Note: Italic means flashbacks or inside thoughts on some parts. The present is the normal text. Pardon for grammatical errors and misspelled words.

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That Person, You

Part III

She pushed the door, bringing the paper bag from a food delivery that she called before living the dorm. Taeyeon breathed out with tiredness as the darkroom welcoming her. She quietly walked inside, letting the entrance door automatically locked behind her. Taeyeon was sure that the person she’s looking for was still there considering she isn’t with her parents and sister at home. Hyoyeon told her to give her time to think and let the anger subside first but Taeyeon couldn’t sleep that well knowing the latter had no intention of talking to her again since their argument.

One thing that Taeyeon didn’t like was when someone important hated or despised her. She perhaps being too sensitive around her but that’s how simply she is. Since she came of age and realized that people only see what they want to see, she withdrew from being herself and tried to build the Kim Taeyeon that people expected her to be. Pleasing everyone isn’t possible anyway. Though she relied so much on the image she built, Taeyeon kept herself a bit more reserved and reclusive. Many might find her indifference annoying but that’s the only way she thought she could do to separate her personal life away from scrutinizing eyes of the public.

But then again, her action always a disappointment. One night of careless mistake, her world turned upside down.

Taeyeon walked towards the only room in that apartment after putting the paper bag above the center table. She mentally thanked all the saints when the bedroom door was left unlocked as she turning the knob. She’s right, Jessica was there. Taeyeon sat on the bed in silence, letting the other person be aware of her presence.

“I ordered delivery. I know you still haven’t eaten yet.”

The girl didn’t move from her position, but Taeyeon’s voice was enough to make her shoulder stiffened.

“Sooyeon-ah…”

“I’m not hungry.” Her voice was cold as ice.

“But you—.”

“I said I’m not hungry.”

“Fine.” Taeyeon sighed. “Can we at least talk?”

“…”

“Sooyeon.”

“What’s there to talk, Taeyeon?”

Taeyeon raised her two hands with submission. “Sooyeon…please. Don’t make things so harder for me. I feel so down right now that I want to shout! Everything is against me. Everyone is judging me! I don’t want to know that even you detested me.” She banged her hand on her chest. “I made a mistake because I was careless but I want you to know that I didn’t purposely do it to hurt you, of cheating on you. I wouldn’t. I will never do that.”

“…”

“Sooyeon-ah, say something please.” Taeyeon pleaded, almost sounded like crying. She lifted her head when Jessica finally hears her out, sitting up. Taeyeon bit her lip, seeing Jessica’s eyes red and swollen. She looked down, averting her eyes. “I’m sorry…”

They both stayed silent. Taeyeon couldn’t meet her eyes that long. Not because she was guilty of her accusation but because— even not intentionally— she indeed hurt Jessica over and over again.

“Taeyeon.” She paused.

She eventually lifted her head again, hearing Jessica. She was staring at her.

“I think…” Jessica moved to hug her knees to her chest before speaking gently. “I think it’s time we should break things up, Taeyeon.”

Taeyeon froze, totally taken aback by what Jessica said.

“Let’s break up, Tae.” She said softly

Taeyeon stared out for seconds, weighing Jessica’s words. She chuckled bitterly, shaking her head. Taeyeon couldn’t believe. She couldn’t accept what she heard. “I told you. He and I aren’t together. He’s just a dongsaeng that I fond to talk to and nothing else, Jessica. You know that. You’re friends with s too. If you—.”

“Tae… you don’t understand. It’s not just because of him.” She looked up straight to Taeyeon’s eyes. “Can’t you see? Our relationship has already fallen apart long before he came to the picture. We’re always on a rough patch from the start, Taeyeon. We tried to save and fix everything between us but still, we’re back to square one. When we talk, I feel that constant disconnection from you as if I don’t know you anymore.”

Taeyeon’s mouth opened, but she couldn’t find the right words to explain. She furrowed, shaking her head repeatedly. “Sooyeon, y-you’re wrong. I just…”

Jessica spoke softly again as if her words were enough to break a glass. “Admit it, we both changed, to the point that we don’t know why we’re doing this. It’s as if I don’t know who you are to me and who I am to you. I’ve kept asking, are you still mine? Am I still your Sooyeon?”

“Of course you’re still are! That never changed…” She insisted frantically.

“Really?”

“I…” Taeyeon’s face was suddenly drawn with confusion.

“See? It’s hard. We’ve lost, Taeyeon. I started counting everything that we used to do and I hate that.”

“…”

“Are we really for each other, Taeyeon?”

Taeyeon felt so weak. “I think we do.”

“But we still fall into this situation again and again. I ignored all the warnings that this one wasn’t right because I want us to work out. But then I realized I don’t need this amount of trying and hoping if you are really the one for me.” She sighed. “So maybe… maybe we aren’t—.”

“Don’t say it… please…” Taeyeon started to tear up, holding Jessica’s hand.

“Let’s not make things difficult for us anymore, Tae. I’m tired of acting that everything’s alright when it isn’t. I’m tired of pretending that I’m okay because I’m not.” Jessica pulled her hand from Taeyeon’s hold, wiping the tears that rolling on her cheeks. She was trying to suppress her feelings more, smiling bitterly. “Let’s end it here, Taeyeon. This time, for real.”

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Taeyeon fixed her cap while staring at the door. It’s been so long that she didn’t come to that familiar place. She breathed out, pressing all the numbers that she wouldn’t forget. Finally, the door opened. Taeyeon turned the knob and slowly peeking inside, looking for the owner.

“Damn. Move quickly. My neighbors might see you.”

Taeyeon got startled by the voice. She stepped inside in rush, hearing the door close behind her. She saw Jessica turning her back while walking ahead to the living area.

“Follow me.”

Taeyeon nodded, obeying all the words Jessica told her. She took off her shoes, putting at the side of the shoe rack. She found her, sitting on the couch with her arms on her chest.

“Okay, talk.”

Taeyeon caught off guard, never expecting Jessica to rush her. She looked at carefully, studying if Jessica was serious. But like Jessica Jung is always be— her face was unreadable. Taeyeon sighed.

With the way Taeyeon staring at her, Jessica felt a little bit uncomfortable. Though she was conscious under the stare, she didn’t like to be easy to perceive. So Jessica’s only resolution was to get up from her seat, pretending to rummage her ref instead. “I only have water in he—.”

“I’m surprised, you’re still using that.”

“Huh?” She crooked her left brow, feeling confused.

“That pajama”

Jessica stopped in her tracks, looking down at her favorite night attire. Now, she felt suddenly stupid that she didn’t put a robe as top to hide her old pajama. She straightened, walking to give the bottle to Taeyeon. “Old clothes are comfortable. I like them.”

Taeyeon laughed softly. “I can relate.”

Jessica shrugged. “Sorry, I only give you water. I didn’t go groceries because I have to leave the country.”

“It’s okay, Sica.” She waved her hand. “Can I sit for a moment?”

“Suit yourself.”

Taeyeon swallowed, feeling the awkward air surrounding them. She couldn’t start talking because she felt all her thoughts were either jumbled or her mind had gone blank after seeing Jessica in front of her. And she might not see it, but her knees were shaking so she needed to sit down. She looked at her sideways.

“Uhm… I-It’s good to see you so well.”

“Hmm…” She nodded. Jessica shifted her eyes to the wall clock. Damn. She has a 6’oclock flight to New York tomorrow.

Taeyeon noticed it, feeling embarrassed to have disturbed her so she stood up quickly, her hand on the back of her neck. “Uhm… I’m sorry if I bothered you. It’s better if I’m going home.” She was a dimwit to believe Jessica wanted to talk to her as well even for a short while.

“Huh?” Jessica was surprised.

“Goodbye, Jessica.”

Jessica got panicked. She never intended to be rude in front of Taeyeon. She was just worried about her schedule. “Tae, I thought you want to talk?”

“Yeah, but—.”

“Don’t mind me. Just… just say what you want to say.”