Rewind (II): Baekhyun

Baekhyun felt miserable.

Miserableness was something he had grown accustomed too; not that that was a really good thing, but sometimes, at random moments of the day, he felt so down that it was a struggle to walk in itself.

But today. He felt especially horrible today, yesterday being Baekbeom’s birthday.

The last birthday they had spent together seemed to be like an eternity ago, in another life, another world. He couldn’t even remember how life had been before -- before, when he was still close to Baekbeom, and his parents were still alive. Perhaps, Baekhyun thought sometimes, perhaps that had been another life. It seemed far away enough, at least. Another time, where things had still been in his favour.

He had spent the day before yesterday browsing through bakeries, looking for cakes for his brother’s birthday, thinking that he could finally maybe summon up the courage to apologize. Maybe, for once, he could be able to lay down his pride.

But as usual, he was unable to do it. In fact, he had escaped and spent the night at Chanyeol’s when his brother came home.

Baekhyun hated his own cowardice. No, he despised it. He hated the fact that he sometimes spent nights crying himself to sleep, how he couldn’t help but avoid everything his brother did. Was it pride? Or was he just too scared to face Baekbeom? Was the anger still there, stopping him from doing what he really should be doing? He wasn’t sure anymore.

He and Chanyeol had ridden to school silently, the taller boy saying less than two and a half (one word counted as half a sentence) sentences to him on the ride there, and then they had separated into different classes. Baekhyun had gotten an awful earful from Mr. Choi for his exam, and it took all of him to keep his cool and not resort to throwing something. Somehow, he wished (it was ridiculous, he knew) that Choi would call his brother concerning his grades -- that way, he would be forced to face Baekbeom -- but Choi did no such thing, which made failing his exams useless. Still, Baekhyun hoped.

So at lunchtime, when he tried to run off to be on his own, wanting to escape the crowds of people (his close friends too -- in fact, especially his close friends), he ended up going up the stairwell, bursting through a door on the fourth floor, which he didn’t know even existed, then finally onto the rooftop.

Baekhyun had done a double take; it was like a plateau of some kind, with railings and all, and a fading old bench. The roof-balcony-whatever-it-was-called was a faded gray, and everything was a dull colour, matching his mood rather perfectly. However, it overlooked the cityscape -- skyscrapers reaching to touch the sky, malls, companies and such -- it wasn’t quite a bad view. However, his mood dampened all of that, and he sat right down onto the bench without a second thought, hid his face in his hands, and attempted to block out all his problems and pretend that everything was alright.

Instead, however, he lapsed into memories.

On the last birthday they had spent together, he and Baekbeom -- he had been ten at the time, and Baekbeom was turning eighteen -- they had gone shopping for cake together. After visiting countless of different bakeries, they had finally decided on the one; a simple black forest cake with Happy Birthday inscribed on the top in fancy script. After ordering it, they had spent the remainder of the day stuffing themselves with ice cream and such.

It had been a happy day; in fact, the happiest day of Baekhyun’s life that he could remember -- but looking back now, the happier the memory, the more painful was it for him to carry.

He was too lost in thought to hear what was happening around him; in fact, he didn’t even hear the footsteps approach him until the person was practically behind him. At last the moment, he whirled around to face the intruder (he prefered intruder; not that this person was really intruding, it being school property), then almost fell off the bench when he recognized her face. Her eyes widened, and she froze midstep.

“What are you doing here?” Baekhyun managed to get out, anger draining into him at a rapid pace -- was she following him?

“What are you doing here?” she echoed, scowling and looking at him like he was a nuscience. Which Baekhyun found ironic, because he was the one who had got here first.

“Touche,” he snapped back, beginning to feel annoyed. Did his moment of peace have to be ruined by this girl? And if she were to apologize… he had heard enough apologies to last him a lifetime and then another. He voiced his thoughts at her, hoping she’d go away, even though the chances were highly unlikely. “If you’re here to apologize again, then leave me alone. I don’t want your pity, and I’ve had enough of people for a day.”  

“I’m not here to apologize, so does that mean that you can leave and I stay?”

“What?”

Baekhyun could swear that she was mentally hitting him, judging by the expression on her face -- she really wanted to hurt him. “Why would I follow you up here with my lunch and textbooks just to apologize to you?” She asked, as if he were the most annoying person in the world. “Been there, tried that, didn't work. Not going to repeat the process. Now can you get out of my spot?”  Iseul lifted the bundle of books she held, like proving her point -- Baekhyun hadn’t even noticed that until that moment -- and scowled at him yet again.

“What?” He asked, because he was still felt slightly confused.

“God, is it that hard?” She bent over, dropping her textbooks and lunch on the ground. For a moment, Baekhyun forgot about everything horrible that had happened the past week, and tried to think of a better comeback than ‘what?’. “Can you leave?”

He blinked at the demand, white hot rage flooding into him again as he remembered why he was here in the first place. “Why would I leave?” He demanded, and she didn’t even look surprised. “I got here first, before you.” Vaguely, he thought he sounded very much like a child arguing for a toy. “What right do you have to kick me out?”

“Then please kick yourself out. Is that better? Or shall I you out, Your Majesty?” She bowed mocking towards him, and now he was the one suppressing the urge to hit her.

“Cut it. And I got here first.”

“I’ve been coming up here for weeks.”

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