He couldn’t remember what Jongwoon smelled like, he realized one night, and felt his heart constrict painfully in his chest. He couldn’t remember the specifics of that scent, the one he loved so much, the one he used to fall asleep breathing every night. That scent had been his comfort, his refuge, because it belonged to the one person that he absolutely could not live without.

He whimpered slightly as his thoughts turned in a rather unpleasant direction, curling into a ball underneath a heavy blanket in the dark room. He bit his lip, trying to hold back tears. He couldn’t let the other members hear him cry. Not again.

He’d just woken up one morning to find Jongwoon gone. At first, he assumed that the older man had a schedule and had left early, but none of the other members had seen him that morning either. They tried to call him; the robotic voice on the end of the line told them that the number had been disconnected and if they would press one they would receive more information. They called their manager; he hadn’t seen Jongwoon either. He had been the one to find the note, left carefully in the middle of the dining room table, the note telling everyone that he was leaving. He didn’t say where he was going or what he was going to do. He didn't mention Ryeowook.

In that moment, the only thing he could think of was that scent, the comforting scent of the one hyung he loved with all his heart, and how he wouldn’t ever be near it again.

Jongwoon had disappeared, after promising to love Ryeowook for the rest of his life.

At first, the eternal maknae had ignored the pain, throwing himself into his work, practicing harder than ever and making sure that every note, every dance move, every facial expression was perfect. The pain got harder to ignore over time, though, because he would realize on quiet nights like this one that he was forgetting all of the little things that had made Jongwoon so special to him; his scent, the taste of his lips, the feeling of his hair brushing over his skin.

The disappearance of these memories hurt him almost as much as Jongwoon’s actual departure.

He tucked his knees up against his chest, letting the tears slip slowly from his eyes, trying desperately not to make any noise.

Tomorrow, he would put on a smile and sing happily for whatever music program they were recording for.

For tonight, he would mourn the loss of another memory, another piece of his heart, another piece of Jongwoon.