Chapter 5. Krystal : Him.

I sit on the bathroom floor, legs stretching out, back touches the wall . The coldness of the tiles bites through my thin clothes but I feel too powerless to do much about it. Morning light seeps through the small rectangle window high above the sink and I can see the bright blue sky outside.

I haven't really went outside since the day I arrived in Korea. I remember having things planned before summer. I remember wanting to visit my friends here, going places, hanging out with old colleagues. I even made mental note on local delicacies that I want to taste again. Now all the plans seem to be so out of reach.

My life is suddenly spiraling out of my control.

Well, not yet really. Not until I know it for sure. And the difference between sure and unsure lays next to me on the cold floor. A blue plastic stick with small digital monitor on it, a pregnancy test that will tell me its verdict in the next three minutes.

Two minutes 40 seconds according to the timer displayed on my phone.

My sister has bought the test pack along with vitamins and painkiller doctor Choi prescribed for me. I have taken the vitamins diligently this past few days but with no particular reason have opted not to use the test. Not until today.

I guess I'm too afraid of what's to come.

If I actually am pregnant, what will I do? How am I gonna tell my parents? What will happen to my career? Will I let Sehun know?

Sehun.

His name is a bell ringing in my mind. How could I be so stupid? How could he be so careless? A night out in a club and we come to this. I, come to this.

I can't help my mind from recollecting the memories from that night. His touch, his skin, his breath, my lust, all have mingled into this mess. And I don't even know for sure if he loves me or if I love him enough for us to have a baby.

My phone chirps on my lap.

A chatting screen pops open. Well, speaking of the devil.

I heard a certain Hollywood actress is in Korea right now.

Props for his uncanny way to start conversation, one of the many things that draw me to him.

Marylin Monroe?

I replied.

The less pretty one.

I hate it when he inserts emoticon in his chat. Aren't real men supposed to be against emoticon?

The one who owe me a cup of coffee and a slice of pastry.

A date call. How smooth.

I owe you those?

I paid for those the last time we met.

It's only fair that you pay me back.

Right. The afternoon at a coffee shop in LA, merely a few hours before he undressed me in my apartment. A few hours before this chaos start budding. If only we didn't go the club and stayed at the coffee shop until the morning came. If only we spent the day and night together doing nothing but talking.

The chariot will be at the front of your palace in an hour.

Be ready, princess.

I sigh. Ever so charmingly authoritative of him. Too bad this isn't the right time for me to give in to his want just like that.

Or is it?

The timer goes off. The three minutes time has passed.

I close my eyes, turning the timer off, rubbing my face.

Be brave, Krystal.

My hand reaches for the pregnancy test.

You might have worried over nothing.

Take a look so you can laugh about this later.

I open my eyes, holding the stick out under the ray of light to see better.

The positive sign is as clear as the blue sky outside. It's impossible for me to misinterpret it. I tilt the stick as if it will make any difference. It doesn't.

I'm pregnant.

I'm really-really pregnant.

I'm having a baby out of a wedlock.

Krystal Jung Soojung is having a baby out of a wedlock.

I can already read the news headline in my mind.

My phone chirps again.

Hey?

It's okay If you don't want to see me today.

I guess I just miss you.

He misses me? I break into silent tears at his words. I have no idea why as much as I don't know how to stop it. I lean onto the shower stall. My hands tremble as I type a reply.

Princess will be ready in an hour.

I set my phone and the pregnancy test on the vanity before getting under the shower, not even bother to take my clothes off.

The hot water washes my tears down the drain but do nothing to my fear. I'm so afraid of what is to come.

--- // ---

An hour later, I'm already sitting in the kitchen, waiting for Sehun while trying to eat my breakfast. Unnie and Mom both have gone to have some girls time. They actaully wanted me to have fun with them but I made up a reason of not feeling well and they let me stay at home.

It's not 100% lie though, I'm actually feeling terrible inside.

Mentally, it feels like I want to sink myself into a deep ocean. I don't think I can get through this. How will I mother a baby? I mostly depend on my parents, my unnie, and my managers. How will I be responsible to someone else's life? I barely capable of taking care of myself.

Physically, I feel myself getting weaker since the coffee incident. Getting up in the morning is such a torment these days. My head always spins into this crazy nausea, even as I sit up on my bed. My stomach always feels like it's about to force my guts out of my throat. Even eating has been a chore lately, only certain food is allowed to get through my lips without me vomiting them out after a few seconds.

I can tell my parents are growing suspicious now that their daughter barely get out of her room. I can see the concern in my unnie's eyes. Oh how I wish I can keep them away from this trouble. The thought of them getting judgment and shame over my mistake is too hard to bear.

I shake my head, trying to convince myself that there will be a way out. Right now, there's this incredible force in me demanding to meet Sehun. Something keeps on telling me to talk to him, to cry on his shoulder, or to be crazy mad at him for getting me into this. Whatever comes first.

Someone is honking outside. Sehun is here.

I take my time, cleaning the dishes from the barely touched meal first. When I finally get out of the house and get into the car I find him tapping impatiently at the steering wheel.

“Princess' dress needs to be sewn first?” He frowns at me. His feature is hidden behind a pair of sunglasses and a beanie, but it's easy to tell his annoyance.

“Nah. Just the usual diamond dust body scrubbing.” I lean on the seat, inhaling the smell of the leather, instantly feeling nauseous. “New car?”

He shakes his head, starting the car. “It's Jongin's. A gift.”

“A gift? Don't tell me Korean fans buy idols expensive import car these days.”

He laughs, shaking his head again. “Noooo. His girlfriend. His very rich girlfriend.”

“Oh.” I can feel my eyebrows rise at the new info. It's so the Jongin I know. “No. No need to tell me who is this rich lady. I don't gossip.”

He laughs again, the sound rings in the car soothing me somehow, the nausea slowly disappears.

“So. Coffee and pastry?” He takes a U-turn and we are now heading into the heart of the town.

“Bubble tea and pastry.”

“Really? You do bubble tea now?”

I do not react at his question, simply staring at the road in front of us, wondering if today is the day where I will tell him about my pregnancy.

The rest of the trip is spent mostly in silent. Comfortable quietness. At some point he turns the radio on but it's me who end up choosing which station to hear. When the car meets a red light, his hand reach for mine. He kisses my knuckles, a habit comes