Myungsoo wasn’t sure what to say to the emotionally unstable man beside him but from Sungyeol’s blank stare, Myungsoo figured he wasn’t expecting any words from Myungsoo either. So instead, Myungsoo silently drove to just about anywhere. Somewhere far and quiet in preference. They had been driving for two hours now and Sungyeol was still abnormally pale and though he had stopped crying, his eyes still held so much sadness and guilt that Myungsoo had to force himself to not just pull the man into his arms and to erase whatever it was that haunted those dark eyes. Myungsoo wanted to ask him. Wanted to know what could be the reason behind Sungyeol’s now crumble walls but he knew he didn’t have the right to. And even though Myungsoo knew that it was no time to feel sorry about himself, he couldn’t help it. Because even though he should feel somewhat fortunate to have Sungyeol so vulnerable in front of him, Sungyeol was still unreachable in every sense. Regardless of their closeness, Myungsoo felt even more distance. And it just reminded him of how much they grew apart. It wasn’t only the years that had distanced them or what he did, it was everything else too. The fact that, Sungyeol lived a life without him. That the things he once knew were no longer. All these little things that had made their bond in the past has now been severed. God, how much he hated feeling this way. How he hated feeling this helpless. And especially towards Sungyeol. So what if they were no longer as close as before? He could still change that.

Finally pulling over at the side of the road, he was about to ask Sungyeol what had happened when Sungyeol beat him to it as he said blankly

“Thank you. And I’m sorry that you had to witness this. I’m ok now. I’m… I’m going to go for a walk. Thanks for the ride. Just forget about everything you saw.” With that, he got out of the car and aimlessly, he was about to walk away but he stopped on his track when Myungsoo asked, after getting out himself of the car

“Forget everything? How am i suppose to do that?"

"You just do. Please Myungsoo i'm not in the mood to argue with you."

"Well then shut up and just let me be with you."

"Myungsoo..." Sungyeol warned tiredly but after a glance on Myungsoo's determine look, he eventually said

"Fine. Knock yourself out." With that said, Sungyeol begun walking away with Myungsoo not far behind. They didn't walk long. After a bit, Sungyeol came to a stop. And blankly, he stared out to the sea with that same distance look that clenched Myungsoo's heart so hard it was litteraly hard for him to breath. Myungsoo remained silent though.

"Love huh." Myungsoo suddenly heard Sungyeol's whisper and a frown immediately formed itself. After all, it was quite odd that the man was out of nowhere talking about love. Could it be that he was heartbroken? Myungsoo's mind went back unconsciously on the scene of Sungyeol and the model, yes he was jealous so he didn't feel like remembering the firl's name, kissing. To say that Myungsoo was annoyed was understatement. Actually, he was bloody furious. If it turns out that Sungyeol was this lifeless because of that girl, God forgive him, he was capable of killing the girl. Myungsoo hated the idea of Sungyeol being with someone else than him, but if it came down to it, he was ready to let him go, however if the person in question left Sungyeol in such a mess, she better hopes Myungsoo didn't get to her anytime soon. Biting harshly the inside of his cheek to not say anything stupid, he watched as Sungyeol silently stared out to the horizon. Myungsoo was really starting to hate the fact that he was being so mindful. Usually when he liked someone and that person was feeling down, he easily knew how to charm them but that was the thing. That person was Sungyeol. His first love and the very exception of many of his rules. Damn, how can he love this man so much? Myungsoo raised an eyebrow and asked suddenly at the older man's movement

"Hyung, where are you going?” Oblivious to the honorific, Sungyeol shrugged then simply walked away with Myungsoo tailing after him. Shoving his hands in his pocket, Myungsoo discreetly watched the older man in the corner of his eyes and frankly he wished he didn't. Sungyeol's pitiful state hurt him more than if he was hurt himself. Corny, and yet it was how he felt.

It seems like Sungyeol read his thoughts, wrongly but still,

"You don't have to follow me if you're going to look at me like that. I don't need your pity."

"It's not pity hyung." Myungsoo answered back, surprising himself and Sungyeol with how much pain it held that it litteraly embarrassed Myungsoo. He was the first to avert his eyes from Sungyeol and from the way Sungyeol continued walking, he wasn't going to tease Myungsoo about it luckily. Myungsoo was grateful for that.

They have been walking for quite some time now. And Myungsoo still had no idea where they were going but frankly, he couldn’t care less. The ocean was beautiful and the sunrise even more. Plus, he was with Sungyeol. That much was enough for Myungsoo. As they finally sat on the sand, admiring the first ray of sunlight, Sungyeol caught him of guard when he said absent minded

“Do you want to know why I came back?”

At first, Myungsoo wasn’t sure what to say but then seeing Sungyeol’s distant gaze, he realized that Sungyeol wasn’t really hoping for an answer from him. He only wanted someone to talk to. And Myungsoo was more than happy to be that person for him.

“There’s actually a lot of reasons why. But the most important one is because I felt, like as the older son it was something I needed to do. All my life I was only focused on the bigger picture but never did I really take the time to understand it. I thought I knew everything. That I understood everything it was to know. I was so convince that I was the victim in everything and now…” Sungyeol suddenly chocked on his own words. He didn’t cry though. Instead, he lied down on the sand with his eyes closed and continued calmly

“Gosh, my head hurts.” Watching with a heavy heart, Sungyeol grimaced painfully, Myungsoo was unconsciously about to pat the older man’s head but eventually stopped midway. Clenching his fist in thin air, he forced his gaze away from Sungyeol's form and said instead

“I don’t know what it is that’s upsetting you but no one is perfect. It’s in human nature to miss out on things. You don’t need to torture yourself with your mistakes. Instead, learn from them. Listen to someone who’s done far worse.” Sungyeol chuckle humourlessly in response

"I wish it was only that. The truth is i'm not torturing myself with my mistakes, actually i'm the mistake. I've been torturing the people i love without even knowing it." He vaguely said with his eyes still closed. Myungsoo, on the other hand was getting more and more restless. What was he suppose to say or do when clearly Sungyeol was depressed? And before he could really think things through, he was already leaning over Sungyeol's form and slowly almost timidly his lips brushed over those of the older man. The said man slightly jumped in response so Myungsoo was just about to pull away, realizing what a gigantic mistake he had just done but he didn't get the chance to. For Sungyeol had grabbed him then by the collar and pulling him down, he kissed him back in RETURN? Myungsoo's mind went blank that very moment. Was he dreaming? Was he dellusional? Those questions kept going back and forth in his mind and he hated how vulnerable he felt at the very thought that it wasn't true. Damn it, why couldn't he stay sane with this man? How much more unreasonable was he ever going to be for this very man. The same who was now gently kissing him in a way no one has ever did. That held him so cautionlly that it was soothing yet new. Myungsoo's felt like he was on a roller coaster. And the one controlling it was Sungyeol. When they finally pulled away, Myungsoo rested his forehead on Sungyeol's forehead as he tried to regain his breath. Not once leaving Sungyeol's eyes from his own. And in those black onyx eyes, Myungsoo caught a glimpse of something that he couldn't quite put a name on it.

"Why did you kiss me?" Sungyeol asked breaking then the silence that had settled.

"Do i have to spell it out for you?" Myungsoo asked, unaware that he had tightened his grip around Sungyeol while talking. Sungyeol looked conflicted for a moment then suddenly pulling Myungsoo in a hug, he whispered so quietly that Myungsoo had to strain himself to hear him

"Seriously, you're really... Myung..." At the sound of the old nickname, Myungsoo almost smiled at the familiarity but only almost. Because the tone sounded pained. Myungsoo suddenly had a bad feeling about where this was going. And indeed, he was right.