Genre: action, romance, supernatural.
Characters: Park Jimin, Min Yoongi.
Type: non-rated.
Reviewer: Minah.
Chapters reviewed: 1 (approx. 11,000 words).
Requested on: Feb 21, 2018.
Request completed on: Mar 28, 2018.

*: the overall score might fall in between the two numbers given.

**: points are taken off teporally.

***: temporal score.

title (5***/5)

Your title consists of two nouns, so I guess the first noun acts as an adjective? I think it's a refreshing title choice and it speaks of the supernatural elements of the story; it refers to both Jimin and Yoongi's power, and though it's a rather odd combination of the characteristics in each noun themselves, it sounds good and provoking imagination.

Vapor Flames could also possibly refer to that scene when Yoongi touched Jimin and vapor steam coming up? I guess it will actually do something to the plot in the future, not just serving as an imagery of the main characters' relationship.

DESCRIPTION/ FOREWORD (2***/2)

The description is neat and informative but it does raise questions, and it's a good sign. The excerpt from the foreword confirms that Jimin loathes Yoongi because Yoongi sort of dethroned him due to the former's powerful control over fire (the rarest of the four Raw elements, is it?).

I like the introduction in general. It slightly shows us Jimin and Yoongi's characteristics and also pulls off the main theme well.

It is overall a decent foreword, judging from what I have seen so far from part 1. It does provoke readers the impression that two characters don't get along at first, and the conflict is right there, introduced, waiting to be solved.

presentaTION (2/2)

Very simple yet representative graphics. However, I did feel like it would be even better if we include the main characters in the poster and maybe make the font size of the title smaller.

I found no problem reading the story based on appearance. The default font is honestly perfect and friendly to the eyes.

CHARACTERIZATION (18-30*/30)

I see the most in Jimin and Yoongi so far. Thus, I will only get to these two.

Jimin (10-13*/15)

Jimin is a bit hot-headed. He has high pride and obviously competitive as he easily 'loathes' someone because they surpass him, not because of personality impression. There is one thing that I'm curious about Jimin, though. How old is he? Since he became hateful toward a person so fast, I couldn't help but think of him as a teenager. I would comprehend it better if Jimin felt jealous/ bitter at first, and after Yoongi's remark about him at the summit, it would be more reasonable to resent completely/ loath Yoongi. I was surprised when I read the sentence proceeding the first two paragraphs. The frequent use of "glare" to describe his facial expression gives me the impression that he is a bit immature (-2).

I enjoyed reading his mind process from hating on Yoongi bitterly to slowly accepting the fact that he is weaker than the latter and that Yoongi isn't that bastardly like he first thought. His pride might have got in the way at first, but eventually it was him who initiated their interactions (except for the first time in the shared hotel room). There was always a sense of arrogance in his tone when he talked to Yoongi, and I think you did well with those parts to emphasize one of his prominent traits.

The last scene when he asked Yoongi to teach him showed a little if not a lot of Jimin's characters. He's so devoted to power that he could garner all the courage to ask someone he considered a rival for help. His pride was still there as you described his embarrassment before he could tell Yoongi to teach him. The only difference was that he had opened up to the feeling of being outshone and that he felt more positive toward Yoongi.

So far, he's a little unbalanced as a character because all I can say about him is he's a bit arrogant. He needs another character conflict than his... inferiority complex, so to strengthen his character. What are other worries that he has in his mind? What are some of his good qualities aside from his power?

Yoongi (8-15*/15)

Yoongi can be seen as less developed (so far) than Jimin in this story. Mostly because he's appeared less and Jimin's POV is the narrator you choose to use.

His usual expression is usually distant and sulky. Though it did seem like he's close to that of Jimin's character as they both behave coldly toward each other, he must be the 'warmer' one out of the two. This can be easily supported by how he acts around strangers as opposed to Jimin (on the train). At these moments, he seems kind and selfless. It appears that he doesn't care on the outside, but actually, he does every time I read a scene involving him. He seems almost like the opposite of Jimin so far, and therefore, I enjoyed their chemistry.

Even though I have yet to learn their personalities completely, I can ascertain that Yoongi would have more potential to grow as a well-portrayed character than Jimin. The reason for this is I couldn't quite take in Jimin's high pride/ bitterness at the beginning very well.

Both of them haven't really satisfied me as fully-developed characters yet, nonetheless. I expect to see more of Yoongi's sides in the future, and both's background in general.

plot (30***/30)

So far, I couldn't quite pinpoint the main conflict/ problem arising in the story yet. It's hesitant if I have to give a score for the plot. Though, everything is going strong and interesting. There are a few plot points that I picked up throughout the read, and I think if you could explain/ develop some of them below, your story will do well.

1. Considering that Namjoon kept on reminding Jimin that power isn't everything, or when he said that Yoongi was stronger not just because he's fire, I think there will be more secrets to expect; secrets that Jimin has yet to know.

2. How their powers interacted. Again, the world in your story is really original to your own. It is hard to predict anything as off right now. But one thing for sure, their powers together might make "legend" happen again.

3. About that story of the commander of all elements in the book Yoongi let Jimin read; was it a book written by this main character? Regardless, I'm suspecting that Yoongi was his student and the abandoned child. If my predictions are wrong, I still believe this particular book will be a part of the plot in the future. I'm curious about how it will turn out to be.

4. About Jimin's potential to be a healer. Again, I'm eager to know how you will use his potential to serve the plot later on.

5. Do the dragons live in the land's borders, which means on Earth? We are not really clear about where dragons live yet, are we? Do the creatures stronger than dragons exist? What are some of the other creatures that live in their world, also?

6. The stories behind Yoongi's scars on his shoulder. Again, maybe from the training that he received as the boy in the book?

You will notice that most things I talk about in plot are all that mystery surrounding Yoongi. Thus, before we can get to the very idea/ message you are going to convey, we have to fully learn who the main characters are first.

flow/ pace (9***/10)

I just feel a bit odd when you add the huge one year gap between the event at the summit and the dragon battle. Why a whole year? To emphasize Jimin's hatred towards Yoongi or was it just there? It is by no means choppy, but you could add something more to that time gap, about Jimin's unchanging impression on Yoongi, about any possible encounter since at least they work under the same team, Bulletproof. (-1)

Despite that, everything felt smooth enough, and every scene transfer was done nicely and cleverly.

writing style (10/10)

I find your writing style super attention-grabbing.
Every sentence, every scene, every dialogue is rich and important on its own. The conversation scenes are all well done, precisely and neatly enough to keep me craving for more (of Jimin and Yoongi's interaction). The fighting scene of Jimin and the dragons was amazing. You did a great job at describing his actions, and the scene was really imaginable.

The narrator's tone remains neutral, but the way you describe Jimin's emotions here is superb.
One small issue I could think about your style of writing is that you tend to maximize the use of the supernatural powers to connect them with their humanistic, visible characters and emotions. I got engaged in this creative style most of the time because their (Jimin, mostly) power is always present so vividly and surprisingly visible for me to picture everything in my head.
But throughout the read, some descriptions seem to overlap, or they simply give me a feeling that they were mentioned before; sometimes it's a bit overwhelming in my opinion.
Here you have some of the most frequently used words like ocean/ sea, veins (and the phrase "in his veins"), tides, etc. This might be just my own preference because, for a chapter that contains more than ten thousand words, this practice is not that overused.
Either way, I hope you take a look at the chapter to determine where you should emphasize this idea of applying supernatural elements to physical elements, and where you should just go with the easier, simpler type of expression. Either way, at the end of the day, it's all your decision, and you already have a great writing style in this story, to begin with.

GRAMMAR AND SPELLING (8.5/10)

Vast vocabulary. Great to impeccable grammar. Many complex sentence structures that I have not seen before in other stories, even though many of which I have read are written by native English speakers.

There are a couple of minimal mistakes that are:

+ Punctuation rules:

"Get along, you’ll have to work together eventually." -> "Get along; you’ll have to work together eventually."

"They stared at each other, each unwavering, until Namjoon took his seat once more and frowned at them, voice imposing and final in its statement." -> "...each unwavering until Namjoon..."

"Jimin switched his sapphire stare toward his shoulder, but did not stir." -> "Jimin switched his sapphire stare toward his shoulder but did not stir."

+ Typos/ mispelling:

"miniscule" -> "minuscule"

"more rare" -> "rarer"

+ Article use:

"in the awe of" -> "in awe of"

"a sick, terrible adrenaline" -> "sick, terrible adrenaline"

"a horribly potent anticipation" -> "horribly potent anticipation"

+ Placement:

"wouldn’t have normally" -> "wouldn’t normally have"

+ Preposition:

"with the adrenaline still running thick in his veins" -> "with the adrenaline still running thick through his veins"

"Yoongi’s black stare glanced toward him, but he said nothing." -> "Yoongi’s black stare glanced at him, but he said nothing."

There are quite a few more mistakes, but I think they are all passable if you don't look into them closely (as in, in the eyes of a proofreader).

SPECIAL (0.5***/1)

Your writing style is so far the most applaudable aspect in your story. You also throw hints (?) throughout the read so it's definitely interesting and keeps me interested even though I always hesitate with longer chapters. The dynamic of the main characters is also something to look forward to since you also stated that the story is more like character-driven and like a character study.

Your story is enjoyable and very promising so far. Personally, I just need a kind of conflict or main problem because I'm easy to get bored if the story does not unveil some type of drama along the way.

total: 85-95***/100

Your story will be listed in the hall of fame list under the potential list as it meets the criterion for being featured. It will also be advertised (to 50 users) if you do not feel disturbed about it!

★reviewer's notes:

Hi, I'm so sorry for slacking off and for this review being messy and unhelpful. Most of it is just (personal) commentary so please don't mind me if I said something ridiculous to you. I hate to disappoint but I guess this is my best. I'm sorry if I overlooked things or misinterpreted/ missed anything. I saw that you have received a review from one of the better review shops these days so I'm a bit relieved to think that you have got what you wanted already even without this review; not to mention that you told me in the request form that you are aware of your flaws as a writer, so I cannot say if I managed to help you "catch stuff you might not have noticed" or "solidify things you already knew".

For an extremely unhelpful review like this, you might wonder why it took me so long. My apologies, I was so busy these days :(