Note: Italic means flashbacks or inside thoughts on some parts. The present is the normal text. Pardon for grammatical errors and misspelled words.

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When They were Young III

As soon as she hit the final note, Jessica breathed in relief and closed her eyes for seconds. She could still feel the piano keys beneath her fingertips and her insides burning in excitement. It’s been a while since the last time she got that serious playing an entire song in a piano while singing. It brought back the days when she’s still in grade school eager to join every recital held by their school in the US. Jessica gave a great sigh, opening her eyes. She lifted her hands away from the keys and turned, only to realize Taeyeon had paused beside her. Jessica slightly opened to let out a joke but she stopped finding the older girl watching her intensely— so intense was her gaze that Jessica couldn’t wrench her own eyes from her. ‘Why is Taeyeon reacting like this?’. Briefly, Jessica lowered her eyes uneasily, as she felt the heat slowly creeping into her cheeks.

She supposed not to feel strange that Taeyeon staring at her, but Jessica felt otherwise. Taeyeon’s intense stare unnerved her so much, it was as if her gaze boring through her. Eventually, she glanced up at her again and met Taeyeon’s eyes directly this time. Jessica watched Taeyeon’s eyes moved along her face, with what looked to be admiration. Jessica experienced that unfamiliar feeling all over again, surging into her as her heartbeat stumble. And it didn’t help that the room became so silent that she could almost hear of their breathing.

When their eyes meet again, Jessica admitted, she couldn’t take her eyes off of her anymore. She always knew Taeyeon’s eyes were expressive but that was the first time Jessica has that amount of appreciation and actually stare in those beautiful orbs that closer. Taeyeon’s eyes were so soft, so warm that Jessica felt different sorts of emotion passed through her. She wondered, what was Taeyeon thinking of her right now?

Jessica almost stopped her breathing, balling her fist in anticipation as Taeyeon’s head slowly moved forward, leaning in. Jessica’s eyes grew big, catching her breath as her heart beating rapidly the second Taeyeon’s lips touched hers. Taeyeon pressed a careful and gentle kiss to her lips as if trying to match the quietness around them inside the music room. And Jessica had sat there unmoving while she’d fallen into a state of confusion. She’d never been kissed, let alone by a girl before. But she won’t lie, Taeyeon’s lips were light and soothing, making her forget all her worries. Jessica closed her eyes. At the brief moment— when she had already decided she wouldn’t stop Taeyeon and would try to kiss her back— Jessica heard footsteps and voices, laughing outside of the room, probably in the hallway.

Jessica opened her eyes, pushing Taeyeon away in panic. “Taeyeon, no! I—.” She couldn’t finish her words as she glanced at Taeyeon’s face. Her eyes went through a range of emotions— shock, confusion, and hurt.

“T-Tae—.”

“I-I’m sorry.” She mumbled.

Jessica didn’t know what to do as Taeyeon moved away from her quickly, grabbing her bag on one of the chairs. Ignoring the confusion raging on in her head, Jessica stood up from the piano bench, wanting to follow Taeyeon who she was sure was about to leave the music room.

“T-Taeyeon, wait.”

The door opened even before Taeyeon could hold the doorknob. It was their vocal coach who appeared along with his assistant, looking at them in surprise. Perhaps, they were wondering what she and Taeyeon doing there in that early morning. Jessica stayed rooted from where she stands, suddenly hesitating to take another step. All her plans to go after Taeyeon just vanished into the air. No, not when their vocal coach was there.

“Taeyeon? Jessica?” He eyed them in wonder.

The vocal coach was taken aback when Taeyeon stepped ahead, passing him by briskly while her bag slightly bumping on his arm. “Taeyeon, where are you go—?” And he was being ignored.

Jessica stood there watching as Taeyeon bolted out of the room, unable to call her friend’s name. Their vocal coach was left dumbfounded, turning at her with his eyebrows up. “What just happened?”

Jessica bit her lower lip; her fingers were frantically fidgeting. She shook her head. “N-Nothing, seonsaengnim.”

His eyes were staring at her like a hawk. “Sure?”

“Y-Yes, seonsaengnim.” Jessica whispered, looking down.

He sighed. He didn’t believe her. Truthfully, he wanted to ask more, but he knew it’s not his place to pry. He was just there to guide them through music after all. It was impossible to express his thoughts regarding their issues, though he hoped it didn’t affect their practice again like before. However, for the years he observed them, he had always known Taeyeon and Jessica were very much alike. They were both stubborn and hardheaded that neither of them will want to back down every time they disagree unless one of them swallows her pride.

----

“Taetae.”

Taeyeon felt someone nudge her in her sleep. Then she heard the loud voice she’d have known, calling her, as fingers brush her shoulder.

“Taeyeon.”

Taeyeon moved, barely opening her eyes. “Miyoung?” She asked, squinting her eyes from the light.

“Yes, I am.” She chuckled. “I knew it you’re still on the bed when I didn’t see you in the kitchen. Rise up now, otherwise, you’ll be going to be late for training.”

“Huh?”

“It’s already past 7 AM, Taetae. We’re leaving for school now.” Stephanie took her bag from the floor, hanging it to her shoulder. “I still have some toasted bread on the table. Eat it before going to the training, okay? Bye, see you later.”

Taeyeon sat up slowly, watching Stephanie leave the room. “Bye.” She waved even though the other girl couldn’t see her. Taeyeon heard the entrance door was being locked and she sighed. Honestly, she didn’t want to go to the training. The training lately became intensive and tough. They train from early morning to night that they felt it wasn’t enjoyable anymore— it was exhausting, and the pressure in their head becomes unbearable. Sometimes, she’s seeing other trainees bursting into tears probably wanted to quit and just go home like her, but still, doesn’t want the opportunity and effort they gave to go to waste so thus keeping up.

And besides, she still in the mode of avoiding Jessica entirely. It’s been a week since that incident happened in the music room, and still, she was not prepared to face or look at her in the eyes straight. Though she’s congratulating herself for keeping her distance from Jessica. Taeyeon thought she’s turning an expert for continuing evading Jessica for days. Now, she just needed to know until when she could keep up like this. Totally avoiding Jessica was impossible. Their friends started to notice and they thought it’s another disagreement between them. Choi Sooyoung asked her what happened, but no, she had to stay silent no matter what. She’ll never embarrass herself, especially, Jessica.

Taeyeon heaved a sigh, loudly. All sorts of thoughts flew to her mind. She closed her eyes and try to remember the day she kissed Jessica on the lips as if it’s still fresh in her mind. Taeyeon couldn’t count anymore how many times she touched her lips, reminiscing how soft Jessica’s lips on hers and her heart starting to pound crazily again that she was flustered. She could still remember every little thing clearly. Taeyeon chuckled for acting like a lovesick teenager who couldn’t even focus on her priorities.

Taeyeon ruffled her hair, standing up from the bed. She hasn’t yet reached adulthood and she’s acting like this, being problematic about her life. There’s nothing good that will happen to her if she still keeps filling her mind with thoughts about love endlessly. Taeyeon went out of the room, making coffee, and eats Stephanie’s toasted bread. She showered and get readied herself for another long and tiring day of training again. Taeyeon came on time in the agency’s building. She entered and saw other trainees hanging around in the hallway. Taeyeon bowed to her seniors and nodded to some friends.

“Hey, Tae!”

Taeyeon startled, feeling an arm around her shoulder. She looked up and saw Kim Heechul, her senior, smiling widely at her.

“Oppa.”

“You’re here at last. I’m waiting for you, you know?”

Her brows up, staring at him questioningly. “Why?”

“These.” Heechul showed her that seemed to be movie tickets between his fingers. “Let’s watch a movie this weekend. Invite, Hyoyeon, and Jessica. I’ll invite Donghae.”

Taeyeon stopped in her tracks, hearing Jessica’s name. She looked away. “Why don’t you invite them personally?”

“C’mon, Kim Taeyeon, you’re close to Jessica.”

“And so are you. You both are friends.” Taeyeon furrowed her brows. “Oppa, are you just using me to have your way to Jessica? I’m hurt.”

Heechul let out a laugh loudly, looking at Taeyeon with amusement. He patted her head. “Stop being a drama queen, Taeyeon. You know you’re my sister and I love you but it’s Jessica we’re talking about. I might get snub by her if I talk about going out for movies.”

Taeyeon sighed wearily. “Oppa, if you and Donghae-oppa interested in her, just go to her. Don’t act like you two don’t know how to get closer to the girls you like. It’s annoying, you know? And shouldn’t you focus on the training instead? You’re about to debut, remember?” She walked ahead, leaving Heechul confused.

“Hey, Kim Taeyeon!”

Taeyeon chose to ignore him. She hated being used by people even though it’s subtle and worst it’s Jessica they’re talking about. Everybody knew Jessica was kind of popular especially to boys— both seniors and juniors. And here she was brooding over that matter, and for trying to think she could ever compete against them over Jessica’s attention. Who’s she kidding? Who was she anyway? Jessica pushed her away when she kissed her. It was a clear message, she was rejected. Taeyeon walked inside the training room, dropping her bag to one of the chairs lining on the side. How she wished Jessica feels the same way about her. That someday she’ll be the first thing on Jessica’s mind when she wakes up. That someday, she and Jessica will be together. That someday, she’ll love her with every fiber of her being. But then again, all just have been wishful thinking on Taeyeon’s part. She slapped her face lightly, looking right on the white wall in front of her. Those thoughts took all of her focus. And that hits home, she’s really in love with Jessica Jung after all.

----

Jessica smiled a bit while listening to her friend’s joke. She was just finished her language class with Stephanie but since the latter wanted to polish her Korean more, she stayed talking to their teacher probably asking various questions about the correct pronunciations and all.

“So… how about this weekend? Do you have time?”

Jessica stared at him, contemplating. She saw him waiting after she went out of the room. Lee Donghae. “I don’t know, oppa. You know the training is getting harder every day and the schedules became suddenly tight.”

“Hmm… I see.” He scratched his chin. “Well, if that’s the case we can’t do anything about that. It’s just a shame that you can’t go, I heard the movie’s great.”

Jessica bit her lower lip. She also heard about the good reviews about the movie but she had to make excuses on how to turn Donghae politely. And she knew, the training schedule could be the only valid reason to give. It’s not that she hated to accompany Donghae and his friends. They’re such good people and friends to her but she’s trying to reduce any interaction from him or to any boys in the agency. She kept hearing gossips again about her being popular with these boys and that she’s dating every single one of them which irked her so much. “I’m sorry, oppa.”

He smiled in understanding. “No. It’s okay if you can’t. Probably, it’s just me, Heechul and Taeyeon—.”

“Taeyeon?”

Donghae looked at her with his brows up, nodding. “Yeah. Heechul said she’ll go if she got the free time.”

Jessica shifted her eyes, looking straight to the end of the hallway that they’re walking on. It’s been a week since she hadn’t talked to Taeyeon properly. Yes, they could see each other in the training but every time they’d got breaks, Taeyeon seemed to fly and hide somewhere where she couldn’t find her, completely avoiding her. And to the fact that she wanted to talk to her, Taeyeon’s actions just make her frustration to rise again. Are they just going to be like this? What if they debut? How Taeyeon and her will interact? And it didn’t help that she’s losing concentration every time they’re in the music room with their teacher. She couldn’t help but look at Taeyeon’s lips once in a while. And it’s not fair because Taeyeon was so focused like an expert in acting as if there’s nothing happened between them. ‘How did she do that anyway?’ Jessica heaved a deep sigh that gets Donghae’s attention.

“Are you okay?”

She was suddenly panicked. Jessica did forget at that moment she’s with Donghae. “Y-Yeah. I’m okay, oppa.” She plastered a sweet smile that she perfectly memorized again.

“Alright. I’m going to my group. Have a good day, Sica.” He said, waving his hand while stopping in front of the small cafeteria’s entrance. Jessica had to stay looking at him running away until he was gone in the corner of the hallway.

“Sica!”

Jessica heard Sooyoung, waving, calling out to her. Sooyoung was with the others and Jessica did pause a bit, seeing Kim Taeyeon; her eyes looking down while sitting in between Sooyoung and Yoona. Jessica breathed in, disregarding the slight thump in her chest. She had to act normal.

“Wow. Was that Donghae-oppa with you?” Soonkyu asked as Jessica got closer to them, pulling one of the chairs in front of Sooyoung.

Jessica pursed her thin lips, nodding, sitting silently. At the moment, all the girls turned silent, as if observing her and Taeyeon. She startled when Sooyoung instantly raised her voice, fingers on Taeyeon’s sleeve.

“Hey! Where are you going Kim Taeyeon?”

“I-I’m finished eating so—.”

“No. You haven’t yet.” Sooyoung looked down, eyeing the remaining food on the plate. “And please Taeyeon stop running away like Sica is some kind of a monster that is up to eat you. It’s not funny anymore. If you two can’t stop ignoring each other, at least be considerate when we’re around you, okay?”

Jessica watched Sooyoung and Taeyeon looking at each other intensely. She felt ashamed that the girls feeling awkward about the way they acted in front of them. Jessica was relieved when Taeyeon sat again quietly while her face was void of emotion. Soonkyu cleared to clear the tense air hanging around them, smiling at her.

“So, what you and Donghae-oppa talked about? It’s been a while since I saw you talking to your suitor.”

“Huh?” Jessica’s eyes shifted to Taeyeon’s direction briefly before focusing on Soonkyu again. “What are you talking about? Oppa isn’t courting me at all.”

“But you liked him, right?”

Jessica was taken aback. She took a while to answer, shortly meeting Taeyeon’s eyes before the older girl averted hers. “Hmm. I-It’s not like that.” She said in a small voice.

Yoona snickered which made the girls turned their attention to her. “Waeyo?” Yuri asked. The younger girl shook her head, smiling. Jessica eyed her suspiciously. Lately, she found Yoona always staring at her as if she’s observing or reading her.

“Well, you and oppa could be a good couple.”

“Yeah. I think so too.”

“They’re both beautiful people.”

“Imagine if you and oppa dating each other and doing something together.”

“Yuri-yah…” Jessica called her out. She was too uncomfortable and a bit embarrassed to react to their tease.

“What does the couple actually do with each other anyway?” Soonkyu’s eyes darted to Yuri then to Sooyoung; her eyes mirroring curiosity.

“Well, they can go anywhere while holding hands, can do hugs anytime… and like… kiss each other.”

“Oww…”

“Do you think he kisses good?”

Hyoyeon’s eyes grew big. “Duh. Why are you asking me? The question here is, does Sica know how to kiss?”

“What?!” Jessica cried out, too flustered to answer.

Hyoyeon giggled, sticking out her tongue.

“Heol. Just by thinking Jessica and oppa kissing each other, I just can’t.” Yuri squealed silently, shaking her head while her palms covering her face. Soonkyu laughed at her action, slapping her arm.

“Yah! Yuri-yah, did you actually imagine them kissing? What the—!”

The girls laughed aloud and there, Jessica blushed, swallowing audibly. She couldn’t help but smile a bit, looking down shyly. It’s not that she imagined herself kissing Lee Donghae, but as a girl, hearing people saying they’re kind of good match for each other made her feel flattered. Why not? Lee Donghae was considered as one of the most beautiful boy trainees in the agency. He’s attractive and people turned to look at him. Not to mention, girls showered him with attention. Jessica’s smile instantly wiped out as her eyes met with Taeyeon’s again the moment she looked up. There was sadness in their depths that she had never seen before and a strange emotion she didn’t quite know how to describe. Was she perhaps unconsciously hurting Taeyeon with her subtle act? And Jessica ended up agonizing over that question. In a way, she’s sorry for feeling thrilled over the talk about Donghae when she was supposed to think of talking Taeyeon properly. It was as if she cheated and that made her feel slightly guilty inside.

----

Taeyeon zipped her bag briskly. It was already 9:30 PM and she was feeling completely exhausted, that her body started shivering. The longer she stays in the training room, the more she feels the suffocation, and her insides churn with frustration. Deciding to go back to the dormitory probably the best choice for her to relax and to let her mind at peace. Taeyeon carried her backpack, slinging it from one shoulder. She whirled around, seeing Hyoyeon and Yuri still lying on the floor while their legs up into the air.

“I’m going back to the dorm now.”

Yuri looked at her, waving. “Okay, Taeng. Take care. See you tomorrow.”

“Yeah.”

Taeyeon nodded, walking out of the room. She continued racking her brain about everything while walking in the hallway. It became her habit now, thinking about something that she wasn’t able to make sense of. Taeyeon shook her head as if clearing her wandering mind. ‘I guess, I’ll have a warm shower instead before going to sleep.’ She pushed the entrance door, and the night wind blew against her face. She took steps away from the entrance door and stopped. That moment, she couldn’t help but close her eyes. Taeyeon felt she suddenly being freed from any strings.

“Taeyeon.”

Taeyeon’s ears twitched; her eyes sprung open, looking behind her. There, Jessica Jung was standing on the entrance with her messenger bag slinging on her body. “Going home now?”

Taeyeon blinked, taking a deep breath to calm herself. Glancing inside of the agency through the glass door; she was sure no one was with Jessica. “Yeah.”

“C-Can I walk with you?”

Taeyeon felt her shoulder stiffened and her stomach grew tense. She was thankful that she at least found her voice to answer her. “S-Sure.”

There was quite a distance between them, and Taeyeon stood there waiting as Jessica taking her steps to get closer. As she did, their eyes met instantly and Taeyeon’s heart beats in rhythm. Not wanted to be obvious how nervous she was, Taeyeon turned around, trying her very hardest to act relaxed while stepping ahead. She felt Jessica’s eyes on her back as she trying to rush her steps and finally out of their agency’s perimeter. They continued walking in silence at the side road, until Taeyeon halted, fidgeting her backpack’s strap. As much as she wanted to run away from Jessica, she realized she couldn’t let her walk alone at night. If Hyoyeon or the other girls were there, she and Jessica— walking together— wouldn’t happen at all. Taeyeon turned at her. “Heading to the bus stop?”

“Huh?” She was spaced out.

Taeyeon tilted her head. “If you’re going to the bus stop or train station? Because I’ll walk you there.”

“Oh… Uhm… Bus station. But you don’t need to walk me there, Taeyeon. I can—.”

“I’m insisting. It’s already dark, Sica.”

“B-But the dorm is in the opposite way.”

“It’s okay. I can just take a bus also.” Taeyeon waved her hand, dismissively as if saying it was already decided. “Besides, I would be worr—.” Her eyes grew big, biting her lower li