Genre: fluff.
Characters: Jung Jaehyun, Hyejong (OC).
Type: non-rated.
Reviewer: Minah.
Chapters reviewed: oneshot (approx. 1200 words).
Requested on: Jan 11, 2018.
Request completed on: Jan 27, 2018.

picked up and credited

title (5/5)

The title suggests a good feeling. When I first read it, I thought the story would be about someone returning home after a long time.

But I got slightly disappointed, not because of the title. The title is good and relates tightly to the plot. I will talk more about this in the plot area.

Description/ foreword (2/2)

I'm dumb, and I don't want this kind of description. I couldn't connect the image of four walls with the image of two eyes and a heartbeat. I only thought of... like... it's not home when you only see four walls, but it's home whenever that significant someone is there, in a house?

Joking aside, I find the description is a bit hard to understand (or I'm really that dumb, excuse me). The idea is there, but the wordings felt kind of off. I'm really not sure if I'm right or just too dumb, so I'm not taking any points out for this.

The foreword does give me more insights of what is to come actually. It also explains your inspiration to write the fic, and how you have chosen the characters for your story.

presentation (2/2)

Nothing about visuals is worth criticizing over. The poster also goes really well with the story. Did you make the poster? It's really beautiful!

characterization (10/30)

There were not enough materials for me to review your characters. They didn't act out of character, or rather, they didn't have much background for me to judge if they were acting out of character or not.

Hyejong (and what is her last name? Did I miss it?) is an exchange student studying abroad (in Chicago), while her nationality is Korean. I see that she had a tight schedule due to classes and exams, so she kind of got exhausted; hence, she didn't have time to think much about her friend, or should I say, boyfriend? It doesn't have anything to do with her caring side to Jaehyun, though. She was afraid Jaehyun would lose his sleep if she called him at at such inappropriate timing (the time zone was different.)

Same goes for Jaehyun. He cared for Hyejong when the weather got cold in Korea, and she showed up at the airport with a sweater. He was kind and patient enough to talk on the phone with Hyejong when he was supposed to sleep. Aw, now that's sweet.

Overall, both of the characters were nice people. They have a good dynamic. Their interaction seems enough casual to be called best friends, but also fluffy enough to be called young lovers (at their first stage in a relationship, at least!). But what I'm looking for in this area are potential of the characters, the flaws, and the good sides. Your characters, however, only showed that they have nice qualities (a bit of the first and third criterion above), but still really typical. I would not be able to distinguish them if they talk without addressing each other, to be honest.

plot (10/30)

The plot? Again, what I'm looking for in a plot is its credibility, its uniqueness and the effectiveness of events as well as the meaning of the storyline. "Way Back Home" has shown the first and the last quality I was looking for, but not strong enough.

Hyejong was an international student. After one semester in Chicago, she came back to Korea and met her neighbour and schoolmate, who appeared to be her closest friend. I just summarized the whole thing in your oneshot with only two sentences. Now, is this a good thing? You know what I mean, do you?

I like the vibe the plot gives. To me, it's like you wanted to emphasize the exuberant feeling when you finally got to reunite with your beloved one, after what seemed like forever with how tough life got. But how could I feel your message if you didn't provide us enough material? There are some questions I come up with to challenge your story: During Hyejong's studies, did anything else happen aside from her exams that made her busy to the point of being desperate to meet Jaehyun again (since they could text and telephone each other anytime)? Was there any interesting backstory of their background as neighbors, schoolmates, and friends? Would they separate again? What kind of relationship were they holding? What's so special about their relationship that is worth telling a story about?

You have a conceptual plot, but that's all. To make your story works, you have to flesh out more details. Without enough details, we don't have time to be introspective about a certain meaning of the plot. So in other words, yes, I'm saying that the plot fell flat.

flow/ pace (10/10)

From the start, we got to know that Hyejong was finally over with exams and about to head home. By the end of the oneshot, she already headed home and met Jaehyun again. The flow and pace are good since there are only two scenes. But actually looking at the big picture, I could feel some kind of missing gap during the time Hyejong was in Chicago.

writing style (10/10)

Your writing is nice. You know when to add more details and information about the characters, their surroundings, and their inner thoughts. I didn't feel disturbed by anything regarding this area. Rather, I like how you drove the story with your peaceful, youthful writing.

grammar and spelling (9.5/10)

You have a comfortable range of vocabulary to use for this oneshot, which is great. I could only spot a few errors. Since you want to edit your story for the better, I'll help you with the more apparent errors I could find:

"third year university student" -> third-year university student.

"bagpack" -> "backpack".

"From : Polar bear" -> "From: Polar bear".

"I just got up and my brain isn’t working right just yet." -> "I just got up, and my brain isn’t working right just yet."

"From : Cupcake" -> "From: Cupcake".

special (0/1)

To say that I like the oneshot is a bit hesitant. But I did like the feeling of getting back home to the comfort of your beloved ones. I'm really tired of long stories, but this was too short to leave anything in my mind, not to mention my heart.

total: 58.5/100

★reviewer's notes:

To be honest, I wasn't nit-picky with anything regarding your oneshot. It's not because I want to sugar-coat you, rather because there's not enough material for me to judge about anything. Before I got to acknowledge any of the above rubrics, the story already came to an end! That 'oomph' factor, I think you should figure out for yourself. You do have potential for your plot, though. Nonetheless, some work needs to be done if you want to turn this oneshot into something perfect.

Anyways, I'm sorry if this review appears unhelpful. I really tried, but it's hard to review your story since it's so short. I'd love to collect your opinion about my review, nonetheless!