Genre: action.
Characters: Apink, etc.
Type: Non-rated
Reviewer: Minah.
Chapters reviewed: 17 (approx. 26000 words).
Requested on: Jan 1, 2018.
Request completed on: Jan 4, 2018.

picked up

TITLE (8/10)

Project Alice is something only relevent to your story. It's no doubt a good title: relates well to the story as it is the key to the story's central problem/ purpose, indicates an action-packed journey, and remains its originality over time. However, I do wonder the meaning of the word Alice, what does it mean to the project? Or is it just a plain name? Alice does sound cliched at times. If ever, I would like to know the meaning of "Alice" to the project (-2).

DESCRIPTION AND FOREWORD (6/10)

The description is crystal clear about what is to come and what is to expect from your story. I always prefer short, precise description, but maybe it was in fact too short. We don't know how Project Alice is related to the virus outbreak throughout the world directly; we only speculate that this project may have something to do with the virus, but how? (-3)

When I read the description, I was confused because Apink only has six members. Later on, I searched up and found out that Yookyung is a former Apink member. I suggest that you also notice your readers beforehand about her. Because Apink fans would still wonder who the seventh "stranger" might be, is it a male OC, a female OC, or a former member? (-1)

You also forgot to put space after the commas in the first sentence. Go back and re-edit on that as well!

CHARACTERISATION (7/30)

I feel that this area of your story especially needs some work. The characters are plenty, but you have managed to build none (-30). The characters were a tiny bit distinctive and potential for growth in the first two chapters (+10; I add points to this because your story is still on-going, your characters still have room for development), but starting with the third chapter and so on, they gradually lost their presence. In the whole process of reading Project Alice, I can't sense anyone's importance, except that they unite together as a group to fight against zombies, with the advantage of knowing about ELITE, thanks to Yookyung. In my eyes, all the girls are strong, except for Naeun, she is a bit interesting to me because she seems quiet, she's smart but weak and sensitive to gross stuff; and also Chorong, who has a fear of height (+2). But even so, Naeun seemed to be not that exceptional either, her reaction to Seungjae (chapter 14) being infected was a bit ruthless. I get that they were literally strangers, but how Naeun fought the infected Seungjae was still merciless (-2). That was a survival situation, but her words quite strike me because I thought her image was a bit more benign. Also, there are some dialogues that I found unrealistic and don't make much sense, regardless of what characteristics people have (-1). For example: in chapter 8, Bomi comforted Chorong because she had a fear of heights, with "I'm scared of losing the people I care about." Aren't we all scared of it, though?

I cannot talk more about your characters because literally, almost all of the time, the main characters were talking about zombies and their plans. When they went for a more informal, casual talk, all sounded so generic and friendly as a whole. I couldn't know who was speaking without the help of the description following their dialogue. One of the major reasons for this lack of individuality is that you don't show much of their background, their internal thoughts (more on this later). The characters don't show any particular background at all. In the beginning, you have me thinking that all Apink members will be main characters, they will have their own colors. But what I get so far after seventeen chapters is nothing. There is no development of your characters. No particular internal and external conflicts at all (except for Yookyung, Bomi and a few with their family problems at the first few chapters, but immediately faded away later on). I suggest adding some ups and downs to the characters, i.e., some updates about their family and friends. I don't feel the sorrowful, dull or gloomy atmosphere that should apparently exist in a zombie disaster among the characters, unfortunately.

Usually, in a story, there is only one to two main characters. I do think that Yookyung is a main character for Project Alice because she contributes the most to the plot. But this supposedly main character also does not have much spotlight throughout the chapters either. I do not know who she is except that she's a justified, and a strong-willed person.

Since I assume Yookyung is the main character, I also assume Yuto is another main character. He also has failed to appear as a real person. He's also like Yookyung, who seeks justice and fairness, and that's all.

I seldom talk about side characters, because they don't have much to work with the plot and the whole story, but Noah is a special case. He does, in fact, influenced the story a lot. Considering he was a casual worker in the surveillance room, I cannot believe that he knows some top secrets of the ELITE headquarter (The Cure is not entirely useful), but not Yuto, someone I can say is a level higher than Noah inthe hierarchy. How did Noah know about that secret? Who told him? He is not working in the medical apartment or the laboratory or anything, is he? (-2)

PLOT (18/30)

The theme of the story is zombie, which is obviously not a new topic. However, you added a nice twist to it. Humans are now the reason the virus exists, to erase their own kinds. This is indeed, very good twist. I like how you came up with this idea, that high society people want to "erase" the poorer, the low-income, the less sophisticated just so the globe is not full with steady population growth. This sounds relatively a lot like the mindset of Light Yagami from Death Note (you know who he is, don't you?); logical, but much inhumane.

About the problems behind this potential plot. There are a lot of questions running through my mind while reading your story, minor or major. Most of them are about the credibilities of the events. For instance, the event that relates to the character Noah, as I have elaborated above (-3). Another series of question is, how would the ELITE members filter out the whole world by social rank? How can the future one-fourth of the population be only the best of brains and wealth in the world? Have they all been provided with The Cure? Or have they got any advantages that would help them survive through the massive waves of zombies everywhere? Thus far, I have not seen anything that can answer the questions yet. (-7; again, I should have deducted more points here, but I believe that the story will eventually show answers to them. I still deduct points for this part because I can't think of any realistic approach to answer them).

I feel interested in Yookyung's family, which is still just a cliched cruel father without much evaluation on it. I'd like to see more on her story with her family. I do think that maybe this will stir up dramas and  for this story towards the end. Speaking of which, I'm much interested to see how Yookyung's squad can fight against the supposedly powerful ELITE organization (They can send out missiles to destroy Yookyung's stolen plane without hesitation, which could show a lot about the investment in their headquarters). You have written in a way that makes me feel like it's impossible to fight against such an organization unless Yookyung's father, the head of all, decided to change his mind or Yuto takes the lead to contribute The Cure to the whole world. So it's very interesting for my part, to see how the fate of humankind in your universe turns out to be. There is also that little deal between Dawn and Yuto, so let's see.

I also wonder why some of the girls usually use guns to fight zombies? Most of the zombies they have to fight are only at stage one; physical contact should be fine. Why don't they use daggers since it's quieter and won't attract zombies by sound? (-2)

WRITING STYLE/ PRESENTATION/ FLOW/ GRAMMAR AND SPELLING (13/20)

Your writing is easy to follow, but there lacks description in character's emotions, the deathly scenery they are in, the people (how they look), and the action scenes (-5). You need to describe to the extent that readers can imagine exactly what you are trying to tell them to imagine. One wonderful part about reading is that we can imagine the whole world to our own likings, but to imagine it, we need a base. A base that leads us, guides us how to. I can imagine some of Apink faces, but all of the time it's one same expression because honestly, I don't know what they are thinking, what they are feeling. I find that the action part of your story was done in a convenient way, meaning they are repetitive at times. Most of your descriptions are about characters' movements, a brief summary of the scenes without many further details.

While the pace is at an alright speed, I still felt like it was too fast. This is most likely due to the fact that I haven't got to know any of the characters in depth, even though I'm already at the point where they are heading to the airport, where hopefully, they will gather a lot of people to support their fight against ELITE. Speaking of pacing, if you really want to inform your readers when and where the characters are, add a date to the time and location as well (-1).

As for grammar, I notice there is no space after the period in the first few chapters (-1).

Aside from that, I couldn't spot many errors in spellings and grammar.

TOTAL: 52/100

★ REVIEWER'S NOTES:

Wow, I ranted a lot. I hope I made my point clear because I'm afraid talking in English hinders my ability to express opinions well. Just like with your story, where I feel like the lack of description is because English is not your mother tongue; it can be hard to express what we are trying to say in a different language. I hope I didn't bore your eyes out and stop reading this review because as much as I don't stay so organized in this review, I put a lot of efforts in it; I might have forgotten some things I wanted to say in the process, even. I hope I can help you understand what your story is lacking. You do have to work on this story a lot to reach perfection, I have to say. But don't be swayed by my opinion! Feel free to point out anything that I say wrong, or arguable. I'd love to stay to see what would happen next in your story. Good luck!