Doesn’t Matter

(Gary is a boy, Jihyo is a boy, Jongkook is a girl and it’s all very confusing. Yet, it’s wonderful)

It’s not fair, Gary thought as he stands under the rain. Just ain’t fair.

FLASHBACK TO THREE MONTHS AGO

“Bro, stop ogling and just go ask her out.”

Gary grunts and swat his friend’s hand away. “Will you stop? I’m a loser, no girl would wanna go out with me. Heck, I wouldn’t go out with me.” He takes a bite from his peanut butter sandwich. But, Gary steals a glance of the said girl and chuckles. His friend is insane to think he had a chance with her in the first place.

A jab at his ribs had Gary coughing out pieces of the bread. “You’re taller than most, that’s your selling point.”

Gary blushes and wipe away bits off his mouth. “I hate you, Jihyo.”

Jihyo cracks open the window and blow out the smoke from the cigarette his been puffing. Gary coughs dramatically, hand grasping his throat. “I’m gonna stop hanging out with you now, this second-hand smoke will kill me,” he ducks to his right to avoid Jihyo’s fist colliding with his face.

“I didn’t ask you to come here,” Jihyo takes another puff and blew the smoke right at Gary’s face. This time, he was coughing for real.

Jihyo is the man. The bad boy. The captain of every ing team ever known to high school. The guy who every girl in the school wants to have as a boyfriend. Now and then, Jihyo would select (like Hunger Games) amongst the throngs of girl following him around and will have with them, fast and dirty.

Gary had caught him once, Jihyo was banging some brunette against the wall of the science lab. He had been shocked to see in general, but to see Jihyo going at it in the school property. Something in the back of his head itches. He wonders why he continues to hang out with Jihyo. Gary cleared his throat to get their attention. The girl, a year older, runs away as fast as she could, pants still ped. Jihyo, on the other hand, just shrugged and dragged Gary by the shoulder to go to the nearby 7/11.

Every so often, Gary marvels at their friendship, he doesn’t know why Jihyo hangs out with him. He was scrawny, doesn’t play sports and only reads comics. Maybe that was it, Jihyo did like to come over and read his comics for hours on weekends.

Gary’s thoughts was interrupted by Mrs. Lupin yelling through the hallway, “I can smell the smoke from here! I’m calling the principal!”

Alarmed, Gary takes the cigarette from Jihyo’s lips, ignoring the shiver that runs down his spine when his thumb gazed Jihyo’s bottom lips, and chuck the bud into the sink. “I’m going to get kicked out of high school because of you,” he mutters quickly picking up his bag from the ground.

“Will you relax grandpa?” Jihyo grins at him, bright and innocent, and Gary feels his stomach do a funny flip.

Huh.

Gary sinks down on his mattress. He was full of chicken and rice from dinner that his mother had made. His chest seems unsettled and he was pretty sure it wasn’t from the chicken. Then, without his permission, Jihyo’s cheerful face crosses his mind making Gary jump up from his bed.

What the hell? He thought, sweat starting to cover his face.

Of course, it’s normal to think about friends, he admonishes, in Gary’s case, a friend named Jihyo. Gary thinks about Jihyo a lot. Like, way more than a dude should think about his friend who turns out to be dude. Sure, when he waits for Jihyo at the boys shower room, he would steal glances at the toned stomach Jihyo plasters around for everyone to see, but that doesn’t count, because…he says so. But there it is.

He tried to think about the girls in his class, and to his frustration could not even remember any faces. Gary can’t come up with a detailed feature of a girl without them resembling Jihyo.

With trembling hands, Gary picks up his phone, and with hesitant fingers, typed: ‘Gay’

But before he could press ENTER, his door burst open with Jihyo glaring at him. In a panic, Gary throws his phone at Jihyo who easily dodged the device.

“You ignore me the whole week and then you attack me with your phone?” Jihyo looks at him accusingly. He picks up the mobile phone and chucks it back to Gary, hitting him on the chest. “ you, man!”

“Will you shut up, Jesus. Does my mom know you’re here?” Gary looks away and tries to find something to do.

“Duh.”

With ears ringing, Gary reach for a random book and starts to turn to a page. “Jihyo, you gotta go man. I have a lot to do.”

Jihyo makes a sound and pouts, Gary’s eyes unconsciously trailing at his friend’s lips. They were so red, like an apple, Gary wants to just, to just take a b….

 Jihyo must have seen his internal battle. “What’s your deal?” Jihyo asks, all the playfulness gone.

Gary’s face feels hot under the gaze. He pushes himself off the bed and walks to the door. “You gotta go, right now.” His voice even, hiding the fact that he just realized he was totally GAY. And not only that, he was crushing on his best friend, who was also a dude. Gary feels like taking a cold a shower.

Jihyo’s shoulder hunches over but did as he was told. However stops just before the doorframe, “You know you can tell me anything right?”

Gary wills himself not to blush but he knows his face is already red. He nods saying, “Stop being a sap and just go.” Jihyo smiles sweetly and clasp his squeezes his arms then leaves.

“Mom.”

“Yes honey?”

Gary fidgets. “I have something to tell you.”

His mom stops drying the dishes and gives him her full attention. “What is it?”

Gary’s tears are threating to spill now. How can people do this? Gary read so much coming out stories online to make himself feel better. But now standing in front of his mother, his knees are about to give.

His mom reach for him and takes him into her arms. “Take it easy. Take your time.”

Gary buries his face in her neck and whisper, “Mom, I’m a homoual.”

The arms around him sags a little. And, to Gary’s horror, hears his mother laugh. She lets go of him and laughs and laughs and laughs.

“MOM! I’m, I just confessed…”

She dries her tears using the dish cloth. “Oh honey. Homoual? What are you from the 30s?”

Gary gapes at her, but his chest is no longer in danger of bursting like a balloon. “Mom, I’m gay.” He tries again.

“That’s great honey. Go take a shower and help me with dinner.” She turns away, shoulders still chuckling.

“Mom! I’m not kidding! I am!”

She looks over her shoulder. “I believe you, Gary.” Her tone serious but kind, then adds more playfully, “Do you want to celebrate with some confetti?”

Gary knows his mother was accepting, but he didn’t expect her to be this nonchalant. “Well, no. I thought you know, you would console me or cry or to convince me that I’m not, definitely not to laugh.”

“Honey, you don’t need me to make you feel better. Being gay is being gay, no big deal. I love you, okay?” She pauses and turns to face him, smiling. “I am curious though. What made you realize you were gay?”

Gary’s face feels so warm you can cook an egg on it. “Well you know. The usual.”

S