warning: character death

Ryeowook,

I feel silly doing this. Sungmin said writing you letters might help me, though, so I’m giving it a shot.

It’s been a week since you left. I miss you every second of every day. Things aren’t really the same without you, you know? I think I’m going to quit my job at the accounting office. I never was very happy with the job and you’ve been telling me for months to find one I’d like better. I think I’m finally going to take your advice. I know you’d be proud of me. I don’t know what I’m going to do after I quit, though.

We used to talk about traveling all the time, remember? We’d planned out the whole trip; we’d visit so many different countries and see so many different things, but I don’t want to do that anymore. Not without you and you can’t go with me.

I wish you hadn’t had to go. I know that you’re probably happier there, but I wish you could come back to Korea and stay with me. I wasn’t ready for you to go.

I love you.

Jongwoon

Ryeowookie,

Hey little dongsaeng. I officially quit my job three weeks ago. I’ve started helping Zhou Mi out at your café; he needed an extra pair of hands to take orders and being in the café makes me feel closer to you since you’re not here with me.

Remember when you and Zhou Mi started this café four years ago? I met you not long after you started. I don’t think I ever told you, but I was so envious of you for just going after your dreams like that when I never could seem to. I used to go see you sometimes during my lunch break and you’d make me something quick in the back and we’d sit and talk at one of the empty tables. God, I miss that.

I was only going to help Zhou Mi out for a little while until he found someone to hire, but I think he’s decided that I’m going to stay. I don’t mind. I like it there.

I miss you.

Jongwoon

Wookie,

The café’s doing so great, Wook. You’d be so proud of it. Zhou Mi made a new flavor of cupcake the other day and it sold out completely the first day we debuted it. That might have been because Hae and Hyukkie came by and ate at least three apiece, though. They’re doing good too, by the way. They miss you, but they’re doing okay.

Everyone’s doing okay. Kyuhyun has even managed to get himself a girlfriend. They seem really happy together and I’m so happy for them, but, really, that just makes me miss you more.

I miss you so much, Ryeowook.

I’ve done everything. I’ve screamed at nothing and I’ve cried and I’ve asked God why you had to go and I’ve cussed at everyone and everything. But, when I’m missing you this much, I just go to the café and I stand in the back by myself, staring at the oven and the carefully-stocked shelves and I just see you bouncing around, testing a new recipe or making me something, and I feel close to you again. It’s the only thing that calms me down.

I wish I could see you again.

I love you.

Jongwoon

My Ryeowook,

Kyuhyun’s getting married next week; I forgot to write you about it when he first proposed. He’s made me the best man, but we both wish you could be there too. I don’t know what to say for the toast that I’ll have to give but I know that you would have the perfect story to tell and the perfect final words to wrap it up and it just makes me miss you more.

How many years has it been? Five? It feels like forever, Ryeowook. I can’t stop missing you. Mi keeps trying to help me ‘move on,’ as he puts it, but I can’t let go of you. You mean the world to me. You always have, and you always will.

The café’s exploded in the past few years. There were reports on it in a couple newspapers and on blogs and suddenly we were swamped every day. Mi’s made plans to expand and create a second store; he’s been getting me to help him with all of the numbers and logistics. It makes me feel so good to be helping your dream soar like this.

I’ll write again soon.

Jongwoon

Love,

It’s been a while, hasn’t it? Life got busy. I know it’s not an excuse, but I also know that you’d forgive me anyway.

Kyuhyun’s got a little baby girl now, Wook. She’s six months old and she’s so curious and cute. Kyuhyun’s such a great father, he really is. He calls Min Young “his sunshine princess and light of his life,” which we all mercilessly for, but he treats her like an angel. I’ve never seen him as happy as when he’s got Min Young in his arms.

My throat’s been bothering me recently, but I haven’t told anyone. You know how I hate people worrying about me all the time. Besides, it’s nothing a few painkillers and cough drops can’t control.

I still miss you.

Jongwoon

Ryeowook,

Kyuhyun and Zhou Mi ganged up on me and made me go to the doctor. They caught me coughing in the back of the shop. I wish they hadn’t made me go. I wish I didn’t know something was wrong.

I’m in the hospital now. They say that there’s something in my throat and I have to have surgery; I’m not sure what’s wrong, exactly, because I pretty much stopped listening to my doctor after he said it was serious. They’re giving me antibiotics now and some other medication and hoping that will help.

I can’t stop thinking about you. Were you this scared too?

Jongwoon

Bear,

My surgery’s tomorrow morning. I’m nervous. Kyuhyun keeps telling me that everything will be fine, but that doesn’t help much. I wish you were here.

I love you.

Jongwoon

It’s hard to write now. And breathe. Surgery didn’t help as much as they’d hoped. My head hurts all of the time.

I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I lo

I think I’m gonna be with you soon.

I love you.

Jongwoon

Jongwoon hyung,

I love you too.

Your Ryeowook