Part 12 ⧫ Disappointment

dis·ap·point·ment

/ˌdisəˈpointmənt/

noun

The feeling of sadness or displeasure caused by the nonfulfillment of one's hopes or expectations.

_______

I didn’t have to ask anyone to see the tension between Baekhyun and Chanyeol for the next week. Normally, I could see the two of them walking down the hallways together, but it seemed like neither of them even talked to the other, or even acknowledged the other’s existence. Even Jongin was confused -- he approached me on Thursday and asked what was wrong with Baekhyun and Chanyeol.  

It was rather shocking that he asked me, but it was even more shocking that he knew who I was.

Kim Jongin still had a black eye from the said fight that he had dragged Baekhyun away from, which was mostly how I recognized him. His face was rather fuzzy in my memories, five months ago being the last time I had seen him properly. I had seen him often hanging around with Baekhyun and Chanyeol, along with another boy whom I recalled having the name Kyungsoo, but he wasn’t instantly recognizable like Chanyeol and Baekhyun.

“Iseul, right?” he asked.  

“Uh, yeah…? Do you know me?”

Unconsciously, my gaze travelled to his black eye, which was swollen shut and bruised an ugly purplish black colour. I could only think that that was what would’ve happened to Baekhyun’s face if Jongin hadn’t taken the hit for him -- part of me admired this boy for his bravery, part of me wondered if Jihyun would ever take a hit for me. Then again, I’d never get drunk or purposely pick a fight in the first place, so I supposed Jihyun wouldn’t really need to.

Jongin ran a hand through his hair and gave me a slightly awkward smile, which, with or without the black eye, was still rather adorable. “I remember you from when you, uh… attacked Baekhyun with your textbook? And hyung talks about you, too. He says you’re smart. You’re one of his only girl friends, you know.”

I choked on my own spit. “What?” I coughed out. I wasn’t quite sure if I was choking because Jongin just referred to me as Byun freaking Baekhyun’s girlfriend or the fact that he had called me smart. “Baekhyun and I are not dating in any means--”

Jongin looked rather embarrassed. “Girl friend. Like, female friend?”

“… Oh.”

“Um, yeah.” He scratched the back of his head, averting his gaze to somewhere around his shoes. He didn’t speak for a moment, as if too embarrassed or flustered. “I just wanted to ask if you knew what was happening between Chanyeol hyung and Baekhyun hyung? They seem to be ignoring each other.”

My mind went back to the argument three days ago. How upset Baekhyun had been. How mad -- oddly mad -- Chanyeol had seemed. Baekhyun, finally, for once, opening up about his brother, crying -- something I didn’t expect from him of all people. A stab of pity went through me -- something I knew he wouldn’t want.

“They got into a fight,” I finally managed.

“What… what was it about?”

The world seemed to be at standstill, all the students beside me seemingly separated from Jongin and I by a layer of glass. “His brother.”

Jongin visibly flinched, as if there was something wrong with that.

“Thanks,” he said quietly. He disappeared into the crowd of students, too.

***

The remainder of the week was rather dull and mundane, and I had no idea if Baekhyun was even going to show up on Sunday. We hadn’t talked all week -- which was no surprise, but he seemed to be to some extent ignoring me. Not that I could blame him; it was pretty clear he needed a break from everything, but it just felt… a little bad to be ignored by him. In fact, after Monday, Jongin had been the only person to approach me.

I received a text (or, a couple) from him at somewhere near three in the morning of the following Sunday.

Byun Bacon

can you meet up tomorrow with me

2: 49 am

Byun Bacon

well, it would prob be today because its already sunday

2: 51 am

Byun Bacon

iseul, why aren’t you responding????

2: 56 am

Byun Bacon

iseul

2:58 am

Byun Bacon

iseulllllll

2: 58 am

Byun Bacon

be that way ijin

2: 58 am

Byun Bacon

fine then

3: 07 am

I was a pretty heavy sleeper, so it was going to take more than my phone dinging to wake me up in the middle of the night. However, checking my phone for notifications was one of the first things on my to-do list on the weekend (weekdays, too, actually), and as soon as I was awake enough, I fumbled for it from my nightstand. The light was extremely blinding, but what really made me drop the phone onto my face was the spam of texts from Baekhyun.

Chanyeol had once told me that his name was extremely close to an English word, bacon, which, as soon as he translated the word for me into Korean, I changed immediately to his contact name. The taller boy had found it oddly funny -- funny to the point where he had been laughing nonstop for at least two minutes -- and besides, Baekhyun’s expression when Chanyeol told him his new name was priceless.

As soon as I had recovered from the pain of dropping the phone on my face, I texted back (I was still too blinded by the light to see properly, much less type properly, so it was a miracle that Baekhyun could decipher what I was even saying).

Me

whyy were yuo up at two

8: 32 am

He responded so quickly that I almost dropped my phone on my face again.

Byun Bacon

since when could i spell better than you

8: 32 am

Me

shhhhh im stil half aslep

8: 33 am

Half a minute later, my phone rang. I did drop it that time in surprise, though it landed an inch away from my face. Byun Bacon, it read. Grudgingly, I picked it up.

“What do you want?” I asked, then immediately felt bad. The last time I had seen him face to face, I had been handing him tissues to wipe his eyes, and he had been trying really hard to control his sobs. Besides, I really had nothing against meeting him up somewhere -- he was Baekhyun after all, and it wouldn’t hurt to check if he was alright.

“I don’t really understand what you’re saying, so I figured I should call you instead,” he replied. “It’s a start; I can spell better than you.”

He sounded a lot better than he had on Monday -- there was more energy, more life in his voice, and the humor wasn’t dry and toneless. However, there was something about his voice that lacked the normal spark of excitement. I wanted to demand if he was alright and if he had made up with Chanyeol, but the first words that came out of my mouth were, “Shut up and let me sleep if that’s what you called to tell me.”

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