From The Start

When Things Are Real
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A/N: Sorry for typographical and grammatical errors.

 

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2 years has passed and I am left out by my co-trainees. Some quitted already and gave up their dreams and some are already on their way of reaching theirs. Whenever I think of it, I feel like giving up. I tend to think of my worth as an artist - as a future artist. Am I not worthy to become what I wanted to become? I think hard. Thinking hard to see what is lacking. Thinking hard to understand why am I left out to still do this training program while my friends are now getting the spotlight. What is lacking that I still have to undergo this training process for another God-knows-how-long. Probably another 5 years of continuous suffering.

 

After having those inside battles in my mind of why am I still here, I poured every energy I still have into dancing. I danced until my body became numb. I danced until I am exhausted enough. Thinking that maybe after exhausting myself today, I'll be able to come up with a firm decision of giving up.

 

"You're not exhausting yourself to have a reason to quit, aren't you?" said Seungyeon. My only companion now since Krystal, Sulli and Amber debuted already under the group f(x).

 

"Why is life so hard Yeon? When you want something, fate tend to play with you by not giving you what you wanted. Plus, they make you suffer also by getting everything important to you, like people you treasure the most." I said with all bitterness and sighed loudly afterwards.

 

"I'm sorry that they debuted before you or they debuted without you. But Seulgi you didn't lose them. They're still your friends. It just happen that they are a lot busier now than before. So don't talk like you've lost them."

 

She's right. I am acting up because of nothing. But everything's not like the same anymore. I won't see them often now. I won't get to play, dance or sing with them just like how it is used to be. The thought of it makes me sigh.

 

"You're acting like you don't have friends now. I am hurt, you know? Because I am like nobody to you now." Seungyeon said lowly and bitterly, releasing a very disturbing atmosphere for Seulgi.

 

"N-No. I-It's not like that Seungyeon. I am just sad because of the happenings b-but..." I sighed. She's right. I still have her but I am acting like I don't have anyone to lean on. I sighed for the umpteenth time and said "I'm sorry. I'm sorry Yeon-ah. I am really sorry for hurting you. I don't know what to do anymore because I am being left out. I am getting depressed because of these events that I tend to forget the things I still have." I looked down to my fidgeting hands because I can't look directly to Seungyeon. I am embarassed of my actions that I don't have the courage to look at her. "You know I treasure you as my friend, right?" I asked her. Hoping that she won't doubt me as a friend. And I cried. I cried because she hugged me tightly. I cried because after all this time, comfort is the only thing I needed.

 

"Of course I know that. I am hurt. Really. But I understand what you feel. And our friendship is more important than my pride. But Seul, please don't drag yourself down. You are the most wonderful trainee I've ever met so don't think low of yourself." I cried and cried while I hug her. I treasure her so much because she understands me. She knows me well even I don't tell her everything.

 

"Everything happens for a reason, right? And this happening to you means something. You are not yet ready. It is not yet the time. Just believe. You do not know, tomorrow something good might happen."

 

And that is the last thing Seungyeon told me that night before she bid me goodbye. I stayed a little longer in our practice room thinking about everything. Reflecting about my actions and my behavior because of what is happening. Until I decided to go home since my mother called me asking me where am I.

 

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The next day, I woke up feeling dizzy after all the crying. I dragged myself up to get ready for another day of training. If I really wanted to debut, I need to do good. I need to impress all of them or else it'll be the end of my dream. I entered our practice room and saw Seungyeon waving at me while smiling widely. It's as if nothing happened yesterday. I went over to where she is seating and plopped myself down. Today should be a good day but I am not getting all the positive vibes. Seungyeon nudge me and asked me if I am alright. Sensing that I am not, she unleashed her positive self and she started talking and talking and talking. I am really lucky to have her as my friend. I'll be sad if I'll lose her.

 

In the middle of our conversation, which is mostly her doing all the talking, our head trainer entered the room with a girl. A new girl perhaps since she's not someone I see here. I can't see her face properly since she's basically hiding it from us. Is she a new trainee? Because by looking how shy she is, this is going to be a hell for her. A place not for her. My thoughts are interrupted when our head trainer called our attention.

 

"Everyone gather up! Since SM Entertainment recently debuted our new group f(x), we conducted an audition at the same time of the group's preparation. And today, I have here with me a new trainee. She'll be doing it with you guys so I hope you treat her well." The head trainer ended her talk. Afterwards she encouraged the girl almost now behind her to be in front and introduce herself.

 

"Hi. I am Bae Joohyun. I'm 18 years old. And I am from Daegu." The new trainee said shyly. She's too shy that she's just looking elsewhere while talking and not looking at our eyes. How's she gonna debut if she's like that. Probably she's just like the other trainees who ended their program because they are too shy.

 

The head trainer again reminded us to be good to her before leaving. What's with her? Is she someone related to any staff here in SM that the head trainer is so kind to her? Our head repeatedly said to take good care of her. Is she a special person?

 

Because of being new, the new girl doesn't know where to go after the small introduction. And because someone beside me is so friendly, she went over the said new trainee girl.

 

"Hi. I'm Seungyeon. Nice to meet you. Can I call you unnie? Well, uhm, since I am 3 years younger than you. He he." Seungyeon said shyly since it's so awkward since the new girl is older than us.

 

"Uhm. Yes. You can call me unnie. Joohyun unnie would do." The new girl said while smiling shyly at us. Seungyeon returned a brighter smile to her then dragged me to where the new girl is.

 

"Unnie, this is Seulgi. She's my friend here." She said while pushing me forward towards the girl. I shyly said hi while giving her my bear smile. I was taken aback by the sudden happening of events. She smiled at me shyly. She looked directly at my eyes when she greeted me back. She's so pretty. I was taken aback on how pretty she is. I've never seen someone so pretty like her. Given the fact that she's just a trainee. I can't help it. I am looking at her like she's the only person in the room. I am drowned in her eyes. It's like a magnet pulling me to keep looking.

 

"You're pretty." I blurted out without thinking. I panicked. "U-Uhm. A-A-Ah. I-It's-" I am cutted out by a laughing Seungyeon beside me. She laughed loudly. But not loud enough to get attention from other trainees. Just the ones beside us. I looked at her, I looked at Joohyun. She's laughing silently. Aish. This girl. She now thinks I'm a creep.

 

"Sorry. I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable. Well it's true. You're pretty." I said. Since there is no point on denying it now after they laughed at me.

 

"Thanks." Joohyun replied to me shortly.

 

"Wow Seul-" Seungyeon started laughing again before she finish what she's about to say. "Joohyun unnie is really pretty. But don't act too whipped." She laughed again. I blushed in front of them because of this embarrassment. "You might scare her, you creep." Sengyeon finally finished her sentence. But this just gave her more room for laughter. Aish. I hate her. This is embarrassing. I saw Joohyun looking at me smiling shyly. She's blushing too because of Yeon. But she's really pretty. I can't help but to stare again.

 

"Hey Seulgi. Stop staring at Joohyun unnie!" Seungyeon whined. What the heck?!?

 

"I told you you'll scare her. Aish. Come here unnie. Let's leave her first. She might jumped into you if we won't leave now." Seungyeon dragged Joohyun out of the room. What the heck?!? Scare her?!? Jump into her?!? Well. Seungyeon's right. I sighed. What is this? I'm attracted to her already. But that's because she's so pretty!

 

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Months passed and the three of us hang out together. We eat lunch together, dance together, practice together. We basically are team. Seungyeon's still making fun of me for being so whipped for Joohyun and she's just laughing. I forgot all the sadness because of them. If not because of them, I might've given up this dream.

 

We are now in Han River. Just lounging and expecting to have a breather. We needed some break from all the exhausting training. We grew closer to each other that we got used to this setup — us going here to breathe fresh air and just relax.

 

"Guys." Seungyeon called us. She seemed a little aloof today, she seemed quiet.

 

"I have something to say." She continued. Why do I feel bad hearing her say that? Something's not right. And just like what my instinct says, something bad is about to come as she said "I am quitting."

 

Everyone fell silent. Seungyeon, my trainee best friend, is quitting. She, of all people, is quitting. I can't believe this. She's also leaving me. After I processed everything she said, I looked down. Fist clenching. Jaw tightening. I cried. I cried silently while looking down. Out of all people, you?!?

 

I felt someone hold my clenched hand. I know it's Joohyun. I know she's just as surprised at me but how can she handle this? Probably because she's with Seungyeon for months. Not too long like me. I cried harder. Because I know, after this, I won't cry about this scene anymore.

 

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Since that day, it's been only me and Joohyun. We never talked about what happened that day. We are avoiding topics like quitting, hardship and Seungyeon. We just enjoy our trainee days as much as we can. We practice together almost all of the time that's why they labled us as "Visual Dancers". We are inseparable. The only time we're not together is when we're on our sepa

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WizardsLair
I love SeulRene!

Comments

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chuuves_lostchild #1
Chapter 5: monster era fed us seulrene shippers well
Locksmith_13
#2
Chapter 5: Kang familyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!
Yunju_ #3
I don't know why but these past few days i'm become seulrene trash.
Yunju_ #4
Chapter 8: Wow thing
tacosareyum
#5
I wish seulrene was real too, one can dream
hilfigerTzu
#6
Chapter 10: wow wow wow this one I like it a lot!
jasonds #7
Chapter 10: love it...epilogue please
Skyfull_ #8
Chapter 10: I love this one, sequel for this maybe? He he :D
jasonds #9
Chapter 6: love it.....love it author nim. u are the best
Ardem_Joseph23
24 streak #10
Chapter 9: BodyguarBer....haha... But you have you're baby Jung... Liu... And nice going seulgi..nice marking your property...