Genre: romance, angst, fantasy, action, pirates, adventure.
Characters: Song Hei, Byun Baekhyun.
Type: non-rated.
Reviewer: Minah.
Chapters reviewed: 36 (approx. 160,000 words).
Requested on: Jan 13, 2018.
Request completed on: Feb 16, 2018.

picked up and credited

*: the overall score might fall in between the two numbers given.

**: points are taken off teporally.

***: temporal score.

title (3-5*/5)

Cutlass is a good single-word title as it relates well to the pirate theme of your story, pirates' (in general) and Baekhyun's (in particular) characteristic weapon. I'm looking forward to the significant meaning of such weapon. I believe that there's something so special about it and I trust in you that you have probably planned a backstory of the cutlass. I'm taking two points out because I haven't known what cutlass means to the whole plot yet, so excuse me.

DESCRIPTION/ FOREWORD (1/2)

The description is fine, but it does give away some details that make readers able to predict what would happen next in the early chapters. Regarding the general synopsis of the plot, it's a good description. However, this is like a little sacrifice because you give readers some important information (Baekhyun's intrusion in disguise, his past in the Byun family as we all know what his last name is - more on this in Flow/ Pace). For my part, I felt like those related events in some chapters dragged on because of that, but of course, in reality, they didn't mean to feel that way.

About why I took off a point for this category, it's because I believe there should be another way to make it both interesting but and at the same time, doesn't give away too much. I think you are aware of that as well since you seemed to also find something off in the foreword.

presentaTION (2/2)

The background fits the mood effortlessly. The main poster is beautiful. I find myself staring at it each time I see it at the beginning of the chapters. It is that perfect. I also like these two posters as well.

In general, everything feels neat and pleasing to the eyes. I like how you put three simple asterisks to indicate the change of scenes.

... On a side note, I hate Arial font. Arial is ugly. I hope you don't choose this font for all your stories. There are many other prettier fonts, to be honest!

CHARACTERIZATION (23-29*/30)

The characters act stably mostly but at the same time, have shown more or less significant development ever since they met each other. However, my main concern goes to Hei. The characterization isn't done badly, but it's not good enough.

Baekhyun has many sides to himself. He's colorful as a character. He is not entirely ruthless nor kind, and it depends on who he interacts with. He doesn't kill unless there's no option left. He acts to a certain civilized standard (a gentleman to be less fancy), and he values the opinions of the people close to him though he may appear less trustful toward others.

He likes playing around, joking, so the atmosphere in the crew seemed lighter and less tensed thanks to him. It was also quite endearing of him to be untidy. It appears clear that he only chooses who are useful to him for his goal. He can only treat the chosen ones well if they treated him well back. Even so, although he holds the position as a pirate captain, he is most of the time kind and caring to his crew members; he has a strong sense of responsibility, as seen whenever he mentioned his missing team members and when he drank when he received the letter from Jaekyung. Although his relationship with the crew members (especially with Hei and Jongdae) is a forced type (his original motive is to subjugate people he wanted) at first, it sure grew to something more genuine, and thus, the membership among the crew is felt during the journey.

He seems to be fond of keeping calm on the outside, though he could easily lose his temper at times. This side of him makes me easily identify how alarmed he is to some newer character, thus helping me decide whether the situation was nicer or worse.

While he stays smart almost everytime, I do think that the fact that he left Jongdae and Hei to get Chanyeol and Jongin in Castra was a bit too careless and out of character for him (-2). He is not usually careless like that, and I thought he always thought of s' safety. Especially after he has lost half of the crew during the clash with the Lu family; when they were in a city where there aren't exactly any established rulers, and mostly all the citizens are family escapees (which mean they have powers and more dangerous, am I correct?)

The determination to kill his father is quite strong, having devised a thorough plan to Hell's Gate. I guess he's done with all the corrupt system of his respective hometown (Vasileia), as well as any other cities. Though I'm not sure if I have seen the true reason for him to be so determined like that or else. Maybe there's some other backstory that was even more beyond tolerable to make him feel that way? Something other than how his father only saw him as a threat to his throne, how he killed Heejin's family under his command.

It seems that Baekhyun is a well-rounded character, but I would love to see more of his flaws. As far as I have seen, he appears to be almost perfect and desirable, not quite too flawless to be called unrealistic though. For instance, the incident that he tied Hei's wrist to the bed to make sure she couldn't go anywhere. While it appeared odd to me at first that he didn't get angry at her for the escape attempt, later on as I came to get a better understanding of his character, I feel that you had made a perfect character conflict - his strategic mind versus his compassionable qualities. It's really rare for me to behold such a clever character conflict; it eventually became my most favorite scene so far, not just in your story but in my whole experience of reading two hundred (and counting) stories on AFF. You see, this is a really realistic character conflict, but not many authors can pull it off. It's more like the basic foundation of the character is not solid yet, and it's obviously not your case for Baekhyun.
So, maybe it's only half-way (?) through the story, and more secrets might be revealed later, I'm still expecting more from him as the story goes on.

Song Hei (Hei is a meaningful name as you have stated in the foreword, but sometimes her name made me glance back to the sentences again, just to confirm it was not "He", but "Hei", just nonsense whining here). I have a love-hate relationship for this girl.

Aside from the traumatic experience, I couldn't gather much from the past that shaped her personality today. The haunting feelings, nightmares and all insecurities subside to a plainly generalized personality, which has not many flaws nor unique quirks (in my perspective).

Throughout, she shows that she changed little by little, gradually but logically. We get to see her getting the unconscious thoughts about Miyeon every time she begins to doubt her self-worth. Though the thoughts slowly subsided until I don't see her mentioning it at all in the recent chapters. It would be an understatement to say that she has fervently severe self-doubt and insecurity. Her past seems so plain, simple yet feels so intense and mind-boggling. During all twenty years of living, she could count on her fingers how many people she had met. And most of the time, she's locked up in her house, having to listen to Miyeon criticizing her heartlessly. Thankfully, over time, as she constantly felt and received the comfort and courage of Baekhyun and others, she could overcome the negative thoughts.

All in all, it is still hard for me to define Hei's character. She can be playful and cheeky to Baekhyun at times, she can be sympathetic and listens and consoles people well, she thinks good sides of everyone. Her bravery is also one good characteristic I could find. This can result from her horrible past, how in her subconscious mind she possibly still felt like nothing could get worse than lonely nights in a locked room and isolated detention... Aside from those good qualities, I couldn't find her flaws. What are some of her prominent flaws? While it's great to see one's good sides, sometimes tackling their bad sides here and there is necessary so we can connect well/ relate to them better. Hei seems to be quite a (too) ideal woman and decent character, but it seems to me that she's not remarkable, unique in any way, or impressive, let along favorable (-5**)

Just a small concern, I'm quite doubtful how Hei could interact quite normally with the boys, because she had grown up not meeting that many boys/ men/ people. But I guess she has it in her natural intuitive; she only needs the materials for her to show that side.

Since she's the narrator in your story, I think you need to bring out more of her so the readers can get truly engaged in the story in general. She's present all the time and drives the story, but I'm more connected to Baekhyun, who is more or less still a myth in some aspect. That's quite telling a lot, doesn't it? Also, I feel like often her personality comes out as a disconnected conglomeration of every characteristic combined. Somehow, they didn't blend well together to combine the Hei you want readers to interpret. The only lame explanation I can come up with for my judgment is because her dialogues are abundantly diverse in tones and colors. They don't quite seem like come from the same person if you compare from time to time. We do act differently according to the people and situation we face, but I still don't see it in Hei.

Lastly, I wish there will be more of her background back in Hua, more about her family, how her mother is the most powerful out of all her father (Song family leader)'s wives, etc.

The supporting characters are not taking much significance to the plot, but I think they are all good enough. The most remarkable side characters to me so far are Jongdae and Tao. Jongdae seems to be a good-natured person but perhaps too hot-headed at times and blunt (maybe it's a part of his power), but he's loveable. Also, I can't help but bring up the psychotic Tao, while only having appeared in chapter 21, this guy was no doubt interesting to read.

When you tempt to develop the relationship between the characters, you are really good at it; the chemistry is felt easily. Chapter 21 is my favorite chapter so far, part of the reason is thanks to this aspect of your characterization (imagining captain Byun carrying the sleeping Hei on his back with his hands full of the belongings they bought for the day, was so so cute). The romance is developing very well. The trust that Hei gradually give to Baekhyun feels smoothly progressive.

Although I'm not sure if I should bring this up, I'll do it anyways since I'm eager to find an answer. How do Hei/ Baekhyun's family and Jongdae's family differ from each other, family relationship-wise? Why don't Hei's twin brothers get along well or be close with Hei like Jongdae with Junmyeon? (If I'm not wrong, at least they are allowed to meet their siblings even if they haven't turned twenty, aren't they?)

plot (30***/30)

You have quite an imagination to fawn over.

From building up the whole new world of five big families to the superpowers and the eventful plot and the numerous characters, you surely have planned things out all the way as you could estimate the length of the story in the first Q&A section (chapter 35). However, I have not the chance to fully see all of your well-devised plotlines yet. Let's take a look at each small detail I can come up with before I get to forget each of them.

- How Jongdae, Jongin, Minseok, and Junmyeon are all siblings, but Jongdae doesn't know that Jongin and Minseok joined Baekhyun's crew. I wonder if there is any backstory of this.

- How stopping time will help Baekhyun go through Hell's Gate. I wonder how Hei could use her power to help Baekhyun. So far, she has only been able to stop time with only her being mobilizable.

- Who's that mysterious man who can control time like Hei in Hell's Gate? Would he still be alive and have any relation to her or Baekhyun?

- How is the throne so powerful to the point that it made Baekhyun's father so desperate on keeping it to his own? Shouldn't he think about inheriting the throne to his son instead?

- Was the clash with the Lu family have anything to do with Luhan or the plot in general? Or is it just there as a plot device?

- He used to kill any family member he could, as has stated by Jongdae. But why did he have to do it since it seems he only wanted his father's life?

- Why aren't children allowed to leave the inner city until they turned twenty? Is there any particular reason behind this?

- Why after turning 20, you have to die if you don't pass the test? Why do the girls of the family must be kept apart from the boys until they passed the test?

- Why didn't Song family (secretly) kill Hei the moment they found out about Hei's power? Would they still keep her alive and do something to her? They couldn't have waste time and tutor (Miyeon) just to wait until the day she turns 20, or could they?

- Do commoners have power? Have some of the commoners that have power been introduced? What role do commoners and family members do in the society in general?

- Since you have given Baekhyun so much power (the ability to control four elements), it feels a little generous to him. If ever, I would love to see a rival that has some kind of same power that he has, someone who can also control more than one power.

There are smaller details that really wouldn't do much to the plot, but I feel like they could give the world you are building more credibilities or connection to the readers. For example, since this is also an adventure story, maybe expanding about usual pirates' lifestyle. Do they only eke out since they don't have 'jobs' or earn money? Or, do they live just fine based on the valuable stuff they steal from the people? Or, do they make a connection to the business in lands and exchange things? Also, are there a lot of pirates? So far, I have the feeling that Baekhyun's crew is the only pirate ship in the whole sea (well, aside from Park Jaekyung who made his appearance just lately). Maybe you could add another pirate ship to meet with Baekhyun's crew on the sea somewhere? You still have Kris Wu left that hasn't been heard of yet, so maybe use him? Though I have a feeling that he will be the guy to have the time power in Hell's Gate later on.

There is not much revealed yet, so I can't tell much regarding the plot. Nonetheless, you have set up the main problem, and our goal is to get them to Hell's Gate in time and get whatever from it to kill Baekhyun's father. There is no plot hole I could find so far, hence I won't do anything to the score. There are more questions than facts to me so far in this story. Moreover, I'm not quite sure if I understand all things that have been out so far or not. The questions I wrote were actually my genuine curiosity as a forgetful reader.

Just another tiny confusion: Why could Hei walk so casually through the secret passages leading Baekhyun when she had an injury on her foot?

flow/ pace (8/10)

The romance portion is well developed and in a super good pace right now. Besides, their relationship has finally gone a step further. I'm happy because, after everything they have been through and all the dynamic interactions, they finally got together. As I have mentioned in the characterization area, you are doing a good job!

However, I feel like the flow should be smoothened out better, and the pace should be faster.

First off, the flow. There are some specific details I'd like to bring up:

The Byun family's famous prodigy revelation. In the first chapter and the foreword, you have revealed to the readers Baekhyun's identity. It would have been alright if the identity was known by the people in the story, specifically Hei. All the mysteries about Baekhyun's identity that Hei expressed in the first chapters felt draggy. Most of the time, authors either let the readers know everything the main character knows, or they let them know a part of what the main character knows. In this case, you have let us know that Baekhyun is indeed from the Byun family right from the start, so the story loses its thrill. If ever, I would suggest not bringing up about that backstory at all until Hei overheard Luhan and Baekhyun's conversation. That way, we could also have time to speculate over Baekhyun's identity and keep our interest throughout Hei's thoughts. On a side note, I feel like Miyeon's emphasizing Baekhyun's story is quite unrelatable to Hei's situation. Since Miyeon said Baekhyun is a prodigy, and he's rebellious, his situation is far different from Hei, who seems to have a tame power and she's not that rebellious either. You could have just mentioned about the family members being dead if they couldn't pass the test or something more generic.

Secondly, the information and facts about the families and Baekhyun's family story are presented well, but not so much for Baekhyun's missing crew members. Since there is a lot of information about the members, it was a bit harder to grasp the whole points since they are usually brought up only a few times. For instance, you gave us facts about Minseok, Jongin, Chanyeol, Kyungsoo, and Yixing pretty early. When they finally made their appearance (through Hei's power or in person) again, I forgot most of their background. If they do not do much to the plot at the moment, I think it's alright if you only mention their names as the missing members and nothing else. You could add a bit more details or have Luhan trying to prompt who Hei saw in her vision (namely Chanyeol), instead of having Hei deducing and factor out first. This way, I can get the burden off that I might have missed things out if I didn't memorize this fact or that background. So my point is, events should be impendent enough to enhance readers' experience.Otherwise, though flashbacks can be unprofessional at times, I feel like you could use them as an effective way to remind your readers of some significant information.

The pace of romance is amazingly in a right speed. But for the plot, I think you need to speed it up a little bit. Halfway (?) through the story, we already have them as an official boyfriend and girlfriend, but the plot appears to be quite vague. If I remember correctly, they have one month and a half left? If so, I feel like more events should take place drive the story. Just like with the Park Jaekyung phase, you did a good job at creating a moment. Though Hei was too lucky to escape from Jaekyung, you gave her a chance to activate her long-awaited keypoint of her power, at the same time, you added two more members to the ship.

I'm still curious about many things, and the only goal right now is to get to Hell's Gate, so it would be great to hear more about this area, through Jongdae's interpretation maybe? I think that you could give readers more backstory of Baekhyun if has.

You could add more side plots that might help with the adventure elements to keep readers interested. Though I'm not sure what kind of side plot I want either. Maybe I want Hei to practice her power more often. Because the ending will depend a lot on her (right?), I want to see more of her practicing rather than wandering around the ship to visit the boys and then come up with either just something casual (which partly helped with your characterization, nonetheless) or not-that-helpful (unclear) information.

This is just a tiny problem. In chapter 30, you wrote: "Are you really going to ask him about it?”

Not that I really want to, but I don’t have a choice, she thought while giving him a nod. “Definitely,” she told Sehun.

***

Definitely only happened a day and a half later, when Baekhyun reported they were close to Castra. In fact, he was the one who’d approached her first, because Hei had spent the rest of the day before busying herself with other things and attempting her hardest to avoid him.

However, Hei didn't ask him about it until the very present chapter, when conveniently, Baekhyun also informed that Sehun was of help at last.

writing style (7/10)

Your writing is simple to read along and consistent. You write based on Hei's point of view, so it's inevitable that you delve into her thoughts and insights when things are brought up. But I think that maybe you have overdone it sometimes. When the situation is not that significant, or something is very small, you tend to expand Hei's thoughts anyway. It's definitely better if you just passed that on and let Hei move on from that particular small gesture or dialogue. Instead, show us more of her reactions. It feels like you are telling and not showing sometimes because of this problem. Maybe this is part of the reason why your story gets a bit lengthy.

Most of the time, you only tell your story when Hei is around the boys. We rarely see her alone so it would be nice to see how she acts when alone to flesh out her character even further. Like during the five-day trip when she first met Baekhyun, what did she do aside from asking a few questions to Baekhyun? It was a great opportunity to let readers know more about her habits and quirks being alone since Baekhyun is not presented most of the time because he usually got out to do something with his power. Yet unfortunately, you slipped that chance by skipping those time periods. (just another irrelevant confusion here: actually there were many questions than 5 per half a day if I counted them correctly...)

There's nothing else I find faulty in your writing style. It's pleasant to read overall.

GRAMMAR AND SPELLING (9/10)

I know you can gain a full ten at this if you pay close attention to what you are writing. Everything seems fine until I have to scan over to find just a few mistakes here and there. I will present those that appear in the latest chapter (35) to show you where your errors lay. 

- Wordiness: "By the time she’d woken up, washed up and headed up to the deck, her head didn’t feel any clearer than it had been last night when she’d gone to sleep, and she was trying to figure out if she’d had an extremely realistic dream of Baekhyun kissing her again or if a miracle had happened when she crashed right into Park Chanyeol."

- Unnecessary comma:

"She contemplated leaving, because neither of them had said a thing..."

“He might be still asleep—or just waking up, since it’s already pretty late.”

"He blinked, as if snapping out of a trance before shaking his head slightly."

- Also, you tend to make a run-on sentence when the coordinating conjunction "so" is presented. Consider adding a comma before it.

- close up -> close-up

prefered -> preferred

criss crossed -> crisscrossed

- "He’d obvious done stupider things" -> obviously

"There didn’t seemed" -> seem

"He must’ve taken her silence as objection" -> as an objection

SPECIAL (0.5/1)

I find the story engaging. The theme is absolutely not what I usually see on this site. My only complaint so far is the lack of the center of problems, which is Baekhyun's father. I would love to see a flashback from Baekhyun's recount about his interactions with his father. It would be nice also to have a threatening fear about Hei being the target now of the Song family or any lurking hints for what is to come in your story (though I might probably have missed those out instead).

Though there aren't many es so far and I felt like it was dragging at some points, the story is definitely worth it.

total: 83.5-91.5***/100

★reviewer's notes:

This review is so half-assed, I have to admit.

Lengthy stories usually scare me away because of the word count, so maybe that's how I see your story as going slower than it actually is; so pardon me if I was ing around too much.

I'm sorry for the late review. I've been busy with life and couldn't have a proper, thorough read. I might have missed things I want to say, and misjudge some of the aspects of the story because sadly, I have a bad memory. I did try my best to be as honest and fair as possible, but of course, I could have made mistakes. Thank you for requesting by the way.! I've been subscribed to the story for a while, but only when you requested did I settle down to read the story. I hope you find something new and agreeable in this review (as you have requested in another review shop), though I'm quite unsure if I express myself well enough.

The last thing to note, maybe you forgot to block text selection somehow. Do take good care of your contents by enabling that feature! Popular stories equal a high chance of plagiarism!

Oh and, your story is now permanently in the hall of fame chapter! I hope you don't mind about that!