Chapter 11. Mixed and Tangled

A special entry to Jessica’s diary. 


But this time she was writing it on a piece of pink stationery not in her diary because she can’t seem to find her key … (just to remind you, Krys gave it to Fany remember?)


And so I thought feelings can’t be deceived?



There I was, fooling no one but myself



Completely, desperately, angrily wanting to be happy


Wanting to go back to the way we were before, our wonderful past


Looking at the past, will I be able to see the present?

Having regrets prevents me from being happy


Having the thought of me being out of your life, hurts like crazy


Maybe I am crazy, maybe I stopped living 


I should let go… I should let you go Tiffany


My happiness depends on me,


They said it’s a choice… and I choose to be happy


From now on, I won’t look back


I promised you that I will only love you,


Only look at you, my heart only for you


But is it still valid or that promise is now in vain?


Maybe I should stop seeking you


If I fall for someone else, I’m sorry


But I must be dead to stop my heart from beating for you


I must be dead to stop falling for you every time


Why do you this to me?


Why do you hurt me and let me bleed?


Why do you let me see you with someone else?


Didn’t you promise as well that you and I won’t be separable?


That I will be for you, you only for me. 


If that won’t be the case…


I will let my feelings be deceived.


I still love you Tiffany, but it hurts me so much


I don’t think I can bear it anymore…


--Jessica




Jessica wiped her eyes, her hand became wet.


Wet with tears. 


She went over to her bed, grabbed a pillow and cried all the pain out.


It’s going to be a long night. 
 

~*~*~~*~*

Gyuri lay on her bed with deep thoughts.


She was tired from being bombarded with mixed emotions.


All thanks to Jessica, Gyuri is now asking herself repeatedly, “should I open my heart for someone else?”


She never saw herself love anyone else but Yuri.


Ever since she was little it was always Yuri and up to now. 


“Should I stop? Am I being delusional? But what if I give up on her now and tomorrow or the next day she falls for me? But then giving up and knowing when to stop are completely different things.” 


Her head is hurting from rationalizing between her emotion and her mind. 


The mind and heart will never settle an issue especially if it comes to love.


The two arrives at different opinions. 


The mind and heart can be used separately but choosing to use one will have a consequence.


Which should you choose to be truly happy? 


“Let’s just see if I can fall in love with her. She is tall, smart and talented… not to mention super funny.. just like Yul… Damn it, how can I forget her if I compare everyone I meet to Yuri!” 


Gyuri slapped her forehead. 


“I’ll try, if I can’t then o well. At least I tried.” 


Gyuri passed out from tiredness. 

 

~*~*~~*~*

“Are you hungry now?” Wooyoung asked her date.


“Not yet, but I would like some icecream,” Tiffany smiled. 


They are at the arcades playing games. 


“Okay, let’s eat dinner after that.”


“oKay.”


They finished one more game then headed out to the ice cream shop. 


They entered, an intense feeling entered Tiffany’s heart. 


That very same ice cream shop was their (Jessica and hers) favorite hangout place.


Tiffany stopped after entering, she looked at the displays and around the place.


“Nothing has changed,” Tiffany said.


“You go here often?” Wooyoung asked. 


“Yup, I love this place. Actually this ice cream shop is my favorite. So many happy memories happened here,” she said with a hint of remorse. 


But Wooyoung was too happy to care for someone else’s feelings.


“What flavor of ice cream would you like?” 


“Surprise me,” Tiffany went over to a seat while Wooyoung went to the counter to buy her an ice cream.


Tiffany rested her chin on her arm as she looked outside. 

 

Jessi…. Im sorry for hurting you my love. I don’t know what to do anymore. Do you still care for me? 

Did you already give up on me? Didn’t you promise to love only me? Even if you think I can’t remember 

you, that promise is still a promise and you should fulfill it until your very last breath. How could you not 

show you care? I hate you..

Tiffany felt like going over to Jessica’s house and give her a piece of her mind. She wanted to throw tantrums in front of Jessica.


Tiffany remembered how Jessica’s face looked like when Wooyoung was wiping off her sweat… it was blank. 


Anger flared up inside Tiffany’s system. 


“Here’s your ice cream sweetie~~,” Wooyoung interrupted, he gave her the ice cream.


“Thanks.”


“Why are you frowning sweetie? Did I make you wait long? Were you bored?” 


“Huh? What was that Woo?” Tiffany looked at Wooyoung blankly, Jessica keeps appearing in her mind.


She cannot think straight. She wasn’t feeling well. 


“Never mind. Do you like the flavor of that ice cream?”


Tiffany was eating the ice cream, she was gulping it… thinking of Jessica again.


“Yah I like this flavor chocomint.”


“That’s mango flavored Tiffany sweetie.. are you okay?” Wooyoung got worried. 


He put his hand over Tiffany’s forehead. 


“Yah mango, that’s what I said,” Tiffany said. 


“No you said chocomint.. I think I should take you to your house already. Maybe you are tired from practice..” 


Wooyoung assisted Tiffany, being a gentleman. 


“…. And if you don’t mind me saying, I think you are better than half of the soccer team,” (which was somehow true) 


“Thanks for watching Woo,” she said weakly.


“You were even better than that Jessica,” Wooyoung wanted to cheer Tiffany up but did the opposite.


“WHAT?? Take that back, I’m nothing compared to Jessica. She’s one of the best soccer players on the team,” Tiffany didn’t notice that she defended Jessica. Those words just came out of .


“Im sorry.. I was just trying to cheer you up. But really, you did great out there.”


“Im sorry too. Maybe Im just really tired. Thank you for tonight Woo.”


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