One day

Pain behind a song
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"I won't wish for a good day hyung, because I know right now that may be impossible. But now, all I hope for is a day. Days for me to live as Oh Sehun."

"1,2,3! That's great! Sehun-ah you're making progress!," Luhan hyung cheered me on.

"Yeah, Hun-ah, you're making such good progress! Just a little more," said Suho hyung. 

It had been a week and a half since I woke up and I was still in the hospital. When I woke up the doctor told me what happened, I was in a coma for a few days, and when I fainted I fell in a wrong position so I hurt my ankle and wrist. That much would have been fine, and I would be able to go home, but since I was out in the cold so long the injuries were twice as bad. The cold had make my legs numb, and now there were sometimes when I couldn't even walk. My lack of good nutrition didn't help either, it made me weaker and would make my recovery take longer. The doctor said that I was also suffering from mild depression, there would be sometime where I could enjoy being with my hyungs and feel great. But other time, I just couldn't help but wonder why I was here. But I was getting better, now I didn't cut and sometimes I would actually eat a little. But I was glad my hyungs were with me along the way. 

"Okay, that's great work Sehun. Now let's take a rest I think this is enough physical therapy for the day," the doctor said. 

"Sehun, you're doing great. We're so glad your okay," said Yifan hyung.

"As for Sehun-ssi's guardians I have somethings that I want to discuss with you, nothing bad, just about how he's doing," said the doctor.

"Neh," said Suho. And they left the room to talk to the doctor leaving me alone. I wanted to object since I didn't like being alone recently, but my hyungs had to talk with him. I was bored so I decided that I would just go check out what I was missing while I was in the hospital. My phone buzzed and saw that I got an update on twitter: PCY_CHANYEOL posted a new photo. PCY_CHANYEOL tagged you in a photo. BAEKHYUNNIE_EXO commented on a photo. BAEKHYUNNIE_EXO said:"SEHUNNIE ^*^ my precious maknae.Fighting! We love you all, if you don't take care of yourself I will personally go and do it for you. mehrong^^^^^." I found myself smiling after I read Baekhyun hyung's comment, it was great to laugh at their jokes after isolating them for so long. I clicked on the photo that Chanyeol hyung posted, it was a photo of EXO a few months ago when we all went on Happy Camp. It was the picture of when we were playing the chicks games and we were all smiling. "EXO, 의 사랑하자!"(EXO, let's love!). I couldn't help but feel a little regretful, a few months ago I was perfectly fine.

A few months ago I was able to sing and dance without a care in the world.

A few months ago I was able to look in the mirror without feeling disgust.

A few months ago I was able to look and talk to my hyungs without feeling like a burden.

A few months ago I was able to eat with my sunbaes and my hyungs.

A few months ago I could talk and not feel scared. 

A few months agoI wasn't as weak.

A few months ago I was spenting times with my hyungs laughing.

A few months ago, I wasn't sick

             I was happy. 

Unknowingly, a tear rolled down my cheek. Then another, until my cheek was stained with wear tear droplets. But I wiped them off as soon as they came. 

Stop thinking about this Sehun. 

I decided to take my mind off of what my life was like before and decided to go back to checking my twitter. I knew it wasn't the best idea from what happened before, but I just felt like I had to. I was suffocating from not knowing, I needed some relief. I should have known not to though. 

"Omo, Sehun is really weaker than I thought, I mean what kind of idol gets admitted to the hospital just for standing in the cold?" 201 likes

"I knew Sehun was this kind of person. I bet that he's just burdening EXO oppas by doing this. I mean who would want to take care of a sick, suicidal little kid who belongs in a mental hospital" 487 likes

"Sehun is really weak. Ugh I hate himm he drags EXO down. Just die already, you were close twice, why not try a little harder and just do it already. You're lazy in dancing, I didn't know You're lazy in trying to benefit the world too." 782 likes.

"Stop hurting Exo oppas. You really need to realize the truth little kid. We hate you, Exo hates you. I didn't know you were so selfish to stick around. Just die already, you think you're in pain? You're nothing. Die Oh Sehun, you deserve to." 2,018 likes

Stop reading this stop reading this. I thought that I would finally be relieved from these comments, but it was true. They don't want me here, I'm useless. It hurts so much

but I thought you loved the pain. and you deserve it, you made the choices, you live them out. 

You again. Leave me alone. 

If I leave, you'll have no one. Poor little Sehunnie, all by himself. 

I don't want to deal with you. All you've done is hurt me, all you have done is lead me further from my hyungs. 

Hurt you? Why wo

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Floopypuppy #1
Chapter 24: I wish the best for you.
MeAndSehun #2
Chapter 24: I'm genuinely happy for you! I've been reading this story since the beginning and I felt a lot of emotions through your words and kept hoping for things to get better for you that now I feel so so happy to read that you are feeling better. Keep up the good work and take a good care of yourself! You are so brave for coming this far and I feel so proud of you although we don't know each other all that well. Stay safe and I wish for things to get even better for you~
gotbinhwan #3
Chapter 23: hi. i dont know who u are, but u're strong enough to be here ^^ i love u, even we never met. thankyou for being strong & thankyou for exist in this cruel world. maybe we dont know each other, but u know i'm here for u ^^ xoxo
GemGam #4
Chapter 23: oooooh cliffhanger~! hahahah.. u finally updated yess! :D im hoping for the next chapter soon.
cheolliepollie #5
oof
Tirahan #6
Chapter 23: you know that we'll always be here for you right? you're such a wonderful person, a strong one to be exact. to see you're doing well up to this moment, I'd say you're such a hero. I am so proud of you. you did well and great sweetheart, let's keep going. i know it's not easy but hey, you got us on your back. we'll always be there for you. we love you
Amoon_99 #7
Chapter 23: I feel like I can understand your pain because I used to feel the same with my family especially will my parents fight and I could not stand it ... The fights are no longer happens but I still feel bad when I remember ...so l believe that it's a normal for a family to fight ...even when they hurts you with words .. They might say it in a moment of anger ... Maybe Iam asking too much from you when I tell you to bear with it .. But put on your mind that you are a special person and don't feel bad about how you life is because God might have something good for you at the end :)
Falling_Leaves_ #8
Chapter 23: hey... it’s okay to reach out to us for support and help. well always be there. just, i understand to some extent how you’re feeling. every day is like that for me, with my depression. i struggle with myself whether or not to get out of bed, whether or not living is worth it. and some days i come so close to being consumed by my thoughts. it’s okay. it’s not good, but it’s okay. maybe you should reach out to someone in your life, or rant to a friend, or maybe just even do something that you know will help you relax and crack a smile. for me, i watch kdramas when i’m having a ty week and don’t feel like living anymore. i normally feel really numb and disassociated, so i watch a drama that will hit me in the feels. sometimes you just need a good cry, one that will shake you to the core, one that will open the floodgates. if crying helps, cry. you don’t need to be strong, you already are. enduring it makes you strong. please keep enduring.

and your family? i have the same situation. i made a mistake a few years back and it tore my family apart. my mother is always angry with me and my siblings are always fighting with her. we’re breaking ourselves without a care. family is family but it doesn’t mean they are always right. if your situation with your family is unhealthy then by all means, leave. but sometimes you have to endure. that’s okay. it gets better eventually. vent, let people know your misery. it’s okay. let me stress that. you’re human, too. some days are just worse than others. some weeks are just more heavier than the ones before. but it’s okay. it gets better. it has to. that’s what keeps me alive on most days. the fact that this world has to give back as much as it has taken. this pain, this suffering, this utter loneliness and tiredness, this hatred of life—this all has to be worth it at some point. You are not alone. You never will be. Please, if you need someone to talk to, my inbox is ALWAYS open. i want to be a normal teenager as well, some of us grow mature before we are meant to because of our lives and family. i talk myself out of suicide most days, and talk myself into my friends’ open arms. talk yourself down. it’s okay. please keep enduring. i hope that happiness envelops you in a war, hug and stays to keep you safe for a longtime <3
decessus #9
Chapter 23: you aren't made of steel. you're human, you have feelings. your family is making a grave mistake, pushing their child to feeling this way. i can't offer much help. im not too good with words, but this story you wrote had resonated with so many of us. we want to help you, but we don't know how. thank you so much for this story. i hope everything works out in your favor.
hazecraze 930 streak #10
Chapter 22: Thank you for this chapter dedicated to Jonghyun. I wasn't a huge shawol, but I respected him so much as an artist. It really shocked me and it's going to hurt for a few days. I too believe it's important to raise awareness for mental illnesses. If you ever need to talk, feel free to message me. We are in this together.
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