If only it were a dream

Pain behind a song
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Hi hope you guys enjoy it! 

Sorry for not updating in a long time!

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"Am I wandering in a dream and beyond? I just want to look in those eyes and stay in this dream forever." 

"Sehun! Pick up the pace your dancing is getting messier and messier, you have to hit the moves better and sharper like Lay and Kai. Maybe if you worked as hard as them you would be a better dancer and the main dancer," said the dance instructor. 

That was the first strike that made Sehun hurt. 

"Sehun! Come on are you trying? It's just two simple lines, and you can't even do it correctly, maybe next time you won't have any lines. If you tried and practiced like Luhan, Chen, Kyungsoo, or Baekhyun, you could be better and not waste time," said the music teacher. 

Strike two, the walls put up  are starting to crumble.

"Sehun-ah, pick up your clothes, you're the maknae, take care of your chores and duties, the hyungs can't watch over you all the time, stop messing things up, we're all tired," nagged Kyungsoo after they came back from practice.

The third strike, Sehun should have broken, but he didn't, they didn't know when he would break, but he knew he would soon.

"Sehun is a lazy Dancer", "Sehun is useless", "Sehun is a fat dancer who rings EXO down", "Why is Sehun in Exo? Why is he still living?","Sehun the cute maknae, more like the creepy little child" all these titles and words that Sehun keep reading over and over again on various sites. He didn't understand why no matter how hard he tried he was still like this. After he kept seeing these hurtful comments over and over again, he finally found an answer, he was just simply imperfect. This was the final blow, Sehun had finally broke. He went to the store to go runn errands for his hyungs like the perfect maknae should, and after he bought the groceries he bought some blades for himself.  He went back and gave the groceries to Chanyeol and secretly went to the bathrooms with his new blades. 

Sehun was nervous, he had never done it before, was this really the right thing? 

Is this really the right thing to do? Sehun thought. 

Of course it is, its the only right choice you've made in you useless life, said a new voice

who are you

your inner self, the one who speaks the truth, I'm the one who is going to guide you to try and fix your miseable life. Now listen carefully, take one blade, then drag it across you wrist, don't worry there's a reward at the end. 

ok, just place and drag simple. 

Sehun followed the steps over and over until it was a bunch of red lines over his wrist, it surprisingly didn't hurt, it actually felt good, the pain was a punishment but he felt he needed it, he was finally doiing something right, or so he thought. 

this surprisingly doesn't hurt, it actually feels good, the red is so beautiful, i'm finally doing something right, i need this 

there's your reward, now just keep doing it over and over. 

okay. 

*knock knock*

"Sehunnie, come and eat dinner with us! Kyungsoo made it," cooed Luhan as he called to Sehun. Everyone was just waiting for Sehun to come so they could eat. 

"Okay hyung," said Sehun as he followed Luhan. He and Luhan went into the dining room and saw all the members there arou

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Floopypuppy #1
Chapter 24: I wish the best for you.
MeAndSehun #2
Chapter 24: I'm genuinely happy for you! I've been reading this story since the beginning and I felt a lot of emotions through your words and kept hoping for things to get better for you that now I feel so so happy to read that you are feeling better. Keep up the good work and take a good care of yourself! You are so brave for coming this far and I feel so proud of you although we don't know each other all that well. Stay safe and I wish for things to get even better for you~
gotbinhwan #3
Chapter 23: hi. i dont know who u are, but u're strong enough to be here ^^ i love u, even we never met. thankyou for being strong & thankyou for exist in this cruel world. maybe we dont know each other, but u know i'm here for u ^^ xoxo
GemGam
#4
Chapter 23: oooooh cliffhanger~! hahahah.. u finally updated yess! :D im hoping for the next chapter soon.
cheolliepollie
#5
oof
Tirahan
#6
Chapter 23: you know that we'll always be here for you right? you're such a wonderful person, a strong one to be exact. to see you're doing well up to this moment, I'd say you're such a hero. I am so proud of you. you did well and great sweetheart, let's keep going. i know it's not easy but hey, you got us on your back. we'll always be there for you. we love you
Amoon_99 #7
Chapter 23: I feel like I can understand your pain because I used to feel the same with my family especially will my parents fight and I could not stand it ... The fights are no longer happens but I still feel bad when I remember ...so l believe that it's a normal for a family to fight ...even when they hurts you with words .. They might say it in a moment of anger ... Maybe Iam asking too much from you when I tell you to bear with it .. But put on your mind that you are a special person and don't feel bad about how you life is because God might have something good for you at the end :)
Falling_Leaves_ #8
Chapter 23: hey... it’s okay to reach out to us for support and help. well always be there. just, i understand to some extent how you’re feeling. every day is like that for me, with my depression. i struggle with myself whether or not to get out of bed, whether or not living is worth it. and some days i come so close to being consumed by my thoughts. it’s okay. it’s not good, but it’s okay. maybe you should reach out to someone in your life, or rant to a friend, or maybe just even do something that you know will help you relax and crack a smile. for me, i watch kdramas when i’m having a ty week and don’t feel like living anymore. i normally feel really numb and disassociated, so i watch a drama that will hit me in the feels. sometimes you just need a good cry, one that will shake you to the core, one that will open the floodgates. if crying helps, cry. you don’t need to be strong, you already are. enduring it makes you strong. please keep enduring.

and your family? i have the same situation. i made a mistake a few years back and it tore my family apart. my mother is always angry with me and my siblings are always fighting with her. we’re breaking ourselves without a care. family is family but it doesn’t mean they are always right. if your situation with your family is unhealthy then by all means, leave. but sometimes you have to endure. that’s okay. it gets better eventually. vent, let people know your misery. it’s okay. let me stress that. you’re human, too. some days are just worse than others. some weeks are just more heavier than the ones before. but it’s okay. it gets better. it has to. that’s what keeps me alive on most days. the fact that this world has to give back as much as it has taken. this pain, this suffering, this utter loneliness and tiredness, this hatred of life—this all has to be worth it at some point. You are not alone. You never will be. Please, if you need someone to talk to, my inbox is ALWAYS open. i want to be a normal teenager as well, some of us grow mature before we are meant to because of our lives and family. i talk myself out of suicide most days, and talk myself into my friends’ open arms. talk yourself down. it’s okay. please keep enduring. i hope that happiness envelops you in a war, hug and stays to keep you safe for a longtime <3
decessus
#9
Chapter 23: you aren't made of steel. you're human, you have feelings. your family is making a grave mistake, pushing their child to feeling this way. i can't offer much help. im not too good with words, but this story you wrote had resonated with so many of us. we want to help you, but we don't know how. thank you so much for this story. i hope everything works out in your favor.
hazecraze 930 streak #10
Chapter 22: Thank you for this chapter dedicated to Jonghyun. I wasn't a huge shawol, but I respected him so much as an artist. It really shocked me and it's going to hurt for a few days. I too believe it's important to raise awareness for mental illnesses. If you ever need to talk, feel free to message me. We are in this together.