heart with his charm, and I will never forget what he did to keep me alive.

After we're done at the restaurant, Kai asked my permission to walk hand-in-hand with me towards the car. We did, but as we reached the vehicle he made me stare at him as he said, "This is the end of my love for you noona. You're free to choose anyone.. I will not be hesitated anymore. I'm going to erase you from my heart, so don't treat me like a man who can be your future. But thank you for this wonderful date.. I had the best day of my life with you." Unwittingly, tears ran down from my eyes when he planted a kiss on my cheek. Then I heard him whispered, "I'll see you at the wedding." I guess that's how Kai 'broke up' with me.