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Pain behind a song
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Here it is. He's going to tell me to never bother them again because I'm so disgusting

beep....beep...beep.....

Sehun woke up to the sound of a beeping machine. When he looked around, all he saw was white walls and the monitor next to him. 

He was back in the hospital. Again. 

He was in the hospital again even after he had promised himself and s that he would get better and that he would feel better. 

Of course that was too big of a promise to keep. 

He was alone in the hospital room so he had some time to think to himself. 

Am I really that pathetic? Why does everyone keep saying these hurtful words to me? I bet hyungs are disgusted by me now. 

Of course you are, did you just realized that? it's about time. All those words that people telling you are true, they're only hurtful because there's so much wrong with you that there's nothing good to say. Your hyungs never loved you in the first place, they were always disgusted by you. 

Stop. I know that's not true, it can't be. Hyungs promised, they said they sincerely loved me. 

And you promised you would get better and that you wouldn't keep hurting yourself. Those were all just empty promises that didn't mean anything. They. Hate. You. Everything about you, from your lacking skills, your hideous voice, your hideous body, your pathetic life, and your pathetic existence. 

After hearing that Sehun couldn't take it anymore and started freaking out. He started seeing black and white dots everywhere and it felt like the airflow had just stopped and he couldn't breathe. He felt a pang of disgust as he looked down at his scarred wrists and felt a need to hurt himself. He grabbed the sharpest thing that was close to him which happened to be a plastic butter knife from the tray of food the staff had left for him. He aimed the knife at his wrists and started to cut himself, mind still blurry and panicked as he watched the knife create deep gashes causing blood to flow down his arm. 

s had comeback from the trip to the supermarket to buy some snacks when they saw the shocking sight. 

"Sehun!" Suho yelled as he saw the mess Sehun was in and frantically ran towards him to stop him. He tried to grab the knife out of Sehun's hand when Sehun started screaming. 

"No! Stop! You're messing it up I have to do this!" yelled Sehun as he felt a pair of warm arms surround him and he was pulled up against a broad shoulder. He slumped defeatedly onto the chest and just stayed still as he started at his wrists. 

All the other members were surrounding Suho and Sehun with shocked faces and tear filled eyes. They had never imagined to be in the hospital again with Sehun in a depressed and panicked state. It broke their hearts to see how much Sehun was suffering and how much hate he had for himself. 

After a few minutes of silence and the soft sound of Sehun's sharp breathing Chanyeol finally spoke up. 

"Sehun," Chanyeol started, "Why?" It

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Floopypuppy #1
Chapter 24: I wish the best for you.
MeAndSehun #2
Chapter 24: I'm genuinely happy for you! I've been reading this story since the beginning and I felt a lot of emotions through your words and kept hoping for things to get better for you that now I feel so so happy to read that you are feeling better. Keep up the good work and take a good care of yourself! You are so brave for coming this far and I feel so proud of you although we don't know each other all that well. Stay safe and I wish for things to get even better for you~
gotbinhwan #3
Chapter 23: hi. i dont know who u are, but u're strong enough to be here ^^ i love u, even we never met. thankyou for being strong & thankyou for exist in this cruel world. maybe we dont know each other, but u know i'm here for u ^^ xoxo
GemGam #4
Chapter 23: oooooh cliffhanger~! hahahah.. u finally updated yess! :D im hoping for the next chapter soon.
cheolliepollie #5
oof
Tirahan #6
Chapter 23: you know that we'll always be here for you right? you're such a wonderful person, a strong one to be exact. to see you're doing well up to this moment, I'd say you're such a hero. I am so proud of you. you did well and great sweetheart, let's keep going. i know it's not easy but hey, you got us on your back. we'll always be there for you. we love you
Amoon_99 #7
Chapter 23: I feel like I can understand your pain because I used to feel the same with my family especially will my parents fight and I could not stand it ... The fights are no longer happens but I still feel bad when I remember ...so l believe that it's a normal for a family to fight ...even when they hurts you with words .. They might say it in a moment of anger ... Maybe Iam asking too much from you when I tell you to bear with it .. But put on your mind that you are a special person and don't feel bad about how you life is because God might have something good for you at the end :)
Falling_Leaves_ #8
Chapter 23: hey... it’s okay to reach out to us for support and help. well always be there. just, i understand to some extent how you’re feeling. every day is like that for me, with my depression. i struggle with myself whether or not to get out of bed, whether or not living is worth it. and some days i come so close to being consumed by my thoughts. it’s okay. it’s not good, but it’s okay. maybe you should reach out to someone in your life, or rant to a friend, or maybe just even do something that you know will help you relax and crack a smile. for me, i watch kdramas when i’m having a ty week and don’t feel like living anymore. i normally feel really numb and disassociated, so i watch a drama that will hit me in the feels. sometimes you just need a good cry, one that will shake you to the core, one that will open the floodgates. if crying helps, cry. you don’t need to be strong, you already are. enduring it makes you strong. please keep enduring.

and your family? i have the same situation. i made a mistake a few years back and it tore my family apart. my mother is always angry with me and my siblings are always fighting with her. we’re breaking ourselves without a care. family is family but it doesn’t mean they are always right. if your situation with your family is unhealthy then by all means, leave. but sometimes you have to endure. that’s okay. it gets better eventually. vent, let people know your misery. it’s okay. let me stress that. you’re human, too. some days are just worse than others. some weeks are just more heavier than the ones before. but it’s okay. it gets better. it has to. that’s what keeps me alive on most days. the fact that this world has to give back as much as it has taken. this pain, this suffering, this utter loneliness and tiredness, this hatred of life—this all has to be worth it at some point. You are not alone. You never will be. Please, if you need someone to talk to, my inbox is ALWAYS open. i want to be a normal teenager as well, some of us grow mature before we are meant to because of our lives and family. i talk myself out of suicide most days, and talk myself into my friends’ open arms. talk yourself down. it’s okay. please keep enduring. i hope that happiness envelops you in a war, hug and stays to keep you safe for a longtime <3
decessus #9
Chapter 23: you aren't made of steel. you're human, you have feelings. your family is making a grave mistake, pushing their child to feeling this way. i can't offer much help. im not too good with words, but this story you wrote had resonated with so many of us. we want to help you, but we don't know how. thank you so much for this story. i hope everything works out in your favor.
hazecraze 930 streak #10
Chapter 22: Thank you for this chapter dedicated to Jonghyun. I wasn't a huge shawol, but I respected him so much as an artist. It really shocked me and it's going to hurt for a few days. I too believe it's important to raise awareness for mental illnesses. If you ever need to talk, feel free to message me. We are in this together.
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