With a sigh, he looked down into his cup of hot tea, a million thoughts running through his mind as the silence of the space pressed down on his shoulders. It was nearly three in the morning; the customers had cleared out of Mouse Rabbit long ago and the employees had left for the night not long after. He was the only one left in the shop, sitting at a table in the corner by himself, holding back all the feelings that threatened to overwhelm him and trying to drown them with his second cup of tea.

He didn’t hear the quiet footsteps approaching him from behind, but he didn’t jump when he felt a hand run over his shoulder and rest lightly on his collar bones.

“I thought you’d be here.” The quiet voice was music to his ears and his eyes fluttered shut for a second as he let it wash over him. He brought his own hand up to rest on those fingers for a moment before it dropped back down to curl around the handle of his teacup.

“I’m going to miss this,” he choked out after a moment, his voice soft but rougher than usual, his head dipping down further.

The figure behind him sighed, resting his face in the other man’s hair and breathing deeply.

“You’re not going away forever, hyung. All of this, everything, will be here for you for years and years to come.”

Silence.

“Will you be?”

The older man whispered the words, his grip tightening around the cup in his hands like he was afraid to hear the answer, or as if he already knew and was bracing himself for the harsh reality that was coming.

His question was met with anther sigh and the smaller man’s hands slid down, prying his hyung’s fingers off of the cup before pulling him up and turning him so they were facing each other.

“Jongwoon hyung,” he murmured, his face soft, a hint of a smile on his lips.

And, just like that, Jongwoon was lost in a sea of memories, drifting between the old and the new as his vision started to blur.

He remembered the first day they met, the day that some official in SM gathered the group together to tell them that this new kid, this Ryeowook, was going to be debuting with them. Ryeowook looked so scared, so nervous, so small, standing there in front of eleven hyungs, his head bowed deeply. Jongwoon had noticed that he was shaking and, as soon as the official left, he’d wrapped his arm around his new dongsaeng’s shoulders. “I’m Jongwoon,” he’d said. “If you need any help, just let me know, okay? Do you want to go over the songs with me?” Ryeowook had stood, frozen, for a moment before nodding shyly, smiling very slightly. That was the first time Jongwoon’s heart had flipped at the sight of the younger man.

He remembered the time Ryeowook had come to him in the middle of the night, looking just as small and shy as he did on the first day they met. The younger man had sat down quietly on the foot of his bed and, with much difficulty, had confessed that he had feelings for his hyung. Jongwoon had been stunned into silence for a moment, but as soon as the words sunk in, he’d pulled his dongsaeng close to his chest, kissing his cheeks and ears and eyelids and murmuring promises and soft words of affection.

He remembered the day Ryeowook had left for Taiwan for two months with the other Super Junior M members. The night before, the younger man had cried in his arms and voiced all of his fears and insecurities, but the next morning he was bright smiles and excitement, making sure to hug Jongwoon a full minute longer than anyone else, whispering soft goodbyes and assurances of phone calls and video chats while he was away.

He remembered everything, every touch and every kiss, every whispered ‘I love you’ and every knowing glance. And this time it was him who was crying, tears running down his face as he pulled Ryeowook to his chest, clinging to him.

Ryeowook wrapped his arms around his hyung’s waist, gently patting his back and singing softly, waiting for him to calm down. Honestly, he was just as scared as Jongwoon was. He was scared of forgotten love and lost feelings and being away from everything that he treasured and that held him together for two years. And, he realized as his heart clenched, he would have to do it twice; once now, when his other half left him, and once later, when he left his other half.

“It’ll be okay,” he whispered, as much to himself as to his hyung. “I’ll always be with you and I’ll always love you.”

Jongwoon pulled back a minute later, cupping the younger man’s face in his hands. “It won’t be okay,” he whispered back. “Having to leave you for two years isn’t okay.”

Ryeowook smiled a little, trying to hold back the tears that had started to form in the corner of his eyes. “You won’t really be leaving me. You’ll always be in my heart. And we can still see each other when you’re on leave and I’ll write to you every day. Just…think of it like the long stay in Taiwan, okay? We made it through that and we can make it through this. Besides…” He paused, thinking through his next statement before voicing it out loud. “We may not see each other for two years, but we’ll have the rest of our lives to make up for it, right?”

The older man didn’t say anything; he just slid his hand around to gently rest at the base of Ryeowook’s neck, then leaned down, pressing their lips together tightly.

Ryeowook could taste a hint of the tea that Jongwoon had been drinking; it was a new flavor, pumpkin something-or-other, that they’d just added to the menu a couple weeks ago. He knew that Jongwoon had taken a liking to it and had a stash of it in his room so that he could have it whenever he wanted.  But, more than that, he could taste Jongwoon and, in that moment, he wanted nothing more than to be close to him forever.

He pulled back, smiling as he pressed his face into his hyung’s chest, his grip around the older’s waist tightening. He felt Jongwoon’s hand slide up to run through his hair and then he heard whispered promises and soft words of affection, just like that night so many years ago now when he first revealed his feelings.

They stayed like that for what felt like hours, just standing there, clinging to each other in the middle of the deserted coffee shop, the smell of that pumpkin tea slowly fading and the sound of the light buzzing overhead becoming insignificant as they listened to the noises of soft breaths and beating hearts.

When Ryeowook finally looked up at Jongwoon, he smiled brightly. “I love you, Kim Jongwoon.”

“And I you, Kim Ryeowook,” the older man answered with a soft laugh, nuzzling his face in the other’s neck. “That will never change.”

“You’re not allowed to leave me ever again after we’re both done,” Ryeowook mumbled childishly, and he felt Jongwoon tense up a little; he hadn’t thought about the fact that he wasn’t the only one with this obligation, that Ryeowook would have to leave too.

“When we’re both done, we’ll go somewhere nice, just the two of us,” Jongwoon murmured back, carefully sliding out of Ryeowook’s arms and picking up his cold cup of tea. He smiled slightly before disappearing into the kitchen, pouring out the tea and putting the cup in the sink, then he wrapped his arm around Ryeowook’s waist and lead him out of the shop, only pausing to lock the door behind them.

After a mostly-silent drive, Jongwoon parked outside the dorms, obligingly carrying Ryeowook to the elevators on his back, smiling at those thin arms wrapped around his neck. They snuck into the younger’s room without waking up any of the others and Jongwoon dumped his dongsaeng on the bed before rummaging through his dresser, finding a spare pair of his sweatpants that Ryeowook had stolen months ago. He stripped off his coat and shirt and pants, sliding into the sweats as the younger brushed his teeth diligently in the bathroom and changed into his giraffe-printed pajamas that had been a gift from his fans. Jongwoon stretched out across the bed, his hands immediately finding Ryeowook’s waist when the younger man fell down next to him.

“Hyung…” The smaller man gently ran his fingers over his boyfriend’s chest, finally letting them rest on the side of his neck. “I think I’ll miss this the most,” he whispered, sighing softly, letting himself go limp as Jongwoon held him close.

“I’ll miss this too.” Jongwoon carefully rolled over, propping himself up as he stared through his bangs at Ryeowook beneath him. “I’ll miss your nose—” he paused to press a kiss to the tip of the younger’s nose, laughing softly when he flushed a light red “—and those sharp cheekbones of yours—” two more kisses, one for each side of his face “—and those beautiful eyes that sparkle for me.” He kissed both of his eyelids before he kissed Ryeowook properly, his heart swelling. “But I think I’ll miss your perfect, plump lips the most.” He chuckled softly when the smaller man whined at him, pouting.

“Kiss me again,” Ryeowook demanded, his voice small with a hint of embarrassment laced into it.

“I’m tired, Wook,” Jongwoon mumbled, shaking his hair out of his eyes, only to have it fall back in the same place. “Not tonight.”

“Just once?”

And Jongwoon couldn’t resist, not that pout, not that precious voice, not that man that he loved with all his heart, so he leaned down, their lips moving together slowly, each second filled with longing and love and hope.

Jongwoon flopped back on the bed, spreading his arms enough to let Ryeowook clamor up against him and rest his head on his hyung’s chest. The younger let his eyes slip shut as he felt a pair of strong arms wrap around him and he smiled as he drifted off to sleep.

At first, Jongwoon was determined to stay awake and watch his boyfriend as he slept; Ryeowook was so cute when he was asleep, so innocent and precious. But the soft sounds of the younger’s breath slowly began to lull him to sleep as well and so he pressed back into the pillows and pulled his dongsaeng close as he closed his eyes, a soft smile on his lips.

---

Sunlight drifted through the curtains the next morning, falling on Ryeowook’s face and causing him to make a soft noise of discomfort as he pressed his face harder into Jongwoon’s chest. The older man groaned quietly, blinking open his eyes and staring at the ceiling for a moment before glancing at the clock.

“Mmm, little bear, we’re late,” he mumbled, not making any effort to get up at all, but bringing up a hand to trace circles on his dongsaeng’s back.

“We have the rest of our lives to be on time,” Ryeowook protested, tugging at the blanket covering them and trying to hide underneath it.

Jongwoon laughed and Ryeowook whined and neither one moved from their spot curled up with each other on the bed. After a few long moments, the younger sighed, glancing up at his hyung.

“When you’re on leave, will you come see me and just relax with me like this?” he asked, his voice barely above a whisper.

Jongwoon felt his eyes begin to fill up with tears but he blinked them away, nodding slowly. “You’ll be the first one I come see,” he replied, his voice just as soft but shaking with all of the emotions he was doing his best to keep in check.

Ryeowook smiled, running his hand up the other’s arm and ignoring the sound of his ringtone as he closed his eyes again. Jongwoon thought for a moment about the trouble they were going to get into and about what little time they had left, then glanced down at the tired boy in his arms and decided that it would be worth it to just skip their meetings for the morning. He continued to trace circles on his boyfriend’s back, murmuring promises and soft words of affection to lull the younger man back to sleep.

---

Jongwoon fell back on his bed, grunting; it wasn’t as comfortable or as warm as his bed at home. The sheets were scratchy and the mattress was thin, but he knew it was better than nothing and that he shouldn’t complain. He didn’t mention it in his letters to Ryeowook, knowing it would only worry him more.

He pressed his back into the mattress, getting as comfortable as possible as he held up the stationary in his hand; it was full of small, cramped writing and silly emoticons that Ryeowook couldn’t seem to write without and it made him smile.

The younger man wrote about everything. He wrote about the little things that most would have overlooked, all of the random things that had happened to him on a daily basis, all of the things that Jongwoon would normally have been there to see for himself. He wrote about the new people he met and the trips he took and the new foods that he got to try. He wrote about the fans who would still scream Jongwoon’s name and send him presents and would ask about him at fan meetings. And, sometimes, he would write about how much he missed him, how much he wanted to fall asleep in his arms. At the end of each note, he would write a number and a heart and, today, Jongwoon felt himself smile when he saw it; only 100 more ♥

He grunted again as he sat up quickly, grabbing a piece of paper and pen from the trunk at the foot of his bed; he spent his time recounting everything that he’d done in equally as much detail, knowing that Ryeowook would treasure each word. Like always, he filled his note with all of the promises and soft words of affection that he couldn’t be there to say and he signed it with a flourish right before lights out: 99 more, my little bear, before I can hold you close and never let go.